WEBVTT

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This *.

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I know.

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I wish we were old enough
to drive.

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Then we'd never be bored.

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I wish I could
get out on my own

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and make a bunch of money
and start the party.

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I wish I was a bird.

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We're going bowling tonight
with some kids from school.

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It's, like, four boys and six,
you know, girls.

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Not that I care.

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Doesn't make
any difference to me.

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Why can't I go bowling, too?

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Because you are
spending the night
in your room.

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You are being punished.

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And tomorrow you are
going to the store

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and buying Mrs. McNabb
a new parakeet!

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Aw, Dad?
Don't look at me.

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As far as you boys
are concerned,

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your mom and I
are a united front.

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We're ready.
Who's going to drive us?

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I'll do it.
I'll do it.

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You, to your room. March!

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Come on, son.

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Race you to your room.

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Oh, boys, you are going
to have so much fun.

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One complaint
about your behavior

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and I'll come down
on you like a hammer.

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Bowling strikes,
picking up spares...

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And when you're
getting ready to roll,

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the girls will be
in back of you,

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checking out
the old hinder.

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This is one
of the last places

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you haven't
been banned from,

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so unless you want
to spend your Saturday nights

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in the Laundromat,
you'd better behave.

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Do I smell cologne?

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Very sophisticated.

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Is this Irving Street?

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I've never seen
that church before.

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Let's see, we were supposed
to take the second left

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after we went over the
bridge, and then...

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Oh, geez, how's anybody
supposed to find this place?

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Here we are.

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This is good, Mom.

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You can drop us off here.

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Yeah, you don't
need to come in.

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We can walk
the rest of the way.

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Oh, I understand.

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You're at that age where
I'm an embarrassment to you.

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Hi. I need
two pair of shoes--

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size seven
and size nine.

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Coming up.

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Where did
all my money go?

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I've only got six dollars?

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Uh... just give me
one pair, size eight.

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You boys can share.

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But Reese isn't
wearing any socks.

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I'm not sticking my socks
in those nasty shoes.

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Ha-ha! See?

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Told you we'd find it.

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Now let's just get you
set up with some shoes.

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Ooh! Pricey.

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Good thing
I stole some cash

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from your mom's wallet
this morning.

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LOIS:
Go to sleep.

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I don't want to hear
another peep out of you.

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It's not fair.

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I don't want
to go to sleep early.

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Fine. Feel free
to lie awake all night.

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Okay, go to sleep.

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I don't want to hear
a peep out of you.

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It's not fair.

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I don't want
to go to sleep early.

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We're not debating this.

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I'm serious, Dewey.

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I don't want any trouble
with you.

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That means no pleading,
no whining, no crying.

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You do understand why we're
doing this, don't you, son?

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MALCOLM:
Hey, check it out.

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Beth Ballard's here.

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REESE:
Yeah.

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I hear she's why
Mr. Thomas got fired.

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You can go now.

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Thanks for the ride.

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Where are the parents?

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Are there no parents here?

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Mom, please don't...

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LOIS:
Where are your parents?

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Who's chaperoning this?

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Mom, we don't need
a chaperone.

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Okay, it's me.

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We got two lanes here--
let's use them!

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You, you, you, you and you,
you'll use that lane.

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You five use this one.

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Mom, please don't do this.

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Are you kidding?

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You guys are bowling.

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You could cut the hormones
around here with a knife.

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I mean, what kind of parent

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would leave these kids
alone with themselves?

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Okay, I'll see you
in a couple hours.

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Hey, there's

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Beth Ballard.

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Did you see that?
She smiled at me.

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Hate to break it to you,
but she was smiling at me.

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Okay, fine.

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Let's both go talk
to her and find out.

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Sounds fair.

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Hey, Beth.

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Hi, Reese.

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Having fun?

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I guess.

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I'm kind of surprised
to see you here.

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I mean, you're too cool

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to have to go
to a bowling party.

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Well, I could say the same thing
about you.

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Hey, I've got a great joke.

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How would you like
to take a walk on the beach,

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feel the salt spray in your face
and the wind in your hair?

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Sure. I guess.

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Looks like you already have!

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What's the matter with you?

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You spit on me, you pig!

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What? Don't you get it?

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Oh, can you put me
down at the end?

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See, my kids are here
with a bunch of friends,

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and, you know, some are girls.

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I don't want
to cramp their style.

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That's just not me.

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And another thing--

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the next person
who swears

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is getting their
parents called.

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You can count on it.

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I want to see a
little daylight
between you two.

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Let's go, Malcolm.
You can do it.

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You're not
going to throw

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another gutter
ball this time.

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Mom, just let me bowl.

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Okay, okay.

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That's a good effort, Malcolm.

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Yes!

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Nice roll.

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Thanks.

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And you're pretty good, too.

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I've got a
joke for you.

