You're a writer, aren't you?
Yeah. How'd you know?
Writers don't have to get all done up for meetings.
Not like actresses.
You guys can wear anything.
- Thank you? - Mm-hm.
- Hannah, we're ready for you. - Great, coming.
- Oh, um. - What?
- You... *
Um... can you help me?
So, my team tells me you've done some really original stuff in the indie space.
Uh, thank you. I try.
Well, we're definitely on the lookout for breakthrough shows,
- the edgier the better.
So, what do ya got?
I wanna reboot the old sitcom Step Right Up!
Step Right... Are you serious?
Dead serious.
And I wanna do it with the original cast.
Am I... thinking of the right one?
- Can somebody pull up a clip? - Oh, yeah.
Got it!
Hey, how was the skate park?
Great! Dad taught me how to do a kick flip.
Oh, I can teach anyone how to skateboard.
Oy.
Well, almost anyone.
Oh, Lawrence, honey, what happened?
Well, I, I wanted to make a good impression on my new stepson.
And instead, he made it on the concrete.
Hello friend, it may take some time
But there's no hill that we can't climb
Love and laughs will get us all through
Just one thing that you gotta do
And that's, step right up
Just step right up
Step right up
Step... right... up
Now I remember.
My kids used to love that show.
Your kids are great.
Sir, it does surprisingly well on our platform-
- with Family, Pop Culture, Vicarious-Living,
- and Live-To-Laugh audience segments.
Average viewing time, 63 minutes.
Are we sure that's not just people leaving it on for their dogs?
No, we track that.
Elaine just joined the creative team from research.
I, I gotta say, it seems like an odd choice from someone so edgy.
Y-You are the edgy one, right? Or is that my 11:15?
No, no, she's the one who did that movie at South by Southwest I told you about.
- What was it called? - Thank you, um, for having seen it.
It's called * Saw.
Oh boy. Then I'm a little bit confused.
Why do you wanna do something so traditional?
Uh, yeah, um, god, it's hard to explain.
Okay, you know how in the old sitcom, the characters always did the right thing?
Mm-hm.
They don't do the right thing anymore.
- Oh. - You know, like, I with it.
- But in a fun way. - Mm-hm.
I don't know. It might be too edgy for you.
You're talking to the guy who, uh,
- green lit the fifth season of Handmaid's Tale.
So brave. So brave.
Do we know if the cast is available?
Or alive?
Well, according to Wikipedia,
Step Right Up was canceled when-
- Reed Sterling left to pursue a film career,
- but, for whatever reason, no film or TV lately.
That's the deal, you *.
You can take it, or I beat you to death with a * bat.
Well, look at you. Actin' like you A-Rod or some shit-
- when I'm the ruthless * standin' here with a .38 snubnose.
You know what? Um, actually, I'm thinking-
- that perhaps I should infuse him-
- with a layer of weariness and vulnerability.
Maybe don't think.
Well, not-not exactly what they taught us at the Yale School of Drama.
Thank you.
Bree Marie Jensen did a season on a low budget sci-fi cable show-
- called Star Blast Five.
Status?
Captain, it has to be the multi-camera spectrometer-
- and cryo-cooler.
I'll repair them as soon as I-
- nourish my larvae.
Says she then left Hollywood-
- to marry the Duke of a small Nordic country named Fjordstad.
And Clay Barber?
Arrested on a drug charge in 2011,
- returned to stand-up comedy in 2014,
- charged with disorderly conduct in 2017.
Now back doing stand-up.
Do we know what happened to the kid?
Uh, Zack Jackson starred in a string of straight-to-video teen movies:
Including Kid Congressman, Teenstronaut,
- and Hunchback of Notre Dame High.
I like this idea, but are people still doing reboots?
Let's see, Fuller House, Saved by the Bell,
- iCarly, Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl.
Party of Five, Party Down, One Day at a Time.
Boy Meets World, How I Met Your Father,
- The Wonder Years.
Battlestar Galactica.
Doogie Howser, The Odd Couple.
