WEBVTT

00:00:05.500 --> 00:00:07.860
If you're gonna make me
pick you up, I expect coffee.

00:00:07.890 --> 00:00:10.100
There'll be one waiting
for you tomorrow.

00:00:10.170 --> 00:00:11.320
Any other requests?

00:00:11.340 --> 00:00:13.390
Yeah. Get your car fixed.

00:00:13.790 --> 00:00:16.270
I'm gonna win you over, bro.
It's gonna happen.

00:00:16.350 --> 00:00:19.530
Calling me "bro" shows the depth
of your miscalculation.

00:00:19.750 --> 00:00:21.080
Truck 12.

00:00:21.100 --> 00:00:24.200
Report of a small animal in
the attic at 187 South Kenzie.

00:00:24.230 --> 00:00:25.610
Truck 12 responding.

00:00:29.190 --> 00:00:31.430
Four play dates, a Spiderman
birthday party,

00:00:31.460 --> 00:00:33.450
two trips to urgent care...
and my parents are in town.

00:00:33.470 --> 00:00:35.050
Let's just go ahead and say
that they have opinions.

00:00:35.070 --> 00:00:36.150
How was your weekend?

00:00:36.180 --> 00:00:37.400
- Yeah, pretty good.
- Mmhmm.

00:00:37.420 --> 00:00:39.680
I went to a club.
There were definitely drugs.

00:00:39.700 --> 00:00:42.390
I woke up * on some boat
near Whitby Island.

00:00:42.460 --> 00:00:43.940
What about the other people on the boat?

00:00:43.970 --> 00:00:45.350
Also *, yeah.

00:00:45.380 --> 00:00:46.790
Right.

00:00:46.820 --> 00:00:50.370
Look, it's not personal.
I'm just a lone wolf type of guy.

00:00:50.400 --> 00:00:54.360
All last year I had no partner
and it was... heaven.

00:00:54.390 --> 00:00:57.640
And this is so much worse.

00:00:57.720 --> 00:01:00.100
So, I guess it is personal.

00:01:01.240 --> 00:01:02.390
- Hey.
- Mmhmm.

00:01:02.410 --> 00:01:04.710
I'm thinking of getting a puppy.

00:01:04.730 --> 00:01:06.390
Look at her, Little Mabel.

00:01:06.410 --> 00:01:08.410
Why would you do that?
You have all the freedom in the world.

00:01:08.440 --> 00:01:10.800
Yeah, but I envy you sometimes.
I live alone.

00:01:10.820 --> 00:01:12.170
It might be nice to have a dog around.

00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:13.620
Well, I have two.
You could just have one.

00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:15.480
One of them's incontinent for that extra

00:01:15.500 --> 00:01:17.470
feeling of agonizing responsibility.

00:01:17.490 --> 00:01:19.060
If that's what you're looking for.

00:01:19.410 --> 00:01:21.370
Maybe I'll just get a bird.

00:01:21.390 --> 00:01:23.190
Get a bird. Get a bird.

00:01:23.260 --> 00:01:25.960
Alright. You wait here.

00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:28.820
There's a good coffee place
up the block.

00:01:29.660 --> 00:01:30.820
Rookie always pays.

00:01:30.850 --> 00:01:35.420
Oh. Yeah. Hazing recognized
and accepted.

00:01:37.270 --> 00:01:39.270
So I'll take a cara...

00:01:44.110 --> 00:01:45.650
What's up?

00:01:45.670 --> 00:01:46.760
Are you coming in?

00:01:46.790 --> 00:01:49.800
Oh yeah, for sure. It's just...
just gonna be one minute.

00:01:49.820 --> 00:01:51.170
I think my partner will be right back.

00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:52.440
I don't have a minute.

00:01:52.470 --> 00:01:54.470
It's my 10th anniversary and
I surprised my wife with brunch

00:01:54.490 --> 00:01:55.710
and whatever's up there
is killing the mood.

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Whew!

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Listen, man. It's my first week.

00:01:59.460 --> 00:02:01.650
I should really wait for backup.
You know what I mean?

00:02:01.670 --> 00:02:04.240
Come on. My wife's libido
is very delicate.

00:02:04.730 --> 00:02:06.080
Help a guy out.

00:02:08.580 --> 00:02:11.380
Yeah, so my name's Fred
but everyone calls me Shred

00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:13.560
'cause I used to be a
professional snowboarder,

00:02:13.590 --> 00:02:16.740
mostly half-pipe,
a couple silvers at Nationals.

00:02:16.810 --> 00:02:18.060
And then I tore my ACL.

00:02:18.090 --> 00:02:19.610
How long is this gonna take?

00:02:19.640 --> 00:02:20.950
Not long at all.

00:02:21.320 --> 00:02:22.790
If I had to guess...

00:02:22.820 --> 00:02:24.990
it's probably just a sweet
little guy who...

