WEBVTT

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California love

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Now let me welcome everybody
To the Wild Wild West

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A state that's untouchable
Like Eliot Ness

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The track hits your eardrum
Like a slug to your chest

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Pack a vest for your Jimmy
In the city of *

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We in that Sunshine State
Where the bomb-* hemp be

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The state where you never find
A dance floor empty

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-  California 
-  California

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-  Knows how to party 
-  Knows how to party

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-  California 
-  West Coast

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Knows how to party...

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Welcome back, Glendale High.

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This is Spirit Week, students.

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Our theme,
Armageddon Off This Rollercoaster.

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Monday, wear your Hornet yellow.

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Tuesday is the Annual Toy Drive.

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Wednesday will be Karaoke Lunch.

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I'll be singing the radio edit
of "N-words in Paris."

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On Thursday, we're gonna repent

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for all the terrible things
that we've done.

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And Friday, Pajama Day!

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Hmm?

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Does anybody have any Neosporin?

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You lost your shit, hoss.

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Sweat brigade, take out the trash! Now!

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Now, now.

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What's the rule?

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No yelling.

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Use spirit fingers.

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Let me see you shine.

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Our lives have gotten out of control.

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I'm here to get us back to normal.

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We're going back to the code of conduct.

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Be safe,

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be respectful,

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and be... positive!

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Turbo here has broken the code,

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and that is grounds for expulsion.

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School's now back in session.

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Here we go.

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Epic conclusion time.

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I'm gonna save Sam.

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We'll move some place real nice,
like Montrose.

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Get a two-bed, two-bath Craftsman

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with a chef's kitchen.

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And a moat.

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That's right. A * moat!

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- You're a *, Samaira.
- Josh!

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Hey, look, I'm really sorry

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about not mentioning all that break-up
stuff when we met.

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But I didn't know you.

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I really hope she takes me back.

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I don't know why she would.
I was awful to her.

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I mean, awful.
But my dad just died and...

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Uh...

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I don't want to talk about that.

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I mean it.

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You okay there, kiddo?

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Yeah, Dad.

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You put me in a flashback.

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* you.

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Here.

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I want to show you something.

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Here.

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That's me.

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That's your grandpa,

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and CW, it's Charles Wheeler.

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That's your great-grandpa,
who built this blind in 1955.

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Our family has been coming
every summer since.

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My dad taught me to hunt and track.

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And now,

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it's your turn.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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Oh...

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What's... What's all this for?

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Because...

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All right.

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Boring!

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Is this the part when
the Canadian incest hillbillies attack?

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'Cause this flashback
is getting ultra-snoozy.

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Eli! How did you get in here?

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You can't keep me out of shit!

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The hell I can't!

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Come here! Come on! Let's do this!

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I come in Reese's Pieces. Okay?

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Like, during my banishment,
I scoped the high school. Okay?

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Turbo is over.
Baron Triumph pulled a true d'état.

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He has your lady.

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No, you're messing with me.

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Look, do you see me
sporting a nose boner?

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I can't lie. Look, I'm verified.

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You just want me to leave,
so you can come back in the mall.

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Josh, Josh, Josh!
Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh!

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Look, I don't...
I don't want to come back. Okay?

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I want it all back.

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I want to be the king of everything.

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Other kids live here now.
You can't just kick 'em out.

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You didn't blink when you booted me.

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And Angelica and Wesley.

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They were trying to help you out,
and you pushed them out of here

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faster than my bulimic cousin, Nina,
yacks froyo at Souplantation.

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Cold.

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Mavis wants everyone to stay here.

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All of us. She told me so.

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I'm done sharing my toys.

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You can stay and defend these stragglers
from my mad genius,

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or you can go back
and save Sam from Triumph,

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but you can't do both.

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Ooh, and you don't want your girl
to end up like Turbo.

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When I was just a little girl

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I asked my mother what will I be

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Will I be pretty?

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Will I be rich?

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Here's what she said to me

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Que será, será

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Whatever will be, will be

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The future's not ours to see

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Que será, será

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What will be, will be

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When I grew up and fell in love

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I asked my lover what will there be

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Will there be rainbows day after day?

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Here's what he said to me

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Que será, será

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Whatever will be, will be

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The future's not ours to see

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Que será, será

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What will be, will be...

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You okay, Principal Burr?

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Yeah. Never better.

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Sing along

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Sing a song with me

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Sam Dean and Barry Kirkwood,

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meet me in Mademoiselle Woodworth's class.

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And, Matt Rosen, I found your underwear...

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in my desk.

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It's the only outfit I've ever had.

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You shaved.

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I'm grateful, Sam,

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for this second chance
that you've given me.

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We let you out.
But now, I don't know.

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A tie isn't gonna make us forget
about Baron Triumph.

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And I'm drinking these protein shakes now,

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so no more pesky urges.

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It's not just your previous diet
that raises eyebrows.

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It's the fact you're the only adult left
who can say more than one sentence.

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I tried to save other people
when that bomb went off.

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- No one could hear me.
- Yeah.

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The explosion was so loud,
it was days before my ears worked again.

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They don't make schools like this anymore.

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Solid.

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Sure, the lead paint
caused some brain damage.

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And the asbestos, well,

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the term "cancer cluster"
does come to mind.

