- Hey. - Hi.
I'm sorry, but aren't you that actor from "Step Right Up"?
Yes, I am, yup, Reed Sterling, yeah.
Wow, wow, this is so exciting.
- We're from Indiana. - Ah!
Oh, we loved your show.
Oh, well it's, uh, coming back.
We're shooting episodes right now.
Oh that explains it. We saw your co-star here yesterday.
- Oh, which co-star? - Bree Marie Jensen.
She's staying at this hotel too.
- In fact... - Hi, honey!
- Those are New York words. - Oh my god, I'm sorry,
- we're in the final dress rehearsal and Margo Martindale's top just fell off.
- Bye. - Bye.
How, how's it going?
Well a pipe burst on the floor above me,
- so I had to switch hotels.
Oh, that *s, I'm sorry.
It's actually pretty nice here, and the timing's good.
I don't have to work today 'cause they're doing a pre-shoot.
Reed!
- Reed Sterling! - Uh, it's some fan.
See, I told you.
Right there, that's Bree Marie Jensen.
- Thank you so... - Hi.
Thank you, wow.
Wow, uh, yeah, Bree's here.
She must be staying here too.
The, the studio, the studio put me up here. I had no idea.
Reed!
Okay, I'm gonna let you go-
- 'cause it seems like she really needs you.
- No, she doesn't need me. - I need you!
- Oh wow, okay. - Reed!
Oh my god, you know what would be so fun?
What if it turned out that you two had adjoining rooms?
- Okay... - It'd be like a Neil Simon play,
- Okay, Nora. - Okay, I gotta go, I gotta go.
Reed!
Yes.
See those guys over there.
Yes, I do.
I've been watching them since they checked in.
And is that what was so important-
- that you felt the need to hail me like a cab?
Yes, here's what I'm thinking... red jacket, widow.
Her dead husband was a rich Texas oil magnate.
- Okay. - Man bun is her interior designer,
- probably from Paris, and tracksuit is her masseuse-
- and she never travels without him-
- after sustaining an injury falling off of a horse-
- on her very own ranch.
Oh god.
You're still playing that game.
Yes, come on, you used to love it. Who are they?
Well, I don't know who they are,
- but I... - Yes?
- ...am an actor who's going to the gym.
- Reed. - Yeah, so.
Oh, and by the way, just because you have a cane-
- and a man bun does not mean you're from Europe.
So where's he from?
Brazil, Kinshasa, Malaysia... nope, nope,
- I'm not playing this game.
- You played it. - I did not play it.
- You just played it. - I did not play it.
-
I just don't understand why we can't order sushi for lunch.
'Cause the studio won't pay for it.
Even if it's my half birthday?
What is that, is that like a millennial thing?
I think all generations love sushi.
So anyway, thank you so much again.
Um, these things can be really weird,
- but I wanted to do the right thing.
Oh, in the world of HR, not even in the top 10 of weird.
- Right, right. - Yeah. You handled it perfectly.
Oh, oh my god, though, it, it, it was nothing,
- I mean, you made it, you made it easy, so yeah.
- Just doing my job. - Well, as a human,
I thank you for your resources.
Forget, forget I said that. - No, you're really, you're really funny.
- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.
- It was nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you too,
- and thank you, again... I already said that over there so...
- Ah, goodbye. Bye. - Okay, Bye.
- Yeah, bye-bye. - Bye.
Look at you!
Who's your little friend?
No, that's not, no, no, no, that's not my friend.
She's, uh, that's Mallory from HR.
I mean, maybe someday we'll be friends, I don't know,
- I don't have a crystal ball.
Well, she's cute.
Um, okay, I wasn't thinking about that,
- we were more focused on a very important...
- I didn't... I never said that. - And why wouldn't she be?
I'm not making it weird.
You're the one making it weird, you weirdo.
- Me? - If you must know,
- it was a very professional meeting-
- because a certain coworker wants to know-
- if he can ask out another certain coworker, don't ask me,
- I'm not gonna tell you who it is.
I never would've in a million years, but by the way,
- this asking out info, that could come in very handy-
- for you and the looker from HR.
Oh, did you just wink?
I winked, yes, I winked.
I always wink when there's love in the air.
Oh god, oh, ugh, I'm very uncomfortable.
That's a brand of television.
Well, this has been life-altering. I'm gonna go to set.
Listen, if you ever want wardrobe to fix you up-
- with a flirty outfit,
- they can hammer... - Oh my God, n...
Seems like a long way to go for a dream sequence.
I said the same thing but I was told-
- the flying represents the freedom Jake seeks-
- from the pressure of his work life.
Very artsy.
Mm-hmm, all I'm hearing-
- is that my nuts are gonna get wrenched.
