WEBVTT 00:00:03.842 --> 00:00:05.719 Oh, boy. 00:00:09.014 --> 00:00:10.432 All right, son. 00:00:10.473 --> 00:00:12.934 Son, I think you've learned your lesson. 00:00:12.976 --> 00:00:15.520 Okay. 00:00:15.562 --> 00:00:17.313 Thanks, Dad. 00:00:19.399 --> 00:00:21.568 We've got to stop doing this. 00:00:53.349 --> 00:00:54.642 Craig's dropping off my paycheck, 00:00:54.642 --> 00:00:56.144 so I asked him to bring in the mail. 00:00:56.186 --> 00:00:58.396 I didn't think I needed to cancel the Sunday paper. 00:00:58.438 --> 00:00:59.814 Somebody's just going to steal it anyway. 00:00:59.856 --> 00:01:01.733 Sounds like we've got nothing to worry about 00:01:01.775 --> 00:01:04.235 for the next two days but having fun. 00:01:04.277 --> 00:01:05.403 Mom, Dewey's going to puke. 00:01:05.445 --> 00:01:07.489 Geez, he's thrown up four times. 00:01:07.489 --> 00:01:09.532 You'd think he'd be empty by now. 00:01:09.574 --> 00:01:10.742 We're almost there, honey. 00:01:10.784 --> 00:01:12.118 Just keep your head in the bucket. 00:01:12.160 --> 00:01:13.328 Just ten more minutes, 00:01:13.328 --> 00:01:14.996 and we'll get to spend a weekend 00:01:15.038 --> 00:01:16.331 on a real Indian reservation. 00:01:16.372 --> 00:01:17.749 Why do they have casinos? 00:01:17.791 --> 00:01:19.084 I don't know, son. 00:01:19.125 --> 00:01:20.585 Let's just thank God they do. 00:01:20.627 --> 00:01:22.837 Hey, the pool at this place looks pretty good. 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:25.131 You guys are going to have a nice time. 00:01:25.173 --> 00:01:26.591 It's too bad Francis couldn't be here. 00:01:26.633 --> 00:01:28.343 Oh, don't you feel bad for Francis. 00:01:28.343 --> 00:01:31.137 He's the one who got himself on academic probation. 00:01:31.179 --> 00:01:33.348 Francis isn't going anywhere this weekend. 00:01:33.389 --> 00:01:34.933 Richie, it's me. 00:01:34.974 --> 00:01:36.267 I ditched school, 00:01:36.309 --> 00:01:38.019 my family's away for the whole weekend, 00:01:38.061 --> 00:01:39.687 so I got the house to myself. 00:01:39.687 --> 00:01:42.816 Call Circus and Justin, 'cause we're going to party! 00:01:42.857 --> 00:01:44.943 Sorry, dude. They're in jail. 00:01:44.984 --> 00:01:46.236 You're kidding. Why? 00:01:46.277 --> 00:01:47.612 They got caught trying to steal 00:01:47.654 --> 00:01:49.864 the giant inflatable panda from the car lot. 00:01:49.906 --> 00:01:51.366 Oh, man! 00:01:51.366 --> 00:01:53.243 That would've been great to have. 00:01:53.284 --> 00:01:55.203 Well, you can come over, right? 00:01:55.203 --> 00:01:56.454 I'm not sure. 00:01:56.496 --> 00:01:58.039 This weekend's my intervention. 00:01:58.081 --> 00:02:01.793 How long you think this is going to take, Mom? 00:02:04.754 --> 00:02:07.257 You'd better put me down as a "maybe." 00:02:11.511 --> 00:02:14.889 Oh, man, did I overbuy on pork rinds. 00:02:14.931 --> 00:02:16.474 Oop! 00:02:16.516 --> 00:02:19.144 Oh, hey, here we go. This is nice. 00:02:19.185 --> 00:02:20.395 I get the rollaway. 00:02:20.395 --> 00:02:22.188 I want to sleep with Malcolm. 00:02:22.230 --> 00:02:23.815 Cool. I get the big bed for myself. 00:02:23.857 --> 00:02:25.984 Not fair. If you get the big bed, you get Dewey. 