00:02:28.790 --> 00:02:31.200
My eye! Your walkie went into my eye!

00:02:31.230 --> 00:02:33.140
I'm sorry, it's just...

00:02:33.160 --> 00:02:36.530
The teeth, it's like a tiny...
furry vampire.

00:02:36.570 --> 00:02:37.660
I underestimated...

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Under... under the ottoman.

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Okay. Everyone stay calm.

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I got this.

00:02:47.530 --> 00:02:50.660
It's okay weasel... or whatever you are.

00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:53.580
We're gonna take you to
the coolest park in the city

00:02:53.610 --> 00:02:56.610
and these people are gonna celebrate.

00:02:56.630 --> 00:02:58.240
Dude! Dude!

00:02:59.300 --> 00:03:00.540
Bad choice.

00:03:01.610 --> 00:03:03.200
What do we do?

00:03:04.820 --> 00:03:06.640
Oh, little buddy.

00:03:08.210 --> 00:03:09.600
I got this.

00:03:10.410 --> 00:03:11.510
- Oh!
- Oh!

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Oh, come on!

00:03:13.650 --> 00:03:16.310
Go, go! Right here!

00:03:18.650 --> 00:03:19.940
We're not catching a break here.

00:03:19.970 --> 00:03:23.210
Ohhhh! It's under the stuffed couch!

00:03:23.230 --> 00:03:24.490
You gotta be kidding me.

00:03:24.510 --> 00:03:28.050
Okay. Don't worry. I got this. I got it.

00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:46.650
On a scale of 1 to 10,
how would you rate our service today?

00:04:13.550 --> 00:04:16.980
‌

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I made muffins.

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Uh-oh. You want something.

00:04:23.760 --> 00:04:26.020
What? No. Do you guys think I do that?

00:04:26.090 --> 00:04:27.430
Like I only bake when I want something?

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Aw, these muffs are
fresh out of the oven.

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This is gonna be horrible.

00:04:31.270 --> 00:04:32.600
No!

00:04:32.670 --> 00:04:35.030
Yeah, I feel bad but I need volunteers

00:04:35.050 --> 00:04:37.050
to clean the kennels this weekend.

00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:39.400
There are nine dogs at Giardia.

00:04:39.420 --> 00:04:40.730
Whoever does it's gonna need
one of those counselors

00:04:40.750 --> 00:04:42.080
they send to mass shooting scenes.

00:04:42.100 --> 00:04:43.740
I nominate Frank
given the weasel debacle.

00:04:43.760 --> 00:04:45.180
He's the senior officer.

00:04:45.200 --> 00:04:48.040
Yeah. Frank, I just got an
earful from the superintendent.

00:04:48.060 --> 00:04:49.410
I was getting coffee.

00:04:49.430 --> 00:04:51.260
I'm guilty of negligence,
not incompetence.

00:04:51.290 --> 00:04:52.570
It's a lower crime.

00:04:52.590 --> 00:04:55.110
Came to gloat about the weasel barbecue.

00:04:55.250 --> 00:04:56.840
You're here to enjoy my misfortune,

00:04:56.870 --> 00:04:58.120
which is a taunt, not a gloat.

00:04:58.200 --> 00:05:00.640
Always an education
when you talk to Frank.

00:05:00.660 --> 00:05:02.630
You're a rube. Do you know what that is?

00:05:02.700 --> 00:05:05.040
Rumor is, couple filed a complaint

00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:06.700
that'll require damage control.

00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.600
I'm offering my services, Emily,
'cause I know you get

00:05:09.620 --> 00:05:13.120
a little nervous and sweaty
in high-stress situations.

00:05:13.140 --> 00:05:16.900
Uh, no, no. I have everything
under control, Templeton.

00:05:16.980 --> 00:05:20.110
Well, when you don't,
I'll come back to gloat.

00:05:20.130 --> 00:05:21.410
Did I get that right, Frank?

00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:22.720
No, that was a threat.

00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:25.150
Ah... whatever. Word nerd.

00:05:25.230 --> 00:05:27.610
Okay. I'm gonna go change into a shirt

00:05:27.640 --> 00:05:29.910
that's dark enough to hide
my nervous pit stains.

00:05:29.990 --> 00:05:32.490
And right away I'm gonna
go ahead and apologize

00:05:32.570 --> 00:05:34.480
for sharing that information.

00:05:35.610 --> 00:05:37.330
Muffins... are over here.

00:05:38.370 --> 00:05:39.940
Why's that guy so mean to Emily?

00:05:39.960 --> 00:05:42.430
He works at a rival precinct,
and he's gunning for her job.

00:05:42.500 --> 00:05:44.970
Yeah, she's not really suited
to a leadership position,

00:05:44.990 --> 00:05:46.550
but we have to make sure
she doesn't get fired

00:05:46.580 --> 00:05:47.910
'cause she's really nice.

