WEBVTT 00:00:05.918 --> 00:00:07.877 - Hey, boo. - Hey. 00:00:07.920 --> 00:00:09.357 I got some great news. 00:00:09.400 --> 00:00:11.576 - You got a job. - Nope. 00:00:11.620 --> 00:00:14.275 Three interviews, three rejections and one parking ticket. 00:00:15.667 --> 00:00:17.365 I guess that's better than three parking tickets 00:00:17.408 --> 00:00:19.149 and one rejection. 00:00:19.193 --> 00:00:21.021 I sent out an email blast 00:00:21.064 --> 00:00:23.371 to all of my clients about quitting Ruth's salon. 00:00:23.414 --> 00:00:24.720 Uh, yeah, but you didn't quit. 00:00:24.763 --> 00:00:26.243 My mom got you fired. 00:00:26.287 --> 00:00:29.072 Well, I thought "moving on to new horizons" 00:00:29.116 --> 00:00:31.683 sounded better than "my mother-in-law told my boss 00:00:31.727 --> 00:00:34.338 to pull up her skirt and sit on a cactus." 00:00:34.382 --> 00:00:36.601 - Controlling the narrative, nice. - Mm-hmm. 00:00:36.645 --> 00:00:38.951 The great part is, a lot of my clients said 00:00:38.995 --> 00:00:40.823 that they would follow me wherever I go. 00:00:40.866 --> 00:00:42.955 Which, for the moment... 00:00:42.999 --> 00:00:44.479 happens to be our kitchen sink. 00:00:46.350 --> 00:00:48.309 Hey, Apple was started in a garage. 00:00:48.352 --> 00:00:50.789 You're already doing better than those dorks. 00:00:50.833 --> 00:00:54.445 Would you please fix the doorknob in the downstairs bathroom? 00:00:54.489 --> 00:00:55.794 Oh, yeah, no problem. 00:00:55.838 --> 00:00:57.405 Pretty sure it's just a twisty-shaky deal. 00:00:57.448 --> 00:00:58.841 That's why you're the best. 00:00:58.884 --> 00:01:00.886 I thought it was a shaky-twisty deal. 00:01:02.105 --> 00:01:04.281 - Dinner's almost ready. - Where's everybody? 00:01:04.325 --> 00:01:06.631 Uh, Sam's washing up, and your mom's not here yet. 00:01:06.675 --> 00:01:09.112 That's weird. She's never late for a taco night. 00:01:09.156 --> 00:01:11.636 Unless it's on the same night as WrestleMania. 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:13.638 I'm giving her a call. 00:01:13.682 --> 00:01:15.553 Got her voice mail. 00:01:15.597 --> 00:01:17.425 - Just leave her a message. - Yeah, I'm trying to. 00:01:17.468 --> 00:01:18.904 There's, like, ten seconds of dead air 00:01:18.948 --> 00:01:20.341 before her greeting starts. 00:01:21.600 --> 00:01:23.558 Mom, hi, uh... 00:01:23.602 --> 00:01:25.560 it's taco night and where are you? 00:01:25.604 --> 00:01:27.736 Can you please call me back? We're hungry. 00:01:27.780 --> 00:01:29.216 And one last time... 00:01:29.260 --> 00:01:31.175 if you sneeze during your outgoing message, 00:01:31.218 --> 00:01:32.785 you can just record a new one. 00:01:34.004 --> 00:01:35.657 That's free, they don't, they don't charge for that. 00:01:35.701 --> 00:01:37.007 Okay? 00:01:37.050 --> 00:01:38.834 Call me back. 00:01:38.878 --> 00:01:40.705 That's weird, she always answers. 00:01:40.749 --> 00:01:42.490 Even when she's on the can. 00:01:42.534 --> 00:01:44.449 Which is why I'll never FaceTime her again. 00:01:49.541 --> 00:01:51.717 Great, now her mailbox is full. 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:53.110 Tom, I'm sure she's fine. 00:01:53.153 --> 00:01:54.502 Yeah, probably. 00:01:54.546 --> 00:01:55.721 It's only been half an hour. 00:01:55.764 --> 00:01:57.940 You spend more time in the cereal aisle. 00:02:01.379 --> 00:02:02.858 I don't want to overreact. 00:02:02.902 --> 00:02:04.686 But I don't want to under-react. 00:02:04.730 --> 00:02:06.775 You could just try reacting appropriately. 00:02:08.686 --> 00:02:10.309 I'm gonna overreact. 00:02:15.567 --> 00:02:17.699 Mom? 00:02:17.743 --> 00:02:19.092 Mom! 00:02:19.136 --> 00:02:21.094 - In here! - In where? 00:02:21.138 --> 00:02:23.270 The laundry room! 00:02:26.099 --> 00:02:28.058 What?! 00:02:28.101 --> 00:02:29.407 Well, what the, what the hell happened?! 00:02:29.450 --> 00:02:31.974 Are you stuck? Are you okay? 00:02:32.018 --> 00:02:33.933 Are you a reporter? 