WEBVTT 00:00:07.050 --> 00:00:08.486 So? 00:00:08.530 --> 00:00:10.619 You believe I won these steaks? 00:00:10.662 --> 00:00:12.664 Yes, honey, and we're very proud of you. 00:00:12.708 --> 00:00:14.753 Every time you bring it up. 00:00:15.841 --> 00:00:18.670 The point is, things are going pretty well 00:00:18.714 --> 00:00:19.932 for the old Smallwoods. 00:00:19.976 --> 00:00:21.630 I mean, your salon is up and running, 00:00:21.673 --> 00:00:23.936 Sam's got a solo in his big recital, 00:00:23.980 --> 00:00:26.243 and I'm getting used to seeing Archie's toothbrush in the bathroom. 00:00:27.897 --> 00:00:30.900 And, thanks to me, we're all enjoying 20-ounce T-bones. 00:00:30.943 --> 00:00:32.684 For the fifth night in a row. 00:00:32.728 --> 00:00:34.686 My sweat smells like gravy. 00:00:34.730 --> 00:00:38.386 I'm so full of iron, I wouldn't get through a metal detector. 00:00:41.824 --> 00:00:43.956 It's Rick Rholla, the Rock 'n' Roll Bowla. 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:45.523 - Why's he calling you? - Wait. 00:00:45.567 --> 00:00:47.134 Hey, honey, we said no phones at the table. 00:00:47.177 --> 00:00:48.787 Yeah, but that was before I gave Rick my number. 00:00:48.831 --> 00:00:50.702 Can I take it? Please? Please? 00:00:50.746 --> 00:00:52.748 - Fine. - Thank you. 00:00:55.664 --> 00:00:56.882 What's up? 00:00:56.926 --> 00:00:59.537 Hey, Smallwood. 00:00:59.581 --> 00:01:01.409 What's up, man? What's-what's going on? You okay? 00:01:01.452 --> 00:01:03.237 Yeah, bro. 00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:05.891 No, bro. 00:01:07.763 --> 00:01:09.852 My divorce is final. 00:01:09.895 --> 00:01:11.810 Oh. 00:01:11.854 --> 00:01:14.813 Oh, Rick, I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. 00:01:14.857 --> 00:01:15.857 You're gonna... 00:01:15.858 --> 00:01:17.990 You're gonna be okay. Am I? 00:01:18.034 --> 00:01:19.862 My son won't talk to me, 00:01:19.905 --> 00:01:21.864 my wife's banging my divorce attorney, 00:01:21.907 --> 00:01:24.301 and I'm taking pills for hair loss. 00:01:25.737 --> 00:01:27.217 I'm done with bowling, man. 00:01:27.261 --> 00:01:28.523 What? No. 00:01:28.566 --> 00:01:30.568 You're-you're Rick Rholla. 00:01:30.612 --> 00:01:32.614 You're one of the reasons I became a bowla. 00:01:33.658 --> 00:01:35.399 And your hair looks great. 00:01:35.443 --> 00:01:36.487 You d... You don't need pills. 00:01:36.531 --> 00:01:37.967 It's preventative. 00:01:39.360 --> 00:01:40.926 Everything that came from bowling... 00:01:40.970 --> 00:01:42.711 the success, the money, the fame... 00:01:42.754 --> 00:01:44.800 I-I just... I don't want it. 00:01:44.843 --> 00:01:47.237 Bowling ruined my life, Smallwood. 00:01:47.281 --> 00:01:49.805 - I'm hanging up my * forever. - No. 00:01:49.848 --> 00:01:51.415 No, listen, 00:01:51.459 --> 00:01:53.591 you called me. I'm gonna help you, okay? 00:01:53.635 --> 00:01:55.463 You can hang your * on me. 00:01:57.378 --> 00:01:59.554 Let's have another sip of this 00:01:59.597 --> 00:02:02.165 before we think about what I just said for too long. 00:02:03.210 --> 00:02:05.081 You know what? Just go. 00:02:05.125 --> 00:02:06.735 I never should have called. 00:02:06.778 --> 00:02:09.041 Are you kidding me? I-I'm glad you called. 00:02:09.085 --> 00:02:10.521 Come on. Buck up. 00:02:10.565 --> 00:02:11.653 You're coming home with me. 00:02:21.685 --> 00:02:23.708 You are gonna look so snazzy at your recital. 00:02:23.752 --> 00:02:27.930 I just hope you don't grow out of it as fast as your dad did. 00:02:27.973 --> 00:02:30.628 I used to put him to bed in a T-shirt and sweatpants, 00:02:30.672 --> 00:02:33.675 and he would wake up in a crop top and capris. 00:02:34.980 --> 00:02:36.939 - Dad wore suits when he was a kid? - Yeah. 00:02:36.982 --> 00:02:39.420 Lot of funerals in our family. 