WEBVTT 00:00:05.218 --> 00:00:06.720 *** you, Michael. 00:00:27.866 --> 00:00:29.701 - Okay. Ya. ¡Vámanos! 00:00:30.201 --> 00:00:33.496 I made the mistake of letting the kids split a Cactus Cooler this morning, 00:00:33.496 --> 00:00:35.874 so, good luck babysitting them. 00:00:35.874 --> 00:00:37.167 Hey, hey, hey. 00:00:37.167 --> 00:00:39.544 - Hey, you guys excited to kick it or what? 00:00:39.544 --> 00:00:41.588 - Mom, why are you punishing us? 00:00:41.588 --> 00:00:45.133 Tio Julio gets tired of playing after one minute. 00:00:45.133 --> 00:00:47.427 He makes us watch movies from the past. 00:00:47.427 --> 00:00:50.597 - Mom, please take us to a dentist in Mexico. 00:00:50.597 --> 00:00:51.639 No. 00:00:51.639 --> 00:00:54.809 I know your Tio Julio is lame, but he's free, so you better behave. 00:00:54.809 --> 00:00:57.145 Fine. 00:00:59.856 --> 00:01:01.024 - 'Sup, Julio? 00:01:01.483 --> 00:01:02.734 - What are you doing here? 00:01:03.276 --> 00:01:04.652 - I was-- - Hey, Maggie. 00:01:04.652 --> 00:01:06.196 Ooh. You look hot. 00:01:06.196 --> 00:01:07.405 - Sí, muy hot, muy hot. 00:01:07.405 --> 00:01:07.655 - Buenos dias, Esperanza. Cómo estás? 00:01:07.655 --> 00:01:08.490 - Buenos dias, Esperanza. Cómo estás? 00:01:11.618 --> 00:01:13.036 - Girl, you look so cute. 00:01:13.036 --> 00:01:14.788 I love this jacket. - Oh, my God, thank you. 00:01:14.788 --> 00:01:16.915 - Hey. I don't mean to be rude, 00:01:16.915 --> 00:01:18.875 but if you wouldn't mind shutting your *** mouths, 00:01:18.875 --> 00:01:19.876 I'm trying to watch the Raiders. 00:01:21.252 --> 00:01:22.545 - He's so aggro. - Oy... 00:01:23.671 --> 00:01:24.964 - What are you doing here, Maggie? 00:01:24.964 --> 00:01:27.634 - Well, some old man died, 00:01:27.634 --> 00:01:30.345 and his son is selling his record collection on Craigslist, 00:01:30.345 --> 00:01:33.389 so I was wondering if you'd come pick it up with me. 00:01:34.224 --> 00:01:36.267 You know, in case he tries to murder me. 00:01:36.267 --> 00:01:38.937 - I can't. I'm taking care of Michael and Aiden. 00:01:38.937 --> 00:01:39.938 Oh, no. 00:01:47.695 --> 00:01:48.780 Hey, if y'all just shut up 00:01:48.780 --> 00:01:50.406 and just let me watch my game, I'll take care of the kids. 00:01:52.033 --> 00:01:55.703 - Mom, could Tio Luis please watch us instead of Tio Julio? 00:01:55.703 --> 00:01:57.622 - Oh, you don't want me to take care of you? 00:01:57.622 --> 00:01:59.707 Alright. See how much fun you have with your Tio Luis 00:01:59.707 --> 00:02:01.584 when he starts crying because the Raiders lost. 00:02:01.584 --> 00:02:03.920 Ooh, I like a horrible franchise. 00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:06.256 - ***, I'll ***' kill you. - Yeah, ***! 00:02:06.256 --> 00:02:08.091 - Hey! Watch your language. 00:02:08.091 --> 00:02:10.301 Will you stop *** cursing in front of my kids? 00:02:10.301 --> 00:02:12.387 You know what? I think it's better for Julio to take care of them. 00:02:12.387 --> 00:02:14.973 - Hey, come on. I can take care of these little fools. 00:02:14.973 --> 00:02:16.182 Promise I won't curse, alright? 00:02:16.182 --> 00:02:17.517 We'll have a nice day together. Don't worry about it. 00:02:17.517 --> 00:02:18.768 - No, it's just that you're probably gonna eat all their-- 00:02:34.033 --> 00:02:36.202 - Vámonos. Vámonos. - Hey, bring me some Vicodin. 