WEBVTT 00:00:06.886 --> 00:00:08.555 Here are the house rules: 00:00:08.596 --> 00:00:09.806 You can't reach for seconds 00:00:09.889 --> 00:00:11.516 until you're finished with your first, 00:00:11.558 --> 00:00:12.892 but as soon as anybody's fork 00:00:12.934 --> 00:00:14.519 leaves the perimeter of their plate, 00:00:14.561 --> 00:00:15.729 all bets are off. 00:00:37.208 --> 00:00:38.793 It's mine! 00:01:10.909 --> 00:01:12.368 You're all set, Mrs. Gunderberg. 00:01:12.410 --> 00:01:14.370 Remember, this is the one you take orally. 00:01:14.412 --> 00:01:15.914 REESE: I can do what I want, because I'm older! 00:01:15.914 --> 00:01:17.373 DEWEY: Stop pushing me! Ow! MALCOLM: Shut up, Dewey! 00:01:17.415 --> 00:01:18.374 REESE: Stop touching me! MALCOLM: I was not! 00:01:18.416 --> 00:01:19.667 Yes, you were! Stop it! 00:01:19.751 --> 00:01:21.377 Hey, guys. My shift is over in five minutes. 00:01:21.419 --> 00:01:22.921 Then we head over to the barber college. 00:01:22.921 --> 00:01:24.589 Why can't we go to a real barber? 00:01:24.631 --> 00:01:26.257 Because I like to support education. 00:01:26.341 --> 00:01:27.592 Besides, it's free. 00:01:27.634 --> 00:01:30.678 Are they going to take my hair and plant an evil Dewey? 00:01:30.720 --> 00:01:32.931 Honey, we've already had this talk. 00:01:32.972 --> 00:01:35.934 Every word that comes out of Reese's mouth 00:01:35.975 --> 00:01:37.602 is a lie, remember? 00:01:37.644 --> 00:01:39.604 Ah! Okay, go look at some magazines. 00:01:39.646 --> 00:01:43.191 And anything you break comes out of your allowance. 00:01:43.233 --> 00:01:44.400 REESE: We don't get an allowance. 00:01:44.442 --> 00:01:45.568 Yeah, now you know why. 00:01:45.610 --> 00:01:47.278 I'm going to ask the barber 00:01:47.362 --> 00:01:49.280 to shave this side totally off 00:01:49.364 --> 00:01:51.282 and leave the other side long. 00:01:51.366 --> 00:01:53.284 You know, a style for each profile. 00:01:53.368 --> 00:01:55.870 A different look for both my moods. 00:01:58.957 --> 00:02:00.291 How's it going? Not bad. 00:02:00.333 --> 00:02:03.294 In five minutes I get my soul back for the night. And you? 00:02:03.294 --> 00:02:04.295 Can't complain. 00:02:04.337 --> 00:02:07.132 That's $6.24. 00:02:07.132 --> 00:02:10.135 I-I'm... I'm sorry. What? 00:02:10.176 --> 00:02:12.846 Your total is $6.24. 00:02:14.472 --> 00:02:16.307 Uh, is there a problem? 00:02:16.307 --> 00:02:18.726 No, it's just that, uh... 00:02:18.810 --> 00:02:20.478 your assistant manager and I 00:02:20.520 --> 00:02:22.230 we have an arrangement. 00:02:22.313 --> 00:02:24.983 I wouldn't know anything about that. 00:02:26.317 --> 00:02:28.611 I've only got $3.00. 00:02:28.653 --> 00:02:30.655 Well, you can put back the magazine. 00:02:30.697 --> 00:02:36.202 Lois, Lois... I give Officer Stockton a discount. 00:02:36.244 --> 00:02:37.328 You know, policeman's discount? 00:02:37.412 --> 00:02:38.329 (whispers): 100% off? 00:02:38.413 --> 00:02:39.664 Craig, I can't do that. 00:02:39.706 --> 00:02:40.832 But, Lois... 00:02:40.874 --> 00:02:42.876 Don't worry about it. It's okay, Greg. 00:02:42.917 --> 00:02:45.170 It's "Craig." 00:02:45.211 --> 00:02:46.337 What are you, crazy? 00:02:46.421 --> 00:02:47.672 Don't you know how this works? 00:02:47.714 --> 00:02:50.425 We scratch his back, he scratches ours? 00:02:50.466 --> 00:02:51.467 We give him a few candy bars, 00:02:51.509 --> 00:02:52.510 he looks out for us. 00:02:52.594 --> 00:02:53.887 It's called protection. 00:02:53.928 --> 00:02:56.306 Craig, we have been robbed five times 00:02:56.347 --> 00:02:57.599 in the last six months. 00:02:57.640 --> 00:03:01.102 Lois, think of all the places he gets free stuff from. 00:03:01.144 --> 00:03:03.313 He can't be everywhere at once. 00:03:09.402 --> 00:03:10.862 Mom, seriously, I'm not letting that kid 00:03:10.904 --> 00:03:13.406 with two fingers cut my hair again. 00:03:13.448 --> 00:03:15.491 That's all you need to use scissors. 00:03:15.533 --> 00:03:16.576 And you be polite. 