00:02:39.463 --> 00:02:41.161 Don't smoke 00:02:41.204 --> 00:02:43.424 or go ice fishing in spring. 00:02:44.512 --> 00:02:46.601 Oh, make sure you leave some room in the waist. 00:02:46.644 --> 00:02:49.865 I'm making another steak sandwich for lunch. 00:02:49.908 --> 00:02:52.128 I'm starting to get to the weird part of the cow. 00:02:53.303 --> 00:02:55.175 - Hey. - Hey. 00:02:55.218 --> 00:02:57.394 There's my beautiful wife. 00:02:57.438 --> 00:02:59.570 My sweet angel of the morning. 00:02:59.614 --> 00:03:01.181 You slept in pretty late. 00:03:01.224 --> 00:03:03.357 Everything okay with Rick Rholla? 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:05.402 Hopefully, it will be. 00:03:05.446 --> 00:03:07.665 You got any aspirin? 00:03:08.971 --> 00:03:10.015 And vodka? 00:03:11.452 --> 00:03:14.281 Uh, see, I-I was actually just about to tell you 00:03:14.324 --> 00:03:16.631 that Rick slept in the basement last night. 00:03:16.674 --> 00:03:18.763 Uh, Rick, this is my family. Family, 00:03:18.807 --> 00:03:21.201 this is, um, my Rick. 00:03:22.506 --> 00:03:25.292 So, he can walk around the kitchen in his underwear, 00:03:25.335 --> 00:03:26.641 but I can't? 00:03:27.642 --> 00:03:29.557 It's cool with me. 00:03:31.515 --> 00:03:33.909 Nice-looking family, Smallwood. 00:03:33.952 --> 00:03:35.780 Cherish it. 00:03:35.824 --> 00:03:37.739 Before it's too late. 00:03:38.783 --> 00:03:40.176 - Is he crying? - Yeah. 00:03:40.220 --> 00:03:41.699 Men do that these days. 00:03:42.700 --> 00:03:45.094 Um, sweetie, a word? 00:03:45.137 --> 00:03:46.704 Sure. 00:03:49.316 --> 00:03:50.578 - It's Rick Rholla. - Uh... 00:03:50.621 --> 00:03:52.667 Rick Rholla is staying in our house. This is crazy. 00:03:52.710 --> 00:03:54.930 I can see how excited this makes you. 00:03:54.973 --> 00:03:56.671 I just... I wish you'd asked me first. 00:03:56.714 --> 00:03:58.063 Look, he's in a really bad place. 00:03:58.107 --> 00:03:59.717 I-It's just for a couple days. 00:03:59.761 --> 00:04:01.676 Yeah, but, honey, I told you, I have to do a bride's hair 00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:02.894 for her wedding this weekend. 00:04:02.938 --> 00:04:04.635 It's just not a good time for a houseguest. 00:04:04.679 --> 00:04:06.202 He's not a houseguest. 00:04:06.246 --> 00:04:07.769 Rick Rholla is a bowling god. 00:04:07.812 --> 00:04:11.468 I idolize him. And he asked me for help. 00:04:11.512 --> 00:04:12.643 I... 00:04:12.687 --> 00:04:14.602 Okay. 00:04:14.645 --> 00:04:16.560 But can you help your idol put some pants on? 00:04:16.604 --> 00:04:17.779 - Yes. - Okay. 00:04:17.822 --> 00:04:19.041 Thank you. I swear, 00:04:19.084 --> 00:04:20.521 deep down, he's a really good guy. 00:04:21.565 --> 00:04:23.654 You know, you remind me of my son. 00:04:23.698 --> 00:04:26.222 Now he tells his friends I'm dead. 00:04:29.660 --> 00:04:32.272 Really, really deep down. 00:04:35.492 --> 00:04:37.233 Told you, I'm not gonna bowl. 00:04:37.277 --> 00:04:39.017 Come on. Don't you want to feel 00:04:39.061 --> 00:04:41.106 the perfect release coming off your fingertips? 00:04:41.150 --> 00:04:43.195 Hear the sound of the crashing pins? 00:04:43.239 --> 00:04:47.112 Smell the carpet that Archie put in before the smoking ban? 00:04:49.027 --> 00:04:50.855 Or just sit right there in the middle of the action. 00:04:50.899 --> 00:04:52.422 Ease back in. 00:04:52.466 --> 00:04:53.684 I see what you're doing. 00:04:54.772 --> 00:04:56.470 Psst. Hey. 00:04:56.513 --> 00:04:57.993 Why the hell did you bring him here? 00:04:58.036 --> 00:04:59.647 That's your competition. 00:04:59.690 --> 00:05:02.693 You don't invite the Joker to the Batcave. 00:05:04.086 --> 00:05:05.783 He's in bad shape. 