Proud of you.
Thanks.
Now all I need is a trophy case
and a magnifying glass.
Size doesn't matter.
Not helping.
Look, Tom, you earned them, you should be happy.
I haven't come in higher than 26th.
Why do they even give out trophies for 26th?
By the time they called my name, the alley was already
setting up for a birthday party. I'm in a rut.
- Tom... - I just don't get it.
I've changed my approach, my ball speed,
my release point.
I don't know what else to do.
Sweetie, look, you're gonna get through this.
Okay? What does Archie say?
"You're not keeping your elbow in!"
"Stop flipping your damn wrist! You're chopping pins!"
- My point is he only says what I'm doing wrong. - Hey.
Look, six months ago, you were installing seat belts
on an assembly line, and now you are a professional bowler.
- Yeah, but... - Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
The fact is, there is a roof over our heads,
the bills are paid, there's food on that table.
I know.
But I have to be getting top-ten finishes
if I want to get in the World Series of Bowling.
Yeah, and you've already earned half those points
you need to get there and you have one of
the highest series averages of any rookie on the tour.
You know it turns me on when you talk bowling stats, right?
Well, come upstairs and I'll read you some split percentages
while I jump rope in a tube top.
- Really? - No!
My point is
I think you need to change your perspective.
Saying you're in a rut only puts you deeper in a rut.
Change your thoughts, change your life.
I'm not in... I'm not in a rut.
- I'm not... - Try harder.
I'm not in a rut.
Okay, warmer. Turn it up.
I am not in a rut!
There's my man!
That's the power of positive thinking.
You will go upstairs and jump rope in a tube top!
Nice try.
Wait, what?
What are you doing? It's 6:00 a.m.
Yeah, I've been up since 4:00.
I couldn't stop thinking about what you said,
so I found a podcast on the power of positivity.
Oh, thank God.
So that's what you were doing with your phone
under the covers last night.
Yeah, more or less.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Look, it's hosted by a sports psychologist.
He's worked with pro athletes for over 30 years.
It's all about thought replacement.
Positive thoughts, productive results.
Ah, sounds a lot like what I told you last night,
but now that a man said it...
I'm glad you're excited.
You didn't buy anything, did you?
I'm not a *.
You bought an umbrella off an infomercial.
Yeah, umbrella technology hasn't changed in 100 years.
Excuse me for being curious.
Okay,
but just to be clear, you didn't buy anything?
Good morning, my friends.
Thinking about the past,
that's depression.
Thinking about the future, that's anxiety.
Today is a new day.
Facts.
Hey, listen.
You only got four more tournaments
before the World Series of Bowling.
So, today may be a new day,
but your game *s as much as it did yesterday.
Your enthusiasm's not lost on me.
I don't think you're listening to what I'm saying.
You're placing in the middle
'cause you're bowling like a damn fool.
Now, today you're gonna practice hitting the 3-9 sleeper.
Love the passion.
I want you to do that 100 times.
And if the sun is still up, I want you to do it 100 more.
Man, I'm staying on you like a streak
on a low-flow toilet until you come out of this rut.
Archie, we're not using the word "rut" anymore.
Well, are we using this word?
"Shut your damn mouth and bowl."
You know, in Biology of the Happy Brain,
they say you should match every negative with two positives.
Wait, I didn't know you listened to Happy Brain.
Man, I love Dr. Hughes.
Attitude is a choice.
You know what else is a choice?
I-I'm-a get back to work.
I think you should give this podcast a try, Arch.
Be more positive.
I don't want to overstep, but you can be a little grouchy,
a little critical.
I'm critical because I'm trying to help you.
No pain, no gain.
Eh. Dr. Hughes says, "No pain, no pain."
Oh, boy.
I'm just saying it might help me
to hear something supportive every once in a while.
You don't need buttering up, Tom,
you need a coach. And don't forget,
my way has gotten you this far.
Yeah, but I've plateaued.
Sometimes you need a shoulder to stand on
if you want to shoot for the moon.