00:03:16.618 --> 00:03:19.495 Those people are nervous enough as it is. 00:03:19.537 --> 00:03:22.081 (siren wails) Oh, what? 00:03:22.123 --> 00:03:23.499 I didn't do anything! 00:03:23.541 --> 00:03:24.500 Make a run for it, Mom. 00:03:24.542 --> 00:03:25.501 We can be on the news. 00:03:25.543 --> 00:03:27.212 All right, you boys, not a word out of any of you. 00:03:27.212 --> 00:03:29.881 No one makes piggy sounds, no one says they smell bacon, 00:03:29.923 --> 00:03:31.966 and no one claims to be kidnapped. 00:03:33.927 --> 00:03:35.428 You? 00:03:35.470 --> 00:03:37.388 License and registration, please. 00:03:37.388 --> 00:03:38.514 What's this all about? 00:03:38.556 --> 00:03:39.390 You impeded traffic. 00:03:39.474 --> 00:03:41.267 When you pulled out, that Volkswagen 00:03:41.309 --> 00:03:42.227 had to slam on its brakes. 00:03:42.268 --> 00:03:43.353 What Volkswagen? 00:03:43.394 --> 00:03:45.230 I looked over to my left when I pulled out. 00:03:45.271 --> 00:03:46.147 There was no car. 00:03:46.189 --> 00:03:48.858 License and registration, ma'am. 00:03:48.900 --> 00:03:50.026 All right. 00:03:50.068 --> 00:03:52.111 Don't think I don't know what this is all about. 00:03:52.153 --> 00:03:54.322 It's 'cause I made you pay for that ice tea. 00:03:54.364 --> 00:03:56.199 Oh, was that you? 00:03:57.575 --> 00:03:59.661 Now, you just sit tight. 00:03:59.702 --> 00:04:02.372 I got to do some paperwork, run a computer check. 00:04:02.413 --> 00:04:03.581 It may take a little while. 00:04:03.581 --> 00:04:04.707 The computer's kind of slow. 00:04:04.749 --> 00:04:06.167 Yeah, well, knock yourself out. 00:04:06.209 --> 00:04:07.627 My record is clean. 00:04:07.710 --> 00:04:11.256 There is no way I have 16 unpaid parking tickets. 00:04:11.339 --> 00:04:12.632 The computer's wrong! 00:04:12.632 --> 00:04:15.551 You are not getting away with this! 00:04:16.761 --> 00:04:18.638 Hey, Mom, is this a bad time to tell you 00:04:18.680 --> 00:04:20.640 I got kicked out out of shop class? 00:04:20.682 --> 00:04:22.558 I mean, it seems to pale in comparison. 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:23.559 CRAIG: Chin up, Lois. 00:04:23.601 --> 00:04:25.561 I'll make sure the boys get home. 00:04:25.603 --> 00:04:27.605 I'll wait for you. 00:04:27.647 --> 00:04:29.857 I want you boys to behave for Craig. 00:04:29.941 --> 00:04:32.568 And, Dewey, don't be frightened. 00:04:32.610 --> 00:04:33.569 Mama's going to be okay. 00:04:33.611 --> 00:04:35.154 Can you turn on your siren? 00:04:35.196 --> 00:04:36.656 Sure. 00:04:36.698 --> 00:04:38.283 Yay! 00:04:43.621 --> 00:04:44.747 Come on, honey. 00:04:44.789 --> 00:04:47.542 You got to admit it was kind of *y-- 00:04:47.583 --> 00:04:50.169 me having to bail you out of jail. 00:04:51.337 --> 00:04:52.797 Well, it was *y for me. 00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:54.465 Oh, yeah, Hal, it was a real turn-on 00:04:54.549 --> 00:04:56.801 sitting there wondering how my children were doing, 00:04:56.843 --> 00:04:59.095 what horrible things are going through their heads 00:04:59.137 --> 00:05:01.389 knowing that their mother is sitting in jail. 00:05:01.431 --> 00:05:03.850 Hey, Mom, did you get tattooed? 00:05:03.933 --> 00:05:05.101 I don't understand. 00:05:05.143 --> 00:05:07.687 How could we get 16 parking tickets 00:05:07.770 --> 00:05:09.689 and not even know about it? 00:05:09.772 --> 00:05:11.691 Mom, just calm down! 00:05:11.774 --> 00:05:13.401 I was in jail, Francis! Jail! 00:05:13.443 --> 00:05:16.696 All because you didn't pay your parking tickets! 00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:19.782 How could you have gotten 16 parking tickets?! 00:05:19.824 --> 00:05:21.617 It's not my fault. You keep me stuck here. 00:05:21.659 --> 00:05:23.619 When I come home, I have so much living to do, 00:05:23.661 --> 00:05:25.496 I don't have time to look for legal parking. 00:05:25.496 --> 00:05:28.624 You listen, mister-- your irresponsible behavior 00:05:28.666 --> 00:05:30.001 has finally caught up with you, 00:05:30.043 --> 00:05:32.628 and you are going to suffer the consequences! 