Oh, BRB, bro.
- Hey. - Hey, what did HR say?
Yeah, it's cool, uh, you're, you're free to ask out-
- whoever it is. - Aw, sweet, I'm pumped.
This girl is really special.
Uh, yes, but company policy states-
- you can only ask her out once.
Why?
Well, because if she doesn't say yes-
- and then you ask her again, it's considered harassment.
Wait, I only get one shot?
That's not fair.
Well, bud, life's not fair.
You know, I, uh, I'm stuck with a driver's license photo-
- that makes me look like John C. Reilly.
Ooh, snacks.
I say we just dump the whole J scene.
You always wanna cut the J scene.
A surgeon cuts to heal.
You know, can I ask you young kids-
- something a little delicate?
Okay, just a few injections in the forehead-
- and some filler here and here.
Now he's funny. Something delicate about Hannah.
Here's my question, you guys travel in the same circle.
Is she seeing anybody?
Not really.
I think she has some intimacy issues.
No, Hannah? Where the hell would that come from?
Oh god, he's serious.
What, oh, you think she's emotionally closed off-
- because of me?
No, no, of course not.
No, that was probably the, the other father-
- that she grew up without.
It's a heartwarming story. Can we get back to Hannah?
Here's the thing.
I think she kinda likes this Mallory woman from HR.
So how do we find out if she's single-
- Let's check her socials. - Oh, alright.
Okay, Mallory, Hulu, human resources.
Yeah, and just asking, has, has anyone read my draft?
- Hold on. - Got it, Mallory Bixby.
- Yes. - Yup, Google says she's 36 years old.
No mention of spouse.
- Okay. - I'll check Instagram.
I'll check Venmo.
She's ancient, I'll check Facebook.
Just saying, turned it in two days ago.
Yeah, you turned it in on a yellow legal pad.
She's still typing it up.
Okay, Mallory Bixby, lots of pics with friends.
- Alright. So? - And a dog.
- Ooh. - I like it.
No wedding ring.
There we go. I like that.
Uh-oh, arm-in-arm with a man.
- No! - Every time.
Wait, it's her brother.
She paid Barbara Long for tickets to a Janelle Monáe concert.
It means you've thought about it.
Okay, Mallory played golf at UCLA.
- Come on. - A photo of her at a Fran Lebowitz Q&A.
- There you go. - Okay, these are clichés.
It's all circumstantial.
She has two cats named Tilda and Swinton.
Wow, you guys are better than Matlock.
Hey, woo!
Hey Jer, you got a sec?
Yeah, what's up.
Uh, I'm In AA and I'm supposed to make amends with people-
- I might've wronged, you know,
- back when I was overdoing it.
Must be a hell of a list.
Yeah, and since you're here,
- thought I might as well pop my cherry with you.
Yeah, okay, I'll try to be gentle.
Back then, I either came to work drunk, stoned, or hungover.
I can't even remember season three...
But shouldn't have done it, filled with regrets,
- uh, blah, blah, blah.
Well, Clay, thanks for those heartfelt words.
Good.
Okay, boys, take him up.
It's just like Peter Pan.
Wow.
Oh cool, you came.
Look at you doing your own stunts.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
When I was a baby, my diapers were too tight-
- from growing fast so I can't even feel the harness.
So fun.
Hey, speaking of fun...
I'm going to a showing of Pulp Fiction tonight-
- at the Aero in Santa Monica. There's a whole costume thing.
Do you think that might be something-
- you'd be interested in doing? - Oh, um, Zack, I'm sorry, I...
Okay, lift him up!
Uh, just gimme one second. Oh!
This is Elaine.
Wait, did that count?
It's Nora. Text me.
Hey, it's me leaving an actual voicemail-
- because I, I want you to hear my sincerity.
Um, when I say there, there is nothing-
- untoward going on between...
Reed, you are not gonna believe this.
What's that, waitress?
There is something going on with those three.
They were whispering.
Maybe that's because you were listening in-
- on their conversation.
No, I don't think so.
The widow is in cahoots with man bun-
- and they're pretending to be... art dealers.
- Okay, what, what, what kind of cahoots? - The worst kind of cahoots.
They're trying to sell that unsuspecting Asian tech titan-
- forged masterpieces.
How bored are you?
My phone died. Who do you think they are?
Well, Bree, I actually, you know what?
I don't, I don't think we should sit here and play this.
Why not?
Just because it's something that you and I used to do when,
- you know, we would go on vacation together.
So?
So we're not together.
- We're not? - Don't do that.
Are you breaking up with me? Please don't do that.
- He's breaking up with me! - I'm not breaking up with her.
- My heart is breaking open! - We're not together.
- Hey. - Hannah, just in time.
Look, we have a guest.