00:02:34.977 --> 00:02:36.501 Just give me a hand, damn it. 00:02:36.544 --> 00:02:38.546 Okay, d-do I pull you out of it? 00:02:38.590 --> 00:02:39.939 Or do I push it off of you? 00:02:39.982 --> 00:02:42.072 Does it matter? Just get me out of here! 00:02:42.114 --> 00:02:43.899 All the blood has rushed to my squirrel. 00:02:43.943 --> 00:02:45.727 Oh, God. 00:02:45.771 --> 00:02:47.468 - Oh. - Ready? Ready? 00:02:47.512 --> 00:02:49.296 - Okay... ow, ow, ow! - It's okay, stop! 00:02:49.340 --> 00:02:51.168 Be careful, I think I've tweaked my back. 00:02:51.211 --> 00:02:52.500 Uh, okay, um, put, 00:02:52.502 --> 00:02:53.771 - put your arms around my neck, - Okay. 00:02:53.772 --> 00:02:55.781 like one of those monkey stuffed animals with the Velcro hands. 00:02:55.824 --> 00:02:57.565 - Yeah! Aah! - Okay, ready? 00:02:57.609 --> 00:02:59.219 One, two. 00:02:59.263 --> 00:03:00.438 - Three... together! - Three! 00:03:02.266 --> 00:03:03.528 Oh! 00:03:04.485 --> 00:03:05.965 Oh! 00:03:06.008 --> 00:03:07.967 Geez, Ma. 00:03:08.924 --> 00:03:11.318 Okey dokey, let's roll. 00:03:13.277 --> 00:03:15.061 "Let's roll"? 00:03:15.105 --> 00:03:16.671 You're wobbling like a drunken marionette. 00:03:16.715 --> 00:03:18.064 What the hell happened? 00:03:18.108 --> 00:03:21.023 What's it look like? I was doing a load of whites. 00:03:21.067 --> 00:03:22.460 And you fell? 00:03:22.503 --> 00:03:24.679 No, I didn't fall. 00:03:24.723 --> 00:03:26.681 I... I... I slipped. 00:03:26.725 --> 00:03:29.162 And it kind of evolved into a fall. 00:03:30.468 --> 00:03:33.123 Geez, Ma, you-you could've hit your head or something. 00:03:33.166 --> 00:03:34.254 How long were you stuck in there? 00:03:34.298 --> 00:03:35.516 Not long. 00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:36.909 Judging by the light moving 00:03:36.952 --> 00:03:38.388 across the wall, I'd say... 00:03:38.432 --> 00:03:40.434 no more than a few hours. 00:03:41.522 --> 00:03:42.915 It's not a big deal. 00:03:42.958 --> 00:03:45.831 Okay, let's go eat some tacos. 00:03:45.874 --> 00:03:47.572 Hey... 00:03:47.614 --> 00:03:49.400 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on... 00:04:05.851 --> 00:04:08.332 Perfect. Okay. 00:04:08.375 --> 00:04:10.986 Now I'm gonna post this on TikTok in slow-mo. 00:04:11.030 --> 00:04:13.163 Maybe add, like, an explosion at the end, 00:04:13.206 --> 00:04:16.296 Oh, or, like, a, like, a dinosaur that eats the ball. 00:04:16.340 --> 00:04:18.429 Oh, okay. 00:04:18.472 --> 00:04:19.908 Y-you think people will like that? 00:04:19.952 --> 00:04:22.172 I'm trying to make bowling exciting 00:04:22.215 --> 00:04:23.608 to a generation raised with nine 00:04:23.651 --> 00:04:26.132 Fast and the Furious movies and free *. 00:04:26.176 --> 00:04:28.352 We need all the help we can get. 00:04:28.395 --> 00:04:30.484 What the hell are you two doing? 00:04:30.528 --> 00:04:32.093 Oh, Lew's helping me 00:04:32.138 --> 00:04:33.835 up my social media game. 00:04:33.879 --> 00:04:35.750 He needs a big following if he wants 00:04:35.794 --> 00:04:37.665 TV contracts and a shoe deal. 00:04:37.709 --> 00:04:39.972 Right now the only thing that comes up if you search my name 00:04:40.015 --> 00:04:42.279 is a sea captain from the 1600s. 00:04:43.280 --> 00:04:45.543 All right, Fake Spike Lee and Dumb-zel, 00:04:45.586 --> 00:04:47.197 can we get back to bowling now? 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:49.242 Just give me a minute. I got to check on my mom. 00:04:49.286 --> 00:04:50.939 She had a fall last night. 00:04:50.983 --> 00:04:52.680 Wait, your mom fell? Is she okay? 00:04:52.724 --> 00:04:54.595 Yeah, she's fine, I just found her 00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:56.944 stuck *-first in a laundry basket. 00:04:56.989 --> 00:04:58.730 It was actually pretty scary. 