Quick! Burr's gonna...
Keto diet, schmeto diet!
I'm takin' my cheat day!
This was my friend Brian.
He was a comedy writer.
Worked on Modern Family, or...
Or maybe it was that other one on CBS
that's like Modern Family, but it isn't.
He used to ask me if I liked his show.
I always said I did, enthusiastically,
but... but I never saw it, not once.
Even though Brian and I were actually...
Were actually pretty good friends.
I used to water his tomato plants for him when he went on vacation.
I lied.
I lied because...
Because I didn't want to be an *.
Which made me a liar,
and an asshole.
Keto diet, schmeto diet.
I'm takin' my cheat day.
Keto diet, schmeto diet...
I'm takin' my cheat...
...day!
Keto diet...
Diet...
- Oh! - Whoa!
Ghoulies, mutant animals,
tribes of psychotic teens are all grotesque reflections of who we were.
But we have to... burn it down,
set off that nuke at the cereal factory and start fresh.
I'm gonna take you to some place nice,
like Palm Springs or...
Lake Arrowhead.
I'm gonna take care of you.
- Yeah. - Yeah!
To erase Glendale, we're gonna need some help.
Can someone set off this conventional missile for me?
It's a great way to fulfill your service hours.
Anyone?
- You! - Me?
Yeah. Grab a club.
***
Ahh!
Keep your head down. Relax!
Keep my head down.
Damn it!
The golf team would be really useful right about now.
Hit that bomb. Don't let him down.
It's your time to shine, Fifty-Four.
Okay.
All right. Relax.
Aah!
Oh, shit!
Goblin Flakes, Goblin Flakes
Goblin Flakes, for goodness sakes
Goblin Flakes, Goblin Flakes Gobble up your Goblin Flakes
Goblin Flakes, Goblin Flakes
Goblin Flakes, for goodness sakes
Goblin Flakes, Goblin Flakes
I got everyone outta harm's way
and I had earplugs for all my people.
Safety first.
So we can hear, but you people...
Ah, here we go. Here.
Making pozole with mole
makes me wanna give a culturally appropriate olé!
Oh... Aw, damn it! I had a whole Google slide show!
With gifs!
To explain that I'm taking those kids to be my...
cattle ranch.
But after we leave, I need you to detonate the nuke.
I need you to detonate...
Detonate...
that nuke.
You, that, boom!
Me...
- No! - Okay. All right.
I'll do it! I'll do that!
You * her?
Is that seat taken?
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me?
My mind it kind of goes fast
I'll try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken And now you're Mrs. Him.
My words, they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart
My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me, uh huh huh huh
- My heart - My heart won't take this cover up
You left me, uh huh huh huh
And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
You left me, uh huh huh huh
And I can't take this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
Can't change your mind
- You left me, uh huh huh huh - Can't change your mind
Hungry.
I...
love you.
I heard that!
I heard that.
I think my hearing's back.
You knew it was confetti?
You guys okay?
Wesley, I... I'm really sorry.
We're good.
All good?
All good.
Alright.
Hm.
He's all good, too.
Cool.
No way!
My Official Hamilton The Musical Replica Confetti Pistols!
Did you see my Starlight Express roller skates signed by Lloyd Webber?
Yeah!
Dope.
- Come on! Over here! Yo! - Yeah!
Okay, Burr has Angelica,
an army of Jocks, and a big nuke.
What's your plan?
Is there anything we can't do?
Go, team!
- Principal Burr! - Burr!
You got it, Principal Burr.
Lake Arrowhead, here we come!
Burr! Burr! Burr!
Kids need the strongest leader.
Turbo isn't that anymore.
Hm.
No, no, no, no, no, no! I...
I can't make a plan.
I'm not a leader! I'm just...
I'm just Josh!
I'll be your friend!
No!
- I love you! - Aww!
What's your name?
Guys, look!
Sorry! Sorry!
Thought it was cute.
My bad. Too soon.
I wanna apologize for running away.
We came back to help you fight.
And...
we're not the only ones.
Do you have a plan, Josh?
Well, * you, loser!
Oh, shit! My sword!
Could just something go... Could just something go right?
Those are just kids out there.
