WEBVTT

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If you were a dog,
what breed would you be?

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You know those hypoallergenic ones,

00:00:06.830 --> 00:00:07.890
uh, what are they?

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Oh, the ones that don't answer
stupid questions.

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Truck 12. Please respond.

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Cougar observed at residence.
425 Knoll Drive.

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Homeowner is out of town.

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Truck 12 responding.

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There's been a lot of sightings lately.

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A security camera at a dry cleaner's
got some great footage.

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It's a beautiful animal. C-38. Majestic.

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Poor guy's probably just hungry,
you know?

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This isn't some cute little kitty.
You know that right?

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Last year in Spokane another
cougar attacked an officer,

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broke through his ribcage,
and ate his lungs.

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Oh, my God. Did he survive?

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Without lungs? Yup. Yeah.

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Finished third at the New York Marathon.

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Thank God.

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You know, I love stories like that.

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Triumph of the human spirit.
You can't keep us down, Frank.

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He died, Shred.

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Oh, my God.

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What?

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On the stairs. Right in the bushes.
You see that?

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The hydrangeas or the azaleas?

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I don't know. The pink ones.

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Azaleas.

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Oh my God.

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Hand me the tranq gun.

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If he comes for us, we're
supposed to make ourselves look big.

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Shh. Yeah. That's the official line.

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But here's the real deal.

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Cup your junk and hide behind something.

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Make your whole package
as inaccessible as possible.

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But Frank, I... I heard
they go for your neck.

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Yeah, they do.
But it's not about staying alive,

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it's about life being
worth living if you survive.

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Be careful.

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I think I got a clean shot.

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- Unbelievable.
- What?

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What are you...

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Frank? Frank? Frank? Are you crazy?

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Cover up your junk.

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It's a stuffed animal.

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You don't know that.
It might just be asleep.

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Yeah. Well, when it wakes up
I'd speak to it in Vietnamese

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since it's probably where it was made.

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They do great work.

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Whoo! Okay.

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Yeah, I'll make the call to dispatch.

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Let 'em know it's a false alarm.

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- Wait.
- What?

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You know what Churchill said.
Never let a crisis go to waste.

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Totally.

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Quick refresher... uh, who is Churchill?

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Relief pitcher for the Mariners.

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I hear that dude's having
a great season.

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Look... we both know
this cougar isn't real.

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Right.

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But nobody else does.

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So, we have an opportunity to
humiliate a deserving individual

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and it would be wrong to pass that up.

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Right?

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Gentlemen.

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Templeton... thank God you're here.

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You're lucky I'm working
graveyard this week.

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Bring me up to speed.

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Come here.

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The predator is in those bushes.

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See? Now we've shot him full of tranqs

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but that is one amped-up cat.

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Copy.

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It takes a big man to admit
when he's in over his head.

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So... he's already killed
a couple of dogs.

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But the real concern is the
elementary school down the street.

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Yeah. Breaks my heart

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but, I think, we might have
to euthanize.

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Stand back, boys.

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This is a job for Mister Remington.

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Okay.

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Bye-bye kitty-cat.

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On my orders... fire.

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You're gonna order yourself
to fire, sir?

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Stop questioning my authority.

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Execute!

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What?

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That was so good.

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That went so much better
than anyone could've hoped for.

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Oh, my goodness.

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‌

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'Kay. People are still not conforming

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to recycling protocols.

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And once again, a half-eaten
hamburger is not recyclable... Frank.

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Thank you, Dolores.

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Uh, Dolores... is this recyclable?

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Of course.

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Oh, terrific.

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Yeah. You've done that joke before.

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Well, when you see Elton John
you want him to play Rocket Man.

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Uh, Frank? Shred?
Did anything happen recently

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that maybe I should be brought
up to speed on?

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Which category?

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Routine checks or events
that were hilarious

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and humbled a person
who richly deserved it?

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Templeton filed a formal
complaint so now HR is involved.

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Oh no... not the department you
want as the arbiter of humor.

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You know who's sneaky funny?

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Payroll.

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Look, Emily, we're really sorry
you got dragged into this.