00:05:32.670 --> 00:05:34.630 You are paying those parking tickets! 00:05:34.672 --> 00:05:36.716 You know, Mom, jail has really hardened you. 00:05:36.758 --> 00:05:39.010 I'm serious, Francis, you are paying us back 00:05:39.052 --> 00:05:40.636 that money for those tickets 00:05:40.678 --> 00:05:42.680 plus $145 to get the car out of impound. 00:05:42.722 --> 00:05:46.517 That means you owe us $747.13. 00:05:46.517 --> 00:05:47.685 This is totally unfair! 00:05:47.727 --> 00:05:49.645 None of this would have happened 00:05:49.687 --> 00:05:51.647 if you weren't such a reckless driver. 00:05:51.689 --> 00:05:52.940 Excuse me? 00:05:52.982 --> 00:05:54.609 When I parked too close to a mailbox, 00:05:54.650 --> 00:05:56.402 I didn't endanger anybody's life. 00:05:56.444 --> 00:05:57.528 I didn't endanger anyone. 00:05:57.612 --> 00:05:59.530 I was pulled over by a corrupt cop 00:05:59.614 --> 00:06:02.367 for a traffic violation that I didn't commit. 00:06:02.367 --> 00:06:05.036 Oh, but when I tell you I've been framed by the police, 00:06:05.036 --> 00:06:06.704 you send me to military school. 00:06:06.704 --> 00:06:07.747 Ironic, isn't it? 00:06:07.830 --> 00:06:08.831 That cop was out to get me. 00:06:08.873 --> 00:06:09.749 Of course he was. 00:06:09.832 --> 00:06:10.917 Everyone's out to get you. 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:12.752 And the neighbor's cat's the ringleader. 00:06:12.835 --> 00:06:13.711 Didn't you know that? 00:06:13.711 --> 00:06:16.547 Ha-ha, you can laugh all you want, Francis, 00:06:16.631 --> 00:06:18.758 but until you come up with the money, 00:06:18.841 --> 00:06:19.884 you are not coming home. 00:06:19.884 --> 00:06:22.053 Where am I supposed to get $700? 00:06:22.053 --> 00:06:25.390 You're just using this as an excuse to keep me here. 00:06:25.390 --> 00:06:28.393 Yeah, that's right. It was the cat's idea. 00:06:28.393 --> 00:06:29.560 Mom, there's no way 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:31.604 Francis can come up with that kind of money. 00:06:32.772 --> 00:06:35.608 Which is what he should have thought of 00:06:35.650 --> 00:06:38.403 before he did that bad, bad thing. 00:06:38.444 --> 00:06:39.695 Honey, don't worry about a thing. 00:06:39.737 --> 00:06:41.781 Everything's going to be fine. 00:06:41.823 --> 00:06:43.408 Francis will think of something. 00:06:43.408 --> 00:06:45.785 I hear they've made traffic school really fun. 00:06:45.827 --> 00:06:47.703 They have cooking traffic school, 00:06:47.745 --> 00:06:48.746 bowling traffic school. 00:06:48.788 --> 00:06:50.706 Remember when I took that comedy traffic school? 00:06:50.748 --> 00:06:52.583 I mean, God, that was hilarious. 00:06:52.583 --> 00:06:55.711 A rabbi, a priest and a minister come to a four-way stop... 00:06:55.753 --> 00:06:57.630 I am not taking traffic school. 00:06:58.756 --> 00:06:59.632 Honey, if you don't take traffic school, 00:06:59.674 --> 00:07:01.050 you'll get a point on your license. 00:07:01.092 --> 00:07:02.927 I'm not getting a point on my license 00:07:02.927 --> 00:07:04.429 because I'm taking this to court. 00:07:04.429 --> 00:07:05.805 I did nothing wrong 00:07:05.888 --> 00:07:07.974 and I've got three eyewitnesses to prove it. 00:07:08.057 --> 00:07:09.934 They saw exactly what happened. 00:07:11.894 --> 00:07:13.771 Blah, blah, blah. 00:07:13.813 --> 00:07:17.400 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 00:07:18.943 --> 00:07:23.823 Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. 00:07:23.906 --> 00:07:26.701 Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. 00:07:27.952 --> 00:07:30.455 Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey 00:07:30.538 --> 00:07:33.040 Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey. 00:07:33.124 --> 00:07:34.542 Exactly what you said, Mom. 00:07:34.625 --> 00:07:35.751 You're right, Mom. Right. 