Dr. Hughes says, "If you miss the moon,
you'll still land amongst the stars."
What in the blue hell is you talking about right now?
The moon is closer to the Earth than any star.
You know how far it is to a star?
If you go... You know, this is ridiculous.
I don't want to be placing in the middle of the pack forever.
I want to be at the top.
And maybe I'd get there faster
if we tried something new.
Okay. Fine.
I'll listen to your stupid podcast,
if you're willing to try something new.
- Yeah, I'm open to new stuff. - You sure?
- Yes. - 'Cause this is real cutting-edge stuff.
Yeah, give it to me.
Shut your damn mouth and bowl.
Wow.
This place looks like a real salon.
Thanks. Now I just got to get better
at cleaning up before dinner.
Last night I had a few complaints
about my spaghetti and hair *.
I got everything on your list.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I've been too busy to hit the supply store.
Back-to-back cuts, colors, extensions.
- I even trimmed a guy's toupee. - On his head?
No, his wife brought it in. She just needed
to get it back before he woke up.
I can't believe how busy you are.
I know.
I could actually use a little help this weekend
- if you're free. - I wish I could.
There's no way Ruth is gonna give me the time off.
I'm supposed to be at the dentist right now.
If she checks my teeth, I'm *ed.
Here. I have some cotton *
you can cram in your cheeks if it'll help.
I'd love to have a job
where I could just lie about being sick
- without having to prove it. - Mm.
Well, if I ever figure all this out,
who knows... maybe we can partner up.
- Oh, my God. That would be amazing. - Wouldn't it?
You could lie about being sick as much as you want.
I'd even throw in one week of paid hangover days.
That'll get me through January 8.
Someday.
Well, back to reality.
I hate my life.
Hey.
- Podcast? - Yeah, you know it.
Hmm. So, did Archie kind of hate it or really hate it?
Hate does not exist.
It's really just the absence of love.
- But he really the absence of loved it. - Mm.
Oh, hey.
What are you doing back? Did you forget something?
Guess who's named Tia and just quit her job.
Ah. That's an easy one.
- Me. I did it. I quit. - What?!
I'm all in on Team Tia and Jen.
Jen and Tia. But what?!
I told Ruth that I quit so that I come work for you.
Where should I set up?
Wait, Tia, when we talked about working together,
I meant someday, not today.
Oh, every day's a someday before it's a today.
Look, okay, look,
this-this kitchen is not ideal for something like this.
- This isn't going to be easy. - Well, that's fine.
I'd rather be on a bumpy road to somewhere
than a dead end road to nowhere.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tia Maria, that was beautiful.
- That was inspired. It's... - Dial it back, babe.
How did Ruth take all this?
Surprisingly well.
- Really? - Yeah.
She hugged me.
She gave me this card to give you.
Card?
- "Good luck... " Aw. - Aw.
"... with the inspector I reported you to
for illegally running a business out of your kitchen."
"P.S. You can * a... "
Oh, my God, she's gonna shut down
the Tia and Jen Salon before it even opens.
Jen and Tia, and she's not closing down anything.
- Jen and Tia. - Yeah.
Tia and Jen.
Closed minds will never shut down open hearts.
I just made that up.
This might be positive thinking,
but I think I'm really good at this.
Hey, hey, hey, Lew my dude.
Hey, heads up.
Archie's in a weird mood.
Oh, what do you mean?
Good morning, fellow travelers
on this crazy rock we call Earth.
That's what I mean.
Oh, what a beautiful morning
Oh, what a beautiful day
Somebody's in a good mood.
Y-you want to get to practice?
Not quite yet.
I've got a wonderful
Feeling
Everything's going
My way.
All right, let's get to work.
Oh, nice approach, Tom.
Your footwork is so good
it's like Bruno Mars had a baby with Usher.
Wow, man, you really took this podcast to heart. It's great.
Well, you told me to listen. I listened.
Gave me a new perspective.