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But this school has survived
earthquakes, brush fires,

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and now, biochemical nuclear war.

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This fallout shelter saved my life.

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I spent months down here

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with only some old programs
from school plays for entertainment.

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In the 1986 production of Grease,

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Gabe Cardanus played Danny Zuko,

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and thanked his mom
for letting him use her hair mousse.

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In 1992,

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Michelle Colt played Ariel in The Tempest,

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and thanked her aunt
for being the wind beneath her wings.

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When I won
the El Caballerro Junior Invitational,

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I thanked my second stepmom.

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Kids need an adult to guide them.

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Okay, fine,
but you need to earn our trust.

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I want to, but it will take
both of us, Sam.

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Your influence and my initiative
to change hearts and minds.

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What am I supposed to do?

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I know how I survived,

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but we don't know how you kids did.

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Sam, what if we could
find out why... together?

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Would be significant.

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Tomorrow, gather together all the smartest
kids in school for a study group.

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And... And me?

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Let's talk about what happened
to the golf team.

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And grieving.

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Come on, buddy.

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I'll make you a smoothie.

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Huh, yeah. That sounds scrumptious.

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- Yeah?
- Yeah.

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I'd like that.

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We should have a name.

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We're not a tribe.

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We don't have anything in common.

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Not like the Disciples of Kardashia.

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Or the Model U-End.

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- They have a sweet tag.
- We can have a great tag.

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- What can we call ourselves?
- Laser Patrol.

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The Hollywood Foreign Press.

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Yeah!

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- The Stragglers.
- The Rejects!

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The Dregs.

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- Yeah!
- Ah!

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We are not dregs,
or rejects, or stragglers.

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We're a tribe because we all lived
to see the break of a new day.

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We're Daybreakers.

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You * at hiding, Josh.

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I'm protecting you from Eli!

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I can handle myself.

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KJ is a *.

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But Eli is badder and *.

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These guys don't stand a chance.

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How am I gonna help them and Sam?

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You have to understand your prey.

00:14:22.449 --> 00:14:23.909
You have to understand your prey.

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Elk are solitary, especially the boys.

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Huntin' elk is all about disguise.

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Gotta make 'em believe
you're part of their herd.

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Dad, we've come here every summer
since I was a kid.

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I've never seen an elk.

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Your grandpa and I
once caught a six-point.

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You all right?

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Mom's got a job in Los Angeles.

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She wants to move.

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I know.

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Why wouldn't you say something?

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Wasn't my place.

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I do not want to go to LA.

00:15:08.829 --> 00:15:09.955
Did you tell your mom?

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Yeah, she said it's a good opportunity.

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I guess it is.

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Oh, so you're okay if I leave?

00:15:18.172 --> 00:15:19.506
That's not what I said.

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- Well, then, tell her not to go.
- I can't.

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Of course you can!

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- It's not that simple.
- Why not?

00:15:30.059 --> 00:15:31.352
You wouldn't understand.

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- Yeah. Because I'm a kid?
- No.

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- What, did you cheat on her?
- No.

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Did she cheat on you?

00:15:38.359 --> 00:15:39.360
No.

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We'll...

00:15:49.161 --> 00:15:51.872
We'll FaceTime and text, and, uh...

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And I'll come down to visit,
and you can take me to the beach.

00:15:56.168 --> 00:15:57.169
And Disney.

00:15:59.463 --> 00:16:01.632
And we'll always have
our summer hunting trip.

00:16:02.049 --> 00:16:04.802
Like Grandpa
and Great Grandpa Charles.

00:16:05.636 --> 00:16:06.637
Dad, I checked.

00:16:07.513 --> 00:16:08.764
There are no elk.

00:16:09.640 --> 00:16:12.601
Their migration patterns changed
because of global warming or something.

00:16:12.685 --> 00:16:14.520
This is all just a stupid waste of time.

00:16:25.823 --> 00:16:27.574
You have to understand your prey.

00:16:28.575 --> 00:16:30.119
It's all about disguise.

00:16:47.511 --> 00:16:48.721
Go for Eli.

00:16:48.846 --> 00:16:51.682
I want your Baron Triumph costume.
I need it to disguise myself,

00:16:51.765 --> 00:16:53.726
so I can get into the school
and get Sam.

00:16:54.226 --> 00:16:55.894
You know, favors are like giving head.

00:16:56.520 --> 00:16:58.564
Either I have to really like you to do it,

00:16:58.689 --> 00:17:00.357
or I expect something back in return.

00:17:00.941 --> 00:17:03.652
Look, if you give me the Triumph costume,
I'll never come back.

00:17:03.736 --> 00:17:06.697
If you promise not to hurt those kids
and you'll let them stay.

00:17:09.283 --> 00:17:10.284
No.

00:17:11.326 --> 00:17:14.079
What if I give you the one thing
that you want the most?

00:17:15.289 --> 00:17:17.207
The one thing that you can't get here?

00:17:17.875 --> 00:17:20.210
The Gathering cards.

00:17:21.295 --> 00:17:22.463
How do you know about those?

00:17:25.632 --> 00:17:28.218
My dad said hunting
is about understanding your prey.

00:17:28.802 --> 00:17:30.971
Well, I know Eli Cardashyan.

00:17:31.055 --> 00:17:31.889
Remember this?