00:02:26.025 --> 00:02:27.735 That's not the way you called it, *-head. 00:02:27.735 --> 00:02:29.487 Now, boys, I'm sure we can find a fair way 00:02:29.529 --> 00:02:30.905 to figure this out. 00:02:30.905 --> 00:02:33.324 Reese, Malcolm, Dewey. 00:02:33.366 --> 00:02:34.784 I'm taking a bath. 00:02:34.826 --> 00:02:36.995 Anybody's got to go, it's now or never. 00:02:37.036 --> 00:02:38.955 Can we go swimming, Mom?Yeah, can we? 00:02:38.997 --> 00:02:41.457 I think I might take a quick look at the casino. 00:02:41.499 --> 00:02:43.001 Hal, you got two days to gamble. 00:02:43.042 --> 00:02:45.295 Why don't you take the boys to the pool bef...? 00:02:45.336 --> 00:02:46.880 Hal? 00:02:49.424 --> 00:02:51.259 They don't do anything. 00:02:51.259 --> 00:02:52.510 They're just there. 00:02:52.552 --> 00:02:54.929 Hold it there, boys. No one under 16 00:02:54.971 --> 00:02:56.598 allowed in the pool without an adult. 00:02:56.598 --> 00:02:58.266 It's okay. They're with me. 00:02:58.308 --> 00:03:00.602 Sorry. No parent, no pool. 00:03:00.643 --> 00:03:01.936 But that's ridiculous! 00:03:01.978 --> 00:03:03.646 We all know how to swim. 00:03:04.272 --> 00:03:05.440 Okay, fine. 00:03:05.481 --> 00:03:06.900 We'll just go get my dad in the casino. 00:03:06.941 --> 00:03:09.611 Sorry. No kids allowed in the casino either. 00:03:09.652 --> 00:03:11.779 I'm not going to gamble. I just want to get my dad. 00:03:11.821 --> 00:03:13.573 Look, I don't make the rules. 00:03:13.615 --> 00:03:15.450 You're just doing this because you hate kids. 00:03:15.491 --> 00:03:18.119 I'm really not. It's just a happy coincidence. 00:03:18.161 --> 00:03:20.997 Mom, they won't let us in the pool without an adult. 00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:22.332 What are we supposed to do? 00:03:22.373 --> 00:03:24.542 I don't know. Use your imaginations. 00:03:24.584 --> 00:03:26.377 What? We're on vacation. 00:03:26.419 --> 00:03:28.254 Hey, there's dirt out there, isn't there? 00:03:28.296 --> 00:03:30.048 And rocks and lizards. 00:03:30.089 --> 00:03:32.383 And I think I saw an old tire in the parking lot. 00:03:32.425 --> 00:03:33.718 There are kids in the world 00:03:33.760 --> 00:03:36.054 with a lot less than an old tire to play with, 00:03:36.095 --> 00:03:39.182 so I don't want to hear another word about it! 00:03:39.224 --> 00:03:41.809 Yeah, it's great being home. 00:03:41.851 --> 00:03:43.770 So catch me up. What's going on? 00:03:43.811 --> 00:03:46.231 Well, we had Salisbury steak for dinner. 00:03:46.272 --> 00:03:47.941 Yeah? With creamed spinach? 00:03:47.982 --> 00:03:48.775 Uh-huh. 00:03:48.816 --> 00:03:50.276 That's a great side dish. 00:03:50.318 --> 00:03:51.486 Now, I know they use celery salt 00:03:51.527 --> 00:03:52.946 and vinegar with that, 00:03:52.987 --> 00:03:55.490 but is that oregano I taste, or is that tarragon? 00:03:55.490 --> 00:03:57.325 Francis, I... I got to go. 00:03:57.325 --> 00:03:58.493 All right, fine. Put Finley on. 00:03:58.534 --> 00:03:59.994 You already talked to him twice. 00:03:59.994 --> 00:04:01.955 Come on, we're playing pool and I'm up. 00:04:01.996 --> 00:04:03.831 Okay, okay, play your stupid game. 00:04:03.873 --> 00:04:07.001 I got some serious partying to do here anyway. 