00:05:47.940 --> 00:05:49.430
And she's easy to manipulate
which is why we're

00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.810
the only precinct with a
top-of-the-line Panini Press.

00:05:54.420 --> 00:05:56.110
Mmm. Spectacular.

00:05:56.180 --> 00:05:58.330
We got written up in Bon Appetit.

00:05:58.350 --> 00:06:00.020
Okay, here's a novel idea.

00:06:00.100 --> 00:06:02.330
Try standing closer to the
toilet and actually aiming

00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:04.670
so the pee goes in the bowl
and not on the floor.

00:06:04.690 --> 00:06:06.120
That's a terrible idea for a novel.

00:06:07.270 --> 00:06:09.360
I will be instituting a key system.

00:06:09.440 --> 00:06:11.160
So if you have to pee, you come see Dee,

00:06:11.180 --> 00:06:12.680
there'll be a sign-in sheet on my desk.

00:06:12.960 --> 00:06:14.270
Not gonna do that.

00:06:14.290 --> 00:06:16.160
Frank! Frank!

00:06:16.190 --> 00:06:17.270
Frank!

00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:18.960
Listen, I'll talk to Emily
and take the heat

00:06:18.990 --> 00:06:20.390
for the weasel thing.

00:06:20.420 --> 00:06:22.220
Okay? I'll clean the kennels,
it's only right.

00:06:22.250 --> 00:06:23.350
That would be stupid of you.

00:06:23.380 --> 00:06:24.980
It's what partners do, right?

00:06:25.010 --> 00:06:27.670
Look, I'm gonna be up front.
My plan is to get rid of you.

00:06:27.700 --> 00:06:29.180
And with the way bureaucracy works,

00:06:29.200 --> 00:06:30.980
it'll take about six months
to fill your seat.

00:06:31.050 --> 00:06:33.960
So that's gonna be all lone wolfy time.

00:06:37.170 --> 00:06:38.520
Hey, we talked about the howling!

00:06:38.540 --> 00:06:41.540
Sorry Emily. How's that
espresso machine coming?

00:06:41.560 --> 00:06:42.730
Oh, yeah. I ordered it.

00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:44.230
Oh, you are the best!

00:06:44.310 --> 00:06:45.820
It's coming from Milan.

00:06:45.900 --> 00:06:47.300
You don't fool me, Frank.

00:06:47.330 --> 00:06:50.530
Underneath that crusty exterior
is a soft, chewy center.

00:06:50.550 --> 00:06:51.700
Mmm... no.

00:06:51.720 --> 00:06:53.720
Yeah. He's not that kinda cookie, kid.

00:06:53.750 --> 00:06:55.200
What do you mean?

00:06:55.230 --> 00:06:57.550
Look, and you didn't hear this from us,

00:06:57.580 --> 00:07:01.210
Frank used to be a cop but then
he uncovered some corruption,

00:07:01.230 --> 00:07:03.670
and instead of cleaning it up,
they fired him.

00:07:03.750 --> 00:07:05.740
Whoa. That's heavy.

00:07:07.070 --> 00:07:09.770
Greenview Meadow Preschool.
Oh, God in heaven, no.

00:07:09.800 --> 00:07:11.590
There's no way this isn't
something awful.

00:07:11.670 --> 00:07:14.590
Hello? Yeah.

00:07:14.670 --> 00:07:15.840
Danny won't poop in school again.

00:07:15.910 --> 00:07:17.650
He's like me, he gets nervous
at away games.

00:07:17.670 --> 00:07:18.690
Aww, poor sausage.

00:07:18.770 --> 00:07:20.230
Yeah, go ahead and put him on.

00:07:20.250 --> 00:07:22.840
Hey buddy, it's okay, listen.

00:07:22.920 --> 00:07:25.030
Just like we do at home, okay?

00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:27.440
I know what to do...

00:07:27.520 --> 00:07:29.680
when I'm about to poo...

00:07:29.760 --> 00:07:31.690
I go to the potty,

00:07:31.760 --> 00:07:34.070
pull my underwear down...

00:07:34.100 --> 00:07:36.590
And I sit and wait...

00:07:36.620 --> 00:07:39.120
I sit and wait...

00:07:39.190 --> 00:07:43.050
I sit and wait until
the poop falls down

00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:47.700
Then I wipe and wipe,
'till brown leaves town,

00:07:47.780 --> 00:07:51.630
I put it in the potty
and I flush it down

00:07:51.660 --> 00:07:53.500
Whooo! Banger!

00:07:53.520 --> 00:07:55.430
Wow, sounds like you had quite a bit.

00:07:55.450 --> 00:07:57.450
I'm proud of you, my little soldier.

00:07:57.510 --> 00:07:58.690
Way to go, Danny!

