WEBVTT 00:00:06.011 --> 00:00:08.221 Here we go 00:00:09.889 --> 00:00:11.683 Hello, good morning, very busy, 00:00:11.683 --> 00:00:14.019 lots to do, got to get to work. 00:00:14.019 --> 00:00:15.103 Is that a purse? 00:00:16.521 --> 00:00:18.440 No. 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:21.026 Purses are for women. I'm a man. 00:00:21.026 --> 00:00:22.861 This is a murse. 00:00:22.861 --> 00:00:24.320 Haven't you read the latest fashion blogs? 00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:26.156 Murses are really in right now. 00:00:27.323 --> 00:00:28.950 -Did your purse... -Murse. 00:00:28.950 --> 00:00:30.994 Just bark at me? 00:00:30.994 --> 00:00:33.204 Haven't you read the latest fashion blogs? 00:00:33.204 --> 00:00:35.540 Barking murses are really in right now. 00:00:41.546 --> 00:00:43.715 That's my wallet. 00:00:44.841 --> 00:00:47.177 Haven't you read the latest fashion blogs? 00:00:47.177 --> 00:00:48.970 Barking wallets that look like dogs are really in right... 00:00:48.970 --> 00:00:51.222 Okay, here's the thing. 00:00:51.222 --> 00:00:52.891 I know we're not supposed to bring pets to work, 00:00:52.891 --> 00:00:54.225 but it's only for today. 00:00:54.225 --> 00:00:55.727 My dog-sitter quit after she was bitten. 00:00:55.727 --> 00:00:57.312 Your dog bites? 00:00:57.312 --> 00:00:59.606 No. I do. 00:00:59.606 --> 00:01:01.149 But she was asking for it. 00:01:01.149 --> 00:01:04.778 She said I looked good, when I clearly looked great. 00:01:06.112 --> 00:01:08.073 Well, your shoes do match your purse. 00:01:08.073 --> 00:01:09.449 Murse. 00:01:11.326 --> 00:01:13.119 Anyway, I promise she won't be a problem. 00:01:13.119 --> 00:01:15.246 Please, can Piper stay? 00:01:15.246 --> 00:01:16.581 You named your dog Piper? 00:01:16.581 --> 00:01:18.416 Not me. 00:01:18.416 --> 00:01:20.293 I put a book of baby names in my guinea pig cage 00:01:20.293 --> 00:01:21.586 and let Jarvis pick. 00:01:22.754 --> 00:01:25.090 He pooped on Piper. 00:01:25.090 --> 00:01:27.008 I guess it's okay. 00:01:28.093 --> 00:01:32.514 Aw, Piper, you're so cute! 00:01:32.514 --> 00:01:34.015 Buckle up 00:01:34.015 --> 00:01:36.226 And hold on tight 00:01:36.226 --> 00:01:39.062 You and me on a wild ride 00:01:39.062 --> 00:01:42.398 We're gonna own it and change the game 00:01:42.398 --> 00:01:45.568 Together we'll make it all the way 00:01:45.568 --> 00:01:48.321 Through all the ups and all the downs, downs 00:01:48.321 --> 00:01:49.572 We'll always find our way around 00:01:49.572 --> 00:01:49.656 So here we go whoa-oa-oh 00:01:49.656 --> 00:01:52.325 Here we go whoa-oa-oh 00:01:52.325 --> 00:01:56.162 Yeah, here we go whoa-oa-oh 00:01:56.162 --> 00:01:58.331 You got me 00:01:58.331 --> 00:01:59.666 I got you 00:01:59.666 --> 00:02:01.751 Here we go 00:02:06.089 --> 00:02:08.675 She's getting into everything! Did you even train her? 00:02:08.675 --> 00:02:11.010 Of course. She's housebroken. 00:02:14.931 --> 00:02:18.017 See? She only goes outside my house. 00:02:21.354 --> 00:02:23.314 Other Jarvis. 00:02:28.278 --> 00:02:30.113 What's wrong? 00:02:30.113 --> 00:02:32.490 It's no big deal. Piper tinkled in the toy lab. 00:02:32.490 --> 00:02:34.450 She was just marking her territory. 