00:05:05.827 --> 00:05:07.611 He's lost his passion for the game. 00:05:07.655 --> 00:05:09.787 And you done lost your passion for common sense. 00:05:09.831 --> 00:05:11.311 Come on, Arch. I just want to get him 00:05:11.354 --> 00:05:12.834 to fall back in love with it again. 00:05:12.877 --> 00:05:15.184 Or you could just do nothing 00:05:15.227 --> 00:05:16.794 and let one of your biggest competitors 00:05:16.838 --> 00:05:19.406 go stock shelves for Amazon. 00:05:19.449 --> 00:05:22.626 I don't want to win like that. That's not who I am. 00:05:22.670 --> 00:05:24.976 Plus, I'm not just helping Rick the bowla, 00:05:25.020 --> 00:05:26.935 I'm helping Rick the person. 00:05:26.978 --> 00:05:29.111 Well, I'd lock both their * in my deep freeze 00:05:29.154 --> 00:05:31.026 and thaw them out after the season ended. 00:05:33.768 --> 00:05:37.641 Hey, buddy. So, you can just watch, 00:05:37.685 --> 00:05:41.253 but if you change your mind, feel free to join in any time. 00:05:41.297 --> 00:05:43.299 Got it. Orgy rules. 00:05:44.866 --> 00:05:46.041 Great news, man. 00:05:46.084 --> 00:05:47.869 You know that hot dog stand on 7th? 00:05:47.912 --> 00:05:49.436 You mean the one that uses the D 00:05:49.479 --> 00:05:52.328 from its health inspection to spell out "dog"? 00:05:52.372 --> 00:05:53.527 Mm-hmm. Yep. 00:05:53.570 --> 00:05:54.963 - That's the one. - Hmm. 00:05:55.006 --> 00:05:56.747 And they're naming a hot dog after you. 00:05:56.791 --> 00:05:58.749 - What? Shut it. - Yeah, man. Yeah, no, no. 00:05:58.793 --> 00:06:00.447 They're calling it "The Smallwood." 00:06:00.490 --> 00:06:02.231 Putting it on the menu tomorrow. 00:06:02.274 --> 00:06:04.494 Hey! 00:06:04.538 --> 00:06:05.669 So, uh, 00:06:05.713 --> 00:06:07.018 what are they gonna do? 00:06:08.280 --> 00:06:09.804 They're... they're... they're putting it 00:06:09.847 --> 00:06:11.371 on the menu tomorrow. 00:06:12.633 --> 00:06:15.070 Oh. See, when I did this sort of thing, 00:06:15.113 --> 00:06:16.767 they made a big deal out of it. 00:06:16.811 --> 00:06:18.378 Turned it into an event. 00:06:19.466 --> 00:06:20.597 Sounds like you miss it. 00:06:20.641 --> 00:06:22.773 Not at all. I'm just saying, 00:06:22.817 --> 00:06:24.601 it starts with them naming a hot dog after you, 00:06:24.645 --> 00:06:27.430 next thing you know, you're making 10K an appearance. 00:06:27.474 --> 00:06:28.953 Right. 00:06:28.997 --> 00:06:30.955 Right, right, right, yeah. Let me make a call. 00:06:32.043 --> 00:06:35.351 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Bowla, 00:06:35.395 --> 00:06:37.440 do you mind if I take a picture? 00:06:37.484 --> 00:06:38.659 - Yeah, whatever you want, buddy. - Okay. 00:06:40.443 --> 00:06:41.923 You don't want to be in them? 00:06:41.966 --> 00:06:43.794 No, thanks. Every time you're photographed, 00:06:43.838 --> 00:06:45.535 uh, you lose a piece of your soul forever. 00:06:45.579 --> 00:06:46.797 Cool if I post these? 00:06:49.844 --> 00:06:52.194 This place is depressing. 00:06:52.237 --> 00:06:54.762 I'm gonna go sit in your truck and listen to country music 00:06:54.805 --> 00:06:56.894 and look at old family pictures on my phone. 00:06:58.069 --> 00:06:59.941 Rick. Come on, buddy. 00:06:59.984 --> 00:07:01.725 Let's throw a few. 00:07:01.769 --> 00:07:03.684 You know, calling my place depressing 00:07:03.727 --> 00:07:06.948 is a good way to get me to depress my foot in your *. 00:07:08.210 --> 00:07:09.907 Okay, perfect. 00:07:09.951 --> 00:07:11.909 Just talked to the hot dog people. 00:07:11.953 --> 00:07:13.998 They want you to do a ribbon cutting ceremony tomorrow night. 00:07:14.042 --> 00:07:15.913 I told them to call it a rebranding. 