00:04:14.217 --> 00:04:16.052 Whoo! 00:04:18.304 --> 00:04:19.639 Yes! I win again! 00:04:19.639 --> 00:04:22.475 No fair. My goalie doesn't have any legs. 00:04:22.517 --> 00:04:23.810 Hey, boys. 00:04:23.851 --> 00:04:25.228 Hey, Dad. How'd you do? 00:04:25.270 --> 00:04:28.022 Well, you know, blackjack's a complicated game. 00:04:28.064 --> 00:04:29.524 You have your ups and your downs. 00:04:29.565 --> 00:04:32.360 So, who wants to buy me a Coke? 00:04:32.402 --> 00:04:33.861 It's too bad you had to quit, Dad. 00:04:33.903 --> 00:04:34.946 That shoe is full of tens. 00:04:34.988 --> 00:04:35.863 Huh? 00:04:35.905 --> 00:04:37.824 Tens. Face cards. 00:04:38.574 --> 00:04:39.742 Okay, there's six decks. 00:04:39.784 --> 00:04:41.619 They already played out 18 nines, 00:04:41.661 --> 00:04:44.163 14 eights, 12 sevens, but only two tens-- 00:04:44.163 --> 00:04:45.665 a king of spades and a queen of diamonds. 00:04:45.707 --> 00:04:48.876 Which leaves... well, you can do the math. 00:04:48.918 --> 00:04:52.463 No, but you can, and that's all that matters! 00:04:52.505 --> 00:04:55.049 Oh, my little genius! 00:05:28.374 --> 00:05:29.417 Of course we're terribly sorry about this. 00:05:29.459 --> 00:05:30.877 You have to believe that this is 00:05:30.918 --> 00:05:32.920 a momentary lack of judgment 00:05:32.962 --> 00:05:34.130 on my part. 00:05:34.172 --> 00:05:36.716 See, I-I realize now that using my son... 00:05:36.758 --> 00:05:40.011 Your underage son. 00:05:40.053 --> 00:05:42.305 Yeah, my-my underage son, uh... 00:05:42.347 --> 00:05:44.515 to count cards was wrong. 00:05:44.557 --> 00:05:46.768 I guess I was just trying to look for an activity 00:05:46.809 --> 00:05:48.936 that the two of us can enjoy doing together. 00:05:48.978 --> 00:05:50.521 You know, it's a tough age. 00:05:50.563 --> 00:05:53.900 Yeah, a-and this was really helping my self-esteem. 00:05:53.941 --> 00:05:56.444 You see, I'm not really good at sports, 00:05:56.486 --> 00:05:59.364 and this made me feel... special. 00:05:59.405 --> 00:06:01.908 My son and I cook. 00:06:01.908 --> 00:06:03.493 Huh. That's a good thought. 00:06:03.534 --> 00:06:05.203 We'll have to try that. 00:06:05.244 --> 00:06:07.121 In the meantime, 00:06:07.163 --> 00:06:09.207 you're banned from the casino. 00:06:09.248 --> 00:06:10.583 Banned? 00:06:10.625 --> 00:06:13.252 Oh, no, no, no, you don't want to do that. 00:06:13.252 --> 00:06:14.587 You see, that... that's just not 00:06:14.587 --> 00:06:16.422 going to go over so well with my wife. 00:06:16.464 --> 00:06:18.674 And believe me, you don't want to see her angry. 00:06:18.716 --> 00:06:21.594 I'm not banning her. Just you. 00:06:21.636 --> 00:06:26.933 Okay, uh, look, let's just, uh... 00:06:26.974 --> 00:06:30.937 forget about the three grand that I... I won, hmm? 00:06:30.978 --> 00:06:34.899 Just pretend it never happened? 00:06:34.941 --> 00:06:36.275 Capisce? 00:06:36.275 --> 00:06:38.945 That's very generous of you. 00:06:41.280 --> 00:06:43.074 You're still banned. 00:06:43.116 --> 00:06:45.243 What?! 00:06:45.284 --> 00:06:46.661 Oh, all right, then. 00:06:46.702 --> 00:06:48.830 Just give me my money back. 00:06:48.871 --> 00:06:50.039 I'm sorry. 00:06:50.081 --> 00:06:51.290 What money? 