Perry Mason, Hawaii Five-O, Veronica Mars, Fresh Prince.
- Fraggle Rock. - Fraggle Rock.
Makes me feel a little bit safer.
What the hell,
- let's remake something original.
- - let's remake something original.
-
- Hi, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. - Hi, babe.
Our overpaid lead threw a fit.
She said that her understudy was sneezing on her.
You, You know who was just eating here? Like, right over there?
- Paul Thomas Anderson. - Oh, let me guess:
His lunch went on a half hour too long.
Come on, j-just because Magnolia-
- dared to... - Mm-hm.
You know what?
- I'm not gonna have this fight again. - Okay,
I have to be back at the theater in 40 minutes,
- so what's this big thing you wanted to discuss?
Okay, remember I told you they were rebooting my old show?
- Mm-hm. - I read the script.
- And? - And I am shocked, but it's really good.
It's smart dialogue, and nuanced relationships.
Ooh, and get this:
My character had a dark secret the entire time.
- And it's still a comedy? - Here's what's brilliant.
It is both the funniest thing you've ever read,
- and you won't laugh once.
I thought you hated this show.
I mean, I've heard you blame it for ruining your career.
The show itself was bad... but there's a new writer.
And so now there's none of that old, hacky,
- set-up/punchline, set-up/punchline thing. That was all Gordon.
So, I think I'm gonna do it.
- Wow. - I, I, I want more people to see the potential I had
- when I came out of the Yale School of Drama. - Oh my god,
- you have such a large *,
- why do you always have to bring up Yale?
Okay, listen.
It shoots in L.A.,
- so... you could always join me-
- after the play opens. - You know I can't.
I mean, once this in' play opens,
- I go straight into rehearsals on that next * thing.
I've been directing way too much Mamet.
Okay, then I'll come back to New York on hiatus weeks.
Hm. Ah, is she gonna be there?
She?
- Who? - Really?
You... Who you mean? Bree?
I'm sorry, is there another cast member you dated for three years?
Fair. Fair enough, um.
Yes, apparently, she will be there.
Great, this is so good for you guys.
- You can go hike around the reservoir in your yoga pants... - Oh boy. Now see.
Okay, yep, keep going. - And then you can go get an acai bowl,
- have a sound bath,
- but that's probably before the lymphatic massage.
You get one more.
Go over to In-N-Out Burger in your electric car...
- Nice. - For the drive out to Ojai-
- for the Avocado Festival. - Mm, Nora, look at me.
- Look at me. - This is so creepy.
You are my girlfriend,
- and I promise you, there is nothing to worry about.
I remember you saying you guys were either always fighting or *.
Okay, well, now we'll only be fighting because she's married,
- and you're the one I love.
Is... Does... Who works here?
Hi, uh, Reed Sterling. Here for a cast photo shoot.
- What show? - Uh, it's the reboot of, uh, Step Right Up.
It's much better this time.
My character has a dark secret.
- Do you have a dark secret? - No, I do not.
That's all I care about.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Oh!
Oh god!
No, no, no, no.
Oh, jeez.
I am so sorry!
Oh god, are you, are you okay?!
I am now. Kiss me.
- Oh, motherer! - Oh, are you mad?
Are you gonna quit again for a career in the cinema?
Come on. Oh god.
- Come on, man. - See... Come on.
- Jeez. - Seriously good to see you again.
Stop it. You too.
- I like this. - Yeah, I like the...
- Yeah... it's been a long time. - Yeah, you, uh, talk to Bree at all?
- Uh, not a word... in 15 years. - Oof, that's gonna be uncomfortable.
Can I be there?
'Sup, guys? Look who's all grown up.
It's me, Zack.
- Wow, Zack! - Oh, hey.
Yep, the three of us back together.
Come in!
Oh, it's good to see you. You look good.
- I do? - Yeah, your, your head, it... And your gray hairs.
Yes, I'm, I'm in a, I'm in a committed relationship.
- Yeah, you said that. - Sorry, um...
How are you? Tell me everything.
Oh, f-f-fantastic, yeah. Doin' some theater.