00:07:15.957 --> 00:07:17.532 Help people forget about that lady 00:07:17.575 --> 00:07:19.134 finding a Band-Aid in her chili dog. 00:07:21.310 --> 00:07:22.964 I turned it into an event. 00:07:23.007 --> 00:07:24.922 Lew, that is amazing. 00:07:24.966 --> 00:07:26.533 I mean, the Band-Aid part was-was disgusting, 00:07:26.576 --> 00:07:28.056 but that is amazing. 00:07:28.099 --> 00:07:30.972 It is, man. It is. This could really raise your profile. 00:07:31.015 --> 00:07:32.756 - You think? - Absolutely. 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:34.845 T-they said The Smallwood is like a slider, 00:07:34.889 --> 00:07:36.238 only for hot dogs. 00:07:36.281 --> 00:07:38.980 It's a whole new market. This is very exciting. 00:07:40.982 --> 00:07:44.159 So, they're naming a tiny wiener after you? 00:07:44.202 --> 00:07:45.639 Uh-huh. 00:07:46.814 --> 00:07:48.642 I wouldn't celebrate, I'd sue. 00:07:52.994 --> 00:07:56.911 I'd definitely go with the romantic updo with flowers. 00:07:56.954 --> 00:07:58.869 It's gonna go perfect with your wedding dress. 00:07:58.913 --> 00:08:01.829 I still can't believe I'm getting married in two days. 00:08:01.872 --> 00:08:04.875 Hey, Smallwood's wife. 00:08:04.919 --> 00:08:06.834 Did you know we're out of milk? 00:08:06.877 --> 00:08:08.705 Oh, Rick, you're here, 00:08:08.749 --> 00:08:10.794 and not at the bowling alley like Tom swore you would be. 00:08:10.838 --> 00:08:12.840 Oh, yeah, I'm done with that place. 00:08:12.883 --> 00:08:17.366 I am officially Rick Rholla, the Guy Who Used to Bowla. 00:08:17.409 --> 00:08:19.237 Until he lost his soul-a. 00:08:21.022 --> 00:08:23.285 Well, I'm sure the last place you want to be 00:08:23.328 --> 00:08:24.553 is with a bunch of women talking about hair, so... 00:08:24.591 --> 00:08:26.549 No, no, no, no, I want to be 00:08:26.593 --> 00:08:28.856 around nice, normal people doing normal things. 00:08:28.899 --> 00:08:30.858 Oh, man. 00:08:30.901 --> 00:08:34.035 That jacked-up squirrel is trying to stare me down again. 00:08:37.821 --> 00:08:39.083 Got to show them who's alpha. 00:08:41.738 --> 00:08:43.479 And what's your story, cupcake? 00:08:43.523 --> 00:08:44.567 Oh, uh, 00:08:44.611 --> 00:08:45.611 this is Tom's friend Rick. 00:08:45.612 --> 00:08:46.874 Rick, this is Sarah. 00:08:46.917 --> 00:08:47.962 - Hi. - Hi. 00:08:48.005 --> 00:08:50.573 - She's getting married this weekend. - Oh, yeah? 00:08:50.617 --> 00:08:51.922 - Mm-hmm. - Good for you. 00:08:51.966 --> 00:08:53.750 Make sure you remember how you feel 00:08:53.794 --> 00:08:55.186 looking into his eyes at the altar. 00:08:55.230 --> 00:08:56.927 Aww. Thanks. 00:08:56.971 --> 00:08:59.495 Might stop you from ripping out his heart one day. 00:08:59.539 --> 00:09:00.670 Okay. 00:09:00.714 --> 00:09:01.758 We're gonna get back to the consultation... 00:09:01.758 --> 00:09:03.543 I used to be married. 00:09:03.586 --> 00:09:07.590 But then fame and success kicked in. 00:09:07.634 --> 00:09:11.725 Always on the road, groupies showing up at my hotel room. 00:09:11.768 --> 00:09:14.292 Next thing you know, you're paying a thousand bucks 00:09:14.336 --> 00:09:16.954 to keep a tape of you and three Waffle House waitresses 00:09:16.955 --> 00:09:20.603 - off the Internet. - Uh... Rick. 00:09:20.647 --> 00:09:23.214 You know, I missed my own mom's funeral 00:09:23.258 --> 00:09:25.390 because I thought it was more important to bowl 00:09:25.434 --> 00:09:27.610 the Roto-Rooter Open. 00:09:27.654 --> 00:09:30.395 You don't need milk, you need Jesus. 00:09:31.527 --> 00:09:34.748 Look, okay, that's the great thing about love. 00:09:34.791 --> 00:09:37.098 Everyone's fairy tale is different. 00:09:37.141 --> 00:09:39.274 True, but they all end up the same. 00:09:39.317 --> 00:09:42.494 They say till death do you part, but what they don't tell you is 00:09:42.538 --> 00:09:45.497 it can be a living death of endless misery. 