WEBVTT

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Bottom of the ninth.

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Two outs, man on first.

00:00:05.969 --> 00:00:07.095
The windup...

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The pitch...

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Uh-oh.

00:00:14.060 --> 00:00:15.562
Oh, man, we're so dead.

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That's it. Game over.

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Yeah.

00:00:18.106 --> 00:00:19.899
So I win.
What?!

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Past the lamp is a home run.

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That was a foul ball.

00:00:23.111 --> 00:00:24.070
Are you crazy?

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It went right down the line.

00:00:25.196 --> 00:00:26.781
It was foul.
Shut up.

00:00:26.865 --> 00:00:28.116
You're home plate.
You don't get a vote.

00:00:28.199 --> 00:00:30.118
And it was fair.
Do over.

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Fine by me.

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Oh, crap!

00:00:38.209 --> 00:00:39.127
Now we really have to quit.

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Yeah, but that was a triple.

00:00:41.212 --> 00:00:43.048
Get back up there.

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The thing
about playing

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at Stevie
Kenarban's house is

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he has every one
of my favorite video games

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from when I was four.

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End of... the rainbow.

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I win...

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the gold.

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Don't you have something

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with a little bit
more violence in it?

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Fishing... for Fishies.

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Sometimes...

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he drowns.

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Boys!

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I've got snacks.

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Now... who wants applesauce?

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I do.

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Stevie, there is no need
to use your outdoor voice.

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Stevie, there is no need
to use your outdoor voice.

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And I've got
some cinnamon

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if you guys are feeling
a little crazy.

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Feeling... crazy?

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A little.

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That's my mom.

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Malcolm!

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Well, you'd
better get going.

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I mean, you don't
want to make her mad.

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She's always mad.

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Malcolm, I mean it!

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I have ice
cream melting!

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Oops.

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Ow!

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We're doing
this new thing

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called the circle game.

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Boys.

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That was
Kitty Kenarban.

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She wants to go
out for dinner.

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That sounds like fun.
Good for you, dear.

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She meant the whole family.

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Oh.

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Mom, I don't think

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that's really
a good idea.

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I mean, the
Kenarbans

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are kind of...
well, boring.

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They're refined, Malcolm,

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and it wouldn't be
the worst thing in the world

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if some of their manners
rubbed off on you boys.

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I just don't think you guys
would get along with them.

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Don't be silly.

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I think it's nice
she's asking us out to dinner.

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It's been a long time since
anyone invited us anywhere.

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I wonder why that is.

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I think I see
some hungry seals.

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Cadets...

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as you know, I don't often
reveal my... personal side,

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but after 20 years
of separation,

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my mother has agreed
to visit with me this weekend.

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She is a very demanding woman,

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and I haven't seen her
for a long time.

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I want things to go well.

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That means I will have no time
for antics, shenanigans,

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hooliganism
or tomfoolery.

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There will be no problems

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which take me away
from time with Mother.

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This is important to me,
which makes it...

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Important to us.

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So it is crystal clear.

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I will not
be disturbed this weekend.

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Yes, sir!

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As you were.

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Whoa, he sounds
pretty serious.

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Yeah. What time you want
to start the party?

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Hmm?
What are you
talking about?

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Didn't you hear
what Spangler just said?

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All I heard was
he's going
to be too busy

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with his mother
to pay us any attention.

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What kind of party
did you have in mind?

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Oh, I don't know.

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I'm sure I can come
up with something

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that we'll all find amusing.

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I want to eat
that one and that one.

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Oh, and those two.

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Isn't this nice?

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No pirate themes.

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No ball pits filled
with screaming children.

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Now, I am going to say this
once and only once.

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We are with
respectable
people tonight.

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You are to be well mannered
and act civilized,

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or so help me, I'll wring
your little necks, you hear me?

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At the beginning,
I'll say that I think

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I might be coming down
with something...

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Hal, I don't want to
ditch out of this.

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I'm looking
forward to it.

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The Kenarbans
are nice people,

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and they want to be
friends with us.