- I got a couple of film projects in the works... - Uh-huh.
And, uh... just had lunch with Paul Thomas Anderson.
- Exciting, exciting. - Yeah, mm-hm. And, um, and, and you?
I mean, how, how's life as a Duchess?
- So fulfilling. - Mm.
It's cold and dark for much of the year there,
- so our people really look to me to be their warmth and light.
Like the sun.
Embarrassing when you say it like that, but yes.
To an entire nation of people, I am like the sun.
And your husband, the Duke?
- My husband is so sweet and so loving. - Mm-hm. Mm, good, good.
And so miserable that I'm here...
- Of course. - But he knows I don't wanna be the kind of person-
- to let everybody down.
Know what I mean?
Maybe we should talk about the way things ended.
Oh, you mean how they canceled our show-
- because you quit to go and do a movie that nobody saw?
I mean us.
I get back from location, you left the country to marry a Duke-
- without so much as a goodbye.
- We were broken up, remember? - We broke up all the time.
Bree, we got back together, we broke up.
- It's something we did. - Why do you even care?
To you I was always just some-
- stupid, small-town pageant girl who didn't go to college.
How can you say that?
Because you were always giving me acting notes.
I gave you notes to help you.
Well, if I needed so much help,
- how come I was nominated-
- for a People's Choice Award and you weren't?
Because the people fell for your contrived, little snort laugh.
Or because you were overacting.
How... dare you.
You know what?
That wasn't fair.
I'm lashing out because you were always right.
You were so * good all the time,
- and it just bothered me that the rest of us couldn't compete with that.
Wow.
That's very...
Thank you.
- I-I'm in a committed... - Now who's the good actor?
Hey, Kelly, can I get a touch up?
Holy shit.
Hey, can we get real for a second?
Oh, I don't like the sound of this.
I used to be pretty bummed out that, when the show ended,
I never heard from any of you guys again.
I mean, you played my parents and then you were just gone.
But now that I'm an adult... I just want you to know... that I get it.
- Okay. - You weren't my real dad.
You were just playing my dad.
- Right. - So, I shouldn't have been disappointed-
- that I never heard from you after the show ended.
Not even on my birthday.
Well, I'm really not into birthdays or kids.
But you liked me, though.
Sure, if that's how you wanna remember it.
- But I was so cute. - Meh.
Hey, Reed, you thought I was a cute kid, right?
You were an actor finding the truth in your character,
- which is all that matters.
That's a big pretentious no.
Hi. Hi guys. I'm Hannah Korman. I'm the new show runner person.
- Hannah! Oh gosh! - Hey.
The script is amazing. You are brilliant. I love you already.
Oh my god. If I had you instead of my father,
I could've saved thousands on Xanax and rehab.
And Xanax again, whoopsies.
See, that's the voice that we need.
Very cable, very streaming.
And I can't tell you how much I love the twist at the end,
- Lawrence's dark secret. - Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
I've been obsessed with the show for as long as I can remember,
- and I'm kind of obsessed with you guys.
Like, Clay, your stand-up is so offensive-
- it's amazing you haven't been canceled yet.
Well, not for lack of trying.
And, Reed, I actually saw you in that production of Twelfth Night-
- in Providence a couple years ago. You were unbelievable.
And, Zack,
- my little cousin has seen some of your movies.
Ah, sweet! Another member of the Zack Pack.
- Hey, Elaine, what's up? - Hi, this is Elaine Kim from Hulu.
- Mm-hm, that's why I said... - We have a significant situation.
Are you someplace you can talk?
Um, cool. I'm with the cast right now.
Yo, if that's your cousin, I can say what's up.
- Why would it... No. - Okay.
Uh, let me call you back in two minutes.
Uh, okay, I gotta run, but it was so lovely meeting you guys.
- You too. Oh. - And can't wait to make some magic.
Yes, yes, yes!
- Thank you so much, Hannah. - I'll walk ya out.
- Uh. - So, which one of my films is your cousin's favorite?
Oh, um, something about you being trapped underground?