00:09:46.890 --> 00:09:49.327 But mazel tov! 00:09:51.329 --> 00:09:52.722 - There you are, buddy. - Hey. 00:09:52.766 --> 00:09:53.941 I've been looking all over for you. 00:09:53.984 --> 00:09:55.595 Here I am. 00:09:55.638 --> 00:09:56.987 W-what's wrong? 00:09:58.249 --> 00:10:00.817 Geez. You don't have to yell. 00:10:14.352 --> 00:10:15.527 So... 00:10:15.571 --> 00:10:17.573 ... guess who has some exciting news. 00:10:17.617 --> 00:10:19.575 If you don't come to my funeral, 00:10:19.619 --> 00:10:23.666 I am going to choke you with my cold, dead fingers. 00:10:25.668 --> 00:10:26.668 What? 00:10:26.669 --> 00:10:28.628 And I better never find a video 00:10:28.671 --> 00:10:31.631 of you on the Internet with anyone from a Waffle House. 00:10:31.974 --> 00:10:35.025 Okay, I-I feel like I stepped out for Twizzlers 00:10:35.069 --> 00:10:37.593 and missed an important part of the movie. 00:10:38.855 --> 00:10:40.683 Eh, that's my bad. 00:10:40.727 --> 00:10:43.555 I may or may not have shared some juicy excerpts 00:10:43.599 --> 00:10:44.905 from the Book of Rick. 00:10:44.948 --> 00:10:47.404 - Ooh, I want to hear. - No. 00:10:48.648 --> 00:10:50.998 Okay, time's up, everybody. It's me. 00:10:51.041 --> 00:10:53.740 The answer is me. I have exciting news. 00:10:53.783 --> 00:10:55.176 You're looking at someone who's gonna have 00:10:55.219 --> 00:10:56.743 his own hot dog named after him. 00:10:56.786 --> 00:10:58.570 - That's so cool. - Right? 00:10:58.614 --> 00:10:59.920 Kind of a big deal. 00:10:59.963 --> 00:11:02.139 There's a huge ribbon cutting tomorrow night. 00:11:02.183 --> 00:11:04.359 Small hot dog, but big deal. 00:11:06.274 --> 00:11:07.841 Uh... Tom. 00:11:07.884 --> 00:11:09.407 What? 00:11:09.451 --> 00:11:11.018 Tomorrow night's my show. 00:11:11.061 --> 00:11:12.497 Oh. 00:11:13.585 --> 00:11:15.762 Oh, no. Um... 00:11:15.805 --> 00:11:16.937 Did you forget? 00:11:16.980 --> 00:11:20.201 No, I didn't forget. I... 00:11:20.244 --> 00:11:21.942 I just forgot to remember. 00:11:24.640 --> 00:11:25.946 And so it begins. 00:11:27.469 --> 00:11:29.689 Someone say something about pie? 00:11:34.911 --> 00:11:36.957 Tom, how could you forget about his recital? 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:39.641 It's all anyone has been talking about for weeks. 00:11:39.785 --> 00:11:41.962 Oh, I know why he forgot. 00:11:42.005 --> 00:11:46.183 He was too busy helping this adult man. 00:11:48.620 --> 00:11:50.535 Don't worry, Sam. 00:11:50.579 --> 00:11:51.754 Your dad is gonna work it out. 00:11:51.798 --> 00:11:53.974 Yes, that's right, Sam. I'll work it out. 00:11:54.017 --> 00:11:56.019 Having a food named after you is a big deal. 00:11:56.063 --> 00:11:58.413 They named a donut after me. 00:11:58.456 --> 00:12:00.937 They called it The Rick-hole. 00:12:00.981 --> 00:12:03.500 They got the "hole" part right. 00:12:03.544 --> 00:12:04.680 Hey, 00:12:04.724 --> 00:12:06.682 Smallwood's kid, don't take it personally. 00:12:06.726 --> 00:12:09.598 You got to realize your dad's career comes first. 00:12:09.641 --> 00:12:11.643 He's gonna miss a lot of your shows, graduations 00:12:11.687 --> 00:12:13.384 and probation hearings. 00:12:13.428 --> 00:12:17.780 But it'll be even more special when he does make one. 00:12:17.824 --> 00:12:19.651 If he ever does. 00:12:21.479 --> 00:12:22.872 No, Sam, I-I'm not gonna miss it. 00:12:22.916 --> 00:12:24.656 Of course he's not. 00:12:24.700 --> 00:12:25.700 So you'll skip it? 00:12:25.701 --> 00:12:27.050 I can do both. 00:12:27.094 --> 00:12:28.704 Everything's gonna be fine. 00:12:28.748 --> 00:12:33.317 And to think all of this started in 1880, 00:12:33.361 --> 00:12:36.161 when a German immigrant 00:12:36.185 --> 00:12:38.018 accidentally dropped a sausage 00:12:38.061 --> 00:12:39.759 in a bun. 00:12:40.890 --> 00:12:43.545 The hot dog was born. 00:12:43.588 --> 00:12:45.808 Yeah. Yeah. 00:12:47.767 --> 00:12:50.247 Feel like we've been here since 1880. 