00:17:31.972 --> 00:17:35.142
So, I am the definition
of cultural appropriation.

00:17:37.269 --> 00:17:40.147
You remember this scene,
and you remember Eli was here.

00:17:40.230 --> 00:17:43.484
But what you didn't realize is
Eli was talking about his Magic cards.

00:17:44.902 --> 00:17:46.236
My deck is iconic!

00:17:46.320 --> 00:17:49.073
I got a Mahamoti Djinn, a Lord of Unreal,

00:17:49.156 --> 00:17:52.159
and my Time Vault is worth mad ducats.

00:17:52.242 --> 00:17:55.245
Bull! If they're so valuable,
why would you ever keep them here?

00:17:55.913 --> 00:17:58.457
My mom would toss them
if she found them.

00:17:58.540 --> 00:17:59.917
They're safer in school.

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:01.502
I booby-trapped my locker.

00:18:03.921 --> 00:18:05.881
You see how much he loves those cards?

00:18:05.964 --> 00:18:08.842
I can use them as leverage
to keep KJ and the other mall kids safe.

00:18:08.926 --> 00:18:11.136
Yo! You can't weaponize flashbacks!

00:18:11.220 --> 00:18:12.763
That's emotional profiling!

00:18:12.846 --> 00:18:15.849
This is just a memory of Eli.
You're not allowed to do this.

00:18:15.933 --> 00:18:17.017
Says who?

00:18:17.101 --> 00:18:18.435
It's my story.

00:18:18.519 --> 00:18:19.853
Well, not anymore, bro.

00:18:19.978 --> 00:18:21.563
I'm jacking your narration,

00:18:21.647 --> 00:18:24.525
and I'm showing everyone
just how awful you are.

00:18:25.692 --> 00:18:27.111
Eli break.

00:18:29.113 --> 00:18:30.781
You see what I'm talking about?

00:18:30.823 --> 00:18:33.200
Josh treats his friends
like garbage people!

00:18:33.575 --> 00:18:35.285
Major douche!

00:18:37.746 --> 00:18:40.457
Eli! Eli Cardashyan!

00:18:52.511 --> 00:18:53.804
Mom!

00:18:57.141 --> 00:18:59.226
Wait, we're in your flashback?

00:18:59.560 --> 00:19:00.602
What're you saying?

00:19:01.145 --> 00:19:02.896
I just wanted Magic cards.

00:19:04.356 --> 00:19:05.983
She wouldn't let you get them?

00:19:06.066 --> 00:19:07.484
My mom was an immigrant.

00:19:07.568 --> 00:19:10.112
She and my dad struggled
to make sure we had food.

00:19:10.195 --> 00:19:12.406
Shit like Magic cards, and fresh kicks,

00:19:12.447 --> 00:19:15.409
and all the toys I wanted were avelord.

00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:17.327
Unnecessary.

00:19:17.828 --> 00:19:18.829
I'm sorry.

00:19:20.414 --> 00:19:21.665
It was just one pack.

00:19:26.086 --> 00:19:28.005
If you give me the Triumph costume,

00:19:28.547 --> 00:19:31.133
- I will get you your cards.
- No, no, no!

00:19:31.216 --> 00:19:33.468
You just want them for yourself!

00:19:33.552 --> 00:19:36.305
- Why would I want your cards?
- They're dope!

00:19:36.388 --> 00:19:38.932
I'm just getting them,
so the other mall kids can stay here.

00:19:39.016 --> 00:19:41.268
- I don't believe you!
- Why would I lie?

00:19:41.351 --> 00:19:42.352
Reverse psychology!

00:19:42.394 --> 00:19:44.188
I'm putting my own life in danger!

00:19:44.271 --> 00:19:46.440
Oh, so you're calling me a coward, huh?

00:19:47.191 --> 00:19:48.442
No!

00:19:48.525 --> 00:19:50.027
Oh, you can't fool me, Josh Wheeler.

00:19:50.110 --> 00:19:53.071
We're both going to the school tomorrow
to get my cards.

00:19:53.780 --> 00:19:55.282
These kids can stay,

00:19:55.949 --> 00:19:59.286
but you are never coming back.

00:20:56.510 --> 00:20:59.263
Sorry I'm late. My mixer broke and I...

00:21:01.598 --> 00:21:02.599
Is this it?

00:21:04.017 --> 00:21:07.229
This is who's gonna solve
the mystery of why you're alive?

00:21:08.355 --> 00:21:10.107
What happened to Harper Fung?

00:21:10.691 --> 00:21:13.568
- Or Scooter Kauffman?
- You ate them.

00:21:13.652 --> 00:21:15.529
- What's that?
- You ate them.

00:21:19.574 --> 00:21:21.576
Well, I didn't eat Terrence Markazian.

00:21:21.660 --> 00:21:23.245
He got monched on by Ghoulies.

00:21:23.745 --> 00:21:25.622
What about that Angelica Green?

00:21:25.706 --> 00:21:27.499
I heard she's a Cheermazon now.

00:21:28.333 --> 00:21:29.626
Isis Goodman?

00:21:29.710 --> 00:21:32.045
She melted like coked-out
Whitney Houston's Jheri curl.

00:21:32.129 --> 00:21:34.881
- I thought only adults disintegrated.
- There were kids too.