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This is one of those rare
occasions where our joy

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is worth the suffering it causes others.

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Well, I'm gonna be on the phone
for the next five hours

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getting you guys out of trouble.
So, I'm not demanding it,

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but a large smoothie from the
place that I like on the corner

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would be a really thoughtful surprise.

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Oh... absolutely Emily.

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In fact, I'm gonna get smoothies
for the entire office,

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including you, Dolores.

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Just a gentle reminder,

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those cups need to be rinsed
before they're recycled.

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You bet. Along with the
400 straws I'm bringing you.

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Again, so sorry.

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No, absolutely Captain,
I hear you loud and clear.

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I added the papaya extract boost.

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- Thank you.
- It's an antioxidant.

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I figured with all the truck exhaust
and environmental toxins...

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You know I read about that.

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Do you know what else
is supposed to be...

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No, absolutely. I agree.

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It's a very, very serious incident.

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...is pomegranate extract.

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I've been taking it,
like, before breakfast

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and I feel like I notice
a difference in my skin.

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Yeah. You got a glow.

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Really?

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What are you doing for sun protection?

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Like, SPF 50
and, like, a big floppy hat...

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No... exactly, Captain.

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No, I... I spoke to the officers
and it won't happen again.

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Okay. Super triple promise.

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I'm leaving now. Sorry.

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Oh wait! I forgot.

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I got you this morning glory muffin.

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Crazy amount of fiber.

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Not that you need it.

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You don't come off
as constipated at all.

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You know I'm not a fan
of Templeton but come on,

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you went too far.

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Since at least the bronze age,
pranks have been employed

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as a necessary form of
workplace justice.

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Look... I don't like to get grandiose.

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Oh, you love to get grandiose.

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That's true, I am pretty good at it.

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But if * like Templeton
go left unchecked,

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they become Vladimir Putin.

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So sometimes the children of light

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have to employ the methods
of the children of darkness.

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What?

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A simple thank you is all I ask.

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And now... good day.

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Ugh.

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He's insufferable!

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That dude deserves some
serious karmic payback.

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I don't really believe in karma.

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Too many bad things happen to
me when I don't have it coming.

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What's with the pictures of Shred?

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Uh, no... nothing.

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I was... I was doing some,
uh, paperwork and I...

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No! No, no, no. That's not... no.

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Why were you Googling that?

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No, I... I wasn't.

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Well, I was looking up Shred because of,

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like, professional, totally
above-board reasons...

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um... and I think I just,
I clicked the wrong button.

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Do you have a thing for him?

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No.

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No! No. He's my employee.

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And he has a girlfriend.

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And regardless of that it's... no.

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His * is frozen?

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Yeah. Yeah.

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Is or was, I don't know. It's unclear.

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How did you even find that?

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It's the third thing that pops up. Okay?

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It was "Shred Taylor."
"Shred Taylor Half-pipe."

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"Shred Taylor Frozen *."

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You totally have a thing for him.

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No!

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We've just been carpooling a lot and...

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and we like the same cheesy music,

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and I would never act on it,
but, like... yeah.

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I looked him up and it turns out,

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when he was injured on the slopes,

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his, um... extremities
were impacted by the cold.

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It's, like, a real-life
condition that affects Sherpas

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and ice fisherman and snowboarders.

00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:03.080
Well...

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Well what?

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Does it work?

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Okay. Dolores...

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None of the articles
say anything about that

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which is crazy 'cause it's
all anyone wants to know.

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It's probably fine but you
should stop researching it,

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it's just gonna make your crush worse.

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I don't want it to be fine.

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That's the whole thing,
if it's... if it's broken

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or if it's, like, at a weird angle,

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or if it's just, like, straight-up gone

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then I can just let this go.

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I'll go get my laptop.
We'll get to the bottom of this.

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- This is gonna be so much fun!
- Oh, boy.

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Oh crap, it's still on.

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What?

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Maya hired a photographer
to shoot our Christmas card tonight.

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And I've got *s.

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Oh, no you don't.

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I was gonna lose 10 pounds
before the shoot.

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But then you know what happened?
I didn't.