00:12:51.727 --> 00:12:52.827 This is taking forever. I was supposed to cut 00:12:52.859 --> 00:12:54.556 that ribbon 30 minutes ago. 00:12:54.599 --> 00:12:55.818 It's crazy. I thought the hot dog 00:12:55.862 --> 00:12:57.254 was thousands of years old. 00:13:00.605 --> 00:13:02.869 It's Jen. I got to get to Sam's recital. 00:13:02.912 --> 00:13:04.522 Oh, boy, I don't miss that. 00:13:04.566 --> 00:13:05.610 Trying to be in two places, 00:13:05.654 --> 00:13:06.786 knowing you're letting everybody down. 00:13:06.829 --> 00:13:08.744 I am just happy to be a guy standing here 00:13:08.788 --> 00:13:09.919 learning about franks. 00:13:12.661 --> 00:13:15.577 Hey, uh, little twist in the ceremony. 00:13:15.620 --> 00:13:17.971 They added another ribbon cutter. 00:13:18.014 --> 00:13:20.103 Did you win a spelling bee, too? 00:13:20.147 --> 00:13:22.889 No, I-I'm a professional bowler. 00:13:22.932 --> 00:13:23.932 Whatever. 00:13:25.892 --> 00:13:27.023 And now, 00:13:27.067 --> 00:13:28.068 for the ribbon cutting. 00:13:28.111 --> 00:13:29.721 - Finally. - But first, did you know 00:13:29.765 --> 00:13:32.724 there's 27 varieties of mustard? 00:13:34.683 --> 00:13:36.598 Number one... 00:13:36.641 --> 00:13:37.991 This is gonna be good. 00:13:39.383 --> 00:13:40.689 Lew, I'm sorry, I don't have time for this. 00:13:40.732 --> 00:13:42.647 If I don't leave right now, I am *ed. 00:13:42.691 --> 00:13:44.171 I think you might already be *ed. 00:13:44.214 --> 00:13:45.955 Isn't that your truck getting towed over there? 00:13:45.999 --> 00:13:47.652 You said it was okay to park there! 00:13:47.696 --> 00:13:49.829 No, I said it was okay by me. 00:13:50.699 --> 00:13:52.701 I'm running with scissors! 00:13:57.619 --> 00:13:58.838 How's Sam doing? 00:13:58.881 --> 00:14:00.230 Well, 00:14:00.274 --> 00:14:02.232 hiding under the covers and wouldn't talk to me. 00:14:02.276 --> 00:14:05.714 So either he's really mad or maybe he just built a really sweet fort. 00:14:07.716 --> 00:14:10.545 Probably mad, though. It didn't look that cool. 00:14:12.547 --> 00:14:14.462 He's not mad, Tom. 00:14:14.505 --> 00:14:15.680 He's hurt. 00:14:15.724 --> 00:14:16.725 He's been rehearsing 00:14:16.768 --> 00:14:17.768 that show for weeks, 00:14:17.769 --> 00:14:18.769 and you didn't even show up. 00:14:18.770 --> 00:14:20.903 I did. I showed up. 00:14:20.947 --> 00:14:22.905 I was just late. 00:14:22.949 --> 00:14:24.689 By the time I got there, they were already setting up 00:14:24.733 --> 00:14:26.735 for an A.A. meeting. 00:14:26.778 --> 00:14:28.563 I don't want to say who I saw there, but... 00:14:28.606 --> 00:14:30.521 - we might want a new dentist. - Mm. 00:14:32.523 --> 00:14:35.657 I-I mean, Tom, you've always put your family first. 00:14:35.700 --> 00:14:37.877 - I do. - You didn't today. 00:14:38.921 --> 00:14:40.270 How do I make it up to him? 00:14:40.314 --> 00:14:42.316 You'll figure it out. 00:14:45.580 --> 00:14:46.711 I'm gonna get him a puppy. 00:14:46.755 --> 00:14:47.756 No. 00:14:58.201 --> 00:15:00.682 Oh, hey, Smallwood. Glad you're up. 00:15:00.725 --> 00:15:02.902 How do you turn the parental locks off your Wi-Fi? 00:15:02.945 --> 00:15:04.512 I put in "big naturals," 00:15:04.555 --> 00:15:06.688 but all it's showing me is waterfalls. 