00:02:36.202 --> 00:02:37.996 - Bye. - Bye. 00:02:53.678 --> 00:02:56.347 - Why couldn't your new boyfriend Julio Tambien protect you? 00:02:56.890 --> 00:02:59.726 Or Is that fool too busy getting his *** whooped at bowling? 00:02:59.726 --> 00:03:00.894 - Shut up. 00:03:01.603 --> 00:03:03.313 He's not my boyfriend. 00:03:03.813 --> 00:03:05.815 You know, women who live without men live longer? 00:03:05.815 --> 00:03:07.567 - Seems like you're gonna die young then. 00:03:08.443 --> 00:03:09.777 You always got a man around. 00:03:11.487 --> 00:03:13.615 Hope my funeral's fun, ***. 00:03:13.615 --> 00:03:16.492 And you better cry, like a lot. 00:03:17.243 --> 00:03:18.620 And don't move on too fast. 00:03:18.620 --> 00:03:22.248 Or else I'm gonna come back and *** haunt you The Ring style! 00:03:22.248 --> 00:03:23.499 - Watch the ***' road! 00:03:26.002 --> 00:03:28.922 Wait. Why are you taking this exit? 00:03:30.715 --> 00:03:32.800 And why are you wearing exercise clothes? 00:03:33.885 --> 00:03:35.345 And why did you pack a picnic basket 00:03:35.345 --> 00:03:37.305 to pick up something from Craigslist? 00:03:37.305 --> 00:03:39.891 Ah, ***. There is no record collection, is there? 00:03:40.892 --> 00:03:43.603 - I planned a surprise for you! 00:03:45.021 --> 00:03:47.690 I packed us a picnic, and I thought I'd take you on a hike 00:03:47.690 --> 00:03:50.318 where we can watch the sunset over the stupid-*** ocean. 00:03:50.318 --> 00:03:52.695 - I hate hiking! - Damn, fool. 00:03:52.695 --> 00:03:56.115 Unclench your ass for one second and relax. 00:03:56.115 --> 00:03:59.327 All you have to do is look pretty and have fun. 00:03:59.327 --> 00:04:00.995 I planned the whole day out. 00:04:00.995 --> 00:04:02.997 - Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. 00:04:02.997 --> 00:04:04.249 - Oh, shut up. 00:04:04.832 --> 00:04:06.668 - You can't do this to me. 00:04:06.668 --> 00:04:08.127 I'm being kidnapped. 00:04:08.127 --> 00:04:10.755 My nephews are in danger all because you wanted to have a fun day. 00:05:01.347 --> 00:05:03.308 Why didn't you tell me to bring my hiking shoes? 00:05:03.308 --> 00:05:05.643 - Because then you would have known we were going on a hike. Duh. 00:05:05.643 --> 00:05:06.853 And then you wouldn't have come 00:05:06.853 --> 00:05:08.730 and seen how beautiful this nature *** is. 00:05:08.730 --> 00:05:10.648 Mira, que nice. They got trees. 00:05:11.107 --> 00:05:12.692 The mosquitoes are gonna to devour me. 00:05:12.692 --> 00:05:14.944 They ***' love me. I have sweet blood. 00:05:14.944 --> 00:05:18.614 - I knew you'd complain about bugs, so I came prepared. 00:05:18.614 --> 00:05:21.284 - I can't use that brand. That *** irritates my skin. 00:05:21.284 --> 00:05:22.327 It has deet. 00:05:24.787 --> 00:05:26.247 That *** has deet. 00:05:26.247 --> 00:05:28.666 - What's in this bag, bricks of cocaine? This *** is heavy. 00:05:28.666 --> 00:05:31.044 - Then just let me carry it. - No, I got it. 00:05:31.627 --> 00:05:33.046 There's no reception here. 00:05:33.046 --> 00:05:35.631 We're gonna get lost and then P-22 is gonna devour us. 00:05:36.090 --> 00:05:37.842 - What the *** is P-22? 