- Mallory. - Hi, again.
Yeah, uh, what are we doing here?
Well, you know, it's just in this crazy day and age,
- it's so confusing what you can say anymore-
- in a writer's room and what you can't say.
So I thought to get some clarity,
- I'd invite beautiful Mallory to help us.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure you can't say that.
Mallory is very nice.
Oh, and you're a winker now too.
Am I missing something?
No, uh, hey, guys, I really don't think-
- you should be wasting Mallory's time like this.
We, hey, well, maybe you don't need the guidance.
What, with your honors degree from Northwestern University.
But you know what? The rest of us dummies, we could use a little assistance.
- I went to Harvard. - Add it to the board.
- Whoa. - Dammit.
Two more and you gotta give Bob a foot rub.
Mm, they can't make me touch his feet, right?
I mean, if you made a deal.
It's a little HR joke.
I don't know, just...
And she's funny.
So as long as we're doing this, I have a sort of a,
- a hypothetical scenario I'd really love to drill down on.
- Okay. - Would it be alright for me to compliment-
- a, a female coworker on her wit and wisdom?
- Yes. - How about her nice, wide, childbearing hips?
Always with the hips.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Shockingly, you can't talk about a woman's hips.
Really, that seems like a big "screw you" to evolution.
Azmina, you, you look like you have something you wanna say.
Sometimes I feel bad about myself-
- because Hannah is such a good cook.
Oh my god.
Uh, hey, Gordon, can I talk to you outside?
Uh-oh, you know what?
What a, what a weird thing to say.
What, what's up?
I got a question, what if the room is dragging-
- and I wanna add some levity by telling-
- a really hilarious story about Tony Danza's *?
Definitely no, that could absolutely-
- make a lot of people feel uncomfortable.
Trust me, so could Tony Danza's *.
Okay.
- Guess... - What the literal hell?
- I'm always in trouble with you. - Do you have-
- any idea how embarrassing that was for me?
What, what were you thinking?
I don't know, you just,
- you seem so freaked out about the idea of liking someone-
- that I tried to, tried to help a little bit.
- Who asked you to help? - Nobody.
- Yeah. - I know.
I just thought this was one of those,
- I broke it, I should fix it, kind of things.
You broke it.
- I mean, didn't I? - I am the "it" that you broke.
I mean, no? Let me put it this way.
If, if me not being around-
- during your becoming a woman years-
- is what made you so skittish or frightened or, or timid or,
- or insecure or emotionally dead, whatever. - Okay.
I don't know what the term is, but if,
- if I contributed to that, then, yes,
- that would make me feel really badly.
Look, as much as I would love to blame you-
- for all of my problems,
- there are a number of reasons I am the way I am.
Fine, be that as it may.
Okay, yes?
Well, your friends in there-
- did some very impressive online digging.
Oh my...
- Mm-hmm? - That's interesting.
- Yes. - But!
And after that, they also found a nude picture of Selma-
- with a very young Gabe Kaplan that rocked a few worlds.
Uh, can I just give you a little piece of fatherly advice?
Life is short, just put yourself out there.
Okay, I'm not quite ready-
- for the fatherly advice from you yet.
Fair enough.
Co-showrunner advice, give your character some drive.
Make her active, and if she fails, who gives a shit?
You know, I thought your desk was bigger.
Bree.
I fell asleep. What's going on?
Okay, so, uh,
- those people are not what you think they are.
The old lady and the man bun.
- Uh-huh? - Are, are not in cahoots.
- No. - He's a gigolo-
- and the diminutive Asian man is his secret lover.
What about the old lady?
Oh, oh, you mean the Contessa Renosa Santiago?
- Yes! - Mm-hmm.
I think it's pretty obvious that he told her-
- that if she invested in a movie,
- she could be a big-time producer.
And what would that sound like?
Oh, darling, you have to invest in this movie.
I mean, it's going to be a guaranteed hit.
Don't you want to go to the Oscars?
- You're insane. - What?
She's conning them.
She's trying to get them to buy-
- a bunch of dried-up old Texas oil wells.
I just can't see her doing that at all.
Maybe this will help.
- Oh? - My husband Daryl,
- he told me to never sell this land,
- but he lives with Jesus now.
And I just don't think that'd be right-
- for me to keep all these riches for myself.
- Oh, okay. - Just got text from concierge,
- reservation at Dan Tana's 7:30, for four people.
Oh my god! So he's Bulgarian, and there's a fourth person.
This is getting juicy.
Oh, you know what else is juicy?
The chicken parm at Dan Tana's.
I haven't had that in 15 years.
- I know. - Oh.
- Me either. - God, that's...
Should we go?
To, mm, to dinner, me and you.