00:07:58.710 --> 00:08:00.810
Okay. Alright. Bye.

00:08:00.880 --> 00:08:02.210
Hi.

00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:03.890
I could use some help getting
a mastiff on the table.

00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:04.930
- No problem.
- Yes! I'll... I'll help.

00:08:04.950 --> 00:08:06.100
Absolutely.

00:08:06.130 --> 00:08:08.570
Hey... you're Shred, right?

00:08:08.650 --> 00:08:11.540
Hey. Oh yeah, hi. Nice to meet you.

00:08:11.560 --> 00:08:13.580
Are you the, um... hot vet?

00:08:13.820 --> 00:08:15.970
- No, we say that behind her back.
- Yeah.

00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:18.530
Oh God, I'm so sorry if
that came off disrespectful.

00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:21.790
I'll retract it and say
you're in no way hot.

00:08:21.810 --> 00:08:24.140
Doctor Summers.

00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:27.410
I don't wanna embarrass you
but I'm a huge winter sports fan

00:08:27.490 --> 00:08:30.170
and I saw you at the X Games
in Whistler.

00:08:30.250 --> 00:08:31.600
- 2019.
- Yeah.

00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:32.670
Against The Goose.

00:08:32.700 --> 00:08:34.200
- Oh, so good!
- She's a fan.

00:08:34.220 --> 00:08:36.230
You did that backside
right in front of me.

00:08:36.250 --> 00:08:37.290
She's a fan.

00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:38.990
They've been replaying it
on ESPN Classics.

00:08:39.010 --> 00:08:40.920
Every time I watch it, I think
I'm not gonna stick the landing

00:08:40.950 --> 00:08:42.420
and then I do...

00:08:42.450 --> 00:08:44.330
and it kinda blows my mind
all over again.

00:08:44.350 --> 00:08:45.380
So good.

00:08:45.400 --> 00:08:46.930
Anyway, sorry.
You needed help with something?

00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:48.480
Uh, yeah that'd be great. Come on.

00:08:48.510 --> 00:08:49.830
Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

00:08:49.860 --> 00:08:53.150
No. No. He does not get
to just sashay in here

00:08:53.180 --> 00:08:56.640
and have * with someone
we've all been trying to nail for years.

00:08:56.660 --> 00:08:59.110
Yeah, he has to get in line
and wait like everybody else.

00:08:59.140 --> 00:09:00.620
Low rent Shawn White.

00:09:01.280 --> 00:09:02.780
Yo. Delores...

00:09:02.850 --> 00:09:04.370
I need the key.

00:09:04.450 --> 00:09:05.500
Name and time.

00:09:14.790 --> 00:09:16.350
Connie Lingus?

00:09:17.040 --> 00:09:18.520
Real mature!

00:09:22.820 --> 00:09:24.500
You know what Mark Twain said?

00:09:24.520 --> 00:09:27.280
I'm not 100 percent
on who Mark Twain is.

00:09:27.300 --> 00:09:29.020
That's a whole other conversation now.

00:09:29.050 --> 00:09:31.140
He said if you pick up a starving dog

00:09:31.220 --> 00:09:33.780
and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you.

00:09:33.800 --> 00:09:37.140
This is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.

00:09:37.220 --> 00:09:39.050
Is this about the hot vet?

00:09:39.110 --> 00:09:40.640
Yeah, of course it's about the hot vet.

00:09:40.660 --> 00:09:42.290
I've been laying the groundwork
for years.

00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:44.740
Do you know how many vaccination
clinics I've volunteered for?

00:09:44.820 --> 00:09:46.650
A lot of vaccination clinics.

00:09:46.750 --> 00:09:48.870
I've eradicated entire diseases
in pursuit of that woman.

00:09:48.900 --> 00:09:51.640
But dude, I'm not, like, a threat.
I have a girlfriend.

00:09:51.660 --> 00:09:54.300
She's a snowboarder, she's from Spain

00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:57.590
and if you'd asked me even
one question you'd know that.

00:09:57.670 --> 00:09:59.220
I'm not gonna lie,
that's a bit of a relief.

00:09:59.240 --> 00:10:02.110
Yeah, and if I was gonna dip
my toe into the work pool,

00:10:02.130 --> 00:10:03.690
it wouldn't be the hot vet.

00:10:03.710 --> 00:10:05.560
Well, not Victoria.
I got dibs there too.

00:10:05.580 --> 00:10:08.400
No. Emily. The boss lady.

00:10:08.420 --> 00:10:11.470
She's just so clumsy and
uncomfortable in her own body.

00:10:11.500 --> 00:10:13.750
I guess I just dig an awkward chick.

00:10:13.770 --> 00:10:15.790
This is a texture I didn't know you had.

00:10:15.820 --> 00:10:18.530
You see, this partnership...
it's blossoming.