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She got matching white satin
shirts for the whole family.

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White satin, Victoria.

00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:53.980
Your wife's insane. Postpone it.

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I think it's weird to be doing
it this early anyway.

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It's a competition thing
with her sister.

00:08:58.190 --> 00:08:59.420
And we're never gonna win.

00:08:59.450 --> 00:09:01.160
They're a much more attractive family.

00:09:01.190 --> 00:09:03.260
Oh yeah, you showed me a photo.
They're gorgeous.

00:09:03.290 --> 00:09:04.340
Hey!

00:09:04.440 --> 00:09:08.090
Anyone wanna volunteer for
my vaccination clinic Saturday?

00:09:08.110 --> 00:09:09.900
- Oh, I would love that.
- Yeah, I would love to.

00:09:09.920 --> 00:09:11.260
- That sounds great!
- Yes! Absolutely.

00:09:11.290 --> 00:09:12.650
Great, thanks.

00:09:12.680 --> 00:09:15.140
My post-doc resident, Serge,
will be covering for me.

00:09:15.160 --> 00:09:17.290
- Ooh...
- Did you say this Saturday?

00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:19.190
Ooh, I've got a kid's soccer
game actually.

00:09:19.210 --> 00:09:20.300
Actually, I'm free.

00:09:20.330 --> 00:09:21.580
Really?

00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:22.930
Yeah. Totally.

00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:24.430
You're my hero.

00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:27.300
You know what, I can do it.

00:09:27.330 --> 00:09:29.370
I have experience.
I can move some stuff around.

00:09:29.390 --> 00:09:30.590
Now you're my hero.

00:09:30.610 --> 00:09:33.110
No. It's about the dogs, not about me.

00:09:33.130 --> 00:09:34.220
Aww.

00:09:35.620 --> 00:09:36.770
You bought that?

00:09:36.800 --> 00:09:39.810
You just gave up your Saturday
and you still have no shot.

00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:42.290
I'm sorry. Did you get an "aww"
from the Hot Vet?

00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:43.800
Are you her hero?

00:09:45.040 --> 00:09:46.170
Oh, and Frank...

00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:48.820
I heard what you did to Templeton,

00:09:48.850 --> 00:09:50.630
and I shouldn't admit this,
but hilarious.

00:09:51.770 --> 00:09:52.770
Thanks.

00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:57.610
You know, it's rare when a hero
is also so funny.

00:09:57.640 --> 00:09:58.990
Am I right?

00:09:59.400 --> 00:10:00.530
I don't think it was that funny.

00:10:01.640 --> 00:10:03.420
Oh, shoot. False alarm.

00:10:05.380 --> 00:10:06.720
You got me.

00:10:06.740 --> 00:10:09.430
I can't stop thinking about that kid.

00:10:09.610 --> 00:10:10.630
What kid?

00:10:10.650 --> 00:10:12.110
The kid that's gonna come home,

00:10:12.130 --> 00:10:14.500
find his favorite stuffed animal
blown to smithereens,

00:10:14.520 --> 00:10:16.260
lying headless in the driveway.

00:10:16.290 --> 00:10:17.530
That kid.

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Look... I'm in a good mood.

00:10:18.740 --> 00:10:20.140
Why are you trying to bring me down?

00:10:20.220 --> 00:10:22.140
It's just... maybe we should try
to replace it.

00:10:22.160 --> 00:10:23.300
Okay. What the hell?

00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:24.560
After lunch we'll stop by a toy store.

00:10:24.580 --> 00:10:26.030
- Nice.
- You happy?

00:10:26.060 --> 00:10:27.060
- Yes.
- Alright.

00:10:28.450 --> 00:10:30.450
Whoa. This day just keeps
getting better.

00:10:31.150 --> 00:10:32.950
You have her under "Hot Vet"?

00:10:32.980 --> 00:10:34.210
Yeah, I can't believe she's texting me.

00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:36.150
Okay, I gotta... I gotta focus.

00:10:41.480 --> 00:10:42.610
What are you gonna say?

00:10:42.640 --> 00:10:43.880
I don't know.