00:04:58.773 --> 00:05:00.819 She never has her phone on her, so she had to sit there 00:05:00.862 --> 00:05:03.038 for hours until I found her. 00:05:03.082 --> 00:05:04.866 Hey, Tom, this is getting a little depressing. 00:05:04.910 --> 00:05:07.782 People are asking you to take your shirt off to lighten the mood. 00:05:09.044 --> 00:05:10.916 People are watching this now? 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:13.310 Fewer by the second. 00:05:15.312 --> 00:05:17.531 Yeah, 4:00 p.m. Saturday sounds great. 00:05:17.575 --> 00:05:19.098 I'll be there. 00:05:19.141 --> 00:05:21.361 Here, I'll be here... I live here. 00:05:21.405 --> 00:05:24.059 In my kitchen. Uh, I don't live in my kitchen. 00:05:24.103 --> 00:05:26.148 I-I work in my kitchen. Okay, bye. 00:05:29.326 --> 00:05:31.284 I just booked another appointment. 00:05:31.328 --> 00:05:32.507 That makes four today. 00:05:32.592 --> 00:05:34.376 I think between that and the 40 views 00:05:34.420 --> 00:05:36.248 Lew got me on the Internet today, we're officially 00:05:36.291 --> 00:05:37.901 a Saginaw power couple. 00:05:37.944 --> 00:05:39.642 You know... 00:05:39.686 --> 00:05:41.862 I think getting fired was the kick in the * 00:05:41.905 --> 00:05:43.994 I needed to start my own business. 00:05:44.038 --> 00:05:46.562 What was I thinking, I was gonna work at Ruth's forever? 00:05:46.606 --> 00:05:48.085 Oh, uh, hey, did you get 00:05:48.129 --> 00:05:49.565 around to fixing the doorknob in the bathroom? 00:05:49.609 --> 00:05:50.784 You only have to ask me once. 00:05:50.827 --> 00:05:52.481 - You didn't, did you? - Uh-uh. 00:05:52.525 --> 00:05:53.787 Mm-hmm. 00:05:53.830 --> 00:05:55.267 But it's at the top of my list. 00:05:55.310 --> 00:05:56.942 And I'm gonna get to that list 00:05:56.985 --> 00:05:58.139 as soon as I check on my mom. 00:05:58.182 --> 00:06:00.750 Okay, Tom, you don't need to keep worrying about your mom. 00:06:00.794 --> 00:06:02.665 I mean, don't you think you're going a tad bit overboard? 00:06:02.709 --> 00:06:04.319 No, what-what-what does that mean? 00:06:04.363 --> 00:06:06.495 It means that your mom is not that fragile. 00:06:06.539 --> 00:06:08.410 This is the woman who dove into Lake Michigan 00:06:08.454 --> 00:06:11.979 in March just to get out of a conversation, remember? 00:06:12.022 --> 00:06:13.589 I remember. 00:06:13.633 --> 00:06:15.112 I kept waiting for her to emerge from the water 00:06:15.156 --> 00:06:17.376 with a fish in her teeth like a seal. 00:06:18.420 --> 00:06:20.422 Look, if Lake Michigan can't take her down, 00:06:20.466 --> 00:06:22.468 I don't think a laundry basket will, okay? 00:06:22.511 --> 00:06:24.426 - She's a very resilient lady. - Yeah, but I... 00:06:24.470 --> 00:06:26.646 I'm starting to worry about her living alone at this age. 00:06:26.689 --> 00:06:28.517 I mean, she's a proud woman. 00:06:28.561 --> 00:06:30.650 She wouldn't even ask us for help if she did need it. 00:06:30.693 --> 00:06:31.955 She's not that old. 00:06:31.999 --> 00:06:33.566 She couldn't even call me. 00:06:33.609 --> 00:06:35.481 What was gonna happen if I didn't get there in time? 00:06:35.524 --> 00:06:38.005 I-I don't want to lose my mom because she doesn't like phones 00:06:38.048 --> 00:06:39.615 'cause they make her pocket hot. 00:06:40.834 --> 00:06:41.965 Okay, then why don't you just get her 00:06:42.009 --> 00:06:43.706 one of those smart watches? 00:06:43.750 --> 00:06:46.143 You know, then she can wear it all the time and call for help. 00:06:46.187 --> 00:06:48.537 Plus, you'll be able to track wherever she is. 00:06:49.625 --> 00:06:52.149 Wait, you're-you're suggesting we put a tracking device 00:06:52.193 --> 00:06:54.151 on my mom like she's a wild animal? 00:06:54.194 --> 00:06:56.240 That's a great idea. 00:06:57.198 --> 00:06:58.634 You're welcome. 00:07:01.463 --> 00:07:03.857 Well, wait, what are we doing here? 00:07:03.900 --> 00:07:05.946 I thought we were going out for hotcakes. 