00:02:34.450 --> 00:02:37.203 Well, she does hate when anyone comes near her desk. 00:02:40.290 --> 00:02:42.709 Why are you going through Aster's purse? 00:02:42.709 --> 00:02:44.169 Murse! 00:02:44.169 --> 00:02:45.461 I'm starving. 00:02:45.461 --> 00:02:47.005 I'm looking for something to eat. 00:02:47.005 --> 00:02:50.884 All he's got in here is a mankerchief... 00:02:50.884 --> 00:02:53.219 male polish... 00:02:55.305 --> 00:02:59.309 and oil-free, skin-replenishing boysturizer. 00:02:59.309 --> 00:03:01.144 Forget all that. 00:03:01.144 --> 00:03:03.062 Mrs. Bubkes went to the store and bought us a bunch of snacks. 00:03:03.062 --> 00:03:04.480 She did? 00:03:06.608 --> 00:03:09.444 That's it. Eat, my pretties. 00:03:10.862 --> 00:03:14.908 Well, my one pretty and the... other one. 00:03:14.908 --> 00:03:17.243 Ooh! She filled the pretzel bowl! 00:03:19.162 --> 00:03:21.414 That's not a pretzel. It's a ninja star! 00:03:21.414 --> 00:03:22.957 Aah! 00:03:24.167 --> 00:03:25.668 Ow! 00:03:25.668 --> 00:03:28.254 I can't believe you almost ate that... 00:03:28.254 --> 00:03:29.297 without spray cheese on it. 00:03:32.634 --> 00:03:34.093 Heh heh heh. 00:03:34.093 --> 00:03:34.928 Aah! 00:03:37.597 --> 00:03:39.098 Aah! 00:03:40.975 --> 00:03:45.021 Hold on, these aren't things you're supposed to eat. 00:03:45.021 --> 00:03:47.357 Ninja stars? 00:03:47.357 --> 00:03:50.360 Fire spray? 00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:54.197 Oatmeal raisin cookies? 00:03:55.281 --> 00:03:56.449 Okay, I've been thinking 00:03:56.449 --> 00:03:58.451 about what kind of product we can make for dogs. 00:03:58.451 --> 00:04:00.286 How about a chew toy? Some kind of rubber ball? 00:04:00.495 --> 00:04:02.205 It's been done. 00:04:02.205 --> 00:04:03.706 How can we take dog toys into the 21st century? 00:04:04.707 --> 00:04:07.460 Or the 147th century, in dog years. 00:04:08.628 --> 00:04:09.712 Simple. 00:04:09.712 --> 00:04:11.297 We create and sell apps for dogs. 00:04:11.297 --> 00:04:12.507 I call them "yapps." 00:04:12.507 --> 00:04:13.549 Like PhoneBone. 00:04:19.180 --> 00:04:20.473 Oh, hey there, Knox. 00:04:22.976 --> 00:04:24.143 Aster, Knox isn't here. 00:04:24.143 --> 00:04:25.687 Not that Knox. 00:04:25.687 --> 00:04:27.730 I was talking about my pet boa constrictor, Knox. 00:04:30.316 --> 00:04:31.192 Aah! 00:04:31.526 --> 00:04:33.194 Knox is just a big, dumb animal, 00:04:33.194 --> 00:04:34.654 and he only eats once a month. 00:04:34.654 --> 00:04:37.865 Well, I'd eat more often if we had better snacks. 00:04:39.075 --> 00:04:40.576 Aah! 00:04:41.995 --> 00:04:44.580 Well, we still haven't come up with a dog toy. 00:04:44.580 --> 00:04:46.582 Come on. What do dogs like to do? 00:04:46.582 --> 00:04:47.583 Chase cars? 00:04:49.502 --> 00:04:50.003 Uh-oh. 00:04:53.339 --> 00:04:56.217 Aster, can I see that for a sec? 00:04:59.929 --> 00:05:02.181 Hey, my pur... 00:05:02.181 --> 00:05:04.183 murse! 00:05:04.183 --> 00:05:07.103 Don't worry, I taught your dog to fetch. 00:05:12.859 --> 00:05:16.571 In her brand-new car! 00:05:16.571 --> 00:05:19.032 Presenting Ruff Rider, the first car for dogs! 00:05:21.200 --> 00:05:23.953 Now, that's a toy that will make every dog drool. 