00:10:43.900 --> 00:10:46.190
I wanna engage
without coming on too strong.

00:10:49.510 --> 00:10:51.520
Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:54.780
What do you think of this?

00:10:55.650 --> 00:10:57.250
‌

00:10:57.260 --> 00:10:58.410
You nailed it.

00:10:58.440 --> 00:10:59.610
Send.

00:11:00.920 --> 00:11:03.240
Ha, ha! Bingo!

00:11:03.270 --> 00:11:04.590
He's on the hook.

00:11:04.620 --> 00:11:05.730
What'd he say?

00:11:05.750 --> 00:11:06.900
Just "hey".

00:11:06.920 --> 00:11:08.730
He's trying to play it down
like it's no big deal

00:11:08.750 --> 00:11:11.510
but I know that he's as giddy
as a little school girl.

00:11:11.540 --> 00:11:12.800
What are we gonna text him?

00:11:12.820 --> 00:11:15.500
No, nothing yet. I'm gonna
make him sweat. But thank you.

00:11:15.530 --> 00:11:16.530
Yes.

00:11:16.550 --> 00:11:18.160
...By the way. This was a genius idea.

00:11:18.190 --> 00:11:19.560
My wife does it all the time.

00:11:19.590 --> 00:11:22.350
I'll leave my phone somewhere
and when she calls me,

00:11:22.370 --> 00:11:24.720
her name comes up as "suburban
* goddess" or "spicy mama".

00:11:26.070 --> 00:11:27.290
Or "need almond milk".

00:11:27.320 --> 00:11:28.400
That one's just when she needs
almond milk.

00:11:28.420 --> 00:11:29.430
- No, I... I got that.
- Yeah.

00:11:29.450 --> 00:11:30.570
Anything?

00:11:30.600 --> 00:11:32.960
Nothing. Total silence.

00:11:33.950 --> 00:11:35.490
Three dots and a bubble, here we go!

00:11:35.520 --> 00:11:37.450
So, she's crafting her words carefully.

00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:39.430
- Oh, hell yeah.
- Come on.

00:11:39.520 --> 00:11:43.220
Okay, how does this sound?
My thing got cancelled.

00:11:43.310 --> 00:11:45.500
"...so, you'll be stuck with me
all day Saturday."

00:11:45.530 --> 00:11:46.650
Yes!

00:11:46.680 --> 00:11:49.400
Dude, have some champagne
chilled in the truck, just in case.

00:11:49.430 --> 00:11:51.640
Right? It does feel officially
safe to get *y.

00:11:51.660 --> 00:11:53.190
Yes.

00:12:00.330 --> 00:12:01.950
Okay, there's gotta be something.

00:12:01.980 --> 00:12:03.280
Do you have anything?

00:12:03.310 --> 00:12:05.480
Zero. And some of the websites
I stumbled onto

00:12:05.510 --> 00:12:07.000
were not what I was thinking

00:12:07.030 --> 00:12:08.740
and I'm scared there's gonna be
a knock on my door.

00:12:08.770 --> 00:12:09.960
Okay, this is maddening.

00:12:09.990 --> 00:12:12.310
I cannot be the only person
in the universe

00:12:12.340 --> 00:12:14.970
who wants to know the condition
of Shred Taylor's *.

00:12:14.990 --> 00:12:17.860
Alright. I'm gonna use Patel's
computer and hit the dark web.

00:12:21.190 --> 00:12:22.720
None of these are big enough.

00:12:22.740 --> 00:12:25.980
Okay. She just said, "is it
weird I'm texting you?

00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:27.760
"You know, since we're coworkers".

00:12:27.790 --> 00:12:30.630
Well, that's a good point, you know,
'cause it could get awkward.

00:12:30.660 --> 00:12:32.420
Are you sure you wanna take it there?

00:12:32.440 --> 00:12:35.220
I would take a lifetime of awkward
just to spend one night with her.

00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:36.300
So, what do you think of this?

00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:39.430
Maybe a little.

00:12:39.450 --> 00:12:41.820
No. Don't say that.
You're gonna get in her head.