00:06:51.290 --> 00:06:53.793 Hey, look, pal... 00:06:58.714 --> 00:07:01.426 Who said anything about money? 00:07:01.467 --> 00:07:03.261 Thank you. 00:07:07.014 --> 00:07:08.391 In our family, we take the phrase 00:07:08.433 --> 00:07:10.309 "all you can eat" as a personal challenge. 00:07:10.351 --> 00:07:11.978 I know what'll cheer you up. 00:07:12.019 --> 00:07:13.980 Why don't we go gamble a little? 00:07:13.980 --> 00:07:15.565 Ooh, uh, now? 00:07:15.606 --> 00:07:17.650 Where does it say that just because 00:07:17.650 --> 00:07:19.652 you're at a casino you have to gamble? 00:07:19.652 --> 00:07:22.947 I mean, I-I'd rather spend some more time with my boys, huh? 00:07:24.657 --> 00:07:26.868 Whoa, stop it, Dad. Please stop. 00:07:26.909 --> 00:07:29.036 Hal, you made me sit for eight hours in that car, 00:07:29.078 --> 00:07:31.164 listening to your foolproof system for winning at keno. 00:07:31.205 --> 00:07:33.124 Now you're telling me you don't want to gamble? 00:07:33.166 --> 00:07:35.460 We are surrounded by the great outdoors, Lois. 00:07:35.501 --> 00:07:38.045 I was thinking we might all go for a hike. 00:07:42.550 --> 00:07:44.135 Why are you avoiding the casino? 00:07:44.177 --> 00:07:45.636 Well, sweetheart, we could sit here 00:07:45.678 --> 00:07:47.388 and I could tell you all about it 00:07:47.430 --> 00:07:49.515 and you might find it all very amusing, 00:07:49.557 --> 00:07:51.267 or you could think about the fact 00:07:51.309 --> 00:07:54.061 that I'm offering to take the boys off your hands 00:07:54.061 --> 00:07:55.980 for the whole day. 00:07:58.065 --> 00:08:00.401 Don't forget the sunblock. 00:08:04.071 --> 00:08:05.823 All right, crew. 00:08:05.907 --> 00:08:08.075 I just happened to find a brochure in the lobby 00:08:08.117 --> 00:08:11.245 for the old El Diablo Ghost Town 00:08:11.287 --> 00:08:13.080 just a five-mile hike from here. 00:08:13.122 --> 00:08:14.248 What's a ghost town? 00:08:14.290 --> 00:08:15.541 What do you think it is? 00:08:15.583 --> 00:08:17.251 It's a town full of dead people. 00:08:17.251 --> 00:08:18.961 Why can't we just go swimming? 00:08:19.003 --> 00:08:21.422 Ah, we can swim at home.Where? 00:08:21.422 --> 00:08:23.174 Come on, it'll be fun. 00:08:23.216 --> 00:08:26.844 Look, they have a real working old-timey ice cream parlor. 00:08:28.429 --> 00:08:30.348 We're going! 00:09:45.047 --> 00:09:46.257 What are you doing here? 00:09:46.299 --> 00:09:47.967 Shouldn't you be in military school? 00:09:48.009 --> 00:09:50.177 Shouldn't you not be in my father's robe? 00:09:50.219 --> 00:09:53.014 That is neither here nor there. 00:09:53.055 --> 00:09:55.725 You are in big trouble, my friend. 00:09:55.766 --> 00:09:56.851 I'min trouble? 00:09:56.892 --> 00:09:59.562 Yes, big trouble. 00:10:01.105 --> 00:10:02.565 I'm telling your mother. 00:10:02.607 --> 00:10:07.194 No... I'mtelling my mother! 00:10:16.037 --> 00:10:18.205 That's my toast. 00:10:18.205 --> 00:10:20.708 We'll split it. 00:10:22.209 --> 00:10:23.711 Huh. I don't get it. 00:10:23.753 --> 00:10:26.964 The map says the ghost towns are only a half-inch away. 00:10:27.048 --> 00:10:28.549 Dad, we're lost. 00:10:28.591 --> 00:10:30.301 What sounds more idiotic: 00:10:30.343 --> 00:10:33.929 "Let's go to the desert, kids" or "Good idea, Dad"? 