00:15:09.778 --> 00:15:11.171 You know what, Rick? Um... 00:15:11.214 --> 00:15:13.434 I think you got to go. 00:15:13.477 --> 00:15:15.523 - Are you serious? - I'm going through some stuff 00:15:15.566 --> 00:15:17.133 with my family, I-I got to figure it out 00:15:17.177 --> 00:15:19.309 and I-I don't want a guy like you around while I do. 00:15:19.353 --> 00:15:21.659 Ooh, a guy like me? 00:15:21.703 --> 00:15:24.271 What, because I'm so terrible and you're so great? 00:15:24.314 --> 00:15:27.230 Beep, beep, beep, beep. News flash, we're the same. 00:15:27.274 --> 00:15:30.712 No, we're not. I am... I'm not you. 00:15:30.755 --> 00:15:32.714 I am your future. 00:15:32.757 --> 00:15:34.716 You may not be here yet, but you will be. 00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:36.805 This is what bowling does. 00:15:36.848 --> 00:15:38.241 You keep saying that, 00:15:38.285 --> 00:15:39.851 but it's not bowling that ruined you. 00:15:39.895 --> 00:15:41.244 It's you that ruined you. 00:15:41.288 --> 00:15:43.464 You know, I thought you were cool. 00:15:43.507 --> 00:15:45.640 But you're sounding a lot like my ex-wife. 00:15:45.683 --> 00:15:48.121 And our marriage counselor. And the judge. 00:15:48.164 --> 00:15:49.513 - And the neighbors. - No, stop. Stop. 00:15:49.557 --> 00:15:50.732 Think about that. 00:15:50.775 --> 00:15:52.864 Everyone who can leave you has left you. 00:15:52.908 --> 00:15:55.302 But the one thing you have left, bowling, 00:15:55.345 --> 00:15:56.346 you don't want to do it. 00:15:56.390 --> 00:15:58.435 So I'm sorry, you can't help a sheep 00:15:58.479 --> 00:16:01.003 out of a fence if the sheep doesn't want to get out! 00:16:01.047 --> 00:16:03.005 What? 00:16:03.049 --> 00:16:06.356 You're a horse, I've led you to water but you won't drink. 00:16:06.400 --> 00:16:08.358 What the hell are you saying to me, Smallwood? 00:16:08.402 --> 00:16:09.969 Look, I'm saying there's no point. 00:16:10.012 --> 00:16:12.754 If you don't want help, why are you here? 00:16:12.797 --> 00:16:15.975 I'm sorry. You got to go. 00:16:17.367 --> 00:16:19.326 Well, all right, I'll go. 00:16:19.369 --> 00:16:21.676 But just remember you made choices, too. 00:16:21.719 --> 00:16:23.634 You didn't have to go to that ribbon cutting. 00:16:23.678 --> 00:16:24.896 That's on you. 00:16:26.463 --> 00:16:28.596 Kicking me out in the middle of the night? 00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:30.467 It's gonna be really awkward 00:16:30.511 --> 00:16:32.687 when you see me leave in the morning. 00:16:40.216 --> 00:16:42.958 Jen? Mom? Sam? 00:16:43.002 --> 00:16:45.091 Uh, would you come downstairs, please? 00:16:47.310 --> 00:16:48.485 Pretty please? 00:16:52.576 --> 00:16:53.577 Okay, okay, I got this. 00:16:53.621 --> 00:16:56.015 Mom, it's just me. 00:16:56.058 --> 00:16:57.886 Yeah, I know that. 00:16:57.929 --> 00:16:59.975 - Give me the bat, please? - No. 00:17:00.019 --> 00:17:01.411 Just give me the... 00:17:01.455 --> 00:17:04.240 Please, sit down. This-this is important. 00:17:09.637 --> 00:17:11.552 Okay, first of all... 00:17:19.516 --> 00:17:20.561 Give me that bat. 00:17:22.693 --> 00:17:24.826 Okay, I-I'm sorry, just sit down. 00:17:26.523 --> 00:17:30.179 I know you're all mad at me, and it makes sense. 00:17:30.223 --> 00:17:33.400 So you figured, "What the hell, I'll just wake everyone up 00:17:33.443 --> 00:17:36.968 at the * crack of dawn and sing them a really stupid song. 00:17:37.012 --> 00:17:39.536 That'll smooth things over." 00:17:41.451 --> 00:17:42.974 When you realize how important something is, 00:17:43.018 --> 00:17:44.541 you want to do it right away. 00:17:44.585 --> 00:17:46.195 What's so important? 00:17:46.239 --> 00:17:48.154 You. All of you. 00:17:48.197 --> 00:17:50.939 Which is why I want to invite you to the grand opening 00:17:50.982 --> 00:17:54.508 of my promise to always put my family first. 