WEBVTT

00:00:01.750 --> 00:00:03.333
Good morning, beautiful.

00:00:04.416 --> 00:00:05.541
I think I might've messed up
the coffee again.

00:00:05.583 --> 00:00:07.125
Oh, come on, Clem.
I'm sure it's fine.

00:00:12.333 --> 00:00:15.833
That is delicious.

00:00:15.875 --> 00:00:17.875
Aw...

00:00:17.958 --> 00:00:19.166
Nick, your mom is so adorable.

00:00:19.208 --> 00:00:20.708
She keeps texting me asking

00:00:20.708 --> 00:00:22.750
if I have the guest list
to the wedding.

00:00:22.791 --> 00:00:25.000
That woman is obsessed with
sending out save the dates.

00:00:25.041 --> 00:00:27.625
Unfortunately,
she calls them STDs.

00:00:27.708 --> 00:00:32.000
Oh... that explains
her other text.

00:00:32.041 --> 00:00:33.208
Yeah.

00:00:33.250 --> 00:00:34.708
Have you guys seen the OJ?

00:00:34.750 --> 00:00:37.083
I swear I left the carton
on the couch last night.

00:00:37.125 --> 00:00:38.166
Uh, yeah, you did.

00:00:38.208 --> 00:00:39.333
I put it back
in the refrigerator,

00:00:39.375 --> 00:00:40.333
you know,
to keep it refrigerated.

00:00:40.375 --> 00:00:41.708
My bad.

00:00:41.750 --> 00:00:46.041
It's Gucci.
Just don't mess with my system.

00:00:46.083 --> 00:00:48.000
"My system"?
Juice on the couch?

00:00:48.041 --> 00:00:49.166
Dishes everywhere?

00:00:49.208 --> 00:00:52.458
That's a broken system.She's 16.

00:00:52.500 --> 00:00:54.958
And up until a week ago,
she was living with my dad.

00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:57.416
He never taught us things
like putting away dishes

00:00:57.500 --> 00:01:00.833
or, you know,
eating off of dishes.

00:01:00.875 --> 00:01:02.916
You know what?
I'll talk to her.

00:01:02.916 --> 00:01:04.750
Even though she does not respond
to criticism well.

00:01:04.750 --> 00:01:06.250
There's a good chance
she's gonna kill me,

00:01:06.291 --> 00:01:07.500
hide the body,
and my face is gonna end up

00:01:07.583 --> 00:01:09.125
on a milk carton
that she left out.

00:01:09.166 --> 00:01:11.916
Yo, Shannon,
can I talk to you for a second?

00:01:11.916 --> 00:01:13.833
now that you're living here,
which we are so excited about--

00:01:13.875 --> 00:01:17.041
I mean, I know I am--

00:01:17.083 --> 00:01:19.250
it'd be great if you
could try to keep the
place a little tidier.

00:01:19.291 --> 00:01:21.541
Tidier?Yes, tidier.
Like that plate--

00:01:21.625 --> 00:01:23.208
when you're finished with it,
what are you gonna do with it?

00:01:23.250 --> 00:01:25.375
I don't know, probably
leave it here, walk away.

00:01:25.458 --> 00:01:27.250
If anyone asks, say it's Clem's.

00:01:28.791 --> 00:01:30.375
if you don't start

00:01:30.458 --> 00:01:32.208
putting the dishes
in the dishwasher,

00:01:32.250 --> 00:01:34.208
I'm gonna change
the Wi-Fi password.

00:01:34.208 --> 00:01:37.458
Mm-hmm, yeah.I cracked your ATM code.

00:01:37.500 --> 00:01:39.833
I'm pretty sure
I can hack your Wi-Fi.

00:01:39.875 --> 00:01:40.958
You did what?

00:01:41.041 --> 00:01:43.083
Don't worry.
I changed it.

00:01:43.125 --> 00:01:44.416
To what? Your birthday?

00:01:46.458 --> 00:01:48.416
I'll change it again.

00:01:49.750 --> 00:01:51.250
Look, Shannon,
we're not asking for a lot.