00:07:35.793 --> 00:07:37.795 See, Hal, it's a clear case of entrapment. 00:07:37.837 --> 00:07:39.797 The cop doesn't get his free ice tea 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:41.757 so he trumps up a cockamamy ticket. 00:07:41.799 --> 00:07:43.009 Well, we're going to fight this. 00:07:43.050 --> 00:07:44.844 Well, honey, let's think about this a second. 00:07:44.886 --> 00:07:47.013 You know it's going to be your word against his, 00:07:47.054 --> 00:07:48.931 and judges usually side with the police. 00:07:48.973 --> 00:07:50.308 Yeah, that's what he's counting on. 00:07:50.308 --> 00:07:52.643 That's why he thinks he can get away with lying. 00:07:52.643 --> 00:07:53.769 Well, I'm not going to let him 00:07:53.811 --> 00:07:54.770 'cause I know I'm right. 00:07:54.812 --> 00:07:55.813 I know that, honey, 00:07:55.855 --> 00:07:57.565 but what if something does go wrong? 00:07:57.648 --> 00:07:58.774 I mean, I'm not sure 00:07:58.816 --> 00:08:00.776 we can afford the bump in the insurance. 00:08:00.818 --> 00:08:02.028 I am not going to lose. 00:08:02.069 --> 00:08:04.697 I'm in the right and I'll find a way to prove it. 00:08:04.739 --> 00:08:05.698 Okay, okay, if that's what you want to do. 00:08:06.073 --> 00:08:08.993 Just remember, Mom, in a world of lies, 00:08:09.076 --> 00:08:11.120 truth is your only weapon. 00:08:13.247 --> 00:08:15.124 What? It's not? 00:08:15.166 --> 00:08:16.959 Thank you. 00:08:20.463 --> 00:08:21.380 Howdy, ma'am. 00:08:21.464 --> 00:08:22.381 How was jail? 00:08:22.465 --> 00:08:23.466 Fine, thank you. 00:08:23.508 --> 00:08:27.345 Shouldn't you be out planting drugs on someone? 00:08:27.345 --> 00:08:29.388 Yes, I was planning to go do that 00:08:29.472 --> 00:08:32.558 right after I pay full price for my ice tea. 00:08:32.642 --> 00:08:35.019 I'm fighting the ticket, you know. 00:08:35.019 --> 00:08:37.772 Well, then, I look forward to seeing you in court. 00:08:37.855 --> 00:08:39.315 Drive safely... 00:08:39.357 --> 00:08:42.026 whenever you get your car back. 00:08:45.738 --> 00:08:49.325 There is no way that cop could have seen me pull out. 00:08:50.701 --> 00:08:52.036 Yeah? 00:08:52.078 --> 00:08:53.329 Mom, great news. 00:08:53.371 --> 00:08:54.789 Francis, I'm a little busy here. 00:08:54.872 --> 00:08:55.957 Okay, here it is. 00:08:56.040 --> 00:08:58.834 I just sent you $20 good-faith money... 00:08:58.876 --> 00:09:02.129 Great. Only $727 more before you can come home. 00:09:02.171 --> 00:09:03.381 What? 00:09:03.422 --> 00:09:04.549 Francis, I am not going to let you weasel out 00:09:04.590 --> 00:09:05.800 of your responsibility. 00:09:05.841 --> 00:09:07.426 Because of you, we are down to one car 00:09:07.468 --> 00:09:08.427 until your father's next paycheck. 00:09:08.511 --> 00:09:09.595 Now, you either come up with the money 00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:10.721 or you don't come home. 00:09:10.805 --> 00:09:12.723 Mom, it's impossible. I'm in school. 00:09:12.723 --> 00:09:14.725 When I'm not in school, I have homework. 00:09:14.725 --> 00:09:17.061 When I'm not doing homework, I'm in detention. 00:09:17.144 --> 00:09:19.438 If I'm lucky, I have six hours free a week. 00:09:19.522 --> 00:09:21.065 At minimum wage 00:09:21.065 --> 00:09:24.235 I wouldn't be able to make it home until Thanksgiving 2010. 00:09:24.318 --> 00:09:25.361 You bring the yams. 00:09:31.534 --> 00:09:33.619 He'll find the money. 00:09:33.703 --> 00:09:36.038 Hey, do you know where Craig is? 00:09:36.038 --> 00:09:36.289 Hey, do you know where Craig is? 00:09:36.330 --> 00:09:37.957 Your assistant manager? 00:09:37.999 --> 00:09:39.667 Big guy, smells like cabbage? 00:09:39.750 --> 00:09:41.377 Thanks. 00:09:43.004 --> 00:09:45.423 Craig, Mom said you can give me a ride to study group. 00:09:45.506 --> 00:09:47.675 Sure, sure. 00:09:47.717 --> 00:09:49.218 What are you doing? 00:09:49.260 --> 00:09:51.971 I was, uh, uh, reviewing some old security tapes. 00:09:52.013 --> 00:09:53.973 You know, looking for a pattern. 