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Would you like
to take a walk
on the beach...

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LOIS:
Reese!

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You're up!

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Oh.

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Hello.

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Hey, Dad. I need a favor.

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Let's hear it.

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Well, some of the other cadets

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are going in together
on an old car,

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and if I put in $100

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I get the car
every seventh weekend.

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I could take road trips

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and go on dates.

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I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.

00:05:56.569 --> 00:05:57.528
Oh, come on, Francis.

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That's ridiculous.

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I'm not giving you the money

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to buy one-seventh
of a piece of junk.

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Okay. Just thought I'd ask.

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Later, Dad.
Bye.

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Hey, Mom, I need a favor.

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Sure. Let's hear it.

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Well, some of the other cadets

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are going in together
on an old car

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and if I put in 100 bucks

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I get the car
every seventh weekend.

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Get back in there!

00:06:16.130 --> 00:06:17.590
I could take road trips
and go on dates.

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I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.

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Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

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I really don't think
we can afford this right now.

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Of course.
I knew you'd say that.

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Why do I even try?

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Now you can go to bed happy,

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knowing that you kept my life
a living hell!

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Maybe the lane
is warped.

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Mom, please.

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You're not that
bad of a bowler,
Malcolm.

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I know you're not.

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What are you doing?
Try this one.

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It's a lighter ball.

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Mom, this is
a little kid's ball.

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LOIS:
Just do it. Try it.

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MAN:
Pick a lane!

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Yeah!

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Pop 'em and drop 'em.

00:08:00.234 --> 00:08:02.528
I'm not buying it.

00:08:04.864 --> 00:08:06.657
What's wrong, son?

00:08:06.699 --> 00:08:07.867
Nothing.

00:08:07.867 --> 00:08:10.870
Oh. Hey, you want me
to read you a story?

00:08:10.870 --> 00:08:11.871
No.

00:08:11.871 --> 00:08:13.039
Oh, come on.

00:08:13.039 --> 00:08:15.208
Hey, I'll read you
"Wilbur the Worried Worm."

00:08:15.249 --> 00:08:16.751
You love that.

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Let's see, where...

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Hey, here it is.

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How about that?

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Okay.

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"There once was a worried
little worm named Wilbur."

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Oh, perfect.

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"Wilbur lived in a magic garden
filled with beautiful flowers.

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One day..."

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Ha-cha!

00:09:08.928 --> 00:09:10.096
Man, six strikes.

00:09:10.137 --> 00:09:11.931
You're on your way
to a perfect...

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Medium with thick crust,

00:09:51.220 --> 00:09:54.932
mushroom, pepperoni...
and extra cheese, please.

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Ah.

00:10:05.359 --> 00:10:07.278
Gesundheit.

00:10:12.783 --> 00:10:17.622
I am the mayor of Strike Town.
Yah!

00:10:33.429 --> 00:10:34.597
Are you deaf?

00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:35.598
What?

00:10:35.640 --> 00:10:37.141
I guess that's a yes

00:10:37.224 --> 00:10:40.603
to the "do you like
my lip gloss?" question.

00:10:40.645 --> 00:10:41.812
Yeah. Uh, yes.

00:10:41.812 --> 00:10:44.982
I mean, why wouldn't I say yes
to anything you ask?

00:10:44.982 --> 00:10:46.233
Hey, not bad.

00:10:46.275 --> 00:10:49.195
You're a pretty smooth talker.

00:10:49.236 --> 00:10:51.739
What else are you good at?

00:10:51.781 --> 00:10:54.909
A lot of things.

00:10:54.950 --> 00:10:57.703
So, how about you
pick... one thing?

00:10:57.745 --> 00:10:59.121
Maybe I will.

00:10:59.664 --> 00:11:01.165
Stop talking
like that, Malcolm.

00:11:01.207 --> 00:11:03.000
You can do this--
now, just remember,

00:11:03.042 --> 00:11:04.919
bend your knee
on the follow-through.

00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:06.504
And remember to keep

00:11:06.545 --> 00:11:07.838
your elbow in.

00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:09.507
Why don't you just kill me
and get it over with?

00:11:09.548 --> 00:11:10.424
Come on, I'm trying
to help you.

00:11:10.466 --> 00:11:12.426
Can't I at least use
a boy's ball?

00:11:12.468 --> 00:11:14.095
No. You've knocked
over five pins

00:11:14.136 --> 00:11:16.263
since you switched
to that ball.

00:11:27.566 --> 00:11:29.318
Aw...

00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:31.070
You must really want
out of this room

00:11:31.153 --> 00:11:33.030
to draw such
a manipulative picture.

00:11:33.072 --> 00:11:34.365
Mm-hmm.

00:11:39.453 --> 00:11:41.872
Go to sleep, sweetie.

00:11:47.670 --> 00:11:49.046
That's $11.50.