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So you're-you're saying
I'm on my own here.

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Yoo-hoo, hi there.

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Hello.

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Abe.

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Hal. I think I might

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be coming down
with something.

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Sorry we're late--
some jack*

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Now, remember,

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no throwing ice.

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and no eating gum already
stuck under the table.

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Keep your
voices down.

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You are warned.

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Oh, great.

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Who spilled?

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Aw.

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Ow.

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Circle game?

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I want to... play.

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I don't know, Stevie.

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It's... it's pretty rough.

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Oh, come on, quit babying him.

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If he wants to play,
let him play.

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Now, remember, Stevie,
don't look at this...

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...uh... or this.

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He's... good.

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Well, this
is nice.

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I've been looking forward
to this for a long time.

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I don't know why we
didn't do this sooner.

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Do I feel flush?

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No.

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Would anyone like a
drink before you order?

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Oh, yeah.

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Uh, he'll have
a diet soda.

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And you, sir?

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Uh...

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what the heck--
lemonade.

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I'll have an iced tea.

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Sorry, we're out.

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Oh, uh, well, then,
I'll have a...

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Wait a minute-- what's
that guy having?

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That's hot tea.

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This is ridiculous.

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You have tea, you have ice.

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Make her some iced tea.

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Oh, no, no, no,
that is fine.

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I would love
a hot tea.

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Wow.

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This is really nice.

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Well, I have to
use the restroom.

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I think I also need
to use the restroom.

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Nice... one.

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Stevie, quit the game.

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You're just getting punched.

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You haven't gotten us once.

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Oh, yeah?

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Then how come...

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you saw...

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this?

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Damn.

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I swear, Hal, you said,
"I feel flushed"

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five seconds
before I was about to.
Oh, yeah?

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Salud.

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Look at us now--
two grown men

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having to sneak off from their
wives just to have a drink.

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How sad.
Nah, no, no.

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It's really not like that
with me and Kitty.

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Sure, I might let her think
she's in charge,

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but when it comes down
to the important stuff,

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Daddy rules the roost.

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Oh, hi, Kitty.

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I got you!

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I did.

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To being whipped.

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Like butter, my friend.

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Kitty.

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Where are those guys?

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Hal probably dragged
Abe over to the bar.

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You know, if he's drunk,
so help me...

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Oh, no-no-no. It's okay.

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Gives us a chance to talk.

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Here we are--
diet soda...

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lemonade...

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and cranberry juice.

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Thank you.
Cranberry juice?

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After all that static he
gave you about ordering tea,

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he gives you cranberry juice?

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Excuse me?
No-no-no,

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it's fine.

00:08:57.083 --> 00:08:58.251
Something wrong?

00:08:58.334 --> 00:08:59.752
Yes. My friend ordered tea

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and you've brought her
cranberry juice.

00:09:02.255 --> 00:09:03.923
I don't think so.

00:09:03.923 --> 00:09:05.258
Instead of arguing with me,
why don't you

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just march back
to the kitchen and make...

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No-no-no.
I like cranberry juice.

00:09:09.011 --> 00:09:11.430
Very healthy for you. Mmm...

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Hey, Reese, that's enough!

00:09:17.478 --> 00:09:19.021
This isn't funny anymore.

00:09:19.063 --> 00:09:20.439
Okay, okay.

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Man, look what
your shoulders did

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to my knuckles.

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I'll get you
when I come back.

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I even knew...

00:09:33.452 --> 00:09:35.371
he was going...

00:09:35.454 --> 00:09:36.789
to do that.

00:09:36.831 --> 00:09:38.958
She won't let me

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have butter on my
bread--  butter.

00:09:42.044 --> 00:09:45.214
I haven't eaten the
stuff in ten years.

00:09:45.298 --> 00:09:48.384
How'd this happen?

00:09:48.467 --> 00:09:50.303
We weren't always this way.

00:09:50.344 --> 00:09:51.387
Actually, I was.

00:09:51.470 --> 00:09:52.555
Classic story--

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raised by a grandmother
and four spinster aunts.

