WEBVTT

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Whoa.

00:00:12.308 --> 00:00:12.517
Whoa.

00:00:12.559 --> 00:00:15.603
Bastardo.

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Wow! You sure
got up early.

00:00:24.279 --> 00:00:26.614
Yup. No rest
for the weary.

00:00:26.698 --> 00:00:27.949
Wait a minute.

00:00:27.949 --> 00:00:30.243
Did you even come to bed
last night?

00:00:30.285 --> 00:00:31.536
No, dear.

00:00:31.578 --> 00:00:34.581
I stayed up all night
watching Mexican soap operas.

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Hi, Lois.

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Oh! Hi, Craig.

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Notice anything different
about me?

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Nope.

00:01:11.284 --> 00:01:12.911
Just got her in today.

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"Craig Feldspar.
Assistant Manager."

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Congratulations.

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That's great.

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And along
with the red badge,

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as you know, comes an extra
two-percent discount,

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which I'm more than willing
to share with you, Lois.

00:01:24.631 --> 00:01:26.174
Oh, no, Craig,
that's  your  discount.

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Really, it's no...
I wouldn't feel right

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about jeopardizing
your position

00:01:28.843 --> 00:01:30.303
by taking
advantage of that.

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I just... I wouldn't
feel right about it.

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But what good
is all that power

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if I have no one
to share it with?

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Theresa, would you mind
checking out aisle four?

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Seemed to have noticed someone
knocked over the candy rack.

00:01:41.189 --> 00:01:44.109
And could you put the
coffee-toffees on a lower shelf?

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Okay.

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Did you see that?
Did you see that resentment?

00:01:48.363 --> 00:01:49.531
Isn't it wonderful?

00:01:49.572 --> 00:01:51.783
Look at me, I'm shaking.

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This is
my favorite part of the day.

00:01:55.203 --> 00:01:57.580
The twilight time
between school ending

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and when your parents come home.

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The time
when kids rule the Earth.

00:02:06.381 --> 00:02:08.466
Okay, what was this?

00:02:08.550 --> 00:02:10.301
Uh... Superman.

00:02:14.681 --> 00:02:16.224
Boys, come quick!

00:02:16.307 --> 00:02:18.518
Something wonderful
has happened!

00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:20.228
Huh?

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Isn't she beautiful?

00:02:21.563 --> 00:02:23.982
And to think someone
was just throwing her out.

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She was under six
bags of garbage,

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but, oh, I knew your
mother would love her.

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When does she get home?

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She's working till 10:00.
Great!

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Gives us plenty of
time to get her ready.

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Dad, it's junk.

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Reese, with a little paint
and some new hardware,

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one man's junk is another
man's anniversary present.

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Come on, help me
get her inside.

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Come in.

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Look,

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you probably think
I'm here to criticize you

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for not doing my homework
yesterday,

00:02:50.925 --> 00:02:52.510
but let's not think
about that.

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Let's think about
tomorrow's assignment.

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So, if you can get that to me
by 8:00, that'd be great.

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Or 9:00.

00:03:03.438 --> 00:03:04.606
Okay, what's wrong?

00:03:04.606 --> 00:03:06.941
My Julie...

00:03:06.983 --> 00:03:08.526
she left me!

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What happened?

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I don't know,

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but it's really over.

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She sent back all
of my love gifts.

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Wow, that's cold.

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Oh, come on,
this guy's adorable.

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Press its belly.

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That's okay.

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Look, I've had a lot of
experience with heartache,

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and I'll tell you one thing.

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You've got to find a way
to get your mind off it.

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Look! Here's my homework.

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I don't know
what I'm going to do.

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She was my light,
my life and my world!

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She put out, huh?

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Like crazy!

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Can I help you?

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Give me your money.

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Oh, for crying
out loud, again?

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Shut up and hand it over.
Okay, just relax, cowboy.

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We have a way of doing
this so nobody gets hurt.