00:05:37.842 --> 00:05:39.594 - You don't know what P-22 is? 00:05:39.594 --> 00:05:42.221 It's a mountain lion that roams this exact same area. 00:05:42.221 --> 00:05:45.475 That fool had a bad case of mange, so he was taken out of the wild for a bit. 00:05:45.475 --> 00:05:48.770 But now that fool's back, and he's hungrier and stronger than ever. 00:05:48.770 --> 00:05:51.272 He's gonna smell this basket and then he's gonna devour us. 00:05:51.272 --> 00:05:53.900 - Did you just learn the word "devour"? 00:05:53.900 --> 00:05:54.942 Stop saying it. 00:05:55.860 --> 00:05:56.861 Hi. 00:05:59.364 --> 00:06:01.783 - Hey, check out those muscular *** 00:06:02.033 --> 00:06:03.785 If we got lost out here with no food, 00:06:03.785 --> 00:06:05.620 we could eat those *** 00:06:06.245 --> 00:06:07.872 - Muscular meat isn't good meat. 00:06:07.872 --> 00:06:09.457 Those *** will be tough and gamey. 00:06:09.457 --> 00:06:11.584 - Damn fool. Take a joke. 00:06:11.584 --> 00:06:12.919 I thought we could have a nice day together, 00:06:12.919 --> 00:06:14.170 but I guess I was wrong. 00:06:14.170 --> 00:06:15.380 You're being a bummer about everything. 00:06:15.380 --> 00:06:17.965 - I just hate hiking. And I thought you did too. 00:06:17.965 --> 00:06:21.177 - I do hate hiking, but after what went down on your birthday, 00:06:21.177 --> 00:06:23.262 it seemed like we might get back together again, 00:06:23.262 --> 00:06:25.598 so I Googled, "Top ten things healthy couples do together," 00:06:25.598 --> 00:06:26.849 and hiking was number nine. 00:06:26.849 --> 00:06:28.976 - What were the top eight? - I don't know. I got paywalled! 00:06:28.976 --> 00:06:30.686 But apparently you think this was a stupid-*** idea, 00:06:30.686 --> 00:06:31.938 so let's just *** go back home. 00:06:35.358 --> 00:06:36.526 - Wait. Maggie! 00:06:37.026 --> 00:06:38.694 Look. Check it out. 00:06:39.779 --> 00:06:41.197 A butterfly. 00:06:41.197 --> 00:06:42.490 Look, I'm in the moment 00:06:42.490 --> 00:06:44.617 and I'm appreciating the *** out of that butterfly. 00:06:45.076 --> 00:06:47.787 Wish this ***' butterfly knew how much I was appreciating it right now. 00:06:48.496 --> 00:06:49.831 Come on. Come on. 00:06:50.415 --> 00:06:51.416 Come on. 00:06:52.583 --> 00:06:55.128 - Damn. Don't appreciate it too much. 00:06:55.128 --> 00:06:56.087 I might get jealous. 00:06:58.965 --> 00:07:01.509 - Don't worry, that butterfly has nothing on you. 00:07:01.968 --> 00:07:03.803 Except, it can fly. 00:07:03.803 --> 00:07:05.471 And has way bigger tits. 00:07:05.471 --> 00:07:06.681 - Uh-unh. 00:07:12.145 --> 00:07:13.938 Damn. Place ain't bad. 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:15.815 Good call. 00:07:15.815 --> 00:07:17.066 Grass is nice. 00:07:17.066 --> 00:07:19.193 - These are dairy free, 00:07:19.193 --> 00:07:22.864 specifically baked by moi, for your weak-*** body. 00:07:27.076 --> 00:07:28.828 - Damn. This *** is good. 00:07:29.162 --> 00:07:30.371 When did you learn to bake? 00:07:30.997 --> 00:07:32.665 - ***, I bake. 00:07:35.334 --> 00:07:36.461 - Look who's back. 00:07:37.962 --> 00:07:40.256 Damn. Those *** are buff! 00:07:41.007 --> 00:07:44.177 What if I showed up to your place and I suddenly had a dumper that big? 00:07:44.177 --> 00:07:46.721 - Hmm. I'd start you an OnlyFans, move you to the streets. 