00:09:56.267 --> 00:09:59.312
I used to wash their
hair on Saturday nights.

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You poor bastard,
you never had a chance.

00:10:02.398 --> 00:10:06.319
Damn it... enough is enough!

00:10:21.375 --> 00:10:23.252
You go, Abe!

00:10:26.130 --> 00:10:28.049
Go! Go! Go!

00:10:38.017 --> 00:10:39.435
Sir?

00:10:39.518 --> 00:10:40.853
Go away!

00:10:40.895 --> 00:10:43.105
I told you I did not
want to be disturbed.

00:10:43.189 --> 00:10:45.691
My aunt and I are...
catching up.

00:10:45.733 --> 00:10:49.570
I... I thought you said
it was your mother, sir.

00:10:51.072 --> 00:10:52.448
Go away!

00:10:52.531 --> 00:10:53.741
I wish I could, sir,

00:10:53.783 --> 00:10:55.618
but we have
a bit of a situation.

00:10:55.701 --> 00:10:57.703
See, we decided
to have this party

00:10:57.703 --> 00:10:59.205
and it kind of
got out of hand...

00:10:59.205 --> 00:11:00.456
I don't care, cadet.

00:11:00.539 --> 00:11:02.375
I will deal with
it in the morning.
Yeah, but...

00:11:02.458 --> 00:11:03.709
In the morning!

00:11:03.709 --> 00:11:06.379
It's just that we invited
some of the local girls...

00:11:06.462 --> 00:11:07.546
Local girls?!

00:11:10.299 --> 00:11:12.468
There are local girls
inside the perimeter?

00:11:12.510 --> 00:11:13.844
Have they killed anyone?

00:11:13.886 --> 00:11:15.054
N-No, sir,

00:11:15.137 --> 00:11:17.390
but I saw one of them
eat a raw chicken whole.

00:11:17.431 --> 00:11:21.018
Spangy.
Uh... just a minute... Mother.

00:11:21.060 --> 00:11:23.479
Do you have any idea
what you have done?

00:11:23.521 --> 00:11:25.731
Marlin Academy
cannot exist

00:11:25.773 --> 00:11:28.567
without the support, the
goodwill and cooperation

00:11:28.609 --> 00:11:30.027
of the local community.

00:11:30.069 --> 00:11:31.570
The police chief and the mayor

00:11:31.612 --> 00:11:33.197
both sit
on our board of governors!

00:11:33.239 --> 00:11:34.990
The fire chief
is a regent!

00:11:35.074 --> 00:11:38.744
And right now their psychotic
offspring are in there

00:11:38.786 --> 00:11:41.414
tearing up the floorboards!

00:11:41.414 --> 00:11:44.500
It won't be long
before they're in the air ducts.

00:11:44.583 --> 00:11:46.502
What are we going
to do, sir?

00:11:46.585 --> 00:11:49.755
We are going to do
what any self-respecting
member of society does

00:11:49.797 --> 00:11:52.591
in a situation like this--
we're going to keep it quiet.

00:11:52.633 --> 00:11:54.093
But they're destroying
the school.

00:11:54.135 --> 00:11:56.137
Let's hope that's
all they do, cadet.

00:11:56.178 --> 00:11:58.180
I'm afraid this is
like an oil fire--

00:11:58.264 --> 00:12:00.099
we have to let it
burn itself out.

00:12:00.141 --> 00:12:03.269
Oh, yeah, I forgot--
one of them started an oil fire.

00:12:07.273 --> 00:12:10.192
So...

00:12:10.234 --> 00:12:12.445
did you see
any good movies lately?

00:12:12.528 --> 00:12:14.697
Well, we just saw
Les Amants du Pont-Neuf.

00:12:14.739 --> 00:12:15.865
Did you see it?

00:12:15.906 --> 00:12:17.908
No.

00:12:19.493 --> 00:12:20.786
Last movie I saw was

00:12:20.828 --> 00:12:23.622
The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
on cable.