00:17:54.551 --> 00:17:55.813 I was gonna sing a song now, 00:17:55.857 --> 00:17:57.859 but I'm reading the room, so I'll skip it. 00:17:59.817 --> 00:18:02.255 You may have just saved your own life. 00:18:03.691 --> 00:18:05.519 Look, I know I messed up. 00:18:05.562 --> 00:18:08.652 Jen, I-I never should've had Rick stay here in the first place. 00:18:08.696 --> 00:18:10.654 I'm sorry. And Mom, 00:18:10.698 --> 00:18:12.700 of course I'm gonna be at your funeral. 00:18:12.743 --> 00:18:15.703 Will you cry and make a scene 00:18:15.746 --> 00:18:19.098 and try to throw yourself into the hole? 00:18:20.708 --> 00:18:23.102 I'm gonna cry so hard they're gonna think I'm a suspect. 00:18:24.581 --> 00:18:27.758 And Sam, I owe you the biggest apology of all. 00:18:27.802 --> 00:18:29.673 I should've been at your show. 00:18:29.717 --> 00:18:32.807 I had a choice to make, I made the wrong one. 00:18:32.850 --> 00:18:34.243 It won't happen again. 00:18:35.288 --> 00:18:36.289 And you can be mad at me. 00:18:36.332 --> 00:18:37.594 I'd be mad at me, too, 00:18:37.638 --> 00:18:39.944 so you can be mad as long as you want. 00:18:41.032 --> 00:18:43.078 - Can I keep the giant scissors? - Hell yeah. 00:18:43.122 --> 00:18:44.732 We're good. 00:18:46.125 --> 00:18:49.345 Okay. Now come and cut the only ribbon that matters. 00:18:49.389 --> 00:18:52.696 The ribbon that represents the bond of our family. 00:18:52.740 --> 00:18:54.568 Wait, so why are we cutting it, then? 00:18:54.611 --> 00:18:59.094 Yeah, wouldn't that be severing the bond? Yeah. 00:18:59.138 --> 00:19:00.704 No, and if you'd let me sing my song, 00:19:00.748 --> 00:19:01.923 you would've known that. 00:19:01.966 --> 00:19:04.186 Okay, Sam, cut the ribbon 00:19:04.230 --> 00:19:06.667 so we can watch the recital video and eat breakfast. 00:19:10.540 --> 00:19:11.672 You made breakfast? 00:19:11.715 --> 00:19:14.805 Yep. Steak and eggs and more steak. 00:19:16.677 --> 00:19:18.461 But that's the last of the meat. 00:19:26.774 --> 00:19:30.647 Hey, Smallwood, Smallwood's family. 00:19:30.691 --> 00:19:32.214 Do you know any of our names? 00:19:32.258 --> 00:19:33.955 Yeah. Smallwood's wife, 00:19:33.998 --> 00:19:35.565 Smallwood's mom, Smallwood's kid. 00:19:35.609 --> 00:19:36.610 And that's Carl. 00:19:39.047 --> 00:19:40.744 You got a minute? 00:19:40.788 --> 00:19:41.963 Yeah, man. 00:19:42.006 --> 00:19:43.704 What's up? 00:19:43.747 --> 00:19:46.707 Before I leave town, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 00:19:46.750 --> 00:19:49.710 You said a lot of stuff I needed to hear. 00:19:49.753 --> 00:19:54.541 And, uh, for what it's worth, if I'm ever in trouble again, 00:19:54.584 --> 00:19:55.716 you'll still be my first call. 00:19:56.760 --> 00:19:58.240 You don't have to say that. 00:19:58.284 --> 00:20:00.808 I mean it. Well, yeah, what I meant to say was, 00:20:00.851 --> 00:20:02.897 don't-don't say that. 00:20:04.768 --> 00:20:06.422 You're a funny guy. 00:20:06.466 --> 00:20:08.119 I'll see you around, Smallwood. 00:20:08.163 --> 00:20:10.121 Oh, little tip. 00:20:10.165 --> 00:20:11.949 When you're set, bring the ball up higher 00:20:11.993 --> 00:20:13.603 and you'll get a better backswing. 00:20:13.647 --> 00:20:14.909 So more like this? 00:20:14.952 --> 00:20:16.650 No, no, no. Here, let me just show you. 00:20:16.693 --> 00:20:19.479 I did the same thing when I was a kid. 00:20:19.522 --> 00:20:23.178 Wow, looks like I helped Rick find his passion again. 00:20:23.222 --> 00:20:26.747 It looks like you just hurt your odds of a top ten finish 00:20:26.790 --> 00:20:30.316 by helping your biggest competitor get his mojo back. 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:32.274 Hey, Smallwood's coach. 00:20:32.318 --> 00:20:35.669 Give me a lane. Rick Rholla's ready to bowla. 00:20:38.933 --> 00:20:40.717 Congratulations.