00:05:23.953 --> 00:05:26.456 Mostly because dogs drool a lot. 00:05:26.456 --> 00:05:27.999 It's got dual water bowl holders... 00:05:29.459 --> 00:05:31.210 A great-sounding horn... 00:05:34.255 --> 00:05:36.257 I can't hear anything. 00:05:36.257 --> 00:05:37.675 No, but dogs can. 00:05:37.675 --> 00:05:40.261 And it has CPS... 00:05:40.261 --> 00:05:42.972 cat positioning system. 00:05:42.972 --> 00:05:45.183 Turn right ahead. 00:05:53.858 --> 00:05:56.486 Ruff Rider's awesome! 00:05:56.486 --> 00:05:58.237 I mean, not if you're a cat. 00:05:59.614 --> 00:06:01.741 Okay, luckily, none of us kids were hurt 00:06:01.741 --> 00:06:03.951 by that whole pretzel/ ninja-star mixup. 00:06:08.790 --> 00:06:11.501 ...seeing stars. 00:06:13.086 --> 00:06:14.087 Well, we're going to make sure 00:06:14.087 --> 00:06:16.464 you never make a mistake like that again. 00:06:16.464 --> 00:06:17.590 By lobbying the government 00:06:17.590 --> 00:06:19.342 to require Meeskatanian labeling 00:06:19.342 --> 00:06:21.844 on all food packaging! 00:06:21.844 --> 00:06:24.138 No, by teaching Mrs. Bubkes English. 00:06:24.138 --> 00:06:25.723 No, no, no. 00:06:29.310 --> 00:06:31.312 No English. 00:06:31.312 --> 00:06:33.856 Yes, when we're finished teaching you, 00:06:33.856 --> 00:06:35.650 you will... know English. 00:06:36.818 --> 00:06:38.361 Now, if you'd kindly take a seat. 00:06:45.451 --> 00:06:46.661 Oh! 00:06:46.661 --> 00:06:49.247 Ah! 00:06:49.247 --> 00:06:50.748 Oh! 00:06:51.874 --> 00:06:53.876 Ooh! 00:06:53.876 --> 00:06:56.963 Okay, ignore everything you just heard. 00:06:56.963 --> 00:07:00.049 We don't cover curse words until next semester. 00:07:03.136 --> 00:07:04.720 Hey, guys! 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:06.556 I've decided how we can promote Ruff Rider! 00:07:06.556 --> 00:07:08.975 By holding a competition for dogs... 00:07:08.975 --> 00:07:12.145 the first ever Pawlympics! 00:07:12.145 --> 00:07:13.187 Unless we get sued 00:07:13.187 --> 00:07:14.897 by the International Olympic Committee, 00:07:14.897 --> 00:07:16.399 in which case, it'll be a Dogcathlon. 00:07:18.151 --> 00:07:19.485 The winning dog 00:07:19.485 --> 00:07:21.279 will not only star in a Ruff Rider commercial, 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:24.449 but will also receive this prize pack, 00:07:24.449 --> 00:07:27.493 which includes a year's supply of dog food, 00:07:27.493 --> 00:07:29.287 this cool vintage dog collar 00:07:29.287 --> 00:07:31.622 I found at a thrift shop in Yaletown, 00:07:31.622 --> 00:07:35.126 and a trip to the Spaniel Spa for a Shih Tzu shiatsu massage. 00:07:37.462 --> 00:07:39.964 Just relax, Mrs. Bubkes. School is fun! 00:07:39.964 --> 00:07:41.340 No! 00:07:43.050 --> 00:07:44.218 School is a noun! 00:07:44.218 --> 00:07:48.222 And sometimes, in urban slang, it's a verb, 00:07:48.222 --> 00:07:49.932 as in "Imma school you!" 00:07:51.517 --> 00:07:54.020 Now open your textbook! 00:07:54.020 --> 00:07:54.896 Now close it! 00:07:54.896 --> 00:07:56.439 We're having a pop quiz! 00:07:56.439 --> 00:07:59.025 ...pop quiz. 00:07:59.025 --> 00:08:01.611 ...just started! 00:08:01.611 --> 00:08:03.571 Don't speak back to me, young... 