00:12:23.664 --> 00:12:26.292
Oh, my God! Kurt Russell!
Yes.

00:12:26.333 --> 00:12:28.627
Oh, I had such a crush on him
in those Disney films.

00:12:28.669 --> 00:12:31.630
I did, too--
especially in  Now You See It...

00:12:31.672 --> 00:12:32.840
Now You Don't!

00:12:32.882 --> 00:12:34.633
Oh, God...
Oh, he was so cute.

00:12:34.675 --> 00:12:37.470
Did you see  The Strongest Man
in the World?
About 50 times.

00:12:37.511 --> 00:12:41.223
Oh, my God!
I just wanted to reach out
and grab that tush.

00:12:41.265 --> 00:12:42.975
I am so terrible.

00:12:44.643 --> 00:12:46.645
Seriously, this
has got to stop.

00:12:46.687 --> 00:12:48.814
I'm actually starting
to feel bad

00:12:48.856 --> 00:12:52.026
and plus... I'm
kind of getting
bored creatively.

00:12:53.027 --> 00:12:54.403
Oh, my God!

00:12:54.487 --> 00:12:55.863
Is that a snake?
Stevie, don't.

00:12:59.074 --> 00:13:00.993
Snake...

00:13:00.993 --> 00:13:02.536
I'm an idiot.

00:13:13.005 --> 00:13:14.590
Oh...
Oh...

00:13:14.632 --> 00:13:16.842
I'm so glad we decided
to have this dinner.

00:13:16.884 --> 00:13:19.678
So am I.
I feel so much better now.

00:13:19.720 --> 00:13:21.388
Better?

00:13:21.430 --> 00:13:22.890
About you and your family.

00:13:22.932 --> 00:13:24.517
What?

00:13:24.558 --> 00:13:25.768
A-A-About Malcolm and Stevie

00:13:25.810 --> 00:13:27.770
because they spend
so much time together,

00:13:27.812 --> 00:13:29.980
and now that we've gotten
to know each other,

00:13:30.022 --> 00:13:31.065
I just feel better.

00:13:31.106 --> 00:13:32.775
Wait a minute.

00:13:32.817 --> 00:13:34.985
You mean this wasn't about
you wanting to be friends?

00:13:35.027 --> 00:13:36.153
Yes, it was.

00:13:36.195 --> 00:13:37.780
No, it wasn't.

00:13:37.822 --> 00:13:39.198
You were checking us out.

00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:41.867
You wanted to see if we were
good enough for your family.

00:13:41.909 --> 00:13:43.911
No, no, no. I-I wouldn't
put it that way.

00:13:43.953 --> 00:13:46.914
I would, because
that's what you're doing.

00:13:46.956 --> 00:13:48.707
How dare you!

00:13:48.707 --> 00:13:50.042
You can't judge us.

00:13:50.084 --> 00:13:51.210
You know,

00:13:51.252 --> 00:13:53.045
you are not
so perfect yourself, lady.

00:13:53.087 --> 00:13:55.714
Hell, you are one of the most
uptight, repressed people

00:13:55.756 --> 00:13:57.049
I've ever met in my life.

00:13:57.091 --> 00:14:00.636
Did you know that Kurt Russell
was the jungle boy

00:14:00.719 --> 00:14:02.638
on  Gilligan's Island?

00:14:02.721 --> 00:14:03.931
Don't change the subject.

00:14:03.973 --> 00:14:05.057
We're having an
argument here.

00:14:05.057 --> 00:14:06.100
I yell at you;
you yell at me--

00:14:06.141 --> 00:14:07.059
that's what you do.

00:14:07.101 --> 00:14:08.143
What's wrong with you?

00:14:08.227 --> 00:14:09.645
Whatever you say
is wrong with me

00:14:09.728 --> 00:14:10.813
is what's wrong with me.

00:14:10.896 --> 00:14:11.939
There-- problem solved.

00:14:28.372 --> 00:14:31.834
Okay, that's just freaky.

00:14:31.876 --> 00:14:34.128
Hey, I'm getting
good with my left.