Oh, Minor Miner.
I won best actor for that one at the Magic Mountain Film Festival.
Oh!
So much hair.
- God, I've gotten old. - Wow.
I'd pay anything to have a 24-year-old *.
- Well, it only costs 300 bucks an hour. - You'd know.
- How you doin', Bree? - Hey, honey. How are you?
So good to see you. Are you still doing your comedy?
Yeah, what can I say? It's in my blood.
- Along with Hep C. - Gross.
- I'm just glad you're still alive. - Well, actually, true story,
- one crazy night I died for six minutes.
- Your stand-up's not for everyone. - Oh, that's funny, Duchess.
You don't have to call me that, honestly.
Really, it's embarrassing.
I was just telling my hair and makeup people that I really...
...I need to be treated like a regular person again.
Hey, Bree.
Could I have a sparkling water with tiny bubbles, not coarse?
What?
A sparkling water with tiny bubbles, not coarse.
- No, it's, it's me, Zack. - Zack.
Zack Jackson.
Oh, wow! Zack Jackson all grown up.
Whoa, weird.
That's the exact title of my soon-to-be-self-published memoir.
I get real about my career, my struggle with ADHD...
Oh, cool! Look at that picture of a barn.
I can do a back flip.
Hey, did you think I was cute when I was a kid?
Sure... First couple seasons.
So, ladies and germs, here's what we are recreating.
Let's get into position. Uh, you are there, and you're there.
You know what to do.
Uh-huh, oh, great. Yeah, it's amazing.
Okay, ha, everybody's hilarious.
Reed, give us the, uh, the Lawrence annoyed look.
- Lawrence... I, I am. - No, uh, with the arms. Hm.
Oh, hm, I-I'd rather not.
- It's, uh, it's, it's too broad. - Yeah, but we gotta match the old photo.
Yeah, but nobody does that in real life.
And, uh, the show is much more sophisticated this time.
Totally different tone.
So, this is more of an internal thing when I'm, when I'm...
See?
You don't look annoyed.
Well, trust me, I'm gettin' there.
- Dude, it's a photo. - Can you just do it?
No, it is a slippery slope.
It starts with one corny photo,
- and ends with a bucket of spaghetti on my head.
I liked that episode: "Mission Impastable."
- That was funny. - Hey, you guys know where I can find the actors?
- We're the grownup actors. - Awesome, way to go.
Uh, they told me to tell you guys to go to the showrunner's office.
- Why? - 'Cause it's my job to do stuff like that.
It's my first day. Still figuring it out.
Perfect. We will ask Hannah.
She is the show runner, she sets the tone,
- and I highly doubt that she wants, "Mm."
- There it is. - Do not use that!
- Hi Hannah... - I'm sorry, I can't.
Is that my favorite family?
Gordon.
- Gordon? - Hey, it's me.
Uh, what are, what are you doing here?
I'm here to save the day.
I finally read this new script.
You got jokes with no punchlines,
- over-complicated characters, social commentary, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I told her I'm gonna fix it.
I-I'm sorry, maybe you don't know this, but Hannah's our new show runner.
Apparently not, 'cause she just quit.
- What? - I'm here.
- Finally, the guy with the sandwiches. - Gordon?
No, it's me, Zack.
What? Zack? No, oh my!
- You used to be so cute. - See? Told you.
And, Reed, I notice you got hit by the, uh, the great recession.
Hey, that's a gold mine right there.
Put in a bunch of bald jokes about Lawrence.
- No! No, no, no, we're, we're not gonna do that, uh, Gordon. - That's funny. I like that.
- We, We really like the new script. - No, nobody likes this.
You know what the problem is?
See, now the world is just a mess and people need comfort, right?
They don't want kale salad, let's give 'em mac and cheese.
Gordon, the characters finally sound real.
What are you talkin' about?
Lawrence has always been real. It's based on me.
You know the episode where you, you dropped,
- you dropped the, the wallet in the open casket?
- Yeah. - That happened.
Not to me, but I knew a guy that happened to.