00:08:03.571 --> 00:08:06.282 ...ish lady! 00:08:06.282 --> 00:08:08.910 Go to the corner and think about what you've done! 00:08:17.960 --> 00:08:19.545 I really wish you'd lent me your dog. 00:08:19.545 --> 00:08:21.881 Sorry, Piper. 00:08:21.881 --> 00:08:23.716 Now you're sorry? 00:08:23.716 --> 00:08:27.136 I was talking to my Piper. 00:08:27.136 --> 00:08:30.139 I'm sorry you need to compete against... 00:08:30.139 --> 00:08:32.308 this riff-raff! 00:08:40.149 --> 00:08:41.400 Welcome, everyone, 00:08:41.400 --> 00:08:43.236 to the Knickknack Toys Dogcathlon, 00:08:43.236 --> 00:08:46.072 sponsored by Ruff Rider... 00:08:46.072 --> 00:08:48.324 the Rolls Royce of dog cars. 00:08:55.957 --> 00:08:58.751 Okay, well, it's a really good dog car. 00:09:00.002 --> 00:09:01.837 Now, let's start the sho... 00:09:01.837 --> 00:09:04.590 ...oh, my goodness! 00:09:04.590 --> 00:09:06.092 What are you doing, Piper? 00:09:06.092 --> 00:09:08.761 Are you talking to me or the other Piper? 00:09:08.761 --> 00:09:11.347 Because if it's the other Piper, the answer is... 00:09:11.347 --> 00:09:14.100 "licking herself inappropriately." 00:09:14.100 --> 00:09:17.562 Piper! We talked about this! 00:09:17.562 --> 00:09:19.188 You can't enter this contest. 00:09:19.188 --> 00:09:19.939 It's for dogs. 00:09:22.942 --> 00:09:24.402 Bark? 00:09:24.402 --> 00:09:26.862 Actually, there's nothing in the rules 00:09:26.862 --> 00:09:28.281 that say humans can't enter. 00:09:31.367 --> 00:09:33.953 Piper, if you're going to compete, 00:09:33.953 --> 00:09:35.788 you'll have to do everything these dogs do. 00:09:35.788 --> 00:09:37.456 No problem. 00:09:37.456 --> 00:09:39.500 Okay. First event... drinking water! 00:09:39.500 --> 00:09:41.502 So easy. 00:09:41.502 --> 00:09:42.545 From a toilet! 00:09:48.301 --> 00:09:49.468 No! 00:09:49.468 --> 00:09:51.887 This is root beer, not ginger ale! 00:09:51.887 --> 00:09:53.306 You failed the pop quiz! 00:09:53.306 --> 00:09:54.640 You do not know your pop! 00:09:56.058 --> 00:09:57.351 Bowie... 00:09:59.228 --> 00:10:01.856 Headmaster Sherman... 00:10:01.856 --> 00:10:03.649 I don't think the strict approach is working. 00:10:03.649 --> 00:10:04.859 What? 00:10:11.324 --> 00:10:13.034 Okay, you're right. 00:10:13.034 --> 00:10:15.369 Good. Now let's try it my way. 00:10:15.369 --> 00:10:16.787 The best way to learn a language 00:10:16.787 --> 00:10:19.081 is to be exposed to it as a baby. 00:10:21.417 --> 00:10:23.919 I hate you kids. 00:10:25.504 --> 00:10:28.090 What was that, Baby Bubkes? 00:10:28.090 --> 00:10:31.427 Goo goo ga ga. 00:10:31.427 --> 00:10:36.182 Okay, now listen to your parents speak English 00:10:36.182 --> 00:10:40.603 as we have a normal family conversation. 00:10:43.356 --> 00:10:44.565 Hello, dear. 00:10:44.565 --> 00:10:48.903 It's me, your loving wife. 00:10:48.903 --> 00:10:51.781 Why do you get to be the wife? 00:10:53.824 --> 00:10:56.661 I made your favourite dinner, honey! 00:10:56.661 --> 00:10:59.163 Meatloaf again? 00:11:02.833 --> 00:11:04.835 I said I liked it one time when we were dating, 00:11:04.835 --> 00:11:06.837 and now you won't stop making it! 00:11:06.837 --> 00:11:08.381 Was that a lie? 00:11:12.259 --> 00:11:14.178 And I'm taking the baby! 00:11:17.932 --> 00:11:19.308 Oh! 00:11:32.822 --> 00:11:35.533 And... time! 00:11:40.371 --> 00:11:44.375 Winner of the first round... 