00:01:51.291 --> 00:01:52.916
We just want you to do
a little bit more

00:01:52.958 --> 00:01:54.083
than you're doing
right now,

00:01:54.125 --> 00:01:57.000
which is...
absolutely nothing.

00:01:57.041 --> 00:01:59.916
Okay. Fine. Whatever.

00:02:02.333 --> 00:02:03.500
Oh, hey, girl.

00:02:03.500 --> 00:02:04.625
Talk to me.

00:02:04.666 --> 00:02:06.750
Uh, uh, excu--
excuse me, Shannon?

00:02:06.791 --> 00:02:08.208
Shannon? Plate.

00:02:08.250 --> 00:02:10.208
Oh, I think that's Clem's.
Sorry, I'm...

00:02:16.375 --> 00:02:18.583
Rose, that pot roast
was amazing. Do you mind

00:02:18.666 --> 00:02:20.208
if we take a little bit of it
home with us?

00:02:20.250 --> 00:02:22.000
Why would you want to
take the pot roast home?

00:02:22.041 --> 00:02:24.041
There's, like, zero pot in it.

00:02:25.708 --> 00:02:27.833
Of course you can.

00:02:27.875 --> 00:02:29.125
In fact, take it all.

00:02:29.166 --> 00:02:31.166
Walt and I can't eat it,
that's for sure.

00:02:31.208 --> 00:02:34.458
Seriously? I got 11 hours
of televised golf this weekend

00:02:34.500 --> 00:02:37.041
and half a gallon
of gravy. I mean,

00:02:37.083 --> 00:02:39.166
take it, Clem, we insist.

00:02:40.833 --> 00:02:43.625
I'll go put it
in some Tupperware.

00:02:43.708 --> 00:02:45.000
Ooh...Ooh...

00:02:45.041 --> 00:02:47.708
You have no idea
what you just signed up for.

00:02:47.750 --> 00:02:50.208
That woman
is a Tupperware hawk.

00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:51.916
What does that mean?

00:02:51.958 --> 00:02:54.833
She is gonna ride your *
till you return it.

00:02:54.875 --> 00:02:55.958
Mm-hmm.

00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:57.208
I don't understand.

00:02:57.250 --> 00:02:58.333
She said it was fine.

00:02:58.375 --> 00:02:59.875
Of course she did.

00:02:59.958 --> 00:03:02.000
She's an incredibly
generous host.

00:03:02.041 --> 00:03:03.083
But when it comes
to her Tupperware,

00:03:03.125 --> 00:03:04.750
that woman
is like Liam Neeson

00:03:04.750 --> 00:03:05.958
and those little
glass containers

00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.583
are like her
abducted daughters.

00:03:08.583 --> 00:03:11.166
I was going over the guest list
for your wedding,

00:03:11.166 --> 00:03:13.875
and there seems
to be a mistake.

00:03:13.958 --> 00:03:15.291
You left your father off.

00:03:15.333 --> 00:03:16.916
Oh, yeah, no,
that's not a mistake.

00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:18.750
I was just worried
that if we invited him,

00:03:18.791 --> 00:03:20.416
he might actually come.

00:03:23.041 --> 00:03:25.083
But, Clem, if Dad's not there,

00:03:25.083 --> 00:03:28.375
who's gonna get drunk and hit on
the "most gettable" bridesmaid?

00:03:29.875 --> 00:03:31.791
Babe, I know
we discussed this,

00:03:31.875 --> 00:03:33.291
but he is your father.

00:03:33.333 --> 00:03:34.750
If you don't invite him,

00:03:34.791 --> 00:03:36.375
I'm pretty sure
you're gonna regret it later.

00:03:36.458 --> 00:03:40.083
And I have so many STDs.

00:03:43.333 --> 00:03:47.125
Your wedding is supposed to be
the happiest day of your life.

00:03:47.166 --> 00:03:49.791
And if my dad comes...

00:03:49.875 --> 00:03:52.583
Okay, have you ever been
on vacation,

00:03:52.625 --> 00:03:54.291
and you're so excited,

00:03:54.333 --> 00:03:56.625
and then the cruise ship sinks
and you die?