Hey, Arch, how's my game looking?
Carl... I love your passion
and dedication to the sport.
Look, it doesn't matter what the score is
as long as you love it.
Thanks, man.
And, Tom, that was a hell of a shot!
Ooh.
Wow.
I don't think I've ever heard you say that before.
Well, I meant it.
Thanks for giving this podcast a try.
Tom,
there is no triumph without a "try."
And an "umph."
Damn it, Lew...
... how can one man have so much wit?
Dang it.
That's the third spare I've missed today.
That was a hell of a shot, Tom.
Thanks.
Love that you keep saying that.
What am I doing wrong, Arch?
Not focusing on what you're doing right,
which, from where I'm sitting, is a lot.
I'm still chopping pins, though.
Yeah, you're chopping pins,
but your release point is right on the money.
Come on, man.
I got no follow-through.
I look like a damn fool.
You sound just like Archie, but less hot.
Um, the problem isn't your body,
It's your mind.
You got to visualize knocking down the pins.
It's just like Dr. Hughes said,
"See the win, be the win."
Visualizing is great, but if I don't start knocking down pins,
I'm gonna see the foreclosure and be on the street.
No offense, Tom,
but you can be a little grumpy sometimes.
Oh, hey. Okay, could you give me a hand?
I'm hiding any trace of having a salon in the kitchen.
I canceled all my appointments. I took all the bags of hair
from our trash out to the street.
Sure you have to do all this?
The inspector could drop in at any minute,
and if I'm caught it's a $10,000 fine.
You sure you're doing it fast enough?
Okay. You know, in the meantime,
Tia's looking for chairs we can rent someplace
or maybe a super cheap place of our own.
But every time I tell a realtor our budget,
they hang up on me or they laugh in a really mean way.
If Archie was here, he'd tell you to visualize a new salon.
- What are you talking about? - He listened to the podcast.
Now he's Mr. Positive.
Isn't that what you wanted?
Yeah, but we didn't get anything done all day.
He's not even coaching me.
He just showers me with compliments.
It's like his whole personality changed overnight.
Oh, this is like when Felicity chopped off all her curls.
I'm sorry. I see everything in hair.
He didn't say one negative thing all day.
I tested him.
I threw a gutter ball on purpose, he said,
"Mistakes are just successes spelled differently."
I mean, how does that make sense?
Completely different letters.
- Really out of character for him. - Yeah.
He's messing with me, isn't he?
- I didn't say that. - No, he is.
That's it.
Only Archie could weaponize positivity.
God, I've created the nicest monster in the world.
Franken-kind.
Hey.
Come on, man. Let's get to work.
Hey, buddy.
I think we start with ten minutes of gratitude.
Knock it off.
I'm gonna bowl, you're gonna yell
what I'm doing wrong. You win.
I don't think you've given the power of positivity enough of a shot.
I get it. It's a stupid podcast
and positivity doesn't work.
- You proved your point. - What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you *ing with me
instead of coaching me.
The World Series is right around the corner.
We don't have time for this.
*ing with you?
Why would I * with you?
I have no idea.
You said all this would help.
I wanted you to be a little bit more positive,
not turn into Dolly Parton.
Oh, okay.
So, so first, I'm too negative,
then I'm too positive,
now, all of a sudden, I'm *ing with you?
Tell me you're not.
I'm not!
I think maybe the problem is you don't trust me as your coach.
Arch... Arch.
Okay, bye.
Well, any luck?
I just found a place in our price range.
But it's close to a manure farm.
It's on a manure farm. It's a barn.
At least your kitchen looks like a kitchen again.
Except for these.
Oh, God. They must have fallen out of my bag.
Good save.
Uh-oh.
Look, okay, this isn't what it looks like.
Hi.
- You know, we were clipping coupons. - Mm-hmm.
With a pair of stainless steel Amandalena thinning shears?
Is that a crime, copper?
No, it isn't.
However, illegally operating a salon in your kitchen is.