00:07:05.989 --> 00:07:08.427 Yeah, we are. I just have to pick something up first. 00:07:08.470 --> 00:07:10.472 You know, this used to be a Radio Shack. 00:07:10.516 --> 00:07:12.474 - Oh, I used to love that place. - Mm. 00:07:12.518 --> 00:07:15.259 Then they just disappeared one day like a bad stepdad. 00:07:17.305 --> 00:07:19.786 Yeah, they're the Orange Julius of ham radio parts. 00:07:20.830 --> 00:07:22.702 All right, well, go on and get what you need, 00:07:22.745 --> 00:07:25.922 and let's get going... those hotcakes sell out like hotcakes. 00:07:26.967 --> 00:07:29.099 Okay, uh, the truth, Ma... 00:07:29.143 --> 00:07:30.884 we're not here to get hotcakes. 00:07:30.927 --> 00:07:32.538 I don't even know what a hotcake is, to be honest. 00:07:32.581 --> 00:07:33.930 Some sort of pancake? 00:07:33.974 --> 00:07:36.063 No, it's not a pancake, it's a flapjack. 00:07:36.106 --> 00:07:37.847 You know, a flapjack is a griddle cake. 00:07:37.891 --> 00:07:40.807 You order a griddle cake in Alabama and watch what happens. 00:07:42.242 --> 00:07:45.855 So I've been kidnapped by the two biggest idiots in the world? 00:07:45.899 --> 00:07:47.901 No, we're not... Look. 00:07:47.944 --> 00:07:49.381 We're here to get a smart watch. 00:07:49.424 --> 00:07:50.904 Lew knows all about 'em, 00:07:50.947 --> 00:07:52.209 so I thought he could help us pick one out. 00:07:52.210 --> 00:07:54.516 Yeah, just tell me what you need, and I'll set you up. 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:56.431 What do I need a smart watch for? 00:07:56.475 --> 00:07:58.390 When I wake up, I know it's 5:00 a.m. 00:07:58.433 --> 00:08:01.044 When Blue Bloods is on, I know it's 9:00 p.m. 00:08:01.088 --> 00:08:03.438 Anything else, I'll get there when I get there. 00:08:04.787 --> 00:08:07.050 Mom, it's not just to tell time, okay? 00:08:07.094 --> 00:08:08.791 These things can make phone calls, 00:08:08.835 --> 00:08:10.227 it keeps track of your location, 00:08:10.271 --> 00:08:12.055 plus it's always with you. 00:08:12.099 --> 00:08:15.189 Jesus is always with me, and he has no monthly fee. 00:08:17.104 --> 00:08:19.236 - Can I get a amen? - Amen. 00:08:21.369 --> 00:08:23.284 Okay, so it's not quite as good as Jesus, 00:08:23.327 --> 00:08:26.330 but, you know, they're both waterproof. 00:08:27.941 --> 00:08:30.247 Okay, look, it's not just for you, it's for me. 00:08:30.291 --> 00:08:32.641 So I know where you are and-and that you're okay. 00:08:32.685 --> 00:08:34.904 Oh, I see, you don't think I can take care of myself. 00:08:34.948 --> 00:08:36.819 - Is that what you're saying? - No. 00:08:36.863 --> 00:08:38.908 Look... you can, 00:08:38.952 --> 00:08:41.433 but if wearing the watch makes me feel better, 00:08:41.476 --> 00:08:43.043 what's the big deal? 00:08:43.086 --> 00:08:45.654 This is what I get for coddling you too much. 00:08:45.698 --> 00:08:47.134 I knew I shouldn't have breastfed you 00:08:47.177 --> 00:08:48.744 for two whole weeks. 00:08:50.964 --> 00:08:52.487 Can I get some help, Lew? 00:08:52.531 --> 00:08:55.011 I don't know, man, I think the damage is done. 00:08:56.317 --> 00:08:58.319 The watches, Lew. 00:08:58.362 --> 00:08:59.581 Oh, yes, yes. 00:08:59.625 --> 00:09:01.583 Right, okay, um... 00:09:01.627 --> 00:09:02.932 so these are the cheap ones. 00:09:02.976 --> 00:09:04.804 Easy on the wallet, nice on the wrist. 00:09:04.847 --> 00:09:06.283 Uh, do you have Wi-Fi? 00:09:06.327 --> 00:09:08.416 She doesn't. She steals it from her neighbor. 00:09:08.460 --> 00:09:10.244 If he has a problem with that, he can 00:09:10.287 --> 00:09:12.942 wheel his chair over and tell me to my face. 00:09:14.727 --> 00:09:17.991 I don't think we believe in the same Jesus. 00:09:19.340 --> 00:09:21.081 Okay, um... 00:09:21.124 --> 00:09:23.083 so once you sync your contacts with this, 00:09:23.126 --> 00:09:24.650 you'll be able to use voice command 00:09:24.693 --> 00:09:27.435 to make calls or texts just by holding this button. 