00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:42.890
Exactly. Keep her off balance.

00:12:42.920 --> 00:12:44.080
Why would you wanna do that?

00:12:44.110 --> 00:12:45.780
This is a game of chess,
it's a battle of wits.

00:12:45.800 --> 00:12:47.560
No, it's more like a dance.

00:12:47.590 --> 00:12:50.720
And I'm not saying that just 'cause
I don't know how to play chess.

00:12:50.810 --> 00:12:53.660
Hold her hand.
See where the music takes you.

00:12:53.680 --> 00:12:55.730
I haven't been on a date in five months

00:12:55.810 --> 00:12:57.440
so I'm not letting you get in my head.

00:12:57.470 --> 00:12:59.430
I'm sticking with chess. I'm sending it.

00:12:59.510 --> 00:13:01.450
Fine.

00:13:01.470 --> 00:13:04.740
But we're wasting our time. I know
where to get a giant stuffed animal.

00:13:04.820 --> 00:13:06.350
Wait. They have really good
puzzles here.

00:13:07.570 --> 00:13:09.630
"Maybe a little."

00:13:09.650 --> 00:13:11.400
What a *. Who even says that?

00:13:12.530 --> 00:13:14.140
Are you listening to me?

00:13:14.700 --> 00:13:16.970
I'm spinning out about
this damn Christmas card.

00:13:17.050 --> 00:13:19.250
I'm gonna be on refrigerators
all over Seattle.

00:13:19.270 --> 00:13:21.210
A diet inspiration for pudgy,
middle-aged men.

00:13:21.230 --> 00:13:23.170
I just find it hilarious
that mister slobbering

00:13:23.190 --> 00:13:26.320
all over himself is suddenly
mister self-control.

00:13:26.410 --> 00:13:27.690
He takes, like, 10 minutes

00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:29.690
to craft each of his three-word replies.

00:13:29.720 --> 00:13:31.570
I'm gonna be a white satin
man * reminder

00:13:31.590 --> 00:13:33.390
to put down the ice cream.

00:13:33.420 --> 00:13:35.700
I wanna help my community, yeah,
but not like that.

00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:38.000
I'm gonna tell him I had a dream
about him last night.

00:13:38.290 --> 00:13:40.270
No, that's mean. Don't do that.

00:13:40.290 --> 00:13:41.970
Too mean or good mean?

00:13:41.990 --> 00:13:43.270
You know what I think?

00:13:43.300 --> 00:13:44.560
What do you think?

00:13:44.650 --> 00:13:46.270
I don't think you're getting
off on the cruelty of the prank,

00:13:46.280 --> 00:13:48.190
I think you're just getting off.

00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:49.240
What?

00:13:49.260 --> 00:13:51.500
Yeah. I think you like the flirtation.

00:13:51.520 --> 00:13:52.570
I think you like him.

00:13:52.590 --> 00:13:53.770
Frank? That's crazy.

00:13:53.790 --> 00:13:55.620
Okay, then why... why are you blushing?

00:13:55.640 --> 00:13:56.780
I'm not blushing.

00:13:56.800 --> 00:13:58.550
I'm emotionally tormenting
someone because it's fun.

00:13:58.570 --> 00:13:59.750
Mmhmm.

00:13:59.770 --> 00:14:01.860
I've got my flaws and I'm fine with it.

00:14:01.890 --> 00:14:03.550
At least your flaws are on the inside.

00:14:03.580 --> 00:14:04.800
Right?

00:14:04.820 --> 00:14:05.910
Truck eight. Please respond.

00:14:05.930 --> 00:14:07.940
Kangaroo escaped from the Seattle Zoo.

00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:11.290
Zookeeper is requesting back-up.
101 East Webster.

00:14:11.800 --> 00:14:13.330
Truck eight responding.

00:14:13.940 --> 00:14:15.300
Okay. I'm gonna need you to focus.

00:14:15.330 --> 00:14:17.310
Okay. I'm bringing out the big guns.

00:14:17.330 --> 00:14:19.460
I'm gonna blow his * little mind.

00:14:22.340 --> 00:14:23.700
Come on... no service?