And that was very, very funny in 2002,
- but it's been 20 years and the show needs to change.
It's gonna change, believe me.
This time, Cody gets his own cute little kid.
- Ah, hell yeah! That's so sick. - Right?
A kid? No kid.
I must've spent 10-grand on that ' swear jar.
Well, you can't do a family show without a cute kid.
We did before.
Wait, Gordon, you can't do that because then that would make me a grandma.
Oh boy, I hadn't even thought of that.
Put in a bunch of old Lady jokes about Josie.
Yeah, like a, a walk-in tub and stuff.
No, I'm barely in my forties! Shut up.
Okay, um, I'm sorry, Gordon, um,
- we are only doing the version that we have signed on for.
Really?
Yeah.
I see.
And if we don't... then what?
You gonna quit... again?
Hm? Is that what's gonna happen?
What, you're all gonna quit this time?
- Oh, um. - Well. - Well.
- Not necessarily, but... - Yes, we are all going to quit.
Reed.
Who the * do you think you are?
This is my show. I own the rights. I'm in charge.
So, if that's not okay with you, then... Hey, you know what?
* your quitting, I'll just fold up the tent,
- shave the bearded Lady.
I'll be very happy to go back to my beautiful home in Bel Air.
So, you can tell me right now, you're in or you're out.
- I'm scared. - Okay.
- What are you doing? - We need to apologize to him.
Yeah.
I'm hearing you, I'm listening, and I got this completely under control.
All right? Just trust me.
Well, look at you.
Actin' like you A-Rod or some shit-
- when I'm the only ruthless * standin' here.
- W-What is he doing? - I'll tell you what the * I'm doing.
You bring back the girl,
- or you ain't never gon' see this family ever again.
Let's roll, y'all.
Dis *.
Reed!
Are you out of your mind?!
- Okay. - What the *, Reed?!
Okay, I admit the character took over.
- Will he really shut down the show? - Nah, nah. I think he's bluffing.
You think he's bluffing?! What if he's not?!
What if this all ends because you pretended to be a ruthless *?
- Why are you the one freaking out? - Because I need this show!
Oh my god, are you kiddin' me?
You're, You're the last one who needs this show.
You can just go back to being a Duchess.
- I can't. - Why not?
Because I'm not a Duchess anymore!
- Anders? - Bree!
Ingrid's not at her desk.
- Oh, what, uh, what brings you here? - It happened again.
I went into the village to try to connect with these stoic people-
- and someone threw a pinecone at my head and called me a Klün-Hore.
- That means Clown *. - I know what it means!
I'm trying to be a good Duchess, but they just don't accept outsiders.
Perhaps we can talk about this later.
Go to hell, Anders, and * off, Ingrid!
I never liked you!
Well, I did, but I don't anymore!
My marriage is over and I'm broke.
You're broke? Well, how did that happen?
Fjordstad divorce law. They're on the Kettle System.
A woman can only take what she can fit in a kettle.
I'm so sorry.
You guys all have things to fall back on.
I don't... I am so pathetic.
You wanna hear pathetic? My life's a ' mess.
Three months ago, Andy Dick told me I was outta control.
Ooh.
Yeah, I got fired from my last teen movie.
Apparently, "guys in high school don't have hair plugs."
Well, um,
- as I am the actor who left this troupe-
- for greener pastures,
- you might enjoy learning that my last paying job over a year ago-
- was the voice... of a hemorrhoid.
When I was 17,
I stole $2.000 worth of Air Jordans from a Foot Locker.
Not what we're doin', man.
- No. - Okay, c-cool.
You guys left this in there.
Remember how excited we were-
- when this was the billboard of us on Sunset Boulevard?
We raced there at lunch to see it.
And we posed exactly the same way hoping someone would notice.
Remember that guy asked you to autograph his t-shirt?
Oh god. I remember that was the first time I ever signed an autograph.
Granted, he thought I was Damon Wayans.
Yeah, I don't remember any of this.
- You were sick. - You were at school. - We couldn't find you.
Okay, * it.