00:03:58.416 --> 00:04:00.208
That's how it'll feel.

00:04:00.250 --> 00:04:02.791
Oh, Clem, I understand.

00:04:02.875 --> 00:04:05.208
Honey, there's a lot
of pain here.

00:04:05.250 --> 00:04:06.750
I won't push.

00:04:06.791 --> 00:04:08.916
Here comes the push.

00:04:08.958 --> 00:04:12.083
But I believe that no
relationship is beyond repair.

00:04:12.125 --> 00:04:15.000
So, why don't we have your
father here for dinner,

00:04:15.041 --> 00:04:17.083
and you two can start
mending fences.

00:04:17.166 --> 00:04:18.666
Have I
ever mentioned

00:04:18.708 --> 00:04:21.791
that when my appendix burst,
my dad told me to walk it off?

00:04:21.833 --> 00:04:25.166
Sweetheart, let me put
my therapist hat on.

00:04:25.208 --> 00:04:28.500
This is a chance for you
to accept your father

00:04:28.541 --> 00:04:31.916
for who he is and begin healing
the wounds of the past.

00:04:31.958 --> 00:04:34.500
What do you think, Shannon?

00:04:34.541 --> 00:04:37.416
I think it's weird to be
taking advice from someone

00:04:37.500 --> 00:04:40.041
who's wearing an invisible hat.

00:04:42.916 --> 00:04:45.000
Well, honey,
if you want my opinion,

00:04:45.041 --> 00:04:46.500
I don't think one dinner
could hurt.

00:04:46.583 --> 00:04:48.708
And I know
for a fact that

00:04:48.750 --> 00:04:50.833
my mom's never gonna give
this up if you don't say yes.

00:04:50.875 --> 00:04:52.041
It's true.

00:04:52.083 --> 00:04:54.208
She is gonna
wear you down, girl.

00:04:55.791 --> 00:04:57.041
What? You know I'm right.

00:04:57.083 --> 00:04:58.958
He's right, I will.

00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:12.250
You don't answer your phone?

00:05:12.291 --> 00:05:14.000
I've been calling
and texting all day.

00:05:14.083 --> 00:05:15.291
You think I text?

00:05:15.291 --> 00:05:16.791
Who am I, Steve Jobs?

00:05:17.833 --> 00:05:19.916
Wait, Best Buy didn't send you,
did they?

00:05:19.958 --> 00:05:22.208
I need to ask you something.

00:05:22.250 --> 00:05:25.250
Hang on, I'm filling out
my racing form here.

00:05:25.291 --> 00:05:26.875
You remember when you used
to help me pick the horses?

00:05:26.916 --> 00:05:30.041
Yep. When you lost,
we'd go to the pawn shop.

00:05:30.083 --> 00:05:31.791
When you won, we'd go back
to the pawn shop

00:05:31.875 --> 00:05:33.625
and pick up my bicycle.

00:05:33.625 --> 00:05:35.833
Come on, sit with me.

00:05:35.833 --> 00:05:37.000
What do you think?

00:05:37.083 --> 00:05:39.000
You're the best at this.I don't care, Dad.

00:05:39.083 --> 00:05:41.083
Well, you're not the one
in deep to your bookie,

00:05:41.125 --> 00:05:42.166
and Best Buy.

00:05:42.250 --> 00:05:44.458
Help me out here.

00:05:44.541 --> 00:05:46.041
Any of these horses
catch your eye?

00:05:46.083 --> 00:05:47.250
"Tar Heel,"

00:05:47.291 --> 00:05:48.708
"Jimmy J,"

00:05:48.708 --> 00:05:50.333
"Call Me By Your Mane"?

00:05:52.083 --> 00:05:53.541
Go with
"Poor Child Eats."

00:05:53.583 --> 00:05:55.125
He's finished just out
of the money twice,

00:05:55.166 --> 00:05:56.583
and he dropped down
a class.

00:05:56.583 --> 00:05:58.750
"Poor Child Eats" it is.

00:05:58.750 --> 00:06:01.166
Okay, sweetie, thanks
for stopping by.

00:06:01.208 --> 00:06:03.791
That's not why
I came here.