00:07:47.346 --> 00:07:48.431 We'd make millions. 00:07:48.431 --> 00:07:50.183 - A prostitute? Like on Figueroa? 00:07:50.183 --> 00:07:51.184 - Yeah. 00:07:51.767 --> 00:07:52.810 - Don't mind if I do. 00:07:53.769 --> 00:07:56.272 Oh, ***. That fool's getting down on one knee. 00:07:56.272 --> 00:07:58.024 Is he about to propose? 00:07:58.024 --> 00:08:01.319 - No. His legs couldn't support the weight of his nalgas anymore. 00:08:04.071 --> 00:08:07.033 Oh, wait. Yes, dude. He's proposing. 00:08:07.575 --> 00:08:09.452 The big dumpers are getting married. 00:08:09.452 --> 00:08:11.120 - If you ever pull some corny-*** *** like this with me, 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:13.331 I'd murder you so bad it'd be on Dateline. 00:08:13.331 --> 00:08:15.708 - I would never. - Oh. 00:08:18.252 --> 00:08:19.337 - What you doing? 00:08:19.879 --> 00:08:21.255 Maggie. 00:08:21.255 --> 00:08:22.256 Margarita. 00:08:25.009 --> 00:08:26.302 What's that scar? 00:08:27.345 --> 00:08:28.554 - I got shot. 00:08:29.847 --> 00:08:32.558 - Whoa. Do you think we'll ever get shot? 00:08:33.643 --> 00:08:35.436 - Maybe. Life is crazy. 00:08:36.729 --> 00:08:37.980 - What's that? 00:08:38.564 --> 00:08:40.900 - Oh, this is from my favorite book I read while I was in the pen. 00:08:41.692 --> 00:08:43.194 It's called Harry Potter. 00:08:43.194 --> 00:08:44.529 You guys know Harry Potter? 00:08:44.529 --> 00:08:45.780 - Duh. 00:08:45.780 --> 00:08:47.114 It's an old book. 00:08:47.114 --> 00:08:48.699 - Damn, you know my boy Harry? 00:08:48.699 --> 00:08:49.867 That's tight. 00:08:49.867 --> 00:08:51.035 You two are cool as ***. 00:08:51.035 --> 00:08:52.578 Probably the most popular kids at school, huh? 00:08:54.497 --> 00:08:55.790 - Not really. 00:08:56.374 --> 00:08:57.458 - What? 00:08:58.251 --> 00:08:59.961 Hey, let's get serious, alright? 00:08:59.961 --> 00:09:01.629 I'm your favorite tio. You can tell me anything. 00:09:02.672 --> 00:09:03.965 Is there anybody at school *** with you? 00:09:05.007 --> 00:09:08.511 - Well, there's this one boy that kinda bullies us. 00:09:08.511 --> 00:09:09.637 - *** that! 00:09:10.221 --> 00:09:11.389 What does he do to you? 00:09:12.056 --> 00:09:13.891 Does he sock you in the gut and give you a titty twister? 00:09:13.891 --> 00:09:15.226 - No. 00:09:15.226 --> 00:09:16.561 - Does he throw wet paper towels at you while you're taking a dump? 00:09:16.561 --> 00:09:17.603 - No. 00:09:17.603 --> 00:09:19.897 - Does he put raw meat on your forehead and try to get a dog to eat it? 00:09:19.897 --> 00:09:21.774 - No! - Then what does he do to you then? 00:09:33.703 --> 00:09:35.538 - Hey, these aren't funny. 00:09:35.955 --> 00:09:38.124 - Oh, yeah, right. Hey, I'm sorry, homeys. 00:09:39.500 --> 00:09:42.003 Damn. Bullying has changed since my times. 00:09:42.587 --> 00:09:43.629 This *** is dark. 00:09:44.171 --> 00:09:46.257 - Can you go kick his *** for us? 00:09:46.257 --> 00:09:47.842 - Yeah, kick his *** 00:09:47.842 --> 00:09:50.428 And after that, kick his dad's *** too. 00:09:50.428 --> 00:09:51.971 - Yeah, yeah, well, I obviously could do that. 00:09:53.139 --> 00:09:54.599 But, you know, Hugs Not Thugs is teaching me 00:09:54.599 --> 00:09:56.183 that it's better to talk this *** out. 00:09:56.183 --> 00:09:57.643 - No fighting? Come on. 00:09:58.102 --> 00:09:59.729 - Yeah, we want violence. 