00:09:27.479 --> 00:09:29.002 It's-it's pretty self-explanatory. 00:09:29.045 --> 00:09:30.873 If it's so self-explanatory, what are you still 00:09:30.917 --> 00:09:33.267 flapping your yap about? 00:09:33.310 --> 00:09:35.008 Come on, Ma. 00:09:35.051 --> 00:09:36.618 These things are cool. 00:09:36.662 --> 00:09:38.315 You can use it like a walkie-talkie like * Tracy, 00:09:38.359 --> 00:09:40.056 - send texts. - Check the weather. 00:09:40.100 --> 00:09:42.755 You can even set a reminder for Tom Selleck's birthday. 00:09:42.798 --> 00:09:43.843 He's your favorite! 00:09:43.886 --> 00:09:45.366 You'll never forget... 00:09:45.409 --> 00:09:47.586 Ma? 00:09:48.848 --> 00:09:50.240 She's gone. 00:09:50.584 --> 00:09:52.721 Just like my last stepdad. 00:09:57.987 --> 00:09:59.641 Come on, Ma, what's the big deal? 00:09:59.685 --> 00:10:01.077 It's just a watch. 00:10:01.121 --> 00:10:02.644 I am not an invalid. 00:10:02.688 --> 00:10:04.777 I didn't say you were. 00:10:04.820 --> 00:10:06.866 You didn't have to say it, the way that you're treating me. 00:10:07.309 --> 00:10:10.609 Trying to get me to wear some fancy LifeAlert bracelet. 00:10:10.652 --> 00:10:14.047 Ma, you had literally fallen and could not get up. 00:10:15.614 --> 00:10:17.616 I'm not wearing that stupid watch 00:10:17.659 --> 00:10:19.792 so that you'll know where I am every second. 00:10:19.835 --> 00:10:21.968 Come on, don't think of it like that. 00:10:22.011 --> 00:10:24.144 This thing can make your life a lot easier. 00:10:24.187 --> 00:10:25.972 Look, I already set it up. 00:10:26.015 --> 00:10:27.887 Call Tom. 00:10:27.930 --> 00:10:29.453 Which Tom? 00:10:29.497 --> 00:10:31.151 Tom Smallwood. 00:10:31.194 --> 00:10:32.805 Tom Smallwood was a ship captain 00:10:32.848 --> 00:10:37.070 who was thrown overboard by his mutinous crew in the year 1619. 00:10:38.593 --> 00:10:42.292 He was probably trying to get 'em to all wear smart watches. 00:10:43.990 --> 00:10:46.122 You're saying he was a good and fair captain 00:10:46.166 --> 00:10:48.908 who cared about the well-being of his crew? 00:10:48.950 --> 00:10:52.172 Look, what happened really made me worry, Mom. 00:10:52.215 --> 00:10:53.608 Do you have any idea what was going 00:10:53.652 --> 00:10:55.523 through my mind as I drove over here? 00:10:55.567 --> 00:10:56.829 Don't worry about me. 00:10:56.872 --> 00:10:59.353 I am not kicking the bucket anytime soon. 00:10:59.396 --> 00:11:02.095 If I live as long as my mother did, 00:11:02.138 --> 00:11:05.315 I still have 14 Christmases left. 00:11:06.795 --> 00:11:09.493 Wow, Ma, you have a real chipper way of putting things. 00:11:09.537 --> 00:11:11.800 I can't believe Hallmark hasn't snatched you up. 00:11:11.844 --> 00:11:13.976 I am just trying to be realistic. 00:11:14.020 --> 00:11:15.804 Yeah, and I'm doing this because I care. 00:11:15.848 --> 00:11:17.327 Sometimes the baby duckling 00:11:17.371 --> 00:11:18.894 is the one that has to, you know... 00:11:18.938 --> 00:11:20.069 - figure... - Oh, my God! 00:11:20.113 --> 00:11:21.897 Just give me the damn watch. 00:11:21.941 --> 00:11:23.812 Anything to shut the duck up. 00:11:27.468 --> 00:11:28.991 Thank you, Mom. 00:11:29.992 --> 00:11:32.255 Also, I'm taking you to the mall 00:11:32.299 --> 00:11:33.735 to try on some laundry baskets. 00:11:33.779 --> 00:11:35.824 No shame in going up a size. 00:11:40.655 --> 00:11:42.222 Hey, what's going on, y'all? 00:11:42.265 --> 00:11:44.616 I'm here with Tom's coach, Archie Betts. 00:11:44.659 --> 00:11:46.269 Anything you want to say to the fans? 00:11:46.313 --> 00:11:48.489 Hey, Archine, you want to be on the Internet? 00:11:48.532 --> 00:11:51.318 You want to be in the trunk of my car? 00:11:55.844 --> 00:11:57.759 Man, he got jokes. 00:11:59.587 --> 00:12:01.676 But I'm gonna turn this off just in case he's serious. 00:12:03.417 --> 00:12:05.114 Hey, man, you get your money back on the watch? 