- I, I... - I mean, how else are we gonna find out-
- what naughty things are going on here...
...with them.
Oh, right, no, of course, of course, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah, like, we have to eat.
- We have to eat. - Right, that's not a crime.
- It's not a crime. - No.
Two coworkers sharing a meal.
Yeah, nothing wrong with that.
Totally above board.
So you're telling me I've always been able to fly?
Yep.
Might've been nice to know-
- when I fell off the roof last week.
Laugh, laugh, laugh.
I didn't ask to be in your dream.
I'm going back to my dream,
- where I was riding tigers with Zendaya.
And as Jake ruminates in his dreamscape,
- face-to-face with the specter of his own mortality, we cut.
Okay, great.
You guys let me down?
Actually, uh, leave, leave him up there for a bit.
Ha ha ha, ha ha, very funny.
Seriously, this thing's starting to floss my crotch,
- and not in a good way.
Since you mentioned it,
I've been thinking about season three.
There was an episode that year-
- when Jake's father passed away.
It was the best goddamned script Gordon ever wrote,
- touching as hell.
And I thought it would be my one chance to win an Emmy.
Well you were so out of it, you could barely finish a scene.
Well you probably would've lost to Frasier anyway.
Still a smart *.
Jesus, Jerry, I already apologized.
Allow me to give you a little direction.
If you are playing an apology,
- at least try to pretend you *' mean it.
It's one thing to be young and drunk and stupid.
But you are a middle-aged man.
So when you mumble some insincere, perfunctory words,
- just so you can cross my name off a list?
Well, that's just insulting.
So I'm sorry, I don't accept your bullshit apology.
See that was sincere.
Take a break, everyone, half an hour.
Are you seriously leaving me up here? You bet your *.
He's doing this to make you a better human being.
* Dennis.
Elaine, hey.
Zack, hey.
It was really cool today seeing you up there on those wires.
I've done wire work before,
- when I broke into the dean's office in my movie-
Admissions Impossible.
So earlier when I mentioned going to that movie,
- I was sorta trying to ask you something,
- but I'm not sure you heard what I was trying to...
Zack.
I can't go out with you.
Okay.
No misunderstanding that.
I really appreciate you asking though.
But you don't like me like that?
No, I...
...I just really like my job.
Nobody ever thinks twice when a male exec dates an actress,
- but if I started dating an actor from my first show,
- no one would ever take me seriously.
- That's not fair. - It's definitely not fair.
It's true.
I'm really sorry, Zack.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, Jer?
How's it hangin'?
Clever. I think I inverted one of my nuts.
The good one.
Well, have fun with that, sunshine.
Hey.
Look, I'm not good at this stuff.
And I have a lot of people I need to apologize to,
- which is pretty *' overwhelming-
- for a guy who's not good with feelings and shit.
But... if I cost you an Emmy-
- or even if I just made your job harder-
- by being a selfish *,
- I'm really sorry, Jerry.
You're a good guy and you deserve better.
That was perfect.
Moving on.
- Yeah? - That one felt real.
And I know from years of personal experience,
- you're not that good of an actor.
Cool.
All right, good day, let's get outta here.
Hey.
- Hey. - Is everything all right?
Yeah, yeah, I just, I wanted to apologize-
- for being a * this morning.
It's just the play, it's really stressing me out.
Oh, I bet, I mean, you're doing so much.
Yeah, I mean, I, I trust you.
I know nothing's going on.
Well, I really appreciate that.
And I, I just, I, I miss you.
I miss you too, Nora.
I love you, bye.
Hey, there she is.
- Oh! - You look nice.
- Hey, so do you. - Thanks.
...would you kill me if I canceled tonight?
I'm just not hungry.
Oh yeah, uh, no problem.
I was... I was actually gonna say the same thing.
Oh great.
- So, uh... - All right, well, I'm gonna...
- Oh yeah, yeah. - ...work on my lines then for tomorrow.
I should too, and if I get hungry, I can always break into the mini-fridge-
- and get one of those $40 caramel corns.
Reed... this was nice.
What was?
Remembering that we used to have fun together.
Yeah, yeah, we definitely did.
Thank you.
Although it is going to make me crazy-
- that we never figured out who those people are.
You know what, it's probably for the best,
- because it's never gonna be as interesting-
- as you think it is anyway. - Wait, what the *, what the *?
What are, are they getting arrested?
Open the door, open the door!
I'm trying!
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Oh, no.
Zack, is that you?
I had no idea you'd be here.
No reason two coworkers who randomly bumped into each other-
- can't enjoy a night at the cinema.
This is a nice coincidence.
Hey guys, it's me, Dennis.
Dennis?
You can't tell anyone about this.
Don't worry. My lips are sealed.
-