00:09:59.729 --> 00:10:02.815 - We thought you were cool but it turns out you're just a loser, 00:10:02.815 --> 00:10:04.108 you know, like Tio Julio. 00:10:04.108 --> 00:10:05.484 - Hey, hey, kick back, alright? 00:10:05.484 --> 00:10:06.777 I'm nothing like Julio. 00:10:06.777 --> 00:10:08.237 - Then prove it. 00:10:08.237 --> 00:10:10.531 - Alright, then, *** it. Let's go kick this kid's *** 00:10:10.531 --> 00:10:11.574 Yeah! 00:10:12.700 --> 00:10:14.201 - Something's up with my stomach. 00:10:14.910 --> 00:10:17.038 I just can't eat that many nuggets anymore. 00:10:17.038 --> 00:10:18.539 - One thing I love about you, Julio, 00:10:18.539 --> 00:10:21.167 is you can complain even when you're fed like a king. 00:10:26.464 --> 00:10:28.257 - So which way to the ocean view? 00:10:30.092 --> 00:10:32.303 - This way. - Wait. You sure? 00:10:33.179 --> 00:10:35.723 - I told you I planned the whole thing out. 00:10:35.723 --> 00:10:36.932 We're gonna get there right at sunset. 00:10:36.932 --> 00:10:38.017 It's gonna be tight. 00:10:38.934 --> 00:10:40.478 - Just seems like it would be the other way. 00:10:41.562 --> 00:10:42.605 - Do you trust me or not? 00:10:43.856 --> 00:10:46.275 - Okay. No, you're right. I trust you. 00:10:51.781 --> 00:10:53.824 - You gotta kick him in his balls, Tio Luis. 00:10:53.824 --> 00:10:56.369 - No, you gotta curb stomp him like in American History X! 00:10:56.369 --> 00:10:57.536 - Hey, hey, guys, chill. 00:10:57.536 --> 00:10:58.746 Alright? Just trust me. 00:10:58.746 --> 00:11:00.831 After this, they're gonna make memes outta me kicking his *** 00:11:00.831 --> 00:11:02.458 - That's not how memes work. 00:11:02.458 --> 00:11:04.085 - Hey, well, that's how they're gonna work! 00:11:09.924 --> 00:11:11.258 Hey, big dawg. 00:11:12.385 --> 00:11:15.805 Sorry to bother you, uh, but these are my nephews and-- 00:11:16.806 --> 00:11:18.140 Yeah, they said, uh, 00:11:18.140 --> 00:11:21.268 you know, they've been getting bullied by your son, 00:11:21.894 --> 00:11:23.938 so I'd really, really appreciate it 00:11:24.605 --> 00:11:27.191 if, you know, your kid could stop making memes of them. 00:11:27.191 --> 00:11:28.401 I mean, he's a true artist. 00:11:28.401 --> 00:11:29.443 Don't get me wrong, little homey gets down. 00:11:29.443 --> 00:11:31.862 But, you know, this generation, they get real sentido 00:11:31.862 --> 00:11:33.114 unlike you and me, big dawg. 00:11:35.032 --> 00:11:36.033 - You got it, bro. 00:11:36.867 --> 00:11:38.285 I was actually just making dinner. 00:11:38.285 --> 00:11:39.995 Why don't you guys come inside, huh? 00:11:39.995 --> 00:11:42.164 Sit down, we can talk about this, get it all sorted out. 00:11:43.791 --> 00:11:45.793 - Chicken. - Welcome. 00:11:52.675 --> 00:11:53.968 My stomach ***' hurts. 00:11:53.968 --> 00:11:56.137 I keep getting these sharp-*** cramps. 00:11:56.137 --> 00:11:58.097 Are you sure there was no dairy in those cookies? 00:11:58.097 --> 00:12:00.224 Yes, Julio, I'm sure. 00:12:00.224 --> 00:12:02.560 Maybe you just finally got your first period. 