00:11:49.088 --> 00:11:51.632
I gave all my cash
to the video guy.

00:11:51.674 --> 00:11:53.467
Do you take credit cards?

00:11:53.509 --> 00:11:54.468
Yeah.

00:11:54.510 --> 00:11:55.970
Is one enough?

00:11:56.929 --> 00:11:59.640
Better make that two.

00:11:59.682 --> 00:12:00.474
Thank you.

00:12:07.231 --> 00:12:09.024
Oh, oh, wait.
Where are you going?

00:12:09.066 --> 00:12:10.943
I have to use the restroom.
No, no, no.

00:12:11.026 --> 00:12:12.278
Nobody leaves.
But I...

00:12:12.361 --> 00:12:13.529
No, no, no, please, please,

00:12:13.571 --> 00:12:14.739
everything's got
to stay the same.

00:12:14.780 --> 00:12:15.948
Please, I need you here.

00:12:15.948 --> 00:12:19.118
I've never... I've never been
this close before.

00:12:19.118 --> 00:12:20.745
You are a part of this.

00:12:20.786 --> 00:12:22.580
You're all

00:12:22.621 --> 00:12:23.873
a part of this.

00:12:23.914 --> 00:12:28.961
Each a thread in a fabric
of the perfect game.

00:12:28.961 --> 00:12:30.421
Oh, sure,
it'll be my name

00:12:30.463 --> 00:12:32.965
up there on that plaque
by the men's room door,

00:12:32.965 --> 00:12:34.633
but each of you know
in your heart

00:12:34.633 --> 00:12:35.926
that you had a vital role
Okay, okay.

00:12:35.926 --> 00:12:37.428
in my success...
Okay.

00:12:37.470 --> 00:12:38.804
Okay!

00:12:39.722 --> 00:12:41.474
Just... go quick.

00:12:41.515 --> 00:12:42.683
Okay, thank you.

00:12:42.725 --> 00:12:44.059
Thank you.

00:12:58.908 --> 00:13:00.826
Gesundheit.

00:13:05.998 --> 00:13:07.333
Two to go.

00:13:07.374 --> 00:13:09.043
What's their problem?

00:13:09.084 --> 00:13:10.961
Yeah. It's just bowling.

00:13:11.003 --> 00:13:11.962
Relax.

00:13:12.004 --> 00:13:13.798
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.

00:13:13.839 --> 00:13:15.966
Like outside?

00:13:16.008 --> 00:13:18.010
No. There's security
cameras out there.

00:13:18.010 --> 00:13:19.303
Trust me.

00:13:33.234 --> 00:13:34.568
You see, Malcolm?

00:13:34.610 --> 00:13:36.237
Isn't it great
when you don't have

00:13:36.237 --> 00:13:37.404
to worry about
the gutters?

00:13:37.404 --> 00:13:38.697
You can just bowl
and have fun.

00:13:38.739 --> 00:13:41.242
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.

00:13:41.242 --> 00:13:42.409
Me, too.

00:13:42.451 --> 00:13:45.496
Wait, I still have
to tell you that joke.

00:13:45.538 --> 00:13:48.791
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach,

00:13:48.833 --> 00:13:51.418
feel the salt...

00:13:51.460 --> 00:13:53.128
You know what?

00:13:53.170 --> 00:13:54.421
That's not a good joke.

00:13:55.172 --> 00:13:56.131
Look at me!

00:13:56.173 --> 00:13:57.508
I'm the world's greatest bowler!

00:13:57.508 --> 00:14:00.135
I care so much about bowling!

00:14:00.177 --> 00:14:02.513
Bowling is so important!

00:14:02.555 --> 00:14:04.682
Malcolm, come back here!

00:14:04.723 --> 00:14:05.808
You want a strike?

00:14:05.850 --> 00:14:07.351
I'll give you a strike!

00:14:07.351 --> 00:14:09.520
Here's your damn strike!

00:14:22.867 --> 00:14:25.160
Way to go, Connie!

00:14:25.828 --> 00:14:27.705
Listen, maybe
you shouldn't...

00:14:27.746 --> 00:14:29.707
(chanting):
Connie, Connie.

00:14:29.748 --> 00:14:31.500
Connie, Connie, Connie.

00:14:31.500 --> 00:14:33.711
Connie, Connie, Connie...

00:14:33.752 --> 00:14:35.629
Oh, man, that
was classic.

00:14:35.671 --> 00:14:37.590
Okay, let's go make out.

00:14:37.631 --> 00:14:38.924
I don't think so.

00:14:38.966 --> 00:14:41.385
...Connie, Connie, Connie,

00:14:41.427 --> 00:14:43.554
Connie, Connie...

00:14:43.596 --> 00:14:44.847
Okay, I think bowling's over.

00:14:44.889 --> 00:14:45.973
Get your jackets.