00:14:23.730 --> 00:14:26.040
What is it, the bumper cars
are interfering?

00:14:26.120 --> 00:14:28.450
Will you please knock these down
so we can get outta here.

00:14:28.470 --> 00:14:29.930
I'm trying, Frank.

00:14:32.110 --> 00:14:33.760
What is going on?
I thought you were an athlete.

00:14:33.790 --> 00:14:35.970
Yeah, in a leg-based sport.
This is, like, an arm sport.

00:14:35.990 --> 00:14:37.340
There's wrist stuff...

00:14:37.510 --> 00:14:39.660
I gotta get back into cell service.

00:14:39.740 --> 00:14:41.500
See? It's not so easy.

00:14:41.530 --> 00:14:42.770
Excuse me. Sir?

00:14:42.790 --> 00:14:44.620
How much for that huge lion
on the top row?

00:14:44.640 --> 00:14:45.780
Prizes are not for sale.

00:14:45.800 --> 00:14:48.470
Look at that, Shred.
We found the one carny with scruples.

00:14:48.490 --> 00:14:49.730
Can you believe it?

00:14:49.750 --> 00:14:50.770
We can... we can earn it.

00:14:50.800 --> 00:14:52.760
Okay. Well, how about... now?

00:14:55.230 --> 00:14:57.410
That might get you something
from the second row.

00:14:57.430 --> 00:14:58.670
Like a little badger.

00:14:58.690 --> 00:14:59.820
But are you serious?

00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:02.000
We need the lion, Frank.

00:15:02.030 --> 00:15:03.550
How much for something from the top row?

00:15:04.600 --> 00:15:06.010
Three badgers.

00:15:06.920 --> 00:15:08.310
There's a cash machine
by the funnel cakes.

00:15:08.380 --> 00:15:09.580
Two and a half badgers!

00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:10.790
This is extortion.

00:15:10.820 --> 00:15:12.910
This was a very reasonable bribe.

00:15:13.650 --> 00:15:14.800
Excuse me, guys, sorry.

00:15:14.820 --> 00:15:16.610
Excuse me, coming through guys.
Thank you.

00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:19.280
Officer Patel, This is Officer Sands.
What's the situation?

00:15:19.310 --> 00:15:22.870
Jumping Jack. Second time he's escaped.

00:15:22.900 --> 00:15:24.340
Anyway, we got him trapped.

00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:25.410
What do you need from us?

00:15:25.430 --> 00:15:26.580
Not much.

00:15:26.610 --> 00:15:28.590
Just stay here and help keep
away the looky-loos.

00:15:28.620 --> 00:15:29.600
- Hmm.
- 'Kay.

00:15:29.620 --> 00:15:30.990
Alright, Jack.

00:15:31.010 --> 00:15:32.600
Don't you need, like, a net
or something?

00:15:32.620 --> 00:15:34.760
No, just grab him by the tail.

00:15:34.790 --> 00:15:35.790
Sure.

00:15:35.810 --> 00:15:37.890
Alright, Jack. Vacation's over, buddy.

00:15:37.910 --> 00:15:39.130
Okay. Whoa!

00:15:39.540 --> 00:15:40.780
Um...

00:15:40.810 --> 00:15:42.130
What... what should we do?

00:15:42.150 --> 00:15:45.390
Stand your ground.
We'll sneak up from behind.

00:15:45.420 --> 00:15:47.240
Ooh... hey mate.

00:15:47.260 --> 00:15:48.410
Just like this?

00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.490
G'day. Hello.

00:15:50.510 --> 00:15:51.690
What's he doing?

00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:57.000
Don't mess with me, kangaroo.
I boxed Golden Gloves.

00:15:58.080 --> 00:15:59.580
He's got a crazy look in his eye.

00:15:59.610 --> 00:16:00.650
Keep him engaged.

00:16:00.680 --> 00:16:02.590
Roger. I'll amp up the trash talk.

00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:04.570
What do you weigh, 140? Huh?

00:16:04.610 --> 00:16:07.290
Welterweight's got nothing on me, Jack.
I'm 160.