00:11:44.375 --> 00:11:45.376 Piper! 00:11:45.376 --> 00:11:46.377 Yes! 00:11:46.377 --> 00:11:47.128 Other Piper. 00:11:47.128 --> 00:11:48.129 Yes! 00:11:48.129 --> 00:11:51.382 In your face! 00:11:51.382 --> 00:11:54.218 Oh, wow, you've got toilet breath. 00:11:54.218 --> 00:11:56.887 Oh, never mind, that's me. 00:11:56.887 --> 00:11:58.639 This event was unfair! 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:01.892 My dog only drinks bottled toilet water. 00:12:29.712 --> 00:12:34.383 That is not how I imagined Jarvis touching my lips. 00:12:42.641 --> 00:12:45.603 I did it! I did it! 00:12:45.603 --> 00:12:49.607 Ugh, what flavour is this? Cat bladder? 00:12:52.276 --> 00:12:54.612 Being a strict disciplinarian didn't work. 00:12:54.612 --> 00:12:56.113 Babying Bubkes didn't work. 00:12:56.113 --> 00:12:57.364 I guess we'll have to find another way 00:12:57.364 --> 00:12:58.616 to teach her English. 00:12:58.616 --> 00:13:01.452 Okay, but can we take a snack break first? 00:13:01.452 --> 00:13:03.454 Mrs. Bubkes bought donuts! 00:13:05.623 --> 00:13:06.791 Knox, no! 00:13:06.791 --> 00:13:07.625 You're going to need some chocolate milk 00:13:07.625 --> 00:13:09.126 to wash that down. 00:13:17.593 --> 00:13:18.469 Mrs. Bubkes? 00:13:21.263 --> 00:13:22.598 Where are you going? 00:13:22.598 --> 00:13:23.766 We may be terrible teachers, 00:13:23.766 --> 00:13:26.060 but we're not giving up until you learn English. 00:13:26.060 --> 00:13:29.188 Even if we have to work with you each and every day 00:13:29.188 --> 00:13:30.981 for the next ten years. 00:13:30.981 --> 00:13:32.983 What? 00:13:32.983 --> 00:13:34.693 There is no way I'm spending ten years 00:13:34.693 --> 00:13:38.072 with you fart monkeys! 00:13:38.072 --> 00:13:41.700 Mrs. Bubkes? Did you just speak English? 00:13:41.700 --> 00:13:42.701 Perfectly? 00:13:42.701 --> 00:13:44.537 Uh... 00:13:44.537 --> 00:13:47.873 Because that can only mean one thing... 00:13:47.873 --> 00:13:50.709 I was wrong. We are great teachers! 00:13:50.709 --> 00:13:51.710 So I don't have to sit 00:13:51.710 --> 00:13:52.670 through any more of your lessons? 00:13:52.670 --> 00:13:54.255 Not if you're fluent. 00:13:54.255 --> 00:13:56.674 Oh, I am! 00:13:56.674 --> 00:13:58.676 Your incessant tutelage 00:13:58.676 --> 00:14:01.679 has imbued upon my lexicon a plethora of verbiage, 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:03.180 metamorphosing me 00:14:03.180 --> 00:14:06.684 into a sesquipedalian elocutionist! 00:14:06.684 --> 00:14:08.227 Tutelage? 00:14:08.227 --> 00:14:10.688 Plethora? 00:14:10.688 --> 00:14:12.857 Sesquipedalian? 00:14:12.857 --> 00:14:14.692 Yeah, she's back to speaking gibberish. 00:14:14.692 --> 00:14:17.695 She hasn't learned English at all! 00:14:17.695 --> 00:14:19.822 I guess there's only one thing left to do... 00:14:19.822 --> 00:14:23.868 Have you teach us Meeskatanian. 00:14:23.868 --> 00:14:26.620 Kill me now. 00:14:26.620 --> 00:14:29.748 Kill-me-now. 00:14:29.748 --> 00:14:31.584 What does that mean? 00:14:31.584 --> 00:14:35.713 I don't know, but Meeskatanian is a beautiful language! 