00:21:35.382 --> 00:21:38.051
Helvetica Samuelson, Mannie Romero.

00:21:38.093 --> 00:21:39.553
Hermione and Luna Chapman.

00:21:40.220 --> 00:21:42.180
I will never forget the stench
of that muddy puddle

00:21:42.264 --> 00:21:43.765
wearing Lee Dinswell's Birkenstocks.

00:21:43.890 --> 00:21:46.435
Stinks worse than vag.

00:21:46.518 --> 00:21:49.229
Um...

00:21:49.980 --> 00:21:51.940
Did I just hear some dumb-* shit?

00:21:53.150 --> 00:21:56.236
'Cause what?
Your * are a bouquet of roses?

00:21:57.070 --> 00:21:59.406
Uh, ball sweat has pheromones.

00:21:59.448 --> 00:22:01.491
My musk propagates the species

00:22:01.575 --> 00:22:04.202
whereas * tastes like
landlocked sushi.

00:22:04.911 --> 00:22:06.913
Okay! I call bullshit.

00:22:08.749 --> 00:22:13.170
I'm putting an end to this
whole "* stink" myth right now!

00:22:14.755 --> 00:22:18.425
My minge is a whole ecosystem!

00:22:18.508 --> 00:22:22.429
It has more sweat glands and bacteria
than a Costa Rican rain forest.

00:22:23.096 --> 00:22:25.891
So, yeah. I do an hour
of kettlebells and deadlifts,

00:22:25.974 --> 00:22:28.935
you'd better * believe
my whisker biscuit's gonna be

00:22:29.019 --> 00:22:30.687
all buttered!

00:22:32.397 --> 00:22:35.567
So does it smell dank
or does it smell like victory?

00:22:37.444 --> 00:22:40.489
- The second one.
- That's what the * I thought!

00:22:40.947 --> 00:22:44.284
Why do you have to use words like *,

00:22:44.368 --> 00:22:47.621
and vag, and minge?
What's wrong with you kids?

00:22:47.704 --> 00:22:49.247
This is the way we talk.

00:23:14.314 --> 00:23:18.402
That language is not
in the code of conduct.

00:23:19.152 --> 00:23:21.405
Be...

00:23:25.158 --> 00:23:26.660
Positive.

00:23:32.082 --> 00:23:33.875
Come on, dude. Let's go!

00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.169
Time to get your thumb out of your *!

00:24:20.213 --> 00:24:21.214
What is it?

00:24:23.717 --> 00:24:25.093
Tag for Daybreakers.

00:24:27.262 --> 00:24:28.513
It's a sunrise.

00:24:29.764 --> 00:24:30.765
Hey!

00:24:31.600 --> 00:24:32.642
See you later?

00:24:35.312 --> 00:24:36.313
Right.

00:24:50.577 --> 00:24:51.578
Here we go.

00:24:51.953 --> 00:24:53.788
The epic conclusion, for real this time!

00:24:53.914 --> 00:24:55.999
I'm gonna save Sam, move to Montrose,

00:24:56.082 --> 00:24:58.001
get a house, the end!

00:24:59.836 --> 00:25:01.171
That is, if this works.

00:25:01.254 --> 00:25:03.423
It'll work. I'm a master of disguise.

00:25:03.507 --> 00:25:05.425
I learned everything I know
from my Magic cards.

00:25:05.842 --> 00:25:09.763
The Gathering
isn't gonna make you a real life wizard.

00:25:09.804 --> 00:25:11.264
Well, it's better than Pokémon!

00:25:12.307 --> 00:25:14.184
Pokémon is a multimedia empire!

00:25:14.267 --> 00:25:15.936
Yeah! For children!

00:25:16.603 --> 00:25:18.313
Whatever. I bet I could beat you.

00:25:21.024 --> 00:25:22.025
Game on!

00:25:23.109 --> 00:25:24.694
We don't have any cards!

00:25:25.111 --> 00:25:27.280
Well, mental Pokémon. Like mental chess.

00:25:27.364 --> 00:25:29.241
Pokémon isn't like chess.

00:25:29.324 --> 00:25:30.992
You're gonna cheat
and play a Shadow Lugia.

00:25:31.117 --> 00:25:33.828
Please! Jumbo cards are banned!

00:25:35.288 --> 00:25:36.873
- All right.
- Who goes first?

00:25:37.290 --> 00:25:39.125
- Pick a number between one and ten.
- Seven.

00:25:40.210 --> 00:25:41.211
Yeah, that was it.

00:25:41.586 --> 00:25:42.671
You go first.

00:25:43.046 --> 00:25:45.799
Charizard is my active,
Venusaur and Entei on my bench.

00:25:45.882 --> 00:25:48.510
Well, Gastly's my boy!
Wurmple's benched.

00:25:48.593 --> 00:25:50.637
Attaching one Dark Energy to Charizard.

00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:53.014
One Psychic Energy to Gastly!

00:25:53.139 --> 00:25:54.891
Oh, you're attacking me now?

00:25:54.975 --> 00:25:57.102
Rare Candy evolving into Beautifly!

00:25:57.185 --> 00:25:59.771
Well, I'm gonna evolve
into Mega Charizard EX...

00:25:59.854 --> 00:26:01.481
and my Entei can help.