00:16:07.310 --> 00:16:09.980
Wouldn't telling him
your real weight be scarier?

00:16:10.010 --> 00:16:12.230
Don't press on my insecurities!

00:16:12.260 --> 00:16:13.900
He doesn't seem afraid of you.

00:16:13.930 --> 00:16:16.770
Oh yeah? You ready to go? Huh?

00:16:16.800 --> 00:16:17.800
'Cause I'm ready to go.

00:16:18.970 --> 00:16:19.990
Oh!

00:16:20.020 --> 00:16:23.200
That's gotta hurt, yeah. You okay?

00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:26.000
Keep it up, just a little longer.

00:16:26.020 --> 00:16:27.100
Is that all you got?

00:16:30.590 --> 00:16:33.430
Oh, mate. Ow, yeah. Down you go.

00:16:33.860 --> 00:16:35.900
Okay. We got him!

00:16:35.930 --> 00:16:37.790
- Good work, officer.
- See ya, mate.

00:16:38.470 --> 00:16:39.620
See ya.

00:16:40.710 --> 00:16:43.800
How you doing down there?
Yeah? You a bit winded?

00:16:43.950 --> 00:16:46.180
Come on, come on, come on, come on.

00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:48.770
Oh! Finally, a signal. Three bars.

00:16:50.400 --> 00:16:52.530
She... she wants me to come over tonight

00:16:52.620 --> 00:16:54.990
for a quote unquote drink.

00:16:55.010 --> 00:16:58.540
Holy moly! The Hot Vet and me!

00:16:58.620 --> 00:17:00.320
Knight to queen four!

00:17:01.610 --> 00:17:03.140
- What?
- It's chess!

00:17:10.900 --> 00:17:12.570
I can't believe I got my
* kicked by a kangaroo.

00:17:12.590 --> 00:17:13.720
Hmm.

00:17:14.760 --> 00:17:16.830
Ooh! Mrs. Claus is texting you.

00:17:16.860 --> 00:17:19.610
Crap. I forgot about the photo shoot.

00:17:20.780 --> 00:17:23.820
Which I no longer have to do.

00:17:23.850 --> 00:17:26.870
Maya's not gonna want a Christmas card
with this hideous face on it.

00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:32.660
Everything's coming up Patel.

00:17:58.120 --> 00:17:59.700
Uh... by any chance

00:17:59.730 --> 00:18:02.710
are you someone we work with's roommate?

00:18:02.730 --> 00:18:04.190
The Hot Vet just doesn't seem
like the type

00:18:04.220 --> 00:18:06.410
to do something like this.

00:18:06.430 --> 00:18:08.100
Collette, Frank. Her name is Collette.

00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:11.320
Collette the vet? That's unfortunate.

00:18:11.350 --> 00:18:13.430
This is ridiculous.
I'm just gonna call her.

00:18:16.220 --> 00:18:17.440
Yes.

00:18:18.980 --> 00:18:20.330
Hello.

00:18:20.360 --> 00:18:22.680
Victoria? What are you doing
with Hot Vet's phone?

00:18:22.710 --> 00:18:24.810
You tell me.
You're the expert on pranks.

00:18:25.570 --> 00:18:26.990
Oh, my God, it was you?

00:18:27.010 --> 00:18:29.120
Sometimes the children of the light

00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:32.130
need to use the methods
of the children of darkness.

00:18:32.150 --> 00:18:33.560
The whole time?

00:18:33.590 --> 00:18:34.630
How does it feel?

00:18:34.660 --> 00:18:35.870
Bad. It feels really bad.

00:18:35.900 --> 00:18:36.990
Yeah.

00:18:37.010 --> 00:18:38.610
But I gotta say, I'm a little impressed.

00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.440
If I were wearing a cap,
I would tip it to you.

00:18:41.460 --> 00:18:44.650
Oh, I would love that.
But did you learn anything?

00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:47.190
Yes. That I can dish it out
but I absolutely can't take it.

00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:48.620
So, will you stop pranking
people so much?

00:18:48.650 --> 00:18:52.450
No. But I will be more vigilant
about not getting gotten myself.