00:10:18.560 --> 00:10:22.110
Oh, and I Googled wolves.
They run in packs.

00:10:22.190 --> 00:10:24.450
Well, except the lone ones.
Otherwise they would just be wolves.

00:10:24.530 --> 00:10:26.150
And you had to Google that?

00:10:26.150 --> 00:10:28.030
There's no shame in admitting
gaps in knowledge.

00:10:28.110 --> 00:10:29.790
Unrelated but also interesting...

00:10:29.870 --> 00:10:32.220
did you know snails can have *
with themselves?

00:10:32.290 --> 00:10:34.700
Truck 12, neighbor complaint.

00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:37.550
Unlicensed ostrich farm.
360 North Harding.

00:10:37.630 --> 00:10:39.260
Truck 12 responding.

00:10:39.290 --> 00:10:41.500
Ostriches. I love this job.

00:10:51.720 --> 00:10:54.220
Hi, I'm Emily Price from animal con...

00:10:54.300 --> 00:10:57.570
Wow, that is worse than I thought.

00:10:59.300 --> 00:11:00.800
I brought muffins.

00:11:04.920 --> 00:11:08.210
Hey. Officers on the scene
with loaded snausages.

00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:13.200
Never gets old, Tom.
What have we got here?

00:11:13.230 --> 00:11:14.460
Waiting for the coroner.

00:11:14.490 --> 00:11:16.800
The guy's been dead three days
and no one knew it.

00:11:16.820 --> 00:11:19.220
His dog never left his side.

00:11:19.250 --> 00:11:20.810
We'll find him a good home.

00:11:23.590 --> 00:11:26.180
Three days. Can you imagine?

00:11:26.250 --> 00:11:29.150
Three days without anybody
knowing where I was.

00:11:31.500 --> 00:11:33.190
I'd kill for that.

00:11:33.850 --> 00:11:37.790
Hey. Hey, it's gonna be okay.

00:11:39.130 --> 00:11:41.740
Charlie. He's so cute!

00:11:47.020 --> 00:11:50.680
Whoa. Those are some tall birds.

00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:52.670
Yeah, and their eyes are bigger
than their brains,

00:11:52.700 --> 00:11:54.050
so you should feel right at home.

00:11:54.070 --> 00:11:55.890
Your ribbing feels affectionate.

00:11:55.910 --> 00:11:58.190
And I know you're going
for more emotional distance.

00:11:58.220 --> 00:12:00.710
Hey, your shirt's sticking out.
Let me fix it.

00:12:00.790 --> 00:12:02.970
There you go, now you look respectable.

00:12:03.050 --> 00:12:05.910
Look at you taking care of your partner.

00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:07.880
Bonding alert. Calling all units.

00:12:07.910 --> 00:12:08.940
Alright, calm down.

00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:11.280
Ma'am, hi. City of Seattle
Animal Control.

00:12:11.300 --> 00:12:12.780
Is it alright if we enter?

00:12:12.810 --> 00:12:14.400
Make sure to close the gate.

00:12:14.930 --> 00:12:16.860
Did my stupid neighbor call you?

00:12:18.140 --> 00:12:19.570
What's going on here?

00:12:19.590 --> 00:12:21.700
You making belts or selling their meat?

00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:23.160
I sell the eggs at the Farmer's Market.

00:12:23.240 --> 00:12:25.980
Well, you're gonna need a license
from the Zoning Commission.

00:12:26.060 --> 00:12:28.820
Uh... these guys like me.

00:12:28.890 --> 00:12:30.640
Everyone likes you, Shred.

00:12:31.650 --> 00:12:33.280
Should I be concerned?

00:12:33.300 --> 00:12:35.130
Well, that's really up to you.

00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:38.990
They are violent and strong and
have famously bad temperaments.

00:12:39.070 --> 00:12:41.350
Oh, and as you can see
they're really fast.

00:12:41.420 --> 00:12:43.310
So I would kick it up a gear
if I were you.

00:12:43.330 --> 00:12:46.310
In the meantime, I'll just be
writing this citation.

00:12:46.330 --> 00:12:49.690
It's bad, Frank! They won't stop.

00:12:49.760 --> 00:12:52.830
It's starting to feel
extremely targeted!

00:12:52.860 --> 00:12:56.180
Yeah. Well, they either see you
as a food source or a potential mate.

00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:58.440
Either way, I would just
let nature take its course.

00:12:58.460 --> 00:13:00.080
They're relentless!

00:13:00.100 --> 00:13:02.020
But don't worry, I'm getting all of it.

00:13:04.350 --> 00:13:05.870
Look at 'em move.

00:13:07.430 --> 00:13:10.140
These muffins are delicious.
You have to give me the recipe.

00:13:10.160 --> 00:13:12.160
Oh, I will.
And you know what? They're healthy too.