00:12:02.560 --> 00:12:03.811 Felicidades. 00:12:04.228 --> 00:12:05.396 - It's not funny. 00:12:05.396 --> 00:12:07.773 And this uneven trail isn't helping. 00:12:07.773 --> 00:12:09.817 I knew we should have taken the trail I suggested. 00:12:09.817 --> 00:12:11.569 - Why don't you ever just trust me? 00:12:11.569 --> 00:12:12.611 - Oh, I don't know. 00:12:12.611 --> 00:12:14.822 Maybe because you cheated on me with my boss at Domino's. 00:12:16.907 --> 00:12:18.701 - What the ***, Julio? 00:12:19.326 --> 00:12:20.578 We were teenagers. 00:12:20.578 --> 00:12:23.205 You don't get to hang that over my head for 15 years. 00:12:23.205 --> 00:12:25.332 Plus, I only cheated on you 00:12:25.332 --> 00:12:27.001 'cause you cheated on me with my cousin Ofelia. 00:12:27.001 --> 00:12:28.419 That's worse. That's family! 00:12:28.419 --> 00:12:29.503 And she's *** ugly! 00:12:29.503 --> 00:12:30.921 - She wasn't that ugly. 00:12:30.921 --> 00:12:33.507 You remember it wrong. You were the first one to cheat. 00:12:33.507 --> 00:12:34.842 - No, no, no. I remember it right. 00:12:34.842 --> 00:12:37.470 You cheated on me freshman year, then I cheated back that summer. 00:12:37.470 --> 00:12:38.846 - No. You were the first one to cheat. 00:12:39.638 --> 00:12:42.224 Or wait. Maybe you cheated after I cheated first. 00:12:42.224 --> 00:12:45.269 - Come on, Julio. Who gives a ***? It doesn't matter anymore. 00:12:45.269 --> 00:12:47.146 - Can we just keep walking while we argue? 00:12:47.772 --> 00:12:49.940 It's getting ***' dark and we gotta move. 00:12:49.940 --> 00:12:51.942 P-22 is gonna ***' devour us. 00:12:52.902 --> 00:12:54.862 I knew we should have taken the other trail I suggested. 00:12:54.862 --> 00:12:56.363 - You already said that! 00:12:56.363 --> 00:12:58.532 God damn, you're driving me *** crazy! 00:12:58.532 --> 00:12:59.533 You just have to control everything, 00:12:59.533 --> 00:13:01.494 our *** relationship, which trail we take, 00:13:01.494 --> 00:13:02.536 even your *** hair! 00:13:02.536 --> 00:13:03.954 Look how stiff that *** is! 00:13:03.954 --> 00:13:05.623 - Oh, ***. - What? 00:13:06.040 --> 00:13:07.291 Holy ***. 00:13:07.917 --> 00:13:09.251 Is it really P-22? 00:13:09.251 --> 00:13:11.378 - It's my stomach. I definitely ate dairy. 00:13:11.378 --> 00:13:13.255 What were the ingredients in those cookies? 00:13:13.255 --> 00:13:14.924 - They were *** dairy free. 00:13:14.924 --> 00:13:16.675 How many times do I have to *** tell you? 00:13:16.675 --> 00:13:17.843 - List the ingredients! 00:13:17.843 --> 00:13:20.304 - Oh, my *** God! 00:13:20.304 --> 00:13:23.432 Sugar, flour, lactose-free chocolate chips, 00:13:23.432 --> 00:13:24.475 oats, butter. 00:13:24.475 --> 00:13:26.811 - Butter? Butter isn't lactose free! 00:13:26.811 --> 00:13:28.187 - Yes, it is! 00:13:28.187 --> 00:13:29.647 Butter comes from the butter plant! 00:13:29.647 --> 00:13:32.024 - Butter plant? Maggie, what the ***? 00:13:32.024 --> 00:13:33.317 - Oh, no. - Oh, ***. 00:13:33.317 --> 00:13:35.402 I feel like I'm about to explode. 00:13:35.402 --> 00:13:36.987 - It's-it's okay. Just-just-just let it out. 00:13:36.987 --> 00:13:38.072 - No, I can't. 00:13:39.156 --> 00:13:41.700 - Yes, you can. I believe in you. 00:13:41.700 --> 00:13:43.327 - What are you, a high school basketball coach? 