00:14:37.631 --> 00:14:40.634 This has been a real dog-eat-dog competition... 00:14:40.634 --> 00:14:44.763 Especially when the bulldog tried to eat the golden doodle. 00:14:44.763 --> 00:14:46.765 But we're down to our two finalists... 00:14:46.765 --> 00:14:49.476 Piper vs. Piper! 00:14:49.476 --> 00:14:51.061 Woo, Piper! 00:14:51.061 --> 00:14:52.688 Boo, Piper! 00:14:55.774 --> 00:15:00.154 Okay, if Piper can identify the bulldog, she wins! 00:15:08.871 --> 00:15:11.040 I won? I won! 00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:13.208 What do you have to say now, Piper? 00:15:15.961 --> 00:15:18.631 Okay, kind of a predictable response. 00:15:18.631 --> 00:15:20.215 But the point is, I won! 00:15:20.215 --> 00:15:21.383 I get the prize pack! 00:15:21.383 --> 00:15:23.552 The collar is mine! 00:15:23.552 --> 00:15:25.554 Not so fast. 00:15:25.554 --> 00:15:26.680 On the last page, 00:15:26.680 --> 00:15:27.973 it says that employees of Knickknack Toys 00:15:27.973 --> 00:15:30.184 are ineligible. 00:15:30.184 --> 00:15:32.561 You chose today to finish your first book? 00:15:33.854 --> 00:15:35.022 Geneva's right. 00:15:35.022 --> 00:15:36.982 I'm sorry, Piper. You're disqualified. 00:15:36.982 --> 00:15:38.984 What? That can't be right. 00:15:38.984 --> 00:15:40.653 Where's that lawyer? 00:15:44.573 --> 00:15:45.991 Piper wins! 00:15:45.991 --> 00:15:47.785 We won! 00:15:58.087 --> 00:16:00.255 Listen, Piper, I've been thinking... 00:16:00.255 --> 00:16:01.340 I don't really need that dog collar. 00:16:01.340 --> 00:16:03.092 You don't? 00:16:03.092 --> 00:16:04.802 No, it doesn't go with any of Piper's outfits. 00:16:08.097 --> 00:16:09.682 So... I decided to give it away. 00:16:10.516 --> 00:16:12.685 Thank you, Aster. That's so sweet! 00:16:12.685 --> 00:16:14.687 Oh. I didn't mean to you. 00:16:14.687 --> 00:16:15.562 I gave it to someone else. 00:16:15.562 --> 00:16:17.856 You're such a jerk! 00:16:17.856 --> 00:16:19.024 You gave it to someone else 00:16:19.024 --> 00:16:20.526 and then came here to rub my nose in it? 00:16:20.526 --> 00:16:23.862 Haven't I been treated like a dog enough today? 00:16:23.862 --> 00:16:25.364 This person wanted it really badly. 00:16:25.364 --> 00:16:26.699 Really? 00:16:26.699 --> 00:16:28.617 Who could have wanted Billy Bonecrusher's collar 00:16:28.617 --> 00:16:29.618 more than me? 00:16:29.618 --> 00:16:30.703 Um... 00:16:30.703 --> 00:16:31.370 Billy Bonecrusher? 00:16:36.959 --> 00:16:38.627 He said he'd come by if I gave him the collar. 00:16:38.627 --> 00:16:40.796 I figured you'd want to meet him. 00:16:40.796 --> 00:16:42.548 You're... you're... 00:16:46.552 --> 00:16:48.387 Ooh... She hit her head pretty hard. 00:16:48.387 --> 00:16:50.055 I hope she remembers meeting you. 00:16:50.055 --> 00:16:52.891 Otherwise I did something nice for nothing! 00:16:59.106 --> 00:17:02.651 Want to hit the open road and feel the wind in your fur? 00:17:02.651 --> 00:17:05.529 Now you can, with Ruff Rider! 00:17:05.612 --> 00:17:08.824 Ruff Rider, new from Knickknack! 00:17:08.824 --> 00:17:12.077 I'm P. Everett Knickknack. 00:17:12.077 --> 00:17:13.454 The "P" stands for... 00:17:15.414 --> 00:17:18.333 "Pedestrians have the right of way!"