00:13:12.190 --> 00:13:14.160
Everyone in my office
has some kind of allergy

00:13:14.190 --> 00:13:16.270
so I can never bake anything fun.

00:13:18.290 --> 00:13:21.770
Look, we agree. We don't wanna
turn this into a big legal thing.

00:13:21.800 --> 00:13:24.410
Great. Great.
And... and you have my word,

00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:26.370
the City will pay for everything.

00:13:26.390 --> 00:13:27.780
Okay.

00:13:27.810 --> 00:13:30.850
If you'll just excuse me, I'm
just gonna let somebody know.

00:13:33.150 --> 00:13:34.930
Emily said they're not going to sue

00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:38.980
and sent a pile of poop emoji...
and a middle finger emoji.

00:13:39.290 --> 00:13:40.360
Whatever.

00:13:40.390 --> 00:13:43.720
Alright... I won't take up
anymore of your time.

00:13:43.800 --> 00:13:45.760
Thank you both.

00:13:46.230 --> 00:13:49.410
You didn't use sesame oil
in these, did you?

00:13:49.490 --> 00:13:51.480
You know what, I did.

00:13:51.510 --> 00:13:53.430
I find it just gives it, like,
a little tang.

00:13:54.570 --> 00:13:55.640
Oh God.

00:13:55.670 --> 00:13:57.160
- I'll get the EpiPen.
- Thank you.

00:13:57.310 --> 00:13:59.080
Wait, wait... what's happening?

00:13:59.110 --> 00:14:00.330
Call 911.

00:14:00.410 --> 00:14:01.460
Right now?

00:14:01.490 --> 00:14:03.700
No! Oh, no!

00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:06.800
Knock it off.
This is not fun for me. This is not fun.

00:14:06.820 --> 00:14:08.450
I've never seen them like this.

00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:09.570
Little help here, Frank.

00:14:09.590 --> 00:14:12.680
Man, they must, uh... smell
something on your clothes.

00:14:12.700 --> 00:14:14.280
What kinda detergent do you use?

00:14:14.300 --> 00:14:16.850
Tide liquid pods. They get out anything.

00:14:16.880 --> 00:14:18.040
Maybe lose the shirt?

00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:19.550
Oh, oh yeah.

00:14:21.550 --> 00:14:24.180
That is pretty
disrespectful to the uniform.

00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:26.380
But you gotta do what you gotta do.

00:14:26.640 --> 00:14:29.620
Hmm. It's gotta be the pants.

00:14:29.640 --> 00:14:31.640
- The pants.
- Yeah.

00:14:33.830 --> 00:14:36.660
This is the weirdest strip show
I've ever seen.

00:14:36.740 --> 00:14:38.460
And I've seen a number of them.

00:14:44.470 --> 00:14:47.020
Is that your beef stick?

00:14:47.050 --> 00:14:50.270
In my defense, uh, I didn't
think it would work that well.

00:14:50.290 --> 00:14:52.740
Uncool, bro. Really Uncool!

00:14:52.810 --> 00:14:54.490
And I'm sorry to raise my voice
right now

00:14:54.520 --> 00:14:56.270
but I'm pretty high up in this tree

00:14:56.300 --> 00:14:57.780
and you crossed a line, brother!

00:14:57.800 --> 00:14:59.870
They could've taken my *, Frank!

00:14:59.890 --> 00:15:03.080
Yeah, but they didn't and that's
what makes it funny.

00:15:03.160 --> 00:15:05.780
Dude, I know that the police
department screwed you over

00:15:05.810 --> 00:15:08.810
and people let you down
but to learn nothing from that

00:15:08.840 --> 00:15:11.850
except to be a *, that just
makes you a douche, dude.

00:15:11.910 --> 00:15:13.480
You're missing all the nuance.

00:15:13.500 --> 00:15:16.530
I'm a douche for a lot
of complicated reasons.

00:15:16.550 --> 00:15:19.350
Dude, I blew out my knee three
months before the Olympics.

00:15:19.370 --> 00:15:21.630
But I didn't let it make me
hate the world.

00:15:21.710 --> 00:15:24.540
We all have a choice in life
and I chose to stay positive.

00:15:24.620 --> 00:15:26.750
Well, that just makes me
question your judgment.

00:15:26.780 --> 00:15:28.040
Well you'll be proud to know

00:15:28.070 --> 00:15:31.230
I'm feeling pretty negative
right now, Frank!

00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:34.640
You have a ticket for 600 bucks,
by the way.

00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:36.570
- Can I pay you in eggs?
- No.

00:15:38.430 --> 00:15:39.480
Yeah, come in.

00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:43.250
I'd like to request a transfer.

00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:45.230
My senior officer, by word and action,

00:15:45.310 --> 00:15:47.490
has made it clear that
he doesn't want me around.

00:15:47.570 --> 00:15:49.790
Despite the rumors,
I'm not a people person.