00:26:01.565 --> 00:26:02.566
No way!

00:26:03.024 --> 00:26:05.318
- Attaching Fire Energy.
- Dude!

00:26:05.402 --> 00:26:06.861
A hundred and twenty damage!

00:26:06.945 --> 00:26:08.238
See you, Beautifly!

00:26:08.697 --> 00:26:11.366
You forgot about Miraculous Scales!

00:26:11.491 --> 00:26:13.827
Stops all damage from a Pokémon EX!

00:26:14.411 --> 00:26:15.412
Beautifly lives.

00:26:15.870 --> 00:26:17.622
Respect the Whirlwind.

00:26:21.585 --> 00:26:22.627
Nice moves.

00:26:24.170 --> 00:26:25.922
Come on. Let's go.

00:26:57.454 --> 00:26:58.622
Got your Insta story.

00:27:03.209 --> 00:27:04.169
Thanks for coming.

00:27:05.211 --> 00:27:06.212
Can you help?

00:27:06.379 --> 00:27:10.550
Well, my real expertise is
computer programming and seeding chaos.

00:27:10.634 --> 00:27:11.968
But I brought someone else.

00:27:12.385 --> 00:27:15.597
"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."

00:27:18.975 --> 00:27:19.976
Ugh...

00:27:27.317 --> 00:27:29.653
So I'm glad you finally found a home.

00:27:29.736 --> 00:27:31.905
Well, honestly,

00:27:32.405 --> 00:27:34.866
I thought you, me, and Josh
were pretty good together.

00:27:35.325 --> 00:27:36.826
Some things just aren't meant to be.

00:27:39.871 --> 00:27:41.331
Do you want to go back?

00:27:52.258 --> 00:27:53.551
When I was five,

00:27:54.260 --> 00:27:57.430
I went to 7-Eleven
with my cool Uncle Jack.

00:27:57.847 --> 00:27:59.683
He said I could get anything.

00:28:00.475 --> 00:28:01.518
I wanted a Fanta.

00:28:02.519 --> 00:28:03.937
Grape or orange?

00:28:04.020 --> 00:28:05.021
Strawberry.

00:28:06.147 --> 00:28:07.148
Respect.

00:28:08.775 --> 00:28:10.318
Cool Uncle Jack didn't think so.

00:28:11.194 --> 00:28:14.197
He said, "Don't be drinking
none of that faggot shit!"

00:28:17.659 --> 00:28:19.035
You must hate me.

00:28:19.786 --> 00:28:21.287
I'm not the most sensitive.

00:28:22.831 --> 00:28:24.290
I'm really sorry.

00:28:25.500 --> 00:28:26.710
It's different...

00:28:28.044 --> 00:28:29.129
being black.

00:28:30.463 --> 00:28:32.048
And it's different being gay.

00:28:33.717 --> 00:28:36.761
And it's different, different
being black and gay!

00:28:40.306 --> 00:28:42.517
That's why I found kung fu.

00:28:43.476 --> 00:28:45.353
It is so straight,

00:28:45.812 --> 00:28:48.314
and so queer!

00:28:48.398 --> 00:28:51.025
It's martial arts and dance!

00:28:51.109 --> 00:28:52.861
So, you can be down with Wu-Tang...

00:28:53.528 --> 00:28:55.196
and silk pajamas!

00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:59.951
The best way to kill two birds
with one stone

00:29:00.493 --> 00:29:03.329
is to be a great, big stone.

00:29:04.748 --> 00:29:06.499
I've always been a club of one.

00:29:07.959 --> 00:29:10.837
Is that why you wanna save Turbo?

00:29:12.005 --> 00:29:14.466
The wound is clean,
and the bleeding has stopped.

00:29:14.549 --> 00:29:16.676
And I ran an IV,
so you can do a transfusion.

00:29:16.968 --> 00:29:20.263
Check out Little Miss
Got-Her-Shit-Together over here!

00:29:26.728 --> 00:29:27.854
Bless her heart.

00:29:32.567 --> 00:29:33.568
Look,

00:29:34.360 --> 00:29:37.030
I know that you're crushing,

00:29:38.698 --> 00:29:40.658
but you don't have to go back to Turbo.

00:29:44.621 --> 00:29:46.122
You're better than this.

00:30:01.471 --> 00:30:02.722
It's what I have to do.

00:30:17.612 --> 00:30:20.406
You stole all the food
from my garden for your protein shake?

00:30:20.448 --> 00:30:21.533
What?

00:30:21.616 --> 00:30:23.368
- That's our food!
- I can't... What?

00:30:23.451 --> 00:30:26.538
How do you expect people to trust you
if you keep acting like a chunder bucket?

00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:28.957
Hang on. I'm making edible slime.

00:30:29.040 --> 00:30:31.459
And it's not for me. It's for you.

00:30:31.793 --> 00:30:33.086
Are you a ten-year-old girl now?

00:30:33.753 --> 00:30:36.130
Do you remember
the fall immunization drive?

00:30:36.756 --> 00:30:38.049
"You Down With HPV?"

00:30:38.132 --> 00:30:39.425
"Yeah, you know me!"

00:30:40.635 --> 00:30:42.595
Is that meant to be clever or...

00:30:42.637 --> 00:30:44.973
I'll tell you just how clever I am.
Check out my desk.