00:12:05.158 --> 00:12:06.333 Even better than that. 00:12:06.376 --> 00:12:07.769 I got her to wear it. 00:12:07.813 --> 00:12:09.771 - So she's okay? - She's fine. 00:12:09.815 --> 00:12:11.294 She even hugged me. 00:12:11.338 --> 00:12:12.948 She hugged you? 00:12:12.992 --> 00:12:14.515 With whose arms? 00:12:15.342 --> 00:12:16.865 Man, I'm just relieved. 00:12:16.909 --> 00:12:19.520 Now, if anything happens, she can always call for help. 00:12:19.563 --> 00:12:21.696 Plus I always know where she is. 00:12:21.740 --> 00:12:23.306 Like, right now, check it out. 00:12:23.350 --> 00:12:24.743 She is at... 00:12:24.786 --> 00:12:26.005 Archie's Lanes. 00:12:31.619 --> 00:12:33.447 Where is she? 00:12:33.490 --> 00:12:35.754 Don't look at me. I ain't hiding her. 00:12:35.797 --> 00:12:37.581 The only thing I got up under here 00:12:37.625 --> 00:12:40.497 is a two-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids. 00:12:41.977 --> 00:12:45.154 Damn things gonna cost me my foot one day. 00:12:48.680 --> 00:12:50.333 I don't understand what's going on. 00:12:50.377 --> 00:12:52.945 Wait, it also says her heart rate is zero. 00:12:53.946 --> 00:12:55.817 That seems low. 00:13:05.653 --> 00:13:06.915 She slipped it in my coat! 00:13:06.959 --> 00:13:09.352 Uh-oh, Mama's off the grid. 00:13:14.314 --> 00:13:16.533 Thank you for sticking with me. 00:13:16.577 --> 00:13:18.622 I love it. I'll be back in a month. 00:13:18.666 --> 00:13:20.494 Oh, great! And-and I promise 00:13:20.537 --> 00:13:22.104 this setup is not permanent. 00:13:22.148 --> 00:13:23.758 Sorry about the garbage disposal. 00:13:23.802 --> 00:13:25.934 It almost cut your hair for me. 00:13:25.978 --> 00:13:28.110 Jen, I... 00:13:28.154 --> 00:13:29.938 Oh, wow! 00:13:29.982 --> 00:13:31.287 That frames your face... 00:13:31.331 --> 00:13:33.507 Work it, girl! 00:13:35.639 --> 00:13:37.337 "Work it, girl"? 00:13:37.380 --> 00:13:39.165 - I don't know. - Uh, Tom, what is wrong? 00:13:39.208 --> 00:13:40.862 She won't wear it! 00:13:40.906 --> 00:13:42.385 - Oh. - She slipped it in my pocket. 00:13:42.429 --> 00:13:44.083 Now I have no idea where my mom is. 00:13:44.126 --> 00:13:47.782 Oh, you mean like how it's been her whole life up until yesterday? 00:13:47.825 --> 00:13:49.479 It's different now. 00:13:49.523 --> 00:13:51.525 She fell in a laundry basket. Wh-what's next? 00:13:51.568 --> 00:13:54.528 She slips down a manhole and we never find her again? 00:13:54.571 --> 00:13:57.270 Wait, Tom, are you talking about your mom or Mr. Bean? 00:13:58.706 --> 00:14:00.577 You know I'm talking about my mom. 00:14:00.621 --> 00:14:02.754 Not the greatest comedic actor of our generation. 00:14:02.797 --> 00:14:06.409 Okay, Tom, Tom, you're spinning out. 00:14:06.453 --> 00:14:08.542 I mean, sure, one day she'll be old enough 00:14:08.585 --> 00:14:10.805 where you have to worry about her, but at that point, 00:14:10.849 --> 00:14:12.589 she'll probably be living with us. 00:14:12.633 --> 00:14:15.418 Then you'll always know where she is, and then... 00:14:15.462 --> 00:14:17.377 you're gonna need that watch to find out where I am. 00:14:19.466 --> 00:14:21.389 I-I have to get to the beauty supply shop 00:14:21.433 --> 00:14:22.817 before it closes. Can you do me a favor? 00:14:22.861 --> 00:14:24.819 Grab the towels in the bathroom, 00:14:24.863 --> 00:14:25.994 and add them to this load? 00:14:26.038 --> 00:14:27.343 - Sure. - Thanks. 00:14:27.387 --> 00:14:28.954 I-I might be overreacting. 00:14:28.997 --> 00:14:30.520 I-I just can't shake the vision of her 00:14:30.564 --> 00:14:32.435 stuck somewhere in that house. 00:14:32.479 --> 00:14:35.264 You know, it happens a lot more to old people than you think. 00:14:42.445 --> 00:14:44.056 Jen?! 00:14:44.099 --> 00:14:45.884 Jen? 00:14:45.927 --> 00:14:48.930 You're right... it was a shaky-twisty deal! 00:14:56.720 --> 00:14:58.026 Call Jen. 00:14:58.070 --> 00:15:00.159 I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 00:15:00.202 --> 00:15:01.769 Call Jen. 00:15:01.813 --> 00:15:04.032 I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 00:15:05.468 --> 00:15:08.080 Please call Jen. 