00:15:49.810 --> 00:15:52.050
Really? Are you sure?

00:15:52.070 --> 00:15:54.000
I'd have to move you to central

00:15:54.070 --> 00:15:56.880
and Templeton has the only free truck.

00:15:58.240 --> 00:15:59.430
Yes.

00:15:59.450 --> 00:16:00.500
You heard the man.

00:16:02.250 --> 00:16:05.470
Templeton.
You'd really do that to Shred?

00:16:05.490 --> 00:16:08.640
He'll be fine. He'll be happy
in literally any situation.

00:16:08.660 --> 00:16:11.520
Which is the very trait that
makes him challenging for me.

00:16:11.590 --> 00:16:13.980
Well, what if you viewed it
as a growth opportunity?

00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:15.110
I'm not looking for growth.

00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.160
If growth wants me bad enough,
it knows where to find me.

00:16:17.190 --> 00:16:19.500
Yeah. Alone in your apartment.

00:16:19.530 --> 00:16:21.100
Where I am so content.

00:16:21.180 --> 00:16:24.450
Now... can I interest you
in a chicken pesto panini?

00:16:25.510 --> 00:16:26.580
I wanna say no, but yeah.

00:16:26.610 --> 00:16:28.020
Your heart is black

00:16:28.050 --> 00:16:30.510
but you know how to make
a really good sandwich.

00:16:31.400 --> 00:16:32.860
You guys making sandwiches?

00:16:33.520 --> 00:16:34.840
Oh!

00:16:43.470 --> 00:16:45.050
Hello? Who's there?

00:16:45.130 --> 00:16:48.630
It's Shred. I forgot my coat, so...

00:16:48.700 --> 00:16:49.790
- Hey.
- Hey.

00:16:49.870 --> 00:16:52.260
Oh, I'm sorry how everything worked out.

00:16:52.300 --> 00:16:55.650
I love Frank but sometimes he
can just be too much like... Frank.

00:16:55.730 --> 00:16:59.490
Yeah. I really thought I was gonna
be able to crack him, you know?

00:16:59.570 --> 00:17:00.900
What are you still doing here?

00:17:00.970 --> 00:17:02.810
Oh, we have a pet adoption coming up

00:17:02.890 --> 00:17:04.730
so I was just gonna get
these flyers out.

00:17:04.750 --> 00:17:06.120
Cool.

00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:08.660
You know, the thing about
snowboarding is

00:17:08.740 --> 00:17:10.050
it's a solo sport.

00:17:10.070 --> 00:17:11.070
Mmhmm.

00:17:11.100 --> 00:17:13.300
Like, when you're on the mountain
it's just you all alone.

00:17:13.320 --> 00:17:15.540
When I got injured nobody
found me for two hours.

00:17:15.560 --> 00:17:18.490
What, so the Saint Bernard thing
is a myth?

00:17:18.570 --> 00:17:21.420
I'm the wrong guy to ask.
I still sorta believe in Santa Claus.

00:17:22.510 --> 00:17:23.570
What?

00:17:23.590 --> 00:17:24.620
Oh.

00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:25.720
Do you need a hand?

00:17:25.740 --> 00:17:27.260
Um... yeah.

00:17:27.330 --> 00:17:30.560
Sorry. Thanks.
I can just be a little clumsy.

00:17:30.580 --> 00:17:31.710
I know.

00:17:31.740 --> 00:17:35.100
You know, honestly... I don't
know that I'm cut out for this job.

00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:39.080
I mean, I sent that poor guy
to the hospital today.

00:17:39.100 --> 00:17:41.320
Yeah, but I almost burned down his house

00:17:41.350 --> 00:17:43.740
and sent him to the hospital, so...

00:17:43.760 --> 00:17:46.440
That's true.

00:17:46.520 --> 00:17:48.850
Oh, I'm gonna miss seeing you
around the precinct everyday.

00:17:48.930 --> 00:17:50.370
Yeah, me too.

00:17:51.620 --> 00:17:53.840
Um... but you know now that,

00:17:53.860 --> 00:17:56.750
I mean, I'm not gonna be your boss...

00:17:56.770 --> 00:17:58.610
Like, we wouldn't...

00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:00.590
Sorry. Sorry. It's my girlfriend.

00:18:00.610 --> 00:18:01.680
Oh, my God. Ah...

00:18:01.700 --> 00:18:04.680
- I should get this.
- Yeah, yes.

00:18:04.700 --> 00:18:07.230
Hey babe. I heard you got powder.

00:18:10.710 --> 00:18:13.780
What do you think, Charlie?
You like your new home?

00:18:13.810 --> 00:18:15.110
Yeah?

00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:19.190
Hang on.