00:13:43.327 --> 00:13:44.328 Get the *** outta here! 00:13:58.634 --> 00:13:59.802 - Eric. 00:14:01.095 --> 00:14:02.137 Get in here. 00:14:03.222 --> 00:14:04.223 Now! 00:14:09.186 --> 00:14:10.437 Sit down next to them, Eric. 00:14:16.527 --> 00:14:17.528 Eric. 00:14:18.070 --> 00:14:20.030 This man has come all the way over here 00:14:20.656 --> 00:14:23.534 to tell me that you've been making memes about his nephews. 00:14:24.994 --> 00:14:26.537 You shouldn't be a bully, Eric. 00:14:27.705 --> 00:14:28.914 And I'm gonna tell you why. 00:14:30.457 --> 00:14:32.334 Once upon a time, there was a little boy 00:14:32.334 --> 00:14:34.003 who used to get his * kicked. 00:14:35.212 --> 00:14:36.213 A lot. 00:14:37.131 --> 00:14:38.591 This boy was really little, 00:14:39.675 --> 00:14:42.678 so little, that people used to call him 00:14:44.513 --> 00:14:45.639 Tiny Juan. 00:14:49.518 --> 00:14:51.312 So Tiny Juan had a bully, 00:14:52.271 --> 00:14:54.398 who used to do really bad stuff to him 00:14:55.316 --> 00:14:57.610 even worse than what you're doing to these boys, mijo. 00:14:59.320 --> 00:15:00.696 And that bully's name 00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:04.742 was Big Luis. - Big Luis. 00:15:11.123 --> 00:15:12.833 Big Luis bullied Tiny Juan 00:15:12.833 --> 00:15:14.001 really, really bad. 00:15:15.252 --> 00:15:18.464 He'd sock him in the gut and gave him titty twisters. 00:15:18.923 --> 00:15:21.717 He'd throw wet paper towels at him while he's trying to take a dump. 00:15:22.301 --> 00:15:25.721 He even took raw meat and smashed it into Tiny Juan's forehead 00:15:26.597 --> 00:15:28.432 and then had a vicious dog try to eat it. 00:15:29.475 --> 00:15:33.062 And Big Luis and all his friends would always call him names, 00:15:33.062 --> 00:15:36.106 like White Boy or Miklo 00:15:36.106 --> 00:15:40.069 or say stupid tonterías like, "No mames, Güero," 00:15:40.069 --> 00:15:43.572 which made Tiny Juan feel confused about his place in this world. 00:15:46.116 --> 00:15:47.201 But luckily, 00:15:49.161 --> 00:15:52.498 Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, 00:15:53.290 --> 00:15:54.625 saved Tiny Juan. 00:15:55.501 --> 00:15:56.919 Giving him strength, 00:15:59.004 --> 00:16:01.840 courage, and determination. 00:16:04.843 --> 00:16:06.887 Because of what happened to him in school, 00:16:07.805 --> 00:16:10.391 Tiny Juan decided to dedicate his whole life 00:16:10.391 --> 00:16:14.186 to getting really, really, really big! 00:16:15.729 --> 00:16:19.108 So that he would never, ever, ever, ever! 00:16:20.401 --> 00:16:21.610 Get bullied again! 00:16:28.367 --> 00:16:30.786 God answered Tiny Juan's prayers. 00:16:32.037 --> 00:16:35.541 And Tiny Juan... became Big Juan. 00:16:37.793 --> 00:16:39.086 And Big Luis 00:16:40.921 --> 00:16:43.298 grew up to be this little *** sitting right here. 00:16:45.300 --> 00:16:47.720 Which is why you should be careful when you bully kids, Eric. 00:16:48.429 --> 00:16:51.015 Because these little kids that you're making memes about 00:16:51.015 --> 00:16:53.225 can grow up to be big and strong. 