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I give you every bit
of money in this drawer,

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and you and your friend
just leave. Okay?

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Okay.

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See? Nobody gets hurt.

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Nobody gets caught.

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Everybody happy. Okay?

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Lois, I think Cheryl A.

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flipped me off
behind my back.

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Craig, I am, uh, I'm
with some customers.

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There you go. Bye now.

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Did you enjoy your Lucky Aide
shopping experience, gentlemen?

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Craig, uh, they're in a hurry.

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This won't
take a second.

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I am Craig, the
assistant manager.

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I can assure you,
if there's one thing

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we value here at Luck Aide,
it is customer satisfaction.

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We're satisfied.

00:04:34.862 --> 00:04:37.198
Well, you don't
sound like it.

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Please, don't feel like you're
going to hurt my feelings,

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because I'm learning here.

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Now, I'm sure there's
something I could do

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to make this a better
experience for you.

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Yeah. How about you walk me
to every other register

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in this place and give me
every cent you've got?

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That's a gun!

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Craig, calm down.

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Everybody, calm down.

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I've been through
this five times.

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We just give them
the money

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from all the other registers,
and they'll leave.

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What about the safe?

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Safe?

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...ty.

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Safe-ty of the customers.

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I'll lock the doors.

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You start rounding up
the customers.

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What, are you nuts?
We got to get out of here.

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Come on, man. I'm tired of doing
these dinky little holdups.

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Have you ever
wanted to do

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something more important
with your life?

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What do you mean, like,
go back to school?

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No, man! Like
breaking into a safe.

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Do you want to work at
Orange Julius forever?

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All right, everybody
over to sundries!

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Easy.

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Easy.

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Easy.

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Whoo! Your mother's going
to flip when she sees this.

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Ha-ha!

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Well, that's just crazy.

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Why would someone fill this

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with hundreds
of hanging black bow ties?

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Those aren't
bow ties.

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Those are bats.

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Don't you worry, Lois.

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Everything is going to be fine.
Just fine and dandy.

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Yeah, keep waving
that thing around, buddy-boy.

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You got
a big surprise coming.

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Craig, that button has been
disconnected for over a year.

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What?! Why?
Because you kept
hitting the damn thing.

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In an emergency, yes.
That's what it's for.

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Oh, like an emergency
when you saw a bee?

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Or when you saw that big fly
that looked like a bee?

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How about when you thought
you saw a ghost?

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I'm not saying it was
or it wasn't,

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but you can't tell me
what we saw was normal.

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All right, you two!

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Let's move it.

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He likes waving that
around too much.

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This is going to end
in body bags.

00:06:51.707 --> 00:06:54.252
No, Craig, it isn't.

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Lois... before we die,
I have to tell you something.

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It's about how I feel...

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Craig, no.

00:07:01.634 --> 00:07:02.718
But, Lois...
Craig, no!

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This will all
be over soon.

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How much?

00:07:08.141 --> 00:07:09.475
Boy.

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Well, can you guarantee
that you'll get all of them?

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What? That's per bat?!

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Are you insane?!

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God!

00:07:18.109 --> 00:07:20.611
Well, boys, looks like
we're on our own.

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What are you
talking about?

00:07:21.863 --> 00:07:22.864
Isn't anyone coming?

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I'm scared.

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Aw... I know, son.

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Now, just think
of them this way.

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They're only
rats with wings.

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And radar.

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Just flying rats
with radar.

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Say it with me.
Just...

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Flying rats with radar.

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Once again.

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Flying rats with...

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Okay, it's important that
everybody just say calm.

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And don't make any sudden moves,
or they'll kill you.

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And don't look
them in the eye,

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or they'll kill you.

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And don't beg them not to
kill you, or they'll kill you.

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I need you to
stop talking.

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You! Assistant manager!
Come here!

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This is it.

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I didn't feed my cat.

00:08:02.778 --> 00:08:03.988
Isn't it funny the things

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that go through your mind
before you die?