00:06:03.875 --> 00:06:05.458
Nick's parents want to know

00:06:05.458 --> 00:06:07.166
if you'd like to come over
for dinner tomorrow night.

00:06:07.208 --> 00:06:10.166
I know you're gonna say no,
but I promised I'd ask.

00:06:10.208 --> 00:06:11.583
Okay. Sure, I'll come.

00:06:11.625 --> 00:06:13.666
Uh, excuse me?

00:06:13.750 --> 00:06:15.083
Why would I say no?

00:06:15.125 --> 00:06:17.958
Because when have you ever
done anything for me?

00:06:18.041 --> 00:06:19.750
Hey, who got you that bike?

00:06:19.791 --> 00:06:21.083
Several times?

00:06:22.791 --> 00:06:24.916
So anyway, this, uh,
this dinner thing--

00:06:24.916 --> 00:06:25.958
should I bring Shannon?

00:06:26.041 --> 00:06:27.958
She moved out of here
a week ago.

00:06:28.041 --> 00:06:29.250
She lives with me now.

00:06:29.250 --> 00:06:30.916
Did you seriously not notice?

00:06:30.958 --> 00:06:32.625
Hey, I'm a busy
homicide detective,

00:06:32.666 --> 00:06:35.375
you can't expect me to pay
attention to every detail.

00:06:37.500 --> 00:06:39.208
Oh, hey, Shannon,
can I talk to you for a second?

00:06:39.250 --> 00:06:42.458
Sure. One Mississippi, bye...

00:06:42.541 --> 00:06:43.958
Okay, seriously.

00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:46.458
Shannon, I really appreciate you
loading the dishwasher.

00:06:46.541 --> 00:06:47.583
Let's check out
your work.

00:06:47.625 --> 00:06:49.125
Now, you started off
pretty strong.

00:06:49.166 --> 00:06:50.458
Plate, plate, plate.

00:06:50.541 --> 00:06:52.458
Now, here's where things
get a little rocky.

00:06:52.541 --> 00:06:53.458
Right, mm-hmm.

00:06:53.541 --> 00:06:55.208
Plate, empty slot...Yeah.

00:06:55.250 --> 00:06:56.958
...bowl, sideways bowl,

00:06:57.000 --> 00:06:59.458
high-top.

00:06:59.541 --> 00:07:01.625
Cool. The gum came off.

00:07:04.458 --> 00:07:05.666
Oh, hey, babe. How'd
it go with your dad?

00:07:05.750 --> 00:07:07.375
Fantastic.

00:07:10.458 --> 00:07:12.000
Okay, what happened?

00:07:12.041 --> 00:07:15.208
I invited him to dinner,
and guess what he said.

00:07:15.250 --> 00:07:18.375
"I can't go.
I have a date with a hooker."

00:07:18.375 --> 00:07:22.250
He said yes.
Hence...

00:07:22.333 --> 00:07:23.333
Ah, ah, ah. Okay.

00:07:23.375 --> 00:07:24.500
Come on, Clem.

00:07:24.541 --> 00:07:26.083
I think this can
be a good thing.

00:07:26.083 --> 00:07:27.375
Look, I know you.

00:07:27.416 --> 00:07:29.208
You're a strong woman.
You can handle anything.

00:07:29.250 --> 00:07:31.375
Maybe not the
coffee maker.

00:07:33.083 --> 00:07:35.250
But I have no doubt that
you can handle your dad.

00:07:35.291 --> 00:07:36.750
That's easy for you to say.

00:07:36.791 --> 00:07:38.458
Your dad's perfect.

00:07:38.500 --> 00:07:40.458
Perfect? You didn't
grow up with him.

00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:41.666
The man is far
from perfect.

00:07:41.666 --> 00:07:43.750
Aw, really?

00:07:43.791 --> 00:07:45.916
What did he do to you?

00:07:45.958 --> 00:07:48.666
Did he give you
too much ice cream?

00:07:48.708 --> 00:07:52.083
No. He's more of
a fro-yo guy.

00:07:52.166 --> 00:07:55.458
I mean, every
Thursday night.