00:30:49.352 --> 00:30:50.979
Isis, Helvetica...

00:30:53.064 --> 00:30:55.275
These are all the kids
that died when the bomb went off.

00:30:55.775 --> 00:30:57.861
None of them had the HPV vaccine.

00:30:57.944 --> 00:30:59.946
Their parents refused to immunize them

00:31:00.029 --> 00:31:02.448
despite simple facts like science,

00:31:02.824 --> 00:31:04.200
or common sense.

00:31:05.618 --> 00:31:06.953
You think this is why they died?

00:31:07.036 --> 00:31:08.830
I think this is why you lived.

00:31:09.789 --> 00:31:12.542
- The HPV vaccine?
- Yeah, think about it, Sam.

00:31:12.959 --> 00:31:16.337
The HPV vaccination only works
on teenagers.

00:31:16.462 --> 00:31:18.840
Adults are too old to get the inoculation.

00:31:19.507 --> 00:31:21.885
The teenagers survived, the adults died.

00:31:23.052 --> 00:31:24.554
And Isis, Helvetica, and Mannie...

00:31:24.637 --> 00:31:27.432
My pro-vax agenda saved your lives.

00:31:29.893 --> 00:31:31.978
So what's the slime for then?

00:31:32.020 --> 00:31:33.646
It's an immunity booster.

00:31:33.688 --> 00:31:37.150
Your bodies are fighting
whatever cancer that bomb caused,

00:31:37.567 --> 00:31:39.986
but cancer wants to devour everything,

00:31:40.403 --> 00:31:43.406
and a lot of you haven't had
your second or third HPV shot.

00:31:43.865 --> 00:31:45.617
Until we find more vaccine,

00:31:45.700 --> 00:31:48.161
this slime will help
to keep you all healthy.

00:31:55.501 --> 00:31:57.170
Something smells awful in here
by the way.

00:31:57.211 --> 00:31:59.047
It's echinacea and blueberries.

00:31:59.130 --> 00:32:01.674
The recipe came straight
from the Slime Queenpin.

00:32:02.300 --> 00:32:04.552
And there's no nuts in it.
Everybody can eat it.

00:32:06.012 --> 00:32:07.889
For me to earn the kids' trust,

00:32:07.972 --> 00:32:09.182
I need your help.

00:32:09.682 --> 00:32:12.185
If they see you eating that slime,
then they'll try it.

00:32:13.311 --> 00:32:14.812
You're saving their lives.

00:32:22.737 --> 00:32:23.738
Hmm.

00:32:27.951 --> 00:32:28.952
Okay.

00:32:42.006 --> 00:32:43.716
I've been thinking about us...

00:32:45.718 --> 00:32:46.678
a lot.

00:32:58.147 --> 00:33:00.400
We were really good together.

00:33:05.154 --> 00:33:07.699
Our relationship is kinda like
the 1984 Cannon Films' classic,

00:33:07.782 --> 00:33:10.076
The Domination.

00:33:11.828 --> 00:33:14.747
Ninja III is an exquisite combination

00:33:14.831 --> 00:33:17.834
of The Exorcist and Flashdance
with ninjas.

00:33:18.376 --> 00:33:22.296
It's about Christie.
She's this telephone line repair woman,

00:33:22.380 --> 00:33:25.008
who side hustles
as an aerobics instructor

00:33:25.091 --> 00:33:27.593
and gets possessed by an evil ninja.

00:33:28.261 --> 00:33:31.139
Shô Kosugi plays Yamada.

00:33:31.222 --> 00:33:34.475
Yamada is the evil ninja's former BFF.

00:33:34.600 --> 00:33:35.560
Be careful. It's hot.

00:33:36.227 --> 00:33:39.897
Yamada is responsible
for the actions of the evil ninja

00:33:39.981 --> 00:33:43.109
and dedicates his life
to ending his reign of terror.

00:33:43.985 --> 00:33:46.029
At least I think that's what it's about.

00:33:46.112 --> 00:33:47.822
It's loose on plot,

00:33:48.614 --> 00:33:50.408
and it's full
of break-dancing ninja battles.

00:33:51.951 --> 00:33:52.952
See...

00:33:54.120 --> 00:33:55.121
you...

00:33:55.830 --> 00:33:58.791
are the * aerobics instructor...

00:33:59.375 --> 00:34:00.918
possessed by evil.

00:34:03.463 --> 00:34:05.965
And I'm your salvation.

00:34:10.261 --> 00:34:11.262
I love you,

00:34:12.638 --> 00:34:16.017
but I can't forgive what you did.

00:34:16.976 --> 00:34:19.645
People are dead because of you.

00:34:21.230 --> 00:34:22.231
And me.

00:34:22.899 --> 00:34:24.484
We have to own up to that

00:34:24.567 --> 00:34:27.487
if we're ever going to be right
with the world again.

00:34:27.987 --> 00:34:28.946
A rōnin...

00:34:29.697 --> 00:34:31.783
A rōnin can only be a samurai

00:34:31.866 --> 00:34:35.078
after he eliminates his sins.

00:34:40.833 --> 00:34:43.586
You and I are gonna have a duel
to the death.

00:34:47.673 --> 00:34:49.509
This is the path.