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Craig, they just
want to talk to you.

00:08:09.785 --> 00:08:12.580
Lois, before we're all killed
in a bloody mess,

00:08:12.622 --> 00:08:13.664
I have to tell you...

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Shh! Let's not think
those negative thoughts.

00:08:16.167 --> 00:08:18.961
Let's just give them the money
and get them out of here.

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Hey, is there any way
we can speed this along?

00:08:20.755 --> 00:08:23.758
Yeah. Somebody can give us
the combination to the safe.

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Fine. I can't,
but the assistant manager can.

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Craig, give them
the combination to the safe.

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No.

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What?

00:08:32.767 --> 00:08:34.685
You can't have it.

00:08:34.769 --> 00:08:35.853
Yes, they can.

00:08:35.937 --> 00:08:37.772
Craig, give them
the combination.

00:08:37.813 --> 00:08:39.941
Let me talk to them.

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What's the combo?!

00:08:44.904 --> 00:08:46.072
Ca...

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What?

00:09:30.157 --> 00:09:31.325
What is it?

00:09:31.409 --> 00:09:32.326
Kill it!

00:09:32.410 --> 00:09:33.661
Ow! Ah!

00:09:33.661 --> 00:09:35.788
Is it gone?!
Is it gone?!

00:09:38.624 --> 00:09:41.335
Dewey, it's gone.

00:09:41.419 --> 00:09:43.671
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

00:09:46.340 --> 00:09:47.383
You feeling better?

00:09:47.425 --> 00:09:48.884
Yeah, I think so. Thanks.

00:09:48.926 --> 00:09:49.802
Good.

00:09:49.844 --> 00:09:52.305
Now tell me
the damn combination!

00:09:52.346 --> 00:09:53.472
No.

00:09:53.514 --> 00:09:56.684
Can I talk to you
for a second?

00:10:00.771 --> 00:10:02.857
Listen, fellas.

00:10:02.898 --> 00:10:04.942
I want to get this over
with as much as you do.

00:10:05.026 --> 00:10:07.194
So why don't you give me
five minutes with him.

00:10:07.194 --> 00:10:10.239
I guarantee you I will get
that combination for you.

00:10:10.281 --> 00:10:13.701
Listen, Craig, I think
these guys really mean business.

00:10:13.701 --> 00:10:15.244
Now, you know and I know

00:10:15.286 --> 00:10:17.538
there is less than $700
in that safe.

00:10:17.580 --> 00:10:19.457
Do you really think
the lives of seven employees

00:10:19.498 --> 00:10:21.459
is worth less than $700?

00:10:21.500 --> 00:10:23.377
Lois, this isn't just
about the money.

00:10:23.461 --> 00:10:25.880
Sometimes a man has
to have his dignity.

00:10:25.880 --> 00:10:27.340
So what if they kill me?

00:10:27.381 --> 00:10:29.383
But before they kill you,
they're going to try

00:10:29.467 --> 00:10:32.386
to get that combination
from you any way they can.

00:10:32.470 --> 00:10:35.556
Can you picture yourself
with shattered eye sockets?

00:10:35.640 --> 00:10:38.225
Because that's where
they're going to start.

00:10:38.225 --> 00:10:40.811
They can break every one
of your fingers and toes.

00:10:40.853 --> 00:10:42.688
They can even cut
a couple of them off.

00:10:42.730 --> 00:10:45.399
Did... did you see the buck
knife in the big guy's boot?

00:10:45.483 --> 00:10:50.071
Do you really want to antagonize
that big buck knife, Craig?

00:10:50.154 --> 00:10:54.408
Do you really want to feel it
slicing into your flesh?

00:10:54.450 --> 00:10:56.494
Craig, stay with me.

00:10:56.577 --> 00:10:58.496
Stay...

00:10:58.579 --> 00:11:00.748
Damn.