00:10:34.096 --> 00:10:37.141 Okay, let's give it a whirl. 00:10:43.397 --> 00:10:44.774 Well, look at that. 00:10:44.815 --> 00:10:47.610 You have won our Champagne Dreams Package for two. 00:10:47.652 --> 00:10:49.528 An entire day of his and her spa treatments 00:10:49.528 --> 00:10:51.822 followed by an evening of dinner and dancing. 00:10:51.864 --> 00:10:53.699 Well, that's just perfect. 00:10:53.741 --> 00:10:55.534 My husband's out on a hike, and we're leaving tomorrow. 00:10:55.576 --> 00:10:57.536 Relax, lady. It's good for six months. 00:10:57.578 --> 00:10:59.538 Six months?! 00:10:59.538 --> 00:11:01.290 I had to work six months of overtime 00:11:01.374 --> 00:11:03.709 in a crummy drugstore just to pay for this trip. 00:11:03.751 --> 00:11:06.212 Have you ever had to recommend hemorrhoid cream 00:11:06.212 --> 00:11:07.421 to a complete stranger? 00:11:07.463 --> 00:11:09.256 Do you want the prize, or not? 00:11:10.925 --> 00:11:13.719 You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders. 00:11:13.761 --> 00:11:15.805 Tell me about it. 00:11:15.805 --> 00:11:17.139 All right, now, listen. Come on. 00:11:17.139 --> 00:11:19.225 Let's just all get our bearings here, shall we? 00:11:19.266 --> 00:11:20.434 All right, here's the sun. 00:11:20.476 --> 00:11:21.519 What's it telling us? 00:11:21.560 --> 00:11:22.645 That it's hot. 00:11:22.687 --> 00:11:25.439 Hey, is that a fence over there? 00:11:25.481 --> 00:11:26.732 By God, you're right! 00:11:26.774 --> 00:11:28.526 See, I told you we weren't lost. 00:11:28.567 --> 00:11:29.985 Then where are we? 00:11:30.027 --> 00:11:31.362 By the fence. 00:11:31.404 --> 00:11:32.988 It's a sure sign of civilization. 00:11:32.988 --> 00:11:34.198 I say we go in. 00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:37.034 Come on, come on. 00:11:39.286 --> 00:11:40.454 Wait a minute. 00:11:40.496 --> 00:11:42.081 What if we're already in, 00:11:42.123 --> 00:11:44.709 and instead of going in, we're actually going out? 00:11:44.750 --> 00:11:47.920 Son, sometimes the genius thing gets a little annoying. 00:11:47.962 --> 00:11:51.048 Come on. Let's just keep thinking positive thoughts. 00:11:54.885 --> 00:11:56.679 Listen to that. 00:11:56.721 --> 00:11:58.264 That's a plane. 00:11:58.305 --> 00:12:00.266 There. Help! Help! 00:12:00.307 --> 00:12:02.351 Here, we need help! 00:12:02.393 --> 00:12:03.686 Oh, we're lost! 00:12:03.728 --> 00:12:07.898 Oh, for the love of God, help us! 00:12:11.694 --> 00:12:14.238 Well, shall we? 00:12:23.038 --> 00:12:24.790 I can't believe this. 00:12:24.832 --> 00:12:26.584 I buy my own bus ticket home, 00:12:26.625 --> 00:12:28.627 I have to spend the whole weekend with you. 00:12:28.669 --> 00:12:30.045 I hear you. 00:12:30.045 --> 00:12:31.922 It's a shame you had to spend your own money. 00:12:31.964 --> 00:12:33.758 I've discovered a way you can travel for free 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:35.217 through the Internet. 00:12:35.259 --> 00:12:37.887 What, you hack into an airline's reservation system? 00:12:37.887 --> 00:12:39.138 No, that's illegal. 