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:11.953 I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. 00:15:13.912 --> 00:15:15.783 You're going in the toilet. 00:15:16.958 --> 00:15:18.655 Tommy? 00:15:18.699 --> 00:15:20.048 Ma? 00:15:20.092 --> 00:15:22.007 - Ma! - What are you doing? 00:15:22.050 --> 00:15:23.878 Why aren't you answering your phone? 00:15:23.922 --> 00:15:25.880 Oh, oh, I wasn't answering my phone, 00:15:25.924 --> 00:15:27.403 and you got worried? 00:15:27.447 --> 00:15:29.014 Doesn't feel good, does it?! 00:15:30.232 --> 00:15:32.800 Please help me, I'm stuck! 00:15:32.844 --> 00:15:34.933 Hold on a second. 00:15:34.976 --> 00:15:36.630 Let me run to the store, 00:15:36.673 --> 00:15:38.371 and get you a smart watch. 00:15:39.938 --> 00:15:41.853 Very good. Very, very funny. 00:15:41.896 --> 00:15:43.680 I've been stuck in here for three hours! 00:15:46.814 --> 00:15:48.598 Thanks, Ma. 00:15:48.642 --> 00:15:51.210 No problem, that's why I keep a Leatherman on me. 00:15:51.253 --> 00:15:53.168 This thing pulled out all your baby teeth 00:15:53.212 --> 00:15:54.996 and pierced both my ears. 00:15:55.040 --> 00:15:57.259 Thank you, old friend. 00:15:57.303 --> 00:15:59.087 So, uh... 00:15:59.131 --> 00:16:00.436 where's your phone? 00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:02.264 - I left it in my truck. - What?! 00:16:02.308 --> 00:16:04.484 - You don't have your cellphone? - Ma... 00:16:04.527 --> 00:16:07.095 - Wow, that's so irresponsible of you. - Ma... 00:16:07.139 --> 00:16:08.618 Lucky that I came along. 00:16:08.662 --> 00:16:10.055 Lord knows you're so fragile. 00:16:10.098 --> 00:16:11.578 Ma! 00:16:11.621 --> 00:16:13.362 What? 00:16:15.103 --> 00:16:16.713 I want you to move in with us. 00:16:16.757 --> 00:16:19.064 What? 00:16:19.107 --> 00:16:20.935 I want you to... 00:16:20.979 --> 00:16:23.155 live here with us. 00:16:24.243 --> 00:16:26.549 Well, where the hell is this coming from? 00:16:26.593 --> 00:16:29.465 Around hour two sitting on the toilet. 00:16:29.509 --> 00:16:31.511 Look... 00:16:31.554 --> 00:16:33.426 I know you're fine, and-and falling 00:16:33.469 --> 00:16:35.210 could've happened to anyone. The problem was me. 00:16:35.254 --> 00:16:36.733 Yeah, I could've told you that. 00:16:36.777 --> 00:16:37.909 - Will you let me finish? - All right. 00:16:37.952 --> 00:16:40.694 Look, I just did a lot of thinking. 00:16:40.737 --> 00:16:42.130 Mostly because the only thing that works 00:16:42.174 --> 00:16:44.393 on this dumb watch is the meditation app. 00:16:45.786 --> 00:16:47.570 Look, there's gonna be a point 00:16:47.614 --> 00:16:49.224 where you can't take care of yourself 00:16:49.268 --> 00:16:51.835 and you'll have to move in, but-but why wait? 00:16:51.879 --> 00:16:54.142 Why not do it while you're healthy, 00:16:54.186 --> 00:16:56.492 while we can all still enjoy each other? 00:16:56.536 --> 00:17:00.714 So I am supposed to just pack up my life 00:17:00.757 --> 00:17:03.064 and move all my stuff in here. 00:17:03.108 --> 00:17:04.412 Is that what you want? 00:17:04.457 --> 00:17:07.025 I was hoping you would want that. 00:17:07.067 --> 00:17:09.070 I mean, yeah, it's what I want. 00:17:10.332 --> 00:17:12.595 I-Is that not... ? 00:17:12.639 --> 00:17:15.075 I don't know. 00:17:15.120 --> 00:17:17.209 Most mothers would want that. 00:17:21.038 --> 00:17:23.431 But... you should know... 00:17:23.476 --> 00:17:25.085 I am very independent. 00:17:25.130 --> 00:17:28.698 And I am just fine being by myself. 00:17:28.742 --> 00:17:30.439 I know. 00:17:30.483 --> 00:17:32.789 And I would never go anywhere where I was not needed. 00:17:32.833 --> 00:17:34.356 That's exactly what I'm saying. We... we... 