00:11:02.792 --> 00:11:04.960
Pass the salt, please.

00:11:05.002 --> 00:11:08.005
How long do we have
to stay in here?

00:11:08.089 --> 00:11:09.507
Till all the bats are gone.

00:11:09.590 --> 00:11:11.592
And with every window and door
wide open in this house,

00:11:11.592 --> 00:11:13.427
it's only a matter of time.

00:11:13.469 --> 00:11:14.762
Can't new ones just fly in?

00:11:14.804 --> 00:11:18.432
So, Dewey, how
was school today?

00:11:18.474 --> 00:11:19.517
Mikey Duffy

00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:21.519
pushed me down.
Did you push him back?

00:11:21.602 --> 00:11:23.270
No. He's bigger than me.

00:11:23.270 --> 00:11:24.522
Uh-huh. Reese?

00:11:24.605 --> 00:11:25.940
I'm on it.

00:11:27.733 --> 00:11:29.402
This is crazy!

00:11:29.443 --> 00:11:30.945
I can't eat!

00:11:30.945 --> 00:11:34.949
Why? Is something bothering
you at school, son?

00:11:35.032 --> 00:11:37.910
Oh. Right.

00:11:37.952 --> 00:11:39.453
Anybody want my baked potato?

00:11:39.537 --> 00:11:40.538
It's kind of burnt.

00:11:40.579 --> 00:11:41.956
No, thanks.

00:11:41.956 --> 00:11:44.458
Reese, we aren't
having baked potatoes.

00:11:58.180 --> 00:11:59.640
All right! That's it!

00:11:59.682 --> 00:12:00.975
Let's just move!

00:12:01.016 --> 00:12:02.560
Mom will find us somehow.

00:12:02.643 --> 00:12:03.978
No.

00:12:04.019 --> 00:12:06.355
I'm tired of running.

00:12:06.397 --> 00:12:09.859
I'm tired of screaming
like a girl every five minutes.

00:12:09.900 --> 00:12:12.570
I will not be put out of my home

00:12:12.653 --> 00:12:15.573
by a bunch of airborne rodents,
and neither will you!

00:12:15.656 --> 00:12:18.993
I may have been the one that
brought them into this house,

00:12:19.034 --> 00:12:23.581
but it is up to all of us
to show them the door.

00:12:23.664 --> 00:12:25.082
Get ready, boys.

00:12:25.166 --> 00:12:28.002
It's time to put out the bats.

00:12:50.357 --> 00:12:52.193
Ha-ha!

00:12:59.533 --> 00:13:01.327
Ow!

00:13:13.464 --> 00:13:14.882
Oh, yeah!

00:13:15.674 --> 00:13:18.177
Okay, Dewey,
there's one bat left,

00:13:18.219 --> 00:13:20.012
and it's in your
mother's room.

00:13:20.054 --> 00:13:22.014
Now, this one is
the tricky bat,

00:13:22.056 --> 00:13:24.350
the one who has eluded
all the other traps.

00:13:24.350 --> 00:13:26.352
What was it
you named him?
Tricky.

00:13:26.352 --> 00:13:28.854
Right. Well, now we
have a very good trap,

00:13:28.938 --> 00:13:31.315
but someone has to
lure Tricky into it,

00:13:31.357 --> 00:13:33.859
and that someone is you.

00:13:33.943 --> 00:13:36.320
Why me?
Because...

00:13:36.362 --> 00:13:37.530
you have the shortest hair.

00:13:37.613 --> 00:13:38.948
You see, if he lands
on your head,

00:13:38.989 --> 00:13:40.491
he'll just bite once
and fly away,

00:13:40.533 --> 00:13:42.493
but if he lands on
your brother's or my head,

00:13:42.535 --> 00:13:44.036
he'll get caught in our hair

00:13:44.078 --> 00:13:46.455
and bite us and bite us
until we are dead.

00:13:46.497 --> 00:13:47.915
Do you understand that?

