- Even Instagram knows I'm going through a breakup.
I just got an ad for "singles grave plots."
- You're not gonna die alone because I'm gonna cremate you
- Honestly, can we just skip ahead to the cremation part?
Anything to not feel what I'm feeling right now.
- Maggie, I know it ***
- Thought I could be myself with Daniel.
It's embarrassing when you show yourself to someone,
and then that's why the relationship ends.
- Give me his address.
Thelma's got IBS, and I have a stack of paper bags and a lighter.
- Thank you. BEN: Hey, Maggie,
any chance you'd want to go to prom with me tomorrow night?
- Uh, I don't know. I'll have to ask my parents,
and they'll be just as confused as I am.
- Oh, no, no, no. I want you to come as the entertainment,
um, as a psychic.
You know, the guy who writes names on rice dropped out.
He's at the hospital with carpal tunnel.
- I think one prom in a lifetime is enough for me.
- Ah, man, I'd love to go to prom as an adult.
I'd finally get to ask all the teens if it's good or bad
when people call me "cheugy."
- You wanna come too, Lou?
Amy, Dave, and Jessie all said no, and you'd really be saving me.
I can always use another set of eyes to police for vapes and wine bras.
- Do I look like a narc to you?
Because I would love to!
- Oh, great. - Come on, let's go!
It'll get your mind off Daniel.
- Plus, if you don't come,
then I'll have to learn how to write on rice,
and one of my students' names is "Redlingshafer."
It can't be done.
- Uh... okay, fine.
I will come. - Yes! Oh!
Not only does he believe in you,
when you go pro, he gets your jersey number tattooed on his back.
Actual size.
Man, these kids are really throwing me off.
What a bunch of well-adjusted little weirdos.
- Tell me about it.
I'm an excellent narc,
but for some reason, no one thinks I'm cool.
Actually, saying that out loud, I should've seen that coming.
- Look... They're all in healthy, supportive relationships.
I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me.
- Barkeep, you got anything stronger?
- I'm a gym teacher, and, um, refreshments aren't for parents.
- Wow... really twisting the knife.
- I can't believe that just happened.
- Sorry, you won't be having ***tonight.
But if it makes you feel any better, neither will I?
- Well, I-I see a solution to both our problems.
Honors Bio taught me it's called a "symbiotic relationship."
I'm also taking Anatomy.
- Go get some punch, Kenneth. - Okay, sorry.
The first time I tried to tie a tie, I passed out.
All right
- Trevor got into Penn.
Why would you tell him to commit to art school?
You might as well tell him to grow a handlebar mustache now
because he's goin' straight to being a barista.
- He's an artist.
That's what he's going to do with his life.
- You don't know that, Victor.
- I think I do, and it is my job to guide these students.
- Well, lately, you've been guiding angry parents into my office.
Now talk to Trevor and fix this.
Look at that.
- Uh, so, just to be clear... - Oh, that lady's back.
- That's right. The lady is back.
Yoga might be a part-time job, but it is a full-time lifestyle.
- You felt the need to come back and tell us that?
- No. No, no, no. That's not all. I'm smart, okay? I went to med school.
- So, you're like a retired doctor?
- What? No... I dropped out because it was stressful.
You guys get that, right?
School is just studying, and overbearing parents, and raging acne.
Actually, you all have perfect skin.
- Things are goin' pretty great right now. Gemma just made a boatload on NFTs.
- Yeah, she literally bought a boat.
- You die together, holding hands at the age of 102.
Enjoy.
- Beat it, kid! This is an emergency. - Ah!
- Thank you.
Why is love so easy for these kids, Lou? It makes no sense.
- They drive Teslas, Maggie.
And I'm just some cheugy loser who blew off her parents' expectations
in the name of "personal fulfillment."
Cheugy is bad, Maggie... Really bad.
- It's like the second I opened myself up to Daniel,
he breaks my heart.
- I still owe money on my PT Cruiser.
- And now I'm getting hit on by kids in jorts.
- And according to one kid, I still need that prescription deodorant.
I gotta get outta here. - What? Why? Where are you going?
- I'm going through something, Maggie,
and I have to go home and figure out what the hell an NFT is immediately!
where's Miss Louise?
- Ugh, she's so obsessed with becoming a doctor
that she locked herself in the bathroom to study,
so I'm alone as usual.
- You know, sometimes you just have a bad night.
Hey, Maggie,
I have two crystal balls you can look into.
- Dylan, I suggest you take your comments and your rusty wallet chain elsewhere.
- At least the night's almost over.
- Listen, Maggie, I know things seem terrible right now,
but I see great things in your future.
People are gonna love and appreciate you.
And those eyebrows are gonna make people jealous someday.
- Thanks.
You know, you're kinda like my guardian angel.
- Oh. "Guardian angel." I like that.
- What? - I just saw something.
You will dance with a great guy at prom and you'll be happy.
- Really? - Yes, sweetie, just not at this prom.
- Milady... would you be so kind to let me have this dance?
- Sure, Kenneth.
- Now, before Mr. Morales does the honors of crowning this year's royalty,
we have a little surprise.
- So, the prom committee did some digging on something called MySpace,
and we thought Mr. M. would like to remember his prom when he was king.