I know. Good thing there is none of that
going on here.
There's a bag of human hair in the trash bin
that would suggest otherwise.
- That's not ours. - Mm-mm.
We're holding that for a friend.
Yes, his name is Joe Friend... erson.
Joe Frienderson.
He's an attorney at Frienderson and Sons.
He's bald. Now.
Oh.
Well, then I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.
Oh, yeah, one last thing.
I'm not an idiot!
Having a salon... or any business...
in a living space is a direct violation
of Article 104-6 of the Michigan Business Corporation Act.
Okay, r-right.
Fair enough, but...
But you are allowed to operate an independent salon
if it is enclosed by full partitions
and doors from a dwelling.
And if it's a full-service salon,
it must have shampoo bowls and a separate hand-washing sink
to clean tools,
according to 109-7 of the Michigan Business Corporation Act.
Okay.
You know your stuff,
but the kitchen still isn't gonna pass code.
Okay, but...
But...
- But... - But the sunroom does.
Or it will, uh...
I mean, obviously, I would never cut hair in a kitchen.
Can you get water in here for the sinks?
Um...
Yeah, we can tap into the main line,
which runs two feet along the south wall of this room.
It's three-quarter inch high-density polyethylene,
so that'll be plenty for what we need.
All right, well, get that done,
and then all you have to do is apply for a business license,
and you're all set.
Okay, I-I'm sorry that you came
all the way out here for nothing.
It's fine. Ruth does this to other salons
about once a week.
You were amazing.
Where did all that come from?
I don't know. It just hit me
when she said "Michigan Corporation Act."
You're not the only one that's dreamed of having a salon.
I didn't even realize
I could have a legal salon in my house
until you said all of that.
And what about you, with all that water stuff?
When Tom was at the factory and something broke,
all the contractors thought they could rip me off.
I decided I needed to know more about this house than they did.
You're a bad*.
No, you're a bad*.
- You are. - You are.
How long does this go on for?
- Forever. - Ah!
Hey, Arch.
You, uh, want a Kit Kat?
I-I got it from the vending machine, so...
this is money right back in your pocket.
You know I trust you, right?
Do you?
Yes. Come on, man.
You sort of made fun of the whole positivity thing,
a lot, in front of everybody.
And next thing I know, you're all in.
That was weird.
You damn right I went all in.
I've always been all in.
And I wouldn't * with your dream, Tom.
Because it's my dream, too.
Yeah, I-I know, it's...
Look.
When you told me we needed to switch
to a more positive style,
you didn't have to ask me twice.
I listened to 14 episodes of that podcast.
You didn't buy anything, did you?
I ordered the damn mindfulness bell.
I got the weighted hoodie.
Don't tell Jen.
She's still mad at me for the Funbrella.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
For saying you should change.
That's not it, Tom.
You are in a bit of a rut,
and we did need to try something new.
That's how you grow.
That's how you get better.
Tom...
I'm learning to be a pro coach
just like you're learning to be a pro bowler.
And you're a great coach.
Just, if all I hear is what I'm doing wrong,
it's all I can think about.
So, sometimes...
you need to hear what you're doing right.
I got it.
Not all the time.
You know, a... a blend, a fifty-fifty.
Li-Like an Arnold Palmer.
Oh, man, please.
If you ain't going 70-30 ice tea,
you're just a damn fool.
All right, look.
Let's say we get better together.
- Deal. - Okay.
Now that we're all better, uh,
you want to go halfsies on this Kit Kat?
Hey! Hell no.
This is a gift.
Jen?
Oh, hey. How was practice?
- Well, we started with a couple minutes of gratitude. - Oh, no.
But then Archie started screaming at me
about my release and threatened to drill three holes in my head.
That's great.
Yeah. I didn't chop a single pin.
I think we have a shot at cracking the top ten
at the next tournament.
Oh, you do that...
and I'll jump rope in a tube top.
For real?
Too bad you threw out that jump rope.
There's a way to do it without the jump rope.