00:13:47.957 --> 00:13:49.041
Yes.
Good.

00:13:49.083 --> 00:13:50.042
Now...

00:13:50.084 --> 00:13:52.044
I want you to
go in that room

00:13:52.086 --> 00:13:56.048
and poke him with this stick
until that bat chases you.

00:13:56.090 --> 00:13:58.008
Good luck.

00:14:46.390 --> 00:14:48.309
I don't know about you, boys,

00:14:48.350 --> 00:14:52.062
but I am awfully
darn proud of us.

00:14:56.525 --> 00:14:59.945
All right,
somebody get the dustpan.

00:15:06.744 --> 00:15:08.120
Lois, are you
all right?

00:15:08.162 --> 00:15:09.872
No, I am not all right.

00:15:09.955 --> 00:15:12.625
I'm sitting here at gunpoint,
and I wouldn't have to be

00:15:12.666 --> 00:15:15.336
if you'd stop being stupid
and give them the combination.

00:15:15.377 --> 00:15:17.046
I told you,
I can't do that.

00:15:17.129 --> 00:15:18.839
Craig, please. I'm frightened.

00:15:18.881 --> 00:15:21.634
I want to go home
and be with my family.

00:15:21.675 --> 00:15:24.219
They never told me
the combination.

00:15:24.303 --> 00:15:26.472
What did you just say?

00:15:26.472 --> 00:15:28.140
They never told me
the combination.

00:15:28.182 --> 00:15:30.351
They said they couldn't
trust me with it.

00:15:30.392 --> 00:15:31.685
They gave the combination

00:15:31.727 --> 00:15:33.479
to the guy who runs
the photo lab next door.

00:15:33.520 --> 00:15:35.648
He comes in at night
and transfers the money.

00:15:35.689 --> 00:15:38.484
Why didn't you just
say this earlier?

00:15:38.484 --> 00:15:40.819
I don't know. I guess
I wasn't in a big rush

00:15:40.819 --> 00:15:44.907
to let everybody know
what a pathetic idiot I am.

00:15:46.200 --> 00:15:48.160
Oh, Craig, I'm so sorry.

00:15:48.202 --> 00:15:49.328
Lois, I love you.

00:15:49.370 --> 00:15:50.746
What?

00:15:50.788 --> 00:15:52.748
Lois, I love you
with all my heart.

00:15:52.790 --> 00:15:54.541
You're my reason to
get up in the morning.

00:15:54.583 --> 00:15:56.335
You are my everything.
Craig...

00:15:56.377 --> 00:15:58.170
Lois, I don't want
to feel this way.

00:15:58.212 --> 00:16:01.173
I know you're married, I know
you have four beautiful boys.

00:16:01.215 --> 00:16:02.591
It's my heart.

00:16:02.633 --> 00:16:05.761
I wish I didn't
have a heart...

00:16:05.803 --> 00:16:08.764
but I do, and I can't
help loving you.

00:16:08.806 --> 00:16:13.018
I can't help loving you with
my stupid, stupid heart.

00:16:13.936 --> 00:16:18.357
Oh, Craig...
why'd you have to say that?

00:16:20.192 --> 00:16:23.070
Dear sweet Craig.

00:16:24.405 --> 00:16:27.533
I am truly sorry.

00:16:27.574 --> 00:16:29.743
I'm sorry
for the way you feel.

00:16:29.785 --> 00:16:32.913
I'm sorry for any indication
I ever gave you

00:16:32.955 --> 00:16:35.124
that I consider you
anything more than a friend.

00:16:35.207 --> 00:16:38.711
And I am so sorry
for what I have to do now...

00:16:38.752 --> 00:16:41.588
because now I have to crush
whatever it is in you

00:16:41.630 --> 00:16:44.258
that made you do
what you just did.