00:07:55.500 --> 00:07:58.916
I mean, come on,
switch it up, Walt!

00:07:58.916 --> 00:08:01.541
Okay...
...let me get this straight.

00:08:01.583 --> 00:08:04.416
My dad wouldn't let me take
ballet lessons when I was six

00:08:04.458 --> 00:08:05.791
because, and I quote,

00:08:05.833 --> 00:08:08.250
"My daughter ain't gonna be
no stripper."

00:08:09.375 --> 00:08:11.125
And you're complaining
that your dad

00:08:11.166 --> 00:08:13.333
would occasionally
get you frozen treats?

00:08:13.375 --> 00:08:16.583
Well, excuse me for trying
to fit in with you guys.

00:08:16.625 --> 00:08:20.875
Why you got to be so mean?

00:08:20.875 --> 00:08:23.375
This dinner is gonna
be a disaster.

00:08:23.416 --> 00:08:24.708
Let's hope.

00:08:24.708 --> 00:08:25.708
What do you mean?

00:08:25.750 --> 00:08:27.333
If Dad's his typical jerk self,

00:08:27.375 --> 00:08:29.458
then Walt and Rose will finally
get off your back

00:08:29.541 --> 00:08:31.041
about having him come
to the wedding.

00:08:31.083 --> 00:08:32.333
You know what,
you're right.

00:08:32.416 --> 00:08:33.458
This is perfect.

00:08:33.541 --> 00:08:35.666
I'll get credit
for giving Dad a chance,

00:08:35.750 --> 00:08:38.791
and they'll think that
I'm the mature, evolved person

00:08:38.833 --> 00:08:40.541
that I absolutely am not.

00:08:44.083 --> 00:08:45.833
So the guy aims
the gun at me,

00:08:45.916 --> 00:08:47.833
cocks the hammer,
and bang.

00:08:47.916 --> 00:08:49.666
When you're staring death
in her face,

00:08:49.708 --> 00:08:51.833
time completely slows down.

00:08:51.833 --> 00:08:53.166
So, what happened, Dad?

00:08:53.250 --> 00:08:55.666
Were you killed?

00:08:57.041 --> 00:08:58.708
Very funny.

00:08:58.750 --> 00:09:00.708
The truth is,
I thought of you, Shannon.

00:09:00.708 --> 00:09:01.833
And you, Clem.

00:09:01.875 --> 00:09:05.625
And I realized in that moment

00:09:05.708 --> 00:09:07.916
that I haven't been
much of a dad to you girls.

00:09:07.916 --> 00:09:10.916
And if that bullet hit me,
I'd never get that chance.

00:09:12.458 --> 00:09:15.750
I was once nearly concussed
when a lighting rig fell

00:09:15.791 --> 00:09:18.125
when I was starring
in the Broadway production

00:09:18.166 --> 00:09:19.750
of Miss Saigon.

00:09:22.375 --> 00:09:24.541
But continue.

00:09:24.583 --> 00:09:26.708
Anyway, it all ended happy.

00:09:26.750 --> 00:09:28.750
I ducked and shot him
in the face. The end.

00:09:28.833 --> 00:09:31.375
These potatoes are dynamite.

00:09:31.416 --> 00:09:33.416
I've never heard
that story before, Dad.

00:09:33.458 --> 00:09:36.166
Happened last Thursday.
It was a real wake-up call.

00:09:36.208 --> 00:09:37.958
It just proves

00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:39.958
that sometimes it takes
a life-changing event,

00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:42.958
like a near-death
experience, or a wedding,

00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:45.083
to realize

00:09:45.125 --> 00:09:48.041
there is nothing more
important than family.

00:09:48.083 --> 00:09:50.041
I gotta say, Freddy,

00:09:50.083 --> 00:09:51.958
your life sounds
incredibly exciting.

00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:53.708
Well, you should stop by
the station tomorrow.

00:09:53.750 --> 00:09:54.333
I'll show you around.

00:09:54.333 --> 00:09:55.833
Can I ride in the patrol car?

00:09:55.833 --> 00:09:58.500
Hell, you can shoot my gun.
You're family.