00:34:51.052 --> 00:34:52.386
I'll be redeemed,

00:34:52.929 --> 00:34:53.930
or I'll be dead.

00:34:58.351 --> 00:34:59.435
All right. Get in.

00:35:00.353 --> 00:35:01.938
Are you sure this is gonna work?

00:35:02.021 --> 00:35:03.689
Oh, yeah. I saw it in Star Wars.

00:35:05.149 --> 00:35:08.194
- You're gonna be like Chewbacca.
- Oh, what? And you're gonna be Han Solo?

00:35:08.277 --> 00:35:09.695
Hell to the * yeah!

00:35:10.696 --> 00:35:11.697
All right.

00:35:12.532 --> 00:35:13.866
Time to get into character.

00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:15.868
You better not stab me in the back.

00:35:15.952 --> 00:35:19.288
Trust me, if I were to stab you,
I'd do it right in your dumb face.

00:35:24.919 --> 00:35:26.420
This plan is gonna kill.

00:35:26.879 --> 00:35:28.422
Where the * are my keys?

00:35:29.966 --> 00:35:30.842
Hey!

00:35:30.925 --> 00:35:32.135
What are you doing?

00:35:34.762 --> 00:35:36.889
Hi, Baron Triumph! Die!

00:35:36.931 --> 00:35:40.226
Hoyles, you twat, that's not Burr!
That's Eli Cardashyan!

00:35:42.562 --> 00:35:43.604
'Sup, turd?

00:35:44.147 --> 00:35:45.815
***

00:35:45.898 --> 00:35:47.066
Hey! Let me outta here!

00:35:48.818 --> 00:35:50.444
Yeah! You better *' run!

00:35:50.903 --> 00:35:53.489
Hoyles, you *! Hey!

00:35:53.573 --> 00:35:54.782
Get back here! Let me out!

00:35:58.327 --> 00:35:59.328
Hoyles!

00:36:03.416 --> 00:36:04.542
- No...
- Holy shit!

00:36:04.625 --> 00:36:06.002
Ooh!

00:36:06.752 --> 00:36:08.462
No!

00:36:08.546 --> 00:36:10.131
Goddamn!

00:36:10.214 --> 00:36:11.757
Mutant pug mating season.

00:36:12.049 --> 00:36:14.594
No! Eli! Help!

00:36:15.178 --> 00:36:16.220
Somebody!

00:36:18.055 --> 00:36:19.056
Oh, *!

00:36:23.686 --> 00:36:24.979
'Sup, turds?

00:36:28.024 --> 00:36:30.193
This blood is gonna get the Ghoulies
* fast.

00:36:30.276 --> 00:36:33.070
No, man. Don't die!
Eli, don't * die!

00:36:33.196 --> 00:36:35.031
I will drive you back to the mall, okay?

00:36:35.114 --> 00:36:36.741
We'll get Mavis. We'll help you.

00:36:37.366 --> 00:36:38.326
Dude,

00:36:39.368 --> 00:36:40.870
Mavis is a mannequin.

00:36:40.953 --> 00:36:42.538
Stop * around!

00:36:42.580 --> 00:36:45.291
If eating pillow stuffing is intelligent,
I'm Stephen Hawking.

00:36:45.374 --> 00:36:47.043
My IQ level is Gucci!

00:36:47.084 --> 00:36:48.085
I'm delicious!

00:36:48.544 --> 00:36:50.713
Just... when you get to the high school...

00:36:51.631 --> 00:36:53.174
What? What, man? Anything.

00:36:54.300 --> 00:36:56.052
The Gathering cards,

00:36:56.135 --> 00:36:57.803
and I will haunt your *.

00:36:57.887 --> 00:37:00.097
You don't want to *
with paranormal Eli.

00:37:00.223 --> 00:37:01.432
I'm terrifying as shit.

00:37:04.936 --> 00:37:05.937
Eli...

00:37:09.732 --> 00:37:10.733
Eli...

00:37:11.484 --> 00:37:13.402
No. No, man.

00:37:13.486 --> 00:37:15.238
Wake up. Wake back up, man!

00:37:15.279 --> 00:37:16.280
Get up!

00:37:16.656 --> 00:37:17.657
Get up!

00:37:21.953 --> 00:37:23.079
Wake up.

00:37:30.670 --> 00:37:31.836
Please don't you forget
Those things we saw

00:37:31.837 --> 00:37:35.591
Please don't you forget
Those things we saw

00:37:48.688 --> 00:37:50.523
Hey, Sam!

00:37:53.359 --> 00:37:56.195
Barry, what happened to...
What happened to your other leg?

00:37:57.780 --> 00:38:01.826
Burr said Tiger Woods' dad
did the same thing to improve his game!

00:38:01.867 --> 00:38:04.161
I always help my students grow.

00:38:04.578 --> 00:38:06.747
Sometimes it's addition by subtraction.

00:38:07.790 --> 00:38:11.252
- You want me to handle her, boss?
- Uh, no. No. Give us a moment.

00:38:11.335 --> 00:38:13.004
You have a more important mission.

00:38:13.337 --> 00:38:14.588
What have you done?

00:38:14.922 --> 00:38:17.216
No yelling. No yelling!
What's the rule?

00:38:18.009 --> 00:38:19.176
Spirit fingers!