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:37.446 - You're saying that you need me, Tommy? - Y... yeah. 00:17:37.490 --> 00:17:39.013 I mean, I-I'm gonna be traveling, 00:17:39.057 --> 00:17:40.362 so I w... I won't be home, 00:17:40.406 --> 00:17:42.756 and Jen is starting her business. 00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:44.018 Sam... 00:17:44.062 --> 00:17:46.455 He can't pluck and dress a chicken. 00:17:49.110 --> 00:17:52.070 I mean, he has to learn from the best. 00:17:52.113 --> 00:17:54.986 You're worse off than I thought. 00:17:55.029 --> 00:17:57.205 Honestly, I... 00:17:57.249 --> 00:17:59.991 I don't know how we've been doing it without you. 00:18:03.516 --> 00:18:06.432 Did you run this by the warden? 00:18:07.433 --> 00:18:08.912 Not yet. 00:18:08.956 --> 00:18:10.740 I'll have to do that before it's official. 00:18:10.784 --> 00:18:14.744 Yeah, well, then I'm not gonna hold my breath or drain my waterbed. 00:18:16.703 --> 00:18:18.139 It's a big decision. 00:18:18.183 --> 00:18:20.141 I have to pick the right moment to ask her. 00:18:20.185 --> 00:18:22.056 Ultimately, it's Jen's call. 00:18:22.100 --> 00:18:23.405 Calling Jen. 00:18:23.449 --> 00:18:25.103 No. No, no. No. 00:18:25.146 --> 00:18:27.540 Hopefully, she didn't hear any of that. 00:18:34.503 --> 00:18:36.984 Okay, I know how much you care about your mom, 00:18:37.028 --> 00:18:39.943 but this is a pretty big bomb to drop. 00:18:39.987 --> 00:18:41.423 Okay. 00:18:41.467 --> 00:18:43.686 So, is that a no, or... I didn't say that. 00:18:43.730 --> 00:18:45.775 I just wish you had talked to me about it 00:18:45.819 --> 00:18:47.777 before you floated the idea to her. 00:18:47.821 --> 00:18:49.605 I switched to two percent milk without telling you, 00:18:49.649 --> 00:18:51.390 and you were mad at me for a week. 00:18:52.739 --> 00:18:54.175 Look, I hear you. 00:18:54.219 --> 00:18:55.872 I-if you want to be mad at me for a week, 00:18:55.916 --> 00:18:57.309 I totally get it. 00:18:59.093 --> 00:19:01.704 She talked about renting out her place and giving us the money. 00:19:01.748 --> 00:19:03.184 I mean, that-that could help us out. 00:19:03.228 --> 00:19:04.403 Come on, you know this isn't about the money. 00:19:04.446 --> 00:19:05.839 I know. 00:19:05.882 --> 00:19:07.145 Come on, what do... what do you think? 00:19:08.189 --> 00:19:10.191 I think you're a very sweet man 00:19:10.235 --> 00:19:11.932 and an amazing son. 00:19:11.975 --> 00:19:14.761 And as much as I think your mom is a pain in the *, 00:19:14.804 --> 00:19:16.632 I do love her. 00:19:16.676 --> 00:19:18.330 And I love you. 00:19:21.855 --> 00:19:24.640 Just so you know, there are going to be times 00:19:24.684 --> 00:19:26.686 where you see me just sitting in the car. 00:19:26.729 --> 00:19:30.168 Don't come get me. 00:19:32.170 --> 00:19:33.954 Yes, ma'am. 00:19:34.955 --> 00:19:36.826 This is gonna be bad. 00:19:36.870 --> 00:19:38.437 - Oh, my God. - I know. 00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:40.917 - Jen, this is gonna be brutal. - Oh, yeah. 00:19:41.918 --> 00:19:43.485 But, you know, we got to make the most of it. 00:19:43.529 --> 00:19:45.879 - Who knows how many Christmases we have left? - What? 00:19:45.922 --> 00:19:48.577 That is terrible. Where did you get that from? 00:19:48.621 --> 00:19:50.579 Where do you think? 00:20:01.416 --> 00:20:03.418 Hey. Good news. 00:20:03.462 --> 00:20:05.203 Lew got me up to 50 followers, 00:20:05.246 --> 00:20:08.119 and when you search my name, Tom the bowler comes up 00:20:08.162 --> 00:20:10.077 before Tom the sailorman. 00:20:11.383 --> 00:20:13.298 Couldn't be happier for you. 00:20:20.479 --> 00:20:22.176 Hey, hey. Turn down the hose. 00:20:22.220 --> 00:20:25.136 My waterbed is almost at capacity. 00:20:26.093 --> 00:20:27.703 This is great. 00:20:27.747 --> 00:20:29.531 Oh, oh, don't touch that TV. 00:20:29.575 --> 00:20:31.707 Blue Bloods marathon is just about to start.