00:09:58.541 --> 00:10:02.375
Oh, no, I got it.
Let me help you.

00:10:03.541 --> 00:10:07.416
Can you believe he
expects us to fall for this?

00:10:08.916 --> 00:10:10.208
Wait, you're not
falling for this.

00:10:10.250 --> 00:10:11.250
Oh, my God,
are you falling for this?

00:10:11.291 --> 00:10:12.583
How could you fall for this?

00:10:12.583 --> 00:10:15.583
Dude, did you not hear
that story?

00:10:15.625 --> 00:10:17.125
I think it really affected him.

00:10:17.166 --> 00:10:18.500
I think so, too.

00:10:18.583 --> 00:10:20.083
And I can't believe
I just agreed with someone

00:10:20.125 --> 00:10:21.625
who put aluminum foil
in the microwave

00:10:21.625 --> 00:10:23.041
six times today.

00:10:24.625 --> 00:10:27.708
I don't care what he said.
People don't just change.

00:10:27.791 --> 00:10:29.125
Oh, really?

00:10:29.166 --> 00:10:30.875
You're always talking about
how you've changed,

00:10:30.958 --> 00:10:34.041
how you're all together now
with your fancy job

00:10:34.125 --> 00:10:35.458
and your young-mom-
in-a-mini-van outfits.

00:10:37.333 --> 00:10:38.708
"Young mom"?

00:10:38.750 --> 00:10:40.166
Yeah.

00:10:40.208 --> 00:10:42.875
This is cocktail *y.

00:10:42.958 --> 00:10:45.083
Oh, sure. Very... very *y.

00:10:45.125 --> 00:10:47.125
Um, by the way,
do you mind if I watch Shrek

00:10:47.166 --> 00:10:49.041
on your back seat DVD player?
Is that okay?

00:10:53.250 --> 00:10:55.333
Coming.

00:10:55.958 --> 00:10:57.291
Hi.

00:10:57.333 --> 00:10:58.375
Oh, hey, Mom and Dad.
What's up?

00:10:58.416 --> 00:10:59.625
Oh, nothing.

00:10:59.625 --> 00:11:01.333
We were just out
for a little stroll,

00:11:01.375 --> 00:11:03.333
and we thought that
we would pop by

00:11:03.375 --> 00:11:06.000
for a quick hello...
Hello.

00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:09.583
She's here for the Tupperware.

00:11:09.625 --> 00:11:11.875
Mom, mo--
There's still food in there.

00:11:11.875 --> 00:11:13.416
You had your time.

00:11:15.333 --> 00:11:17.875
I just wanted to thank you guys
for having my father over.

00:11:17.958 --> 00:11:20.958
Oh, not a problem.
And like I told you,

00:11:21.000 --> 00:11:24.416
you never know someone's changed
until you give them a chance.

00:11:24.458 --> 00:11:26.000
He did seem different.

00:11:26.041 --> 00:11:27.916
I mean, he was charming,
he was funny.

00:11:27.958 --> 00:11:29.333
I've never seen him
do karaoke before.

00:11:29.416 --> 00:11:30.875
Who would have guessed
that he knew all the lyrics

00:11:30.916 --> 00:11:33.125
to "Baby Got Back"?

00:11:33.166 --> 00:11:36.041
It seems your father's
turned over a new leaf.

00:11:36.125 --> 00:11:39.333
And that new charity he started?
Very impressive.

00:11:39.333 --> 00:11:40.541
Charity?

00:11:40.625 --> 00:11:42.333
Yes, the one for children.

00:11:42.333 --> 00:11:44.458
He's very passionate about it.
What's it called?

00:11:44.500 --> 00:11:47.458
Poor Child Eats.

00:11:47.500 --> 00:11:49.375
I wrote him a check for it
when I visited him

00:11:49.458 --> 00:11:50.541
at the police station today.

00:11:50.625 --> 00:11:52.708
Come on, Rose.Mm. Bye.

00:11:52.750 --> 00:11:54.875
Bye.

00:11:54.916 --> 00:11:58.750
I knew it. I knew Dad was
working some angle.