00:14:46.015 --> 00:14:48.058
I'm taking
everyone home.

00:14:51.312 --> 00:14:52.980
Turn in the shoes.

00:14:53.981 --> 00:14:56.775
I'll meet you out front.

00:15:01.530 --> 00:15:04.199
HAL:
Only one more.

00:15:19.340 --> 00:15:21.383
Gesundheit.

00:15:36.565 --> 00:15:38.776
That counts, right?

00:15:38.817 --> 00:15:41.362
300.

00:15:41.403 --> 00:15:43.113
It has to count.

00:15:45.282 --> 00:15:47.451
3-0-0.

00:15:47.451 --> 00:15:51.121
(chanting alone):
3-0-0.

00:15:51.121 --> 00:15:54.959
3-0... oh!

00:15:57.670 --> 00:15:59.296
What's going on?

00:15:59.338 --> 00:16:01.674
I haven't heard a peep
out of you in over an hour.

00:16:01.757 --> 00:16:03.634
I'm kind of tired.

00:16:03.676 --> 00:16:06.303
But you haven't tried
your fake running away

00:16:06.303 --> 00:16:07.304
or your sleepwalking yet.

00:16:07.346 --> 00:16:09.348
It's not like you
to give up so easily.

00:16:09.431 --> 00:16:10.683
Hmm.

00:16:10.766 --> 00:16:11.976
Maybe you've finally learned

00:16:11.976 --> 00:16:13.519
that all those silly
little games you play

00:16:13.602 --> 00:16:15.187
aren't going
to get you anywhere.

00:16:15.229 --> 00:16:16.355
I guess.

00:16:16.397 --> 00:16:17.773
When you're punished
in this house

00:16:17.815 --> 00:16:19.358
you're going to serve
your time.

00:16:19.400 --> 00:16:21.026
There's no getting around it.

00:16:21.819 --> 00:16:24.154
Well, I suppose
you've suffered enough.

00:16:24.154 --> 00:16:27.783
I guess there's no harm
in 20 minutes of television.

00:16:27.825 --> 00:16:28.450
Okay.

00:16:28.492 --> 00:16:30.160
Wait a minute.

00:16:30.160 --> 00:16:32.579
Unless this is
a new ploy.

00:16:32.621 --> 00:16:35.874
You get right back
into bed, mister.

00:16:35.916 --> 00:16:37.334
Okay.

00:16:37.376 --> 00:16:38.502
No, no, hold on.

00:16:38.544 --> 00:16:40.629
I'm-I'm... I'm being ridiculous.

00:16:40.671 --> 00:16:42.256
Go, watch TV.

00:16:43.298 --> 00:16:45.592
Wait, not so fast.

00:16:45.634 --> 00:16:48.887
I'm not falling for it.

00:16:48.929 --> 00:16:50.180
I'm being ridiculous.

00:16:50.180 --> 00:16:52.558
But you are not
getting away with it.

00:16:52.641 --> 00:16:53.976
Go, watch TV.

00:16:54.018 --> 00:16:54.643
No, stop, stop.

00:16:54.685 --> 00:16:56.186
Stay right where you are.

00:16:56.186 --> 00:16:57.271
Okay.

00:16:57.312 --> 00:16:58.689
Okay, I tell you what
we're going to do.

00:16:58.731 --> 00:17:00.733
You are-are going
to watch television.

00:17:00.816 --> 00:17:03.861
But it's going to be something
you're not going to enjoy.

00:17:03.861 --> 00:17:04.695
C-SPAN.

00:17:04.737 --> 00:17:06.071
That ought to do it.

00:17:07.364 --> 00:17:10.367
Okay, who just won?

00:17:10.367 --> 00:17:11.827
I'm not sure.

00:17:11.827 --> 00:17:12.327
I'm not sure.

00:17:14.371 --> 00:17:16.040
Hey, Mom, I've got
to tell you--

00:17:16.081 --> 00:17:18.709
I wasn't on board
at first with you staying,

00:17:18.751 --> 00:17:20.169
but tonight was...

00:17:20.210 --> 00:17:22.129
well, it was magic.

00:17:23.756 --> 00:17:25.966
Okay, fine,
don't count it.

00:17:26.008 --> 00:17:27.426
But you and I both know

00:17:27.468 --> 00:17:30.179
that was a perfect game.

00:17:35.309 --> 00:17:37.936
Reese, get out
of the photo booth!

00:17:39.897 --> 00:17:41.523
Uh, hi.

00:17:41.607 --> 00:17:44.026
You... you probably
want your privacy.

00:17:44.026 --> 00:17:45.944
I'll get out
of your way.

00:18:27.069 --> 00:18:28.946
So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?

00:18:28.987 --> 00:18:31.490
Next time, you take 'em.
Next time, you take 'em.