00:12:39.180 --> 00:12:41.432 I go into a chat room and pretend to be 00:12:41.474 --> 00:12:43.309 a really hot 18-year-old girl. 00:12:43.350 --> 00:12:44.977 I'm Debbie. 00:12:45.019 --> 00:12:48.272 I'm blond, naive, and I love to wear sundresses. 00:12:48.314 --> 00:12:50.941 Right now, I'm having a lot of problems at home. 00:12:50.983 --> 00:12:53.277 Dad's so mean. 00:12:53.319 --> 00:12:55.529 I'm going through all these changes, 00:12:55.571 --> 00:12:57.823 all these strange new feelings, he just doesn't understand... 00:12:57.865 --> 00:12:59.241 Wait, Craig. 00:12:59.283 --> 00:13:00.409 The free travel? 00:13:00.409 --> 00:13:01.577 Right. 00:13:01.619 --> 00:13:03.078 Debbie goes into some chat room, 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:05.080 gets real friendly with some lonely guy, 00:13:05.122 --> 00:13:08.083 and before long he's willing to pay for a visit. 00:13:08.083 --> 00:13:10.252 Right now, I'm sitting on a ticket to Tampa. 00:13:10.294 --> 00:13:12.838 Oh, and I make sure he buys Debbie full fare coach, 00:13:12.880 --> 00:13:14.340 no restrictions. 00:13:14.381 --> 00:13:17.134 She may look good in a thong, but she's no dummy. 00:13:19.220 --> 00:13:21.096 Sweet. 00:13:21.138 --> 00:13:22.431 I'm thirsty. 00:13:22.473 --> 00:13:24.099 Yeah, well, we'd have water if some idiot 00:13:24.141 --> 00:13:26.393 hadn't used it to write an S.O.S. in the sand. 00:13:26.435 --> 00:13:28.771 Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water, 00:13:28.813 --> 00:13:30.689 and all of a sudden I'm the idiot? 00:13:30.689 --> 00:13:31.774 Malcolm, Reese, relax. 00:13:31.816 --> 00:13:33.651 We have nothing to worry about. 00:13:33.692 --> 00:13:35.194 Everything's going to be fine. 00:13:35.236 --> 00:13:38.656 Now, I want you to know that I love you boys very much. 00:13:38.697 --> 00:13:41.200 He keeps saying that. 00:13:41.242 --> 00:13:42.785 Oh, great. 00:13:42.785 --> 00:13:44.662 Now I'm hallucinating. I see a cougar. 00:13:44.703 --> 00:13:46.789 Don't be stupid. 00:13:46.789 --> 00:13:48.457 That's a puma. 00:14:06.433 --> 00:14:07.643 Okay, everybody okay? 00:14:07.643 --> 00:14:09.478 Yeah, I guess so. 00:14:09.478 --> 00:14:10.980 Oh, my God. Where's Dewey? 00:14:11.021 --> 00:14:13.482 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 00:14:13.524 --> 00:14:14.817 He's back at the hotel. 00:14:14.859 --> 00:14:16.151 Okay, then. 00:14:16.193 --> 00:14:18.153 Nobody's hurt, everything's fine. 00:14:18.153 --> 00:14:20.114 Dad, a cougar just blew up. 00:14:20.155 --> 00:14:21.699 I meant besides that. 00:14:21.740 --> 00:14:22.992 That's not good. 00:14:23.033 --> 00:14:25.160 Cougars don't just blow up. 00:14:25.202 --> 00:14:29.456 As near as I can figure, I did it with my mind. 00:14:29.498 --> 00:14:31.333 Reese, that's insane! 00:14:31.375 --> 00:14:33.836 I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you. 00:14:33.878 --> 00:14:36.005 Okay, there must be some explanation. 00:14:36.046 --> 00:14:37.047 Okay, it could have been caused 00:14:37.089 --> 00:14:38.924 by a blasting cap left by a miner, 00:14:38.966 --> 00:14:40.926 although the explosion was much too big. 00:14:40.968 --> 00:14:43.345 Perhaps the cougar ate some dynamite. 00:14:43.387 --> 00:14:45.556 That's ridiculous. 00:14:45.598 --> 00:14:47.433 Maybe it's just a mirage. 