00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:55.980
And, I don't know when,
it may take years...

00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:57.020
but I will retaliate.

00:18:57.040 --> 00:18:59.180
- Can't wait.
- Goodnight Victoria.

00:18:59.740 --> 00:19:02.390
*a lucka.

00:19:02.420 --> 00:19:03.680
I'm sorry, Delores,

00:19:03.700 --> 00:19:07.270
that you became a pawn
in Victoria's sick game.

00:19:07.300 --> 00:19:10.000
Leave the bottle of wine
and we'll call it even.

00:19:10.520 --> 00:19:11.570
I don't know.

00:19:11.590 --> 00:19:13.900
I had high hopes for this
evening and I splurged.

00:19:14.060 --> 00:19:15.320
Okay, what about one glass?

00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:17.940
That seems fair.

00:19:19.300 --> 00:19:23.090
you are being very
not horrible about all this.

00:19:23.830 --> 00:19:25.850
Hey, can I ask you something?

00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:28.710
Has Shred ever mentioned
an unusual sports injury?

00:19:28.790 --> 00:19:29.990
Oh, you read about
the frozen * thing

00:19:30.010 --> 00:19:31.130
and wanna know if it still works?

00:19:31.150 --> 00:19:32.330
There's been some discussion.

00:19:32.350 --> 00:19:36.430
Oh, I've asked him. And it's... a-okay.

00:19:36.450 --> 00:19:38.870
And I've seen it. In the restroom.

00:19:38.900 --> 00:19:41.900
It's, and I don't know
how else to describe it...

00:19:42.850 --> 00:19:45.220
Gorgeous. It's pristine.

00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:46.790
Like a renaissance artist sculpted it

00:19:46.810 --> 00:19:49.050
and then killed himself 'cause
he could do no finer work.

00:19:49.070 --> 00:19:50.790
God, that guy just glides through life.

00:19:50.810 --> 00:19:52.510
The universe is truly garbage.

00:19:54.700 --> 00:19:57.010
Would it be unpleasant if I
joined you for a glass?

00:19:57.430 --> 00:19:58.820
It would not be unpleasant.

00:19:59.740 --> 00:20:01.610
As long as you properly recycle
that bottle.

00:20:02.390 --> 00:20:03.740
Did you just make a joke?

00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:06.260
Maybe.

00:20:07.830 --> 00:20:09.850
I hope the kid likes it.

00:20:09.880 --> 00:20:11.380
This is really nice of you.

00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:13.470
No... it's not that big a deal.

00:20:13.490 --> 00:20:15.430
Oh.

00:20:16.610 --> 00:20:18.140
‌

00:20:18.150 --> 00:20:19.560
No...

00:20:19.580 --> 00:20:20.760
Okay buddy.

00:20:20.780 --> 00:20:22.300
Are you kidding?

00:20:24.570 --> 00:20:25.920
You ready to go? You alright?

00:20:25.950 --> 00:20:27.950
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Okay.

00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:31.050
- Whoa!
- What?

00:20:31.070 --> 00:20:32.200
Down the street.

00:20:34.990 --> 00:20:35.990
Wow.

00:20:39.170 --> 00:20:42.710
Frank was right. It is majestic.

00:20:42.740 --> 00:20:44.780
It's beautiful.

00:20:45.870 --> 00:20:48.280
Um... but also super dangerous

00:20:48.310 --> 00:20:50.810
so maybe we should get back
in the car and report it.

00:20:50.830 --> 00:20:52.500
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

00:20:52.530 --> 00:20:54.050
- We should be fast.
- Oh, my God.

00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:57.270
To all units...

00:20:57.300 --> 00:21:00.690
two off-duty officers report
a cougar at 425 Knoll Drive.

00:21:00.970 --> 00:21:05.020
Officer Dutch responding.
I am instructing the reporting officers

00:21:05.040 --> 00:21:07.390
to take their fake cougar
and shove it up their...

00:21:09.630 --> 00:21:10.680
Over.

00:21:21.560 --> 00:21:24.210
‌

00:21:24.220 --> 00:21:26.280
‌