00:09:54.015 --> 00:09:55.975 See if anyone was casing the joint. 00:09:56.017 --> 00:09:57.184 You can't be too careful. 00:09:57.226 --> 00:09:59.061 Hey, that girl's stealing something. 00:09:59.228 --> 00:10:00.938 Oh, I, I didn't notice that. 00:10:00.980 --> 00:10:04.150 I'd better review her other tapes, then. 00:10:10.906 --> 00:10:13.784 Wait. Are there cameras all over this place? 00:10:13.826 --> 00:10:15.536 Oh, yeah, they're everywhere: 00:10:15.578 --> 00:10:17.455 pharmacy, ATM, the bath... 00:10:17.496 --> 00:10:19.290 Uh, yep, lot of cameras. 00:10:19.332 --> 00:10:21.208 Is there one in the parking lot? 00:10:23.169 --> 00:10:23.836 Whoa! 00:10:23.919 --> 00:10:25.004 What is it? 00:10:25.087 --> 00:10:27.798 That girl dropped a can under her car. 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:29.216 Sorry. 00:10:30.801 --> 00:10:31.761 Wait! Stop! 00:10:31.802 --> 00:10:33.971 There's our van. 00:10:40.645 --> 00:10:43.356 She did it. 00:10:43.397 --> 00:10:45.399 She's guilty. 00:10:45.483 --> 00:10:49.195 Mom's... wrong. 00:10:54.950 --> 00:10:56.911 Oh, my God. 00:10:56.952 --> 00:10:58.287 Mom's wrong. 00:10:58.371 --> 00:11:00.164 My whole worldview is shaken. 00:11:00.206 --> 00:11:01.999 I know. This is amazing. 00:11:02.041 --> 00:11:03.709 We have to go show it to her. 00:11:03.751 --> 00:11:05.086 Wait, maybe we should save it 00:11:05.127 --> 00:11:07.004 for the next time Mom yells at us, 00:11:07.046 --> 00:11:08.172 then spring it on her. 00:11:08.214 --> 00:11:09.590 No, I think it's better fresh. 00:11:09.632 --> 00:11:12.927 Okay, let's go. Wait, we need to keep a straight face. 00:11:12.968 --> 00:11:13.886 Okay, okay. 00:11:14.970 --> 00:11:16.055 I'm ready. 00:11:16.138 --> 00:11:17.890 (giggling): No, I'm not. 00:11:17.973 --> 00:11:18.891 Stop smiling. 00:11:19.975 --> 00:11:21.352 Come on... 00:11:21.394 --> 00:11:22.770 Hey, honey. 00:11:22.812 --> 00:11:24.814 The fire alarm went off during the morning meeting, 00:11:24.814 --> 00:11:24.939 The fire alarm went off during the morning meeting, 00:11:24.980 --> 00:11:27.733 and I got the last Snickers out of the vending machine. 00:11:29.151 --> 00:11:30.569 I did not think it was going to fall, 00:11:30.611 --> 00:11:33.072 but then I gave it a little hip check-- boom! 00:11:33.155 --> 00:11:34.657 Who is Susan King? 00:11:36.450 --> 00:11:37.827 Hmm? 00:11:39.161 --> 00:11:40.621 Susan King. 00:11:40.663 --> 00:11:42.081 Hmm, Susan King. 00:11:42.164 --> 00:11:43.833 Give me a moment. 00:11:43.874 --> 00:11:45.167 Susan... 00:11:45.251 --> 00:11:46.460 All right, before I say anything, 00:11:46.544 --> 00:11:49.213 do you know already or are you really asking? 00:11:49.255 --> 00:11:50.589 She called today with some insurance quotes 00:11:50.631 --> 00:11:52.216 in case I get a point on my license. 00:11:52.258 --> 00:11:53.217 Why would she do that? 00:11:53.259 --> 00:11:54.218 It was nothing. 00:11:54.260 --> 00:11:56.011 I just gave her a little phone call. 00:11:56.095 --> 00:11:57.096 Curious about a few things. 00:11:57.096 --> 00:11:58.431 Like what will happen if I lose? 00:11:58.472 --> 00:12:01.225 Well, yes, yes, I just wanted to find out 00:12:01.267 --> 00:12:03.310 what the worst-case scenario might be. 00:12:03.352 --> 00:12:04.603 I mean, what if... 00:12:04.645 --> 00:12:06.230 There are no "what ifs," Hal! 00:12:06.272 --> 00:12:07.231 You're right. 00:12:07.273 --> 00:12:08.691 You are right. 00:12:08.774 --> 00:12:09.775 Right, okay. 00:12:09.775 --> 00:12:11.318 So, I mean, even if our insurance does go up 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:13.529 and we can't afford two cars, we'll just sell one. 00:12:13.612 --> 00:12:16.240 I mean, you know, what did they do before cars? 00:12:16.282 --> 00:12:17.825 They, uh, they walked, so we'll walk. 00:12:17.867 --> 00:12:19.285 You're expecting me to lose. 00:12:19.368 --> 00:12:21.120 Is this how you support me? 00:12:21.203 --> 00:12:22.580 I do support you. 00:12:22.621 --> 00:12:24.081 I'm just-- I think we need 00:12:24.123 --> 00:12:26.125 to know what we're getting into here. 00:12:26.208 --> 00:12:27.126 I mean, I don't know. 00:12:27.209 --> 00:12:29.128 Is, is it actually worth all the trouble? 