00:14:47.474 --> 00:14:49.018 Could have been a mirage, although a mirage 00:14:49.059 --> 00:14:51.270 usually doesn't end up all over your shoes, 00:14:51.312 --> 00:14:53.188 which leads me back to the Reese thing. 00:14:53.230 --> 00:14:56.233 I accept your apology. 00:14:56.275 --> 00:14:58.652 Oh, this feels so good. 00:14:58.694 --> 00:15:00.988 I mean, you read about celebrities going to spas 00:15:01.030 --> 00:15:02.448 and having these kinds of treatments, 00:15:02.489 --> 00:15:05.451 but you marry young, you start spitting out kids, 00:15:05.492 --> 00:15:08.996 you can kiss this kind of thing good-bye. 00:15:09.038 --> 00:15:10.748 Don't eat the cucumber slices, honey. 00:15:10.789 --> 00:15:12.875 Okay. 00:15:12.875 --> 00:15:15.878 M-Z-R-Y-C. 00:15:15.920 --> 00:15:17.880 Nice try. What's that supposed to mean? 00:15:17.922 --> 00:15:19.882 "Mzryc"-- it's another military term. 00:15:19.924 --> 00:15:22.051 You know, the helmets that horses wear. 00:15:22.092 --> 00:15:23.886 Oh, right, right, right. 00:15:23.928 --> 00:15:25.179 This is nice. 00:15:25.220 --> 00:15:27.222 Hanging out on a Saturday, playing Scrabble. 00:15:27.264 --> 00:15:28.891 Couple of guys, relaxing. 00:15:28.933 --> 00:15:30.517 So, your folks getting along okay? 00:15:30.559 --> 00:15:31.644 What? Nothing. 00:15:31.727 --> 00:15:32.853 Here we go. 00:15:32.895 --> 00:15:34.396 Read it and weep. 00:15:34.438 --> 00:15:35.898 C-A-T. 00:15:35.898 --> 00:15:38.233 Hey, that's two "cats" for you, that's great. 00:15:38.233 --> 00:15:40.402 Just playing the tiles I'm dealt. 00:15:40.444 --> 00:15:42.404 So, uh, you pick up any bad vibes 00:15:42.446 --> 00:15:45.449 here on the home front, you let me know, right? 00:15:45.491 --> 00:15:46.617 Why? 00:15:46.659 --> 00:15:48.118 Hey! Take it easy, cowboy. 00:15:48.160 --> 00:15:49.703 Just making small talk. 00:15:49.745 --> 00:15:50.871 Okay. 00:15:50.913 --> 00:15:52.289 I guess they're doing fine. 00:15:52.331 --> 00:15:54.375 She's a strong little lady, that mother of yours. 00:15:54.416 --> 00:15:56.085 Sure, we have our moments at work, 00:15:56.126 --> 00:15:58.253 but you can't stay mad at that woman for long. 00:15:58.295 --> 00:16:00.005 You don't have to live with her. 00:16:00.047 --> 00:16:01.924 Maybe you just don't understand her. 00:16:01.924 --> 00:16:03.008 What's to understand? 00:16:03.050 --> 00:16:04.927 She's a total control freak. 00:16:04.927 --> 00:16:07.930 Maybe she doesn't get the support she needs here at home. 00:16:07.930 --> 00:16:11.392 Well, I wouldn't know, since she sent me to military school. 00:16:11.433 --> 00:16:14.019 Because you're a spoiled brat! 00:16:14.061 --> 00:16:17.231 And I'm pretty sure "Mzyrc" ends in a "K"! 00:16:17.272 --> 00:16:19.942 Look, it's a house! 00:16:19.942 --> 00:16:22.403 Yes!All right! 00:16:23.570 --> 00:16:25.114 Come on. 00:16:27.616 --> 00:16:28.951 Hello! Hello! 00:16:28.951 --> 00:16:30.285 They're sitting at the table. 00:16:30.327 --> 00:16:32.079 They're just ignoring us. 00:16:32.121 --> 00:16:34.623 They probably think we're trying to sell them something. 00:16:34.665 --> 00:16:35.958 Hey, we're lost! 00:16:35.958 --> 00:16:37.084 A cougar exploded! 