The only way we're gonna find answers
and survive is if we stay together!
- He's kicking us out? - I'm sorry!
Don't be a savage! You're above that!
Your skills, Angelica's brains, my swords?
Ain't nothing we can't do together!
Oh, for once in my Oh, for once in my life
Could just something go right?
- Sam, where are you? - I can't see! I'm bleeding!
I've been waiting all my life
All my life
Let's save the world!
All right!
Let's hop in!
Come on!
Hi! What the shit?
I'm relatively confident this is gonna end well.
Okay! Louder!
Goodness sakes
- *! Josh! - Yes!
Goblin Flakes
- Keep playing! Keep playing! - Goodness sakes
- Over here, man! - Dude! There you go!
This is literally Chinese to me!
- Keep it up! Whoa! - Yeah!
Hey, Josh!
Josh?
Fall in!
Desperta ferro!
Guys. Guys, come on.
Desperta ferro!
Awaken the iron!
It's Catalan, a medieval war cry?
Desperta ferro!
No?
What about...
hike!
Go, you jackasses.
- Is this your plan? - We need an army to fight the Jocks.
I got us an army.
Come on!
Die, you *!
Angelica!
You came for me!
- Come on, we have to go. - We can't! The nuke is armed!
Get out there! Get out there! Don't let anybody in!
Go! Go, go, go. Go!
Out. Get out!
Let's go! Come on, let's go!
***
Mm-hmm.
The instruction manual is in Mandarin.
Do you see anything that says "ramjet to turbo fan"
or "anti-material pathogen"?
Okay. This says um... "Made in Russia."
This says, "Biological Agent."
So, Russia and China teamed up to make America the Ghoulie fool?
No, it's the same all around the world. We don't know who did what.
No! We know it's the adults' fault!
I mean, listen to them!
I wanna get solar panels, but I'mma wait until the price drops.
I have to stay under my mileage for the lease!
It's dark out. No one will see if I don't pick up the dog's poop.
ADULTS HAD ONE STUPID JOB:
to teach us how to be good people.
But adults are the most selfish assholes of all!
And the worst part is
we don't get our chance to grow up
and * up the world ourselves!
* you!
Hey... Okay. Then, we'll just * it.
Angelica, you are a Mensa-level genius with flexible morality.
And I need you.
Okay?
I need help.
There's a biological weapon on this nuke!
I don't know what it is.
Ms. Crumble does.
I need her.
Well, where is she?
In there. With the other kids.
I'm gonna get them out.
Josh! Get Ms. Crumble quick!
Triumph is gonna kill you!
He's my responsibility! I let him out of the cage!
Angelica needs Ms. Crumble!
If you can't get her, we're all gonna die!
Shit.
Hyah!
Get him, Crumble!
- Crumble! We need your help! - Stop! Stop, stop! Stop!
We got the wrong asshole.
This is just Josh.
- Josh Wheeler? - Yeah. Yeah.
Present.
Sam. Sam, I want you to know something.
I thought your viral video was just...
It was just * awful.
Such a thirst trap.
A very obvious cry for attention.
You have some very serious emotional problems.
Josh?
Come on, come on!
Get up! We know you can't be stabbed!
I saw you, remember? The whole axe thing?
Ah... Aw, come on!
I wanted you to be all confident.
Teenage lovers reunited
after banishing the monster.
You walk off together,
then slowly, I get up behind you
and say something like...
"Where's your hall pass, kids?"
That's kinda lame.
Well, it's a work in progress.
Why'd you stab me if you knew I wasn't gonna die?
It wasn't the sword that was meant to kill you.
It's what's on it.
Peanut butter?
Extra crunchy.
How did you know that I have an allergy?
You told me so yourself.
This is a nut-free campus. I'm sorry that I wasn't clear about that.
Nothing you ever did was about us.
It was always all about you.
Serious allergies don't only affect your fellow students,
but staff as well.
You never know who might be susceptible.
But the Hoyle-Some Cereal Factory is nut-free.
That's why you holed up in here.
I really...
I really wanted to help.
I was...
I was trying to prevent you...
From experiencing the pain...
that's to come.
Whoa!
***
Ooh!
Ew!