00:14:34.169 --> 00:14:35.421
Thanks, Stevie.

00:14:36.589 --> 00:14:39.341
I... give up.

00:14:39.383 --> 00:14:40.551
I'm going to...

00:14:44.221 --> 00:14:45.389
Way to go, Reese.

00:14:45.431 --> 00:14:47.141
Aw, geez!

00:14:55.566 --> 00:14:58.193
Crying on... command...

00:14:58.235 --> 00:15:01.113
got me... a cable modem.

00:15:02.531 --> 00:15:03.532
You have a real problem.

00:15:03.532 --> 00:15:04.617
Have you never
yelled at anyone

00:15:04.700 --> 00:15:05.910
in your entire life?

00:15:05.951 --> 00:15:07.536
I just don't see
what it accomplishes.

00:15:07.536 --> 00:15:08.704
Are you kidding?

00:15:08.746 --> 00:15:10.664
Most of the time,
if you're not yelling,

00:15:10.706 --> 00:15:11.999
they're not listening.

00:15:12.041 --> 00:15:14.543
Lois, our situation
is difficult enough

00:15:14.585 --> 00:15:18.672
without me adding
a bunch of negativity to it.

00:15:18.714 --> 00:15:21.258
What situation? You mean Stevie?

00:15:21.342 --> 00:15:23.510
He's fine!
He's not going to wither away

00:15:23.552 --> 00:15:26.430
because you blow off steam
every once in a while.

00:15:28.265 --> 00:15:30.309
Hey, why don't you give
both of you a break?

00:15:33.270 --> 00:15:34.396
Go ahead, hit me.

00:15:34.438 --> 00:15:35.898
Get it over with.

00:15:40.945 --> 00:15:42.821
Ow... ow...

00:15:42.863 --> 00:15:45.699
Let me... help you.

00:15:47.284 --> 00:15:49.536
Reap...

00:15:49.578 --> 00:15:51.205
the whirlwind!

00:15:53.666 --> 00:15:57.169
Finally-- justice.

00:15:57.252 --> 00:15:59.546
I mean, if he doesn't kill him.

00:15:59.922 --> 00:16:01.298
Don't you take that tone
with me!

00:16:01.340 --> 00:16:02.925
You just wait
till we get home!

00:16:02.967 --> 00:16:04.468
He bruised the bone.

00:16:04.510 --> 00:16:05.844
Oh, like you
didn't deserve it.

00:16:05.928 --> 00:16:07.471
Good for you! I knew
you had it in you.

00:16:07.513 --> 00:16:08.722
Shut your trap!

00:16:09.598 --> 00:16:10.724
And I absolutely did order tea!

00:16:10.766 --> 00:16:13.602
How hard is it to remember
a stupid drink order, you idiot?

00:16:19.483 --> 00:16:22.903
I think this is
where they nested.

00:16:22.987 --> 00:16:25.406
I'd say we got off lucky.

00:16:25.489 --> 00:16:27.366
This happened once
before in '72--

00:16:27.408 --> 00:16:31.328
we had to bulldoze
the amphitheater.

00:16:35.457 --> 00:16:37.501
It's Horton.

00:16:37.584 --> 00:16:39.503
Hey, Horton, you okay?

00:16:39.586 --> 00:16:41.755
What happened?

00:16:41.755 --> 00:16:46.343
I've seen things, Francis...

00:16:46.427 --> 00:16:49.763
terrible things...

00:16:49.805 --> 00:16:52.433
and I... I think I'm engaged.

00:16:55.269 --> 00:16:56.603
Whoa. Interesting dinner.

00:16:56.687 --> 00:16:58.605
Stevie beat the crap
out of Reese,

00:16:58.689 --> 00:16:59.940
his dad got drunk,

00:17:00.024 --> 00:17:02.943
and his mom's gone
totally psycho.

00:17:03.027 --> 00:17:04.945
Oh, my God... we're contagious.

00:17:05.029 --> 00:17:07.072
...the whole night staring
at the cocktail waitress.