00:12:29.211 --> 00:12:30.296 Yes, Hal. 00:12:30.379 --> 00:12:32.590 I think standing up for myself is worth the trouble! 00:12:32.631 --> 00:12:35.885 I think refusing to be railroaded is worth the trouble! 00:12:35.926 --> 00:12:38.763 I know I can win this because I know I'm right! 00:12:38.804 --> 00:12:41.974 I can't believe you have so little faith in me! 00:12:42.016 --> 00:12:43.309 I have complete faith in you. 00:12:43.392 --> 00:12:46.020 It's the rest of the world that I don't have faith in. 00:12:46.979 --> 00:12:48.355 Things could look different 00:12:48.439 --> 00:12:49.356 to different people. 00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:50.816 The system can be corrupt. 00:12:50.816 --> 00:12:53.652 We wouldn't be in this situation if that weren't true. 00:12:53.694 --> 00:12:56.280 And sometimes, Lois, being right isn't enough. 00:12:56.322 --> 00:12:59.283 Being right is everything. 00:12:59.325 --> 00:13:00.701 I didn't do anything wrong, Hal, 00:13:00.743 --> 00:13:02.453 and I'm willing to fight to prove it. 00:13:02.495 --> 00:13:03.871 I know it's going to be hard. 00:13:03.913 --> 00:13:05.581 But that's why the last thing I need 00:13:05.664 --> 00:13:07.291 is my own family undermining me. 00:13:07.333 --> 00:13:09.293 How many times do I have to tell you? 00:13:09.335 --> 00:13:10.294 I'm right, I'm right. 00:13:10.336 --> 00:13:13.839 I swear on my children's lives, I am right! 00:13:16.175 --> 00:13:18.177 What do you want? 00:13:20.846 --> 00:13:22.306 Nothing. 00:13:22.348 --> 00:13:24.308 I can't believe you chickened out. 00:13:24.350 --> 00:13:26.185 Me? You're the one who disappeared. 00:13:26.268 --> 00:13:27.686 Oh, so now we're playing the blame game. 00:13:27.728 --> 00:13:29.313 Look, we know Mom is going to freak out 00:13:29.355 --> 00:13:31.148 on whoever shows her the tape... 00:13:31.190 --> 00:13:32.483 Not it. Maybe someone could 00:13:32.525 --> 00:13:35.194 mail it to her anonymously... 00:13:35.277 --> 00:13:37.613 Not it. Okay, fine, but I'm going to need... 00:13:37.655 --> 00:13:38.197 Not it. 00:13:38.280 --> 00:13:39.198 Look... 00:13:39.281 --> 00:13:40.699 someone has to be the person... 00:13:40.741 --> 00:13:42.201 Not it. Who doesn't give it to her. 00:13:42.284 --> 00:13:42.868 I'm it. 00:13:42.910 --> 00:13:44.036 Ha! 00:13:44.078 --> 00:13:46.205 Oh. 00:13:46.288 --> 00:13:47.414 Let me get this straight: 00:13:47.498 --> 00:13:49.583 We each pay you $50 and you're going to jump 00:13:49.667 --> 00:13:52.378 from the roof of the dorm to the roof of the gym 00:13:52.378 --> 00:13:54.046 on the school's riding lawnmower. 00:13:54.046 --> 00:13:55.047 Who's in? 00:13:55.047 --> 00:13:57.716 Are we talking with the bagger attachment? 00:13:57.800 --> 00:13:58.884 Are you crazy? 00:13:58.884 --> 00:14:00.928 You know what kind of drag that would create? 00:14:00.970 --> 00:14:01.887 I don't know. 00:14:01.887 --> 00:14:03.347 It just sounds too easy. 00:14:03.389 --> 00:14:05.057 Okay, okay, how about this: 00:14:05.057 --> 00:14:08.978 For five extra dollars, I'll do it blindfolded. 00:14:09.061 --> 00:14:10.437 Francis, phone. 00:14:10.479 --> 00:14:12.231 Give it some thought. 00:14:13.274 --> 00:14:14.358 Hello? 00:14:14.400 --> 00:14:15.359 Hey, Francis. 00:14:15.401 --> 00:14:16.986 You know Mom's traffic ticket? 00:14:17.069 --> 00:14:18.362 Well, I have a videotape, 00:14:18.404 --> 00:14:20.364 and it shows that Mom really was at fault, and... 00:14:20.406 --> 00:14:22.366 She was wrong? 00:14:22.408 --> 00:14:23.659 Yeah, and now I'm trying to figure... 00:14:23.742 --> 00:14:25.160 What are you talking to me for? 00:14:25.244 --> 00:14:27.371 You have incontrovertible proof that Mom was wrong. 