00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:22.480
‌‌

00:18:24.650 --> 00:18:27.850
‌‌

00:18:30.580 --> 00:18:35.600
And I wipe and I wipe
'till the brown leaves town

00:18:36.500 --> 00:18:41.450
Put it in the potty
and flush it down

00:18:41.670 --> 00:18:46.460
Bye bye poo

00:18:46.490 --> 00:18:49.970
Bye bye poo

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:52.250
Shred Taylor
needs an 88 to get to on the podium.

00:18:52.280 --> 00:18:53.520
No way.

00:18:53.660 --> 00:18:56.420
Here is another
look at his backside rodeo 540.

00:18:56.500 --> 00:19:00.250
Will it be enough to medal?
And here comes the score...

00:19:00.280 --> 00:19:04.950
Oh! 87.3. Ugh, man, that is
heartbreaking.

00:19:05.020 --> 00:19:06.780
Shred Taylor finishes fourth.

00:19:08.190 --> 00:19:11.440
Look at this kid.
You'd never know he lost.

00:19:11.500 --> 00:19:12.930
Gotta love him.

00:19:21.110 --> 00:19:23.612
I'm not ready for a dog.
I need you to take Charlie.

00:19:23.720 --> 00:19:25.650
No, no. I have my own two dogs.
I'm fine.

00:19:25.670 --> 00:19:27.370
Oh my God, he's so cute!

00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:30.280
Oh, do you want him? You guys love him.

00:19:30.360 --> 00:19:31.400
You can have him.

00:19:31.430 --> 00:19:32.970
No, we're not taking the dog.
We don't need the dog.

00:19:32.990 --> 00:19:35.750
Also... I can't take care of this.

00:19:35.830 --> 00:19:38.330
I don't need this.
I already have lots of plants.

00:19:38.350 --> 00:19:39.450
I don't need more plants.

00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:42.520
No, don't go. No, stop that dance.
Come back.

00:19:44.080 --> 00:19:45.560
You're so cute.

00:19:51.230 --> 00:19:54.050
Some dopey looking guy call for an Uber?

00:19:54.120 --> 00:19:56.090
I knew you'd show up... partner.

00:19:56.120 --> 00:19:57.290
No, you didn't.

00:19:57.310 --> 00:19:59.140
And I'm getting rid of you as
soon as a decent rig opens up.

00:19:59.170 --> 00:20:00.520
I hope you know that.

00:20:00.550 --> 00:20:04.780
If I didn't know you were coming,
how come I got us coffee?

00:20:04.800 --> 00:20:06.740
'Cause you were gonna
brownnose Templeton.

00:20:06.820 --> 00:20:08.780
Whatever you need
to tell yourself, Frank.

00:20:08.810 --> 00:20:10.660
But I always knew you were
a pack animal.

00:20:10.730 --> 00:20:13.080
Yesterday you didn't even know
what a pack animal was.

00:20:13.230 --> 00:20:16.160
Oh! I also didn't know
that a newborn kangaroo

00:20:16.390 --> 00:20:20.380
- is the size of a lima bean.
- Okay.

00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:23.570
Templeton.

00:20:23.600 --> 00:20:24.930
You didn't tell him
you were picking me up?

00:20:24.950 --> 00:20:27.900
Nah. It was a game-time decision.

00:20:29.750 --> 00:20:31.750
How would you feel about mooning him?

00:20:31.830 --> 00:20:33.160
Very good.

00:20:33.180 --> 00:20:36.610
But this will be two days in a row
you've negotiated my pants off.

00:20:36.680 --> 00:20:38.090
Hmm.

00:20:52.610 --> 00:20:54.870
So you really filmed
the whole Templeton thing?

00:20:54.900 --> 00:20:56.080
Yes, I did.

00:20:59.170 --> 00:21:02.570
- To hell with Templeton!
- Nice tush.

00:21:06.810 --> 00:21:08.140
Good to have you back.

00:21:08.220 --> 00:21:09.860
Good to be back, boss.

00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:11.600
Holden Weiner?

00:21:11.630 --> 00:21:13.290
Holden Weiner? Really guys?

00:21:13.370 --> 00:21:15.690
It's actually Wy-ner.
I get that all the time.

00:21:16.860 --> 00:21:18.890
I'm gonna need a signature
for the package.

00:21:18.970 --> 00:21:21.000
I think it's an espresso machine.

00:21:21.030 --> 00:21:22.470
Ooh! I'll take care of that.

00:21:22.500 --> 00:21:26.730
Thank you Mister Weiner.
Thank you so much.

00:21:26.770 --> 00:21:28.170
Wyner.

00:21:30.140 --> 00:21:31.610
I think she sprung for the milk foamer.

00:21:31.630 --> 00:21:33.700
Emily, you are the best!

00:21:33.720 --> 00:21:35.540
I'm getting a wine fridge next.

00:21:35.570 --> 00:21:38.070
‌

00:21:38.080 --> 00:21:40.070
‌‌