00:11:58.750 --> 00:12:00.166
What are you talking about?
Did you not just hear them?

00:12:00.250 --> 00:12:01.750
He started a charity.

00:12:01.750 --> 00:12:02.041
He started a charity.

00:12:02.083 --> 00:12:03.750
He doesn't have a charity.

00:12:03.791 --> 00:12:06.375
Then what did my dad
give money to?

00:12:06.458 --> 00:12:10.000
Two grand on Poor Child Eats
to win.

00:12:10.083 --> 00:12:13.833
And if he does,
I'm taking you... Gloria,

00:12:13.916 --> 00:12:17.166
to... Chipotle.

00:12:25.916 --> 00:12:29.875
Of course you're here.

00:12:29.916 --> 00:12:33.041
You are seriously the most
horrible person in the world.

00:12:33.083 --> 00:12:36.041
Well, it's good to be
the best at something.

00:12:36.125 --> 00:12:38.875
I can't believe the only reason
you came to dinner

00:12:38.958 --> 00:12:40.833
was to scam Walt out of $2,000

00:12:40.875 --> 00:12:42.583
so that you could bet
on a horse.

00:12:42.625 --> 00:12:43.875
Do you know how
that makes me look?

00:12:43.916 --> 00:12:46.416
I guess, by comparison,
pretty good.

00:12:46.458 --> 00:12:49.083
I had no choice,
Clem, I told you.

00:12:49.166 --> 00:12:50.000
I'm in deep
with this bookie,

00:12:50.041 --> 00:12:52.000
and I got the Geek Squad guys

00:12:52.041 --> 00:12:53.416
breathing down my neck.

00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:55.125
But if this bet hits,
everything's gonna be fine.

00:12:55.166 --> 00:12:57.541
Come on, the race is
about to start.

00:12:57.625 --> 00:12:59.250
Let's watch it,
like we used to.

00:12:59.291 --> 00:13:00.791
Like we used to?

00:13:00.833 --> 00:13:03.125
Does that mean you're gonna
give me a cigar to smoke, too?

00:13:03.166 --> 00:13:04.708
You want one?

00:13:04.750 --> 00:13:07.166
No. I didn't like cigars
when I was 11,

00:13:07.250 --> 00:13:08.625
and I don't like them now.Come on, stay.

00:13:08.666 --> 00:13:10.500
And they're off.

00:13:10.541 --> 00:13:12.791
Call Me By Your Mane is
quick out of the gate,

00:13:12.833 --> 00:13:14.958
followed closely by
A Horse With This Name

00:13:14.958 --> 00:13:16.541
and No, You're the Puppet.

00:13:16.541 --> 00:13:19.416
Right behind them, Poor Child
Eats is making an early charge.

00:13:19.458 --> 00:13:21.166
Look at that, he's pulling up
on the outside. Come on, baby.

00:13:21.166 --> 00:13:22.500
I don't care.

00:13:22.541 --> 00:13:24.875
Bojack Horsehorse
leaps into second

00:13:24.875 --> 00:13:26.541
as Poor Child Eats
is hanging tough.

00:13:26.583 --> 00:13:27.708
Around the corner they come.

00:13:27.750 --> 00:13:29.041
Could be anyone's race
at this point.

00:13:29.083 --> 00:13:30.375
As the finish approaches...Come on.

00:13:30.416 --> 00:13:31.916
...it's Poor Child Eats
pulling up on the rail.

00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:32.916
Poor Child Eats closing in.Come on.

00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:35.916
It's Poor Child Eats by a nose!

00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:38.041
Yes!Yeah!

00:13:38.083 --> 00:13:40.291
Yes! Yes!

00:13:40.333 --> 00:13:42.166
You did it, Clem.
You picked another winner.

00:13:42.208 --> 00:13:44.250
Damn right I did.

00:13:44.291 --> 00:13:45.791
Just like old times, huh?

00:13:45.875 --> 00:13:48.958
Yeah. Wait.
No, don't even.

00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:51.000
I'm still mad at you.

00:13:51.083 --> 00:13:55.208
Hey, I know I wasn't
the perfect father,

00:13:55.291 --> 00:13:57.583
but you turned out okay.No thanks to you.