00:14:27.413 --> 00:14:29.081 Shove it in her face. 00:14:29.081 --> 00:14:32.084 Francis, I don't think that's a good idea. 00:14:32.126 --> 00:14:33.586 Are you kidding? It's brilliant. 00:14:33.627 --> 00:14:35.421 From now on, whenever she gets all high-and-mighty with us, 00:14:35.504 --> 00:14:37.131 we can just throw this back at her. 00:14:37.172 --> 00:14:38.340 Francis, I can't. 00:14:38.382 --> 00:14:40.551 If I show Mom this tape, she'll go crazy 00:14:40.593 --> 00:14:43.596 and then she'll kill the messenger, which is me. 00:14:43.637 --> 00:14:45.890 You're asking me to commit suicide. 00:14:45.931 --> 00:14:48.726 And think of the look on her face! 00:14:54.565 --> 00:14:58.027 We thought it would be best if we showed it to you first. 00:14:58.068 --> 00:15:00.029 Well, I can't say that I'm glad you did, 00:15:00.070 --> 00:15:02.489 but I-I guess you did the right thing. 00:15:02.573 --> 00:15:03.490 Someone should show it to her. 00:15:03.574 --> 00:15:04.950 Not it. Dad! 00:15:04.950 --> 00:15:08.287 Okay, but we need to ease her into this. 00:15:08.329 --> 00:15:10.122 Pick the right moment. 00:15:10.164 --> 00:15:13.417 This is a very delicate matter. 00:15:13.459 --> 00:15:14.501 LOIS: Hal! 00:15:14.543 --> 00:15:16.837 Come on, come on, come on, come on... 00:15:20.174 --> 00:15:21.467 LOIS: I swear, that cop 00:15:21.508 --> 00:15:23.844 was following me on the way home. 00:15:23.886 --> 00:15:24.720 Oh, come on, Lois. 00:15:24.803 --> 00:15:26.639 I don't think he'd follow you. 00:15:26.680 --> 00:15:29.350 I'm sure he's got better things to do. 00:15:32.478 --> 00:15:35.147 What do you think you're doing here? 00:15:35.189 --> 00:15:36.440 My commander informed me 00:15:36.482 --> 00:15:38.275 that you made a request for my records, 00:15:38.317 --> 00:15:40.319 which, of course, is your right, 00:15:40.402 --> 00:15:42.071 so I thought I'd take a drive over 00:15:42.112 --> 00:15:44.198 and deliver them to you myself. 00:15:44.239 --> 00:15:45.324 Nice house. 00:15:45.407 --> 00:15:47.785 Don't you try to intimidate me. 00:15:47.826 --> 00:15:50.079 All I said was you have a nice house. 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:52.539 First you follow me home and now you're making vague threats? 00:15:52.623 --> 00:15:53.958 Well, it's not going to work. 00:15:53.999 --> 00:15:56.293 You are going to be so sorry you messed with me. 00:15:57.461 --> 00:15:58.545 Have a nice evening, ma'am. 00:15:58.629 --> 00:16:00.547 You are going down, mister. 00:16:00.631 --> 00:16:01.799 You hear me?! 00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:03.342 You are going down! 00:16:03.425 --> 00:16:06.553 I don't care how long it takes or how much money it costs! 00:16:06.637 --> 00:16:10.140 I'm going to win because I am right! 00:16:14.520 --> 00:16:18.023 There's something you have to see. 00:16:23.529 --> 00:16:26.907 Honey, I'm sorry you had to see that, 00:16:26.949 --> 00:16:30.244 but it's best you found out now before it's too late. 00:16:32.955 --> 00:16:35.290 It's wrong. 00:16:35.374 --> 00:16:36.291 What? 00:16:36.375 --> 00:16:37.960 The tape is wrong. 00:16:40.045 --> 00:16:41.380 Dad... 00:16:41.380 --> 00:16:43.298 You heard your mother. 00:16:43.382 --> 00:16:47.845 The tape... is... 00:16:50.305 --> 00:16:51.348 Oh, man! 00:16:55.561 --> 00:16:56.603 Honey... 00:16:56.687 --> 00:16:58.605 Look, I'm not stupid. 00:16:58.689 --> 00:17:00.607 I saw the tape. 00:17:00.691 --> 00:17:01.734 But it's wrong. 00:17:01.734 --> 00:17:04.611 I don't know how to explain it, but I know. 00:17:04.695 --> 00:17:07.614 I know that tape is wrong. 00:17:07.698 --> 00:17:10.409 I believe you. No, you don't. 00:17:10.492 --> 00:17:11.410 Well, what do you expect? 00:17:11.493 --> 00:17:13.704 I expect you to believe me. 00:17:13.746 --> 00:17:14.913 Lois, in the past 20 years 00:17:14.913 --> 00:17:16.915 you have never admitted that you were wrong. 00:17:16.999 --> 00:17:19.251 And as far as I know, you've never needed to. 00:17:19.251 --> 00:17:22.171 But the facts are right there in front of your eyes, 00:17:22.254 --> 00:17:23.547 and this time you are wrong. 