00:16:44.341 --> 00:16:46.385
I am going to have
to hurt you

00:16:46.385 --> 00:16:48.220
very, very badly,
but believe me, Craig,

00:16:48.262 --> 00:16:50.556
it's for your own good.

00:16:51.432 --> 00:16:53.225
Number one...

00:16:53.267 --> 00:16:56.103
no to everything you just said.

00:16:56.145 --> 00:16:57.730
No to what you're thinking.

00:16:57.771 --> 00:16:59.940
No to everything you dream.

00:16:59.982 --> 00:17:01.275
No to your what-ifs.

00:17:01.316 --> 00:17:04.403
No to every single fantasy,
wish, dream,

00:17:04.445 --> 00:17:07.114
and elaborate scenario
that involves the two of us.

00:17:07.156 --> 00:17:11.243
No, no, no!

00:17:11.285 --> 00:17:13.454
Number two...

00:17:14.288 --> 00:17:15.247
Ow!

00:17:15.289 --> 00:17:16.707
Remember that pain.

00:17:16.749 --> 00:17:19.251
And whenever a thought
creeps into your head

00:17:19.293 --> 00:17:20.544
wondering if there's
anything more

00:17:20.586 --> 00:17:22.421
to the hello I gave you
in the morning,

00:17:22.463 --> 00:17:24.256
you remember that pain.

00:17:24.298 --> 00:17:27.176
You have no future
with me.

00:17:27.259 --> 00:17:30.679
You have nothing with me.

00:17:30.763 --> 00:17:32.139
I'm sorry.

00:17:38.604 --> 00:17:40.814
Whoa, chubs, you got faced.

00:17:48.280 --> 00:17:49.615
You want this?!

00:17:49.656 --> 00:17:53.285
You want this stupid,
stupid, stupid safe?!

00:17:56.330 --> 00:17:58.957
Here's your stupid safe!

00:18:01.335 --> 00:18:03.837
Cool.

00:18:07.841 --> 00:18:10.302
Craig, are you all right?

00:18:10.344 --> 00:18:12.471
I don't know.
I heard something rip,

00:18:12.513 --> 00:18:16.141
and if it wasn't my pants,
it was inside of me.

00:18:16.767 --> 00:18:18.393
See? What'd I tell you?

00:18:18.435 --> 00:18:20.312
Cockfighting is illegal.

00:18:20.354 --> 00:18:21.605
But you made
some good bets.

00:18:21.647 --> 00:18:23.315
What'd you win,
ten bucks?

00:18:23.357 --> 00:18:26.318
You should feel
good about that.

00:18:26.360 --> 00:18:28.237
We are going to jail!

00:18:28.320 --> 00:18:30.239
When my parents find out,
I'll be living

00:18:30.322 --> 00:18:32.908
in military institutions
until I'm emancipated!

00:18:32.991 --> 00:18:36.662
You don't even realize
how serious this is, do you?!

00:18:38.372 --> 00:18:41.166
You know what the funny
thing is though?

00:18:41.208 --> 00:18:43.544
You did manage to put things
in perspective.

00:18:43.585 --> 00:18:45.712
There are worse things
than losing your girlfriend,

00:18:45.754 --> 00:18:48.507
and I've experienced
every one of them tonight.

00:18:48.507 --> 00:18:50.259
Thank you, Francis.

00:18:50.342 --> 00:18:51.677
I really owe you one.

00:18:51.677 --> 00:18:55.097
You know, I think I'll be back
in circulation in no time.

00:18:57.182 --> 00:18:59.101
You never know.

00:18:59.184 --> 00:19:02.604
Craig, our assistant manager,
just tossed the safe at them.

00:19:02.646 --> 00:19:04.314
I never saw anything like it.

00:19:04.356 --> 00:19:07.192
The guy's a hero.

00:19:07.276 --> 00:19:10.320
Hey, did you happen to see

00:19:20.706 --> 00:19:23.208
Crying?

00:19:40.809 --> 00:19:43.228
Oh, ho-ho-ho...