- Where are you going? - Back to Gordon's to eat shit.
I *ed you guys out of this once, I'm not gonna do it again.
Yo, see you guys later.
Gotta go take this box to Hannah's house.
Reed, wait!
- Hi. - Hi.
- What the f... - Hi, um, I'm Bree.
- We haven't met yet. - Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Oh... thanks, that's so sweet. What was I saying?
What the hell are you guys doing here?
- Oh... - Hannah, we need you to stay.
Guys, I can't.
I-I would love to, but Gordon wasn't supposed to be there, okay?
So, it's just... It's a non-starter.
I don't think you understand. I need this.
I need somewhere to go during the day, or bad shit finds me.
Hannah, we all need this.
No, no. I can't, I can't. I can't work with him every day.
- He's just... He's so... - Stubborn and he's narcissistic.
We know. All right, we're tired of the drama.
I promise you, we will always, always be in your corner.
Yeah, and help you fight his terrible ideas, like adding a kid.
Or making me a grandma.
You're saying... Are you, Are you saying you'd support me?
- Absolutely. - No matter what?
- No Matt... - Oh my god! * that guy.
I mean, that would infuriate him.
Come on, Hannah... We need you to Step...
- Oh, don't say it. - Right.
- Please kill me. - Up.
Ugh.
Okay.
- Yes? - I'll do it.
I'll try.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, you're the best. Oh, thank you.
And I... You know, I got a little ramped up there.
I promise you, Gordon,
- he's not that bad when you get to know him. - No.
- Yeah. - Oh, I got to know him pretty well for about seven years-
- until he dropped me off at ballet class one time-
- and he started flirting with my super-skinny teacher.
And then he moved in with her and her super creepy son, Seth,
- and then he created a television show all about his new step-family-
- that acted like his daughter never existed.
Um... are you telling us that Gordon is your father?
Yeah... but I guess my childhood didn't give him enough material, right?
Maybe my scoliosis brace, and my cystic acne,
- and going to the father-daughter dance-
- with my mother's hairdresser wasn't funny enough for him.
But we're not gonna let him write me out this time.
Oh shit.
So, the big twist at the end of the pilot...
Dear Lord, Lawrence's dark secret is you.
I'm here.
What'd I miss?
-
I am focused, I am on top of things...
Bree, you missed your cue!
Shit. This is your fault!
That's not the actress playing your daughter, is it?
Her character description was frazzled, unkempt, and zaftig.
A special welcome to the newest member of our cast, Timberly Fox.
Timberly made quite a splash on a reality dating show called...
- * Buddy Mountain. - * Buddy Mountain.
Your mom still comes to set with you every day.
She's been coming to set with me my whole life.
- Dude, that's creepy. - Could you say something to my mom?
Yeah, what the *.
Come in!
- What if Zack finds out? - Finds what out?
Uh, that I couldn't talk to your mom yet.
- Too hard, huh? - No, no, I wouldn't say that.
Not that.
I think you're confused because of our history-
- and I think you still have feelings for me.
I do not still have feelings for you.
I am in a committed relationship.
Right, with "Nora" who's a "real person" in "New York City."
Well this can't be good.
Guess what? I'm on mushrooms.
I'm coming to get you. Tell me exactly what you see.
When my eyes are open, I see a fence.
When they're closed, dragons.
- Bree? - Shit.
- Die, dragon! - Whoa!
You have this superpower, man.
You actually have the rare gift of being ' funny.
You could make millions of people laugh.
And to put that out into the world,
- that is as good and honorable thing as a man can do.
Come on, guys, let's bring it in. "Step Right Up" on three.
- No reason to do that. - All right.
One, two, three, "Step Right Up"!
The comedy cavalry has arrived.
- Good morning! - Sorry we're late.
We've been wandering in Palm Desert for 40 years.
We don't need a bunch of dinosaurs in the writer's room.
It's so funny you say that.
Alan ran the last two seasons of "Dinosaurs" on ABC.
Yeah, again, wrote for giant puppets is not the mic drop you think it is.