00:16:37.126 --> 00:16:38.627 Can we use your phone? 00:16:38.669 --> 00:16:40.379 Sorry, we hate to barge in, 00:16:40.421 --> 00:16:43.298 but this is kind of an emergency... 00:16:46.510 --> 00:16:48.971 Well, this is a little weird. 00:16:51.223 --> 00:16:53.559 Okay, I just figured this out. 00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:55.060 Run! 00:17:00.482 --> 00:17:03.777 We're on an artillery range! 00:17:03.819 --> 00:17:05.738 That's why the cougar blew up! 00:17:05.779 --> 00:17:07.114 It was hit by a shell! 00:17:07.156 --> 00:17:08.907 Are you sure? 00:17:16.832 --> 00:17:17.708 Pretty sure. 00:17:18.459 --> 00:17:21.170 Wait! 00:17:45.194 --> 00:17:46.945 No! Oh! 00:17:46.987 --> 00:17:49.656 Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out! 00:18:03.295 --> 00:18:04.505 Go, go, go, go! 00:18:04.546 --> 00:18:06.673 Of course, we're terribly sorry about this, 00:18:06.715 --> 00:18:09.176 and we realize that fences are there for a reason. 00:18:09.218 --> 00:18:11.470 However, in fairness, when we climbed the fence, 00:18:11.512 --> 00:18:13.514 we weren't sure if we were going in or out. 00:18:13.555 --> 00:18:15.057 You want to explain the theory, son? 00:18:15.057 --> 00:18:16.350 Not really. 00:18:16.391 --> 00:18:18.268 This is a highly classified testing ground, 00:18:18.310 --> 00:18:21.563 and I could very easily detain the three of you, indefinitely, 00:18:21.563 --> 00:18:23.148 for national security reasons. 00:18:23.232 --> 00:18:24.817 Know what nobody's mentioned? 00:18:24.858 --> 00:18:27.528 Is that this is supposed to be the greatest army in the world, 00:18:27.569 --> 00:18:29.655 and you couldn't even kill the three of us. 00:18:29.696 --> 00:18:32.741 I've got to tell you, I'm not impressed. 00:18:33.742 --> 00:18:36.245 Well, the great thing about this trip is 00:18:36.286 --> 00:18:39.248 the next time I hear we can't afford to go on vacation, 00:18:39.289 --> 00:18:41.458 I think I'll be okay with it. 00:18:41.625 --> 00:18:42.960 Oh, thank God. 00:18:43.001 --> 00:18:44.586 Look, I only get to make one call, 00:18:44.628 --> 00:18:47.089 so put your mother on so she can come get us. 00:18:50.384 --> 00:18:52.344 Who was that? 00:18:52.386 --> 00:18:53.887 Wrong number. 00:18:53.887 --> 00:18:55.472 Announcing the arrival of 00:18:55.514 --> 00:18:59.268 Air Alabama Flight 63 at Gate 11. 00:19:03.021 --> 00:19:04.189 Thank you. 00:19:05.774 --> 00:19:08.193 My foot is killing me. 00:19:08.193 --> 00:19:10.696 Ah, let's be brave soldiers, boys. 00:19:10.696 --> 00:19:14.366 Might get there after dark, but we've got plenty of water, 00:19:14.366 --> 00:19:16.368 and we'll be okay. 00:19:16.368 --> 00:19:18.036 Tell us the story again, Dad, please? 00:19:18.078 --> 00:19:19.663 Yeah, yeah. 00:19:19.705 --> 00:19:21.874 All right, one last time. 00:19:21.915 --> 00:19:26.044 Dewey is tied to a post in the burning sun. 00:19:26.086 --> 00:19:28.505 He's covered entirely in honey. 00:19:28.547 --> 00:19:29.840 Even his eyes? 00:19:29.882 --> 00:19:31.508 Even his eyes. 00:19:31.550 --> 00:19:33.886 Uh-oh, what's that behind him? 00:19:33.886 --> 00:19:38.432 A million fire ants, hungry fire ants 00:19:38.473 --> 00:19:41.518 with sharp little mandibles and itchy feet.