00:16:53.809 --> 00:16:59.064 And maybe one day if they pray and they pray and they pray, 00:17:00.774 --> 00:17:03.360 God will answer their prayers many years later 00:17:04.862 --> 00:17:07.031 by allowing them to get sweet revenge 00:17:07.823 --> 00:17:09.158 on the boy that bullied them. 00:17:10.367 --> 00:17:11.410 And, my boy, 00:17:12.411 --> 00:17:16.498 God... has rewarded me today. 00:17:18.375 --> 00:17:19.460 Niños... 00:17:21.128 --> 00:17:22.796 go to your rooms and lock the doors. 00:17:24.214 --> 00:17:25.299 Now! 00:17:28.343 --> 00:17:30.888 - Run! - Okay. 00:17:32.473 --> 00:17:34.266 - Hey, hey, listen, Tiny Juan. 00:17:34.266 --> 00:17:36.602 That was in the past, homey, alright? I'm sorry! 00:17:36.602 --> 00:17:38.604 Please have mercy on me! 00:17:44.151 --> 00:17:45.444 What the ***? 00:17:56.455 --> 00:17:57.915 I'll pray for you, fool! 00:17:59.333 --> 00:18:01.043 Let's get the *** outta here. 00:18:01.043 --> 00:18:03.295 - What happened, Tio? - Tio, Michael was scared. 00:18:03.295 --> 00:18:04.713 He screamed like a little girl. 00:18:04.713 --> 00:18:05.964 - You screamed like a girl! 00:18:05.964 --> 00:18:07.216 - Hey! - Hey, hey, listen, listen. 00:18:07.216 --> 00:18:09.259 There's no reason to scream like little girls, alright? 00:18:09.259 --> 00:18:11.553 I just beat your bully's dad's *** just like you asked me to, 00:18:11.553 --> 00:18:13.430 because I always look out for my familia. 00:18:13.430 --> 00:18:15.557 And because I'm way cooler than your Tio Julio. 00:18:15.557 --> 00:18:17.434 So let this be a lesson, alright? 00:18:17.434 --> 00:18:19.228 Just because some fool's bigger than you 00:18:19.228 --> 00:18:21.063 doesn't mean you can't put hands on him, okay? 00:18:21.063 --> 00:18:22.606 Big Luis! 00:18:22.606 --> 00:18:23.607 Hey, I'll race you fools home. 00:18:23.607 --> 00:18:24.608 Hey! 00:18:25.317 --> 00:18:28.028 This magic moment 00:18:29.905 --> 00:18:32.866 So different and so new 00:18:32.866 --> 00:18:35.369 Was like any other 00:18:36.495 --> 00:18:38.372 Until I kiss you 00:18:39.248 --> 00:18:41.375 And then it happened 00:18:41.375 --> 00:18:42.376 - It's okay. 00:18:43.585 --> 00:18:46.255 It took me by surprise 00:18:46.255 --> 00:18:48.549 I knew that you felt it too 00:18:48.549 --> 00:18:50.884 - Dawg, what happened to you? You look like ***. 00:18:50.884 --> 00:18:52.636 By the look in your eyes 00:18:52.636 --> 00:18:53.846 You smell like ***. 00:18:53.846 --> 00:18:56.306 Sweeter than wine 00:18:56.932 --> 00:18:58.642 - Me and Maggie got back together. 00:18:58.642 --> 00:19:00.060 Softer than the summer night 00:19:00.727 --> 00:19:03.897 Everything I want, I have 00:19:03.897 --> 00:19:05.190 - I'll pray for you too, my boy. 00:19:05.190 --> 00:19:06.275 Whenever I hold you tight 00:19:06.275 --> 00:19:07.401 I'll pray for you too. 00:19:07.401 --> 00:19:09.570 This magic moment 00:19:11.488 --> 00:19:14.408 While you lips are close to mine 00:19:14.408 --> 00:19:16.660 Will last forever 00:19:18.328 --> 00:19:23.041 Forever, till the end of time 00:19:23.041 --> 00:19:24.251 Magic 00:19:24.251 --> 00:19:30.841 - Oh-oh-oh-oh - Magic 00:19:30.841 --> 00:19:34.011 - Mmm-mmm-mmm - Magic 00:19:47.691 --> 00:19:50.694 Sweeter than wine 00:19:50.694 --> 00:19:53.197 Softer than the summer...