Ooh! Easy! Easy, boy! Easy, boy!
Whoa, whoa!
Easy. Easy, easy.
What the * is that?
You're so busy fighting each other,
you haven't seen the real threat coming.
Right, Ms. Crumble?
I want to help kids,
not eat them.
You're all alone, Principal Burr.
Hey, Josh...
That's why you don't * with those nut allergies!
- I got this one! - Yeah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey, guys! - Hi, Sam!
- Nice jacket! - Thank you, Michael!
Okay, so, if we could all just... relax.
Principal Burr is dead.
- But we need to get Ms. Crumble here... - Hi!
Up there to disarm that nuke...
And save everyone.
Good?
You got it, Sam!
Thank you! Cooperative!
It's a plasmid that transmits DNA and resequences genes.
- Okay. Crazy talk or teacher talk? - This is for reals!
The plasmid and the radiation made Ghoulies.
This missile... made me me.
- Disable the nuke. - I can't!
I've been trying, but the bioweapon and the nuke are coupled.
If I deactivate one, the other will explode.
The way of the samurai is death, but I'm still finna get my Emily Blunt on
before I kiss the infinite.
What? No!
Put that out!
We're on a rocket!
We're on a rocket.
We're on a phallic symbol
filled with fuel, designed by men who wanted to * the world!
I got it! Just move. I got it!
Okay.
- We can fire the missile! - Yeah!
Yeah! We can fire it!
And with the fuel left, it can reach the mesosphere.
And hopefully, we'll be fine!
- Okay. Do it! - But...
But what?
It can only be launched manually...
from right here.
I'll do it.
What? No, you'll die!
You'll be incinerated in 5,000 degrees of liquid hydrogen hell.
Silly, I will turn myself into a mist.
Huh? Huh?
No! You can't do that! You're not able to! Okay?
Come on. We have to go and find shelter before it goes off.
Come on.
Go.
Angelica!
No! I'm not leaving you here! I'm staying with you!
In another life we are complete
I won't! I won't!
Every night we sing by fires
- It's gonna be okay. - No, I won't! No!
And every morning tell each other Of our dreams
In another life you never stray
In another life I never leave
In another life we all get paid
Let's go!
Get to the trucks!
Would it be enough for you to believe?
In another life we go unnoticed
Running naked through the streets
In another life, you'll catching roses
From all the people that keep falling At your feet
In another life, we are eternal
Wear no shoes upon our feet
In another life, you're just a little girl
Who never has to know What she believes
In another life In another life
In another life, We are our mothers' reveries
In another life In another life
The only words are you and me
But we'll never cross the table
Static voices in an empty room
Sad, sad silence over a cable
Honey, I'll be coming home soon
We're at the edge of something so high
If we jump together, do you think we could fly?
But who are we the ones to tell
Whether this is heaven or hell...
I'm sorry.
Ooh, in another life
In another life
What are we looking at?
Hey, whoa! Hey!
Okay.
I told you.
What are you?
I don't know.
But aren't we gonna have fun figuring it out together?
Yeah!
Stop playing. Go get her, man.
Yeah. Okay.
Sam!
Hey, let's go to the mall.
Yeah, I got a spot for us in the furniture store.
It looks like a craftsman home in Montrose.
It can be our little "Happily Ever After."
No.
No?
Yeah, no.
But I love you.
No, you don't!
You love this antiquated notion that I'm a damsel needing to be rescued,
but... that's not my story.
But you left me a note to find you.
Six months in the apocalypse, and you haven't changed a bit.
Still so very earnest.
I fought and struggled,
and I even lost a finger to try to get to you!
And yet you still don't know me!
I mean, I hate craftsman homes!
Okay. What about a mid-century modern?
I'll always be thankful to you, Josh.
When you posted that video, you showed me who I could be.
And who are you?
I'm Sam Dean.
This is my life now.
These are my people, and they need a leader.
They need me.
The apocalypse wasn't the best thing to happen to you, Josh.
Heard it now on the radio
It was the best thing to happen to me.
My pool summer, summer pool Summer vibe scare
In cold blood
Follow me.
Hoo, hoo, ha!
Lalalalalala
Lalalalalalala