00:17:23.589 --> 00:17:25.591 And if you can't see that, 00:17:25.632 --> 00:17:27.551 well, that's just plain crazy. 00:17:27.593 --> 00:17:28.552 I am not crazy. 00:17:28.594 --> 00:17:30.929 The tape is wrong. It has to be. 00:17:30.971 --> 00:17:33.474 Well, wha-what are you saying, that someone doctored it? 00:17:33.515 --> 00:17:34.641 No, I... 00:17:35.809 --> 00:17:37.853 I, I-I know... I know it wasn't doctored. 00:17:37.936 --> 00:17:39.646 I'm just saying that it's wrong. 00:17:39.688 --> 00:17:42.566 I know what happened, and I know that I'm right. 00:17:42.608 --> 00:17:44.026 Okay, honey, that may be, 00:17:44.109 --> 00:17:47.071 but me and the rest of the world tend to believe what we see, 00:17:47.112 --> 00:17:50.365 and everything is pointing to you being wrong. 00:17:50.407 --> 00:17:53.660 The universe is telling you to give up. 00:17:53.744 --> 00:17:55.662 It's time to let it go. 00:17:59.625 --> 00:18:03.128 Well, that's not fair. 00:18:06.757 --> 00:18:08.675 You know what's not fair, Lois? 00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:10.844 Having to be right all the time. 00:18:10.928 --> 00:18:12.679 That's a terrible burden. 00:18:12.763 --> 00:18:15.641 Wouldn't it be a relief 00:18:15.641 --> 00:18:17.226 just to let go? 00:18:19.144 --> 00:18:21.480 You want me to say that I'm wrong 00:18:21.563 --> 00:18:22.981 even when I know I'm right? 00:18:23.065 --> 00:18:25.526 Yes, yes, that's exactly what I want. 00:18:25.567 --> 00:18:26.610 I know 00:18:26.652 --> 00:18:27.986 it doesn't happen very often, Lois, 00:18:28.028 --> 00:18:32.241 but you have been beaten. 00:18:32.324 --> 00:18:33.534 Let go. 00:18:33.575 --> 00:18:35.494 But I am right. 00:18:35.494 --> 00:18:36.620 Let go, honey. But I... 00:18:36.662 --> 00:18:38.330 Just once. 00:18:38.372 --> 00:18:39.498 Can you do that? 00:18:39.540 --> 00:18:41.500 Let go. 00:18:47.673 --> 00:18:49.675 How many times have I told you people 00:18:49.716 --> 00:18:51.635 don't leave the refrigerator open! 00:18:51.677 --> 00:18:53.095 You did it. 00:18:53.178 --> 00:18:55.514 Maybe I did. 00:18:55.556 --> 00:18:57.933 She's been like this all week. 00:18:58.016 --> 00:19:00.352 It's like her spirit's been broken. 00:19:00.394 --> 00:19:01.854 It's nice. 00:19:01.895 --> 00:19:03.647 Hi, Francis-- about the money... 00:19:03.689 --> 00:19:06.650 Okay, look, I've raised 192 bucks, and if I can only... 00:19:06.692 --> 00:19:08.193 Look, Francis, I'm sorry I got so angry. 00:19:08.193 --> 00:19:11.196 Why don't you just use that money to come home next weekend? 00:19:11.196 --> 00:19:12.531 But... 00:19:12.531 --> 00:19:14.783 I've got to go to traffic school. Love you. Bye. 00:19:19.121 --> 00:19:21.165 Bye. 00:19:22.791 --> 00:19:24.209 Where's Lois, did I miss her? 00:19:24.251 --> 00:19:25.544 Craig. 00:19:25.627 --> 00:19:27.838 You guys are not going to believe what I have. 00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:28.881 I have a surveillance 00:19:28.922 --> 00:19:30.090 arrangement with the manager 00:19:30.132 --> 00:19:31.675 of the mini-mart across the street. 00:19:31.717 --> 00:19:33.719 We exchange tapes in order to better understand 00:19:33.802 --> 00:19:35.554 the security needs of our customers. 00:19:35.637 --> 00:19:37.556 "Short skirt, windy day"? 00:19:37.639 --> 00:19:38.849 That's code. 00:19:38.891 --> 00:19:40.559 Anyhoo, one of their cameras 00:19:40.642 --> 00:19:42.477 caught Lois from a different angle 00:19:42.519 --> 00:19:44.229 right before she got her ticket. 00:19:55.365 --> 00:19:56.491 See? 00:19:56.575 --> 00:19:58.994 Lois was right all along! 00:19:59.077 --> 00:20:00.621 This completely exonerates her. 00:20:00.662 --> 00:20:01.830 Isn't this great? 00:20:10.631 --> 00:20:12.591 What are you doing? 00:20:17.763 --> 00:20:20.974 You will never, ever tell her of this. 00:20:21.016 --> 00:20:21.725 But... 00:20:21.767 --> 00:20:23.310 Ah! Ever. 00:20:26.063 --> 00:20:27.606 Got it?