Aw, they're so in love.
What do you, uh...
What do you say we announce the royal court, huh?
If I don't pass this test, my parents are gonna kill me
because I'm not gonna get into med school, which means that my brother will win.
- Do you even want to be a doctor,
or are you just trying to make your parents happy?
- I'm sorry, what's the difference?
- Let's just go to Rena's.
I hear there's a secret menu and they'll put cheese on your fries.
- Shut up. Is that real?
- Duh, I wouldn't lie about cheese.
- We need to make that a rule.
We don't lie about cheese.
- All right, Victor, did you talk to Trevor yet?
- No... and I'm not going to.
Excuse me?
- I'm gonna meet you outside. - Okay.
He will go to art school,
and then he will sign with a gallery in Chelsea,
and have a bitter feud with the maître d' at Balthazar.
And, yes, he will be a barista, but only for, like, six months.
- And, uh... how do you know all this?
- Because I can see the future.
I'm psychic.
Psychic.
Victor, tell me, what else do you see in your crystal ball?
- Well, I see you having four beautiful grandchildren,
and you get a DUI on something called a Bird scooter.
Oh, and there is one more thing.
It's blurry, but it's getting clearer, it's getting clearer.
I quit.
- Well... that was it.
The only prom we'll ever have,
and the best part was watching a grown man quit his job.
I hope we don't feel that way when we see Twilight.
- Are you kidding my ***? There is no way. Team Jacob.
- I keep trying to get visions of it,
but all I see are adult women sobbing in the theater.
Thought I might find you here.
Also, your app posts your location.
- I should turn that off. - Yeah.
- I'm sorry for ditching you. - It's okay. We both had a rough night.
At least we got cheesy fries. - Mm-hm.
- Well, I may not be the psychic in this relationship,
but I know we're only goin' up from here.
- Yeah? What do you see, Lou?
- Well, I'm gonna be a surgeon,
and you're gonna be married to Pete Wentz,
and we'll look back on this and laugh.
I really thought tonight was gonna be a win for us.
Now I'm questioning every choice I've ever made.
Like, maybe I shouldn't have quit med school.
- Lou! You were miserable in med school. You did what was best for you.
- I used to be so ambitious, Maggie. - You still are!
You still have that flashcard-wielding freak deep inside of you.
You just gotta let her out.
- Who cares if I never made it on a "30 under 30" list?
I got a new goal, and a cartilage piercing that's finally healed.
- That is huge. Things are really looking up.
- And what about you? How are you?
- You know what?
I'm actually okay.
At first, it was... it was rough seeing all those teens in love.
- Oh, yeah, you hate to see that.
- But maybe... it was good for me?
Like... it was a reminder that love is still out there.
- Uh, I just got full-body chills. - Yeah.
Somebody's gonna love me for who I really am, visions and all.
- Well, you know, someone already does.
- Mm, thanks, Lou. I love you, too.
- You know what?
I need to celebrate. - Ooh.
- Hopefully, this is vodka and not wine cooler.
Hey, you know what I just remembered? - Huh, prom ***?
- These cheese fries give me heartburn.
- Just gotta keep eating through the pain. - Challenge accepted.
- So, how was prom? Dance with anyone?
- I think you know the answer to that.
Ugh, I'm just glad it's over.
Thank god we're both done with high school.
- I know. That dress code was oppressive.
They wouldn't let me wear any of my silk robes.
They have lapels. It's business casual.
- I just wanted to tell you, Angel... I'm really proud of you.
- I'm proud of me, too. But for what specifically?
- For being unapologetically you.
- Aw.
- I gotta go. That must be Lou coming back for her leftovers.
- Bye, baby.
- L... Oh, hi. - Hi.
- Hey, come in. - Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah, I... I'm... - I was just looking around, and I didn't see you there.
- so sorry. I didn't mean to leave early. I just... - No, no, no. It, it... It's all good.
It's all good.
But you did miss Alec and Kurt winning prom kings.
- Ahh.
And crowned by a former king.
- Oh, about that... - Yeah, so you secretly had a great prom.
- Actually... right before that picture was taken,
that was the first time Jessie and I broke up.
- Ah. - Sometimes a photo doesn't tell the full story.
- I know what you mean.
- So, am I still part of the miserable prom club?
- I guess I won't revoke your membership card just yet.
- I did bring this.
Kenneth thought you should have it.
- Sweet, sweet Kenneth.
He is tenacious. I will give him that.
- I thought you should have it, too.
Thanks for coming tonight, Maggie. - Yeah.
- You're welcome. - Students loved it.
Good night. - Night.
- Victor Hart?
- Yes, I would like to change my name to Angel.
That's A-N-G-E-L, as in guardian, as in touched by, as in hair pasta.
- Got it. - Wow. Well, that was super easy.
I wanna thank you for being a part of this monumental moment in my life.
- You are very welcome, sir.
- I'mma go to Starbucks now and watch them spell it wrong on a cup.
- Great, but first, you'll head down to the Social Security Office
and change your Social Security card.
Then you'll swing by the DMV and get a new license.
After that, head straight to the bank and change your fi...
- You know what?
I'm just gonna tell people to call me Angel.
I'm wearing all white. They'll get it. Thank you.