00:13:57.625 --> 00:14:00.125
Did you ever think there was
a method to my madness?

00:14:00.166 --> 00:14:04.166
I mean, I knew I was no good,
so instead of half-assing it,

00:14:04.208 --> 00:14:06.166
I zero-assed it.

00:14:06.208 --> 00:14:08.333
Excuse me?Yeah.

00:14:08.375 --> 00:14:10.083
I figured if I didn't try
at all, you'd be forced

00:14:10.125 --> 00:14:11.583
to sink or swim on your own,

00:14:11.583 --> 00:14:13.333
and you swam.

00:14:13.375 --> 00:14:15.083
I'm proud of you, Clem.

00:14:15.125 --> 00:14:17.458
There was no philosophy.

00:14:17.458 --> 00:14:19.291
You were just a terrible father.

00:14:19.333 --> 00:14:22.166
Yeah, but the "zero-assed" thing
sounded pretty good.

00:14:23.833 --> 00:14:26.666
The truth is I am proud of you.

00:14:26.666 --> 00:14:30.500
And you got to admit, we had
some good times, right?

00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:33.083
Yeah, I guess we did.

00:14:33.125 --> 00:14:35.291
Occasionally.

00:14:35.375 --> 00:14:37.208
You know, in baseball,
if you hit .300,

00:14:37.250 --> 00:14:38.625
you're in the Hall of Fame.

00:14:38.666 --> 00:14:42.083
And in parenting, if you use
the ball pit at IKEA

00:14:42.125 --> 00:14:45.958
as a babysitter, you get a call
from Child Services.

00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:49.125
I did get a call.

00:14:49.125 --> 00:14:51.291
The woman was nice.
I took her to Mexico.

00:14:56.083 --> 00:14:58.375
I'm so sorry about my dad,
but at least I was able

00:14:58.416 --> 00:14:59.250
to get your money back.

00:14:59.291 --> 00:15:01.000
Oh, don't worry, sweetheart.

00:15:01.041 --> 00:15:04.375
These things happen,
especially to Walt.

00:15:04.416 --> 00:15:07.000
He bought a time share
in India.

00:15:07.041 --> 00:15:09.375
We went there to see it,
and guess what?

00:15:09.375 --> 00:15:11.375
No time share.

00:15:13.625 --> 00:15:16.083
I am so sorry I pressured you
into inviting your father

00:15:16.083 --> 00:15:17.708
to the wedding.

00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:21.375
Sometimes I just need to back
off and mind my own business.

00:15:21.416 --> 00:15:24.125
No, you know what,
if you hadn't done that,

00:15:24.208 --> 00:15:26.958
I wouldn't have had the first
nice moment I've had with him

00:15:27.000 --> 00:15:29.833
in years, so... thank you.

00:15:29.875 --> 00:15:31.916
Well, if you change your mind
and you do want

00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:35.166
to invite him to the wedding,
you just say the word,

00:15:35.208 --> 00:15:37.750
and I will give your daddy
an STD.

00:15:43.500 --> 00:15:44.708
You wouldn't be the first.

00:15:47.083 --> 00:15:49.333
You okay?

00:15:49.375 --> 00:15:50.916
Yeah. I just feel like
a giant idiot

00:15:50.916 --> 00:15:52.708
for believing that
Dad changed.

00:15:52.750 --> 00:15:54.458
No, don't.

00:15:54.500 --> 00:15:56.791
It's good that you
still have hope.

00:15:56.791 --> 00:16:00.291
It's completely misguided,
but hold onto it.

00:16:00.333 --> 00:16:01.625
For what it's worth,

00:16:01.666 --> 00:16:03.833
I'm happy I'm living
with you guys and not him.

00:16:03.875 --> 00:16:05.166
Mm.Oh, my parents took off?

00:16:05.250 --> 00:16:07.916
Yeah, they split.
I was just about to tell Shannon

00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:10.250
how happy we are that
she's living with us.

00:16:10.291 --> 00:16:11.458
Right, Nick?

00:16:24.583 --> 00:16:27.541
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