00:38:19.260 --> 00:38:20.303
I'm waving mine!

00:38:20.761 --> 00:38:22.179
And just look at you shine.

00:38:25.558 --> 00:38:27.393
You're drinking Barry smoothies.

00:38:29.020 --> 00:38:30.855
You asked me for a second chance!

00:38:30.896 --> 00:38:33.524
And I got one. I know what I am now.

00:38:34.025 --> 00:38:37.278
I saved your lives with the HPV vaccine.

00:38:37.361 --> 00:38:38.529
I can't be killed.

00:38:39.196 --> 00:38:42.199
Check me out, Sam.
I'm Armageddon Jesus.

00:38:42.283 --> 00:38:44.076
God would never poison us!

00:38:44.201 --> 00:38:46.537
You are foul, disobedient children.

00:38:46.620 --> 00:38:49.248
- Saving your lives wasn't a coincidence.
- No.

00:38:49.373 --> 00:38:51.167
You're gonna help me to start over.

00:38:51.584 --> 00:38:53.044
- First, we'll blow up Glendale.
- No.

00:38:53.085 --> 00:38:56.047
Then we'll build a new world
IN MY IMAGE: safe,

00:38:56.714 --> 00:39:00.051
respectful, and most
importantly, positive!

00:39:03.763 --> 00:39:05.056
Unfortunately, change...

00:39:06.223 --> 00:39:07.558
Change can be violent.

00:39:08.684 --> 00:39:09.685
Principal Burr?

00:39:10.811 --> 00:39:13.689
Load the others. She can burn here.

00:39:20.863 --> 00:39:21.989
Here we go.

00:39:22.073 --> 00:39:24.909
Sam, Montrose, house.

00:39:26.494 --> 00:39:27.745
Happily ever after.

00:40:19.171 --> 00:40:21.132
Why didn't you fight for me
to stay with you?

00:40:29.223 --> 00:40:30.641
Did you not want to be with me?

00:40:36.856 --> 00:40:38.190
Am I not worth being with?

00:40:47.241 --> 00:40:48.242
Don't worry.

00:40:49.618 --> 00:40:50.911
I know why you're not answering.

00:40:52.496 --> 00:40:53.873
It's not because you don't love me.

00:40:56.417 --> 00:40:57.585
It's because I wasn't here.

00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:02.089
This never happened.

00:41:08.179 --> 00:41:09.847
I didn't come on this hunting trip.

00:41:11.724 --> 00:41:12.892
I stayed in LA.

00:41:14.727 --> 00:41:15.728
And you went alone.

00:41:21.358 --> 00:41:23.110
Forty-four years of tradition...

00:41:24.987 --> 00:41:26.113
and I broke it...

00:41:29.575 --> 00:41:30.701
to hurt you.

00:41:36.999 --> 00:41:38.209
And then you died.

00:41:41.212 --> 00:41:44.381
Uh... I understand why I'm here now.

00:41:48.260 --> 00:41:50.221
I get why I pushed Angelica,

00:41:50.304 --> 00:41:52.014
and Wesley, and Sam away.

00:41:53.933 --> 00:41:55.184
So I wouldn't hurt them.

00:41:58.854 --> 00:42:00.147
And so they wouldn't hurt me.

00:42:05.694 --> 00:42:07.279
The same way that you hurt me.

00:42:10.449 --> 00:42:13.244
I just... I don't get why you didn't
want me to be with you.

00:42:17.081 --> 00:42:18.082
You know?

00:42:21.961 --> 00:42:24.880
Maybe you didn't like being a dad.

00:42:28.926 --> 00:42:30.469
Maybe you knew you were dying.

00:42:33.722 --> 00:42:36.308
Maybe you just didn't want me
to see you get sick.

00:42:41.647 --> 00:42:42.648
I guess...

00:42:43.649 --> 00:42:46.026
kids never really get to know
their parents.

00:42:51.282 --> 00:42:52.992
You should know
that you did a good job.

00:42:54.451 --> 00:42:57.413
Yeah, I can fish, and hunt,
and rig solar panels,

00:42:57.496 --> 00:42:59.290
and purify water from my own urine.

00:43:00.332 --> 00:43:02.126
Which is grosser than it sounds.

00:43:07.673 --> 00:43:09.174
I survived because of you.

00:43:17.474 --> 00:43:18.434
Josh.

00:43:22.563 --> 00:43:24.857
Oh, Josh, I wish you could see this.

00:43:47.379 --> 00:43:48.380
I love you.

00:43:57.973 --> 00:43:59.183
I love you, too.

00:44:23.165 --> 00:44:26.919
Balancing on one wounded wing

00:44:27.378 --> 00:44:31.256
Circling the edge of the never ending

00:44:31.382 --> 00:44:34.218
The best of the vanished marvels

00:44:34.259 --> 00:44:37.137
Have gathered inside your door...

00:44:39.932 --> 00:44:43.143
More than begin
But less than forget...

00:44:49.191 --> 00:44:50.192
Sam?

00:44:54.279 --> 00:44:55.280
Oh, Sam.

00:44:56.156 --> 00:44:58.325
We thought we lost you...

00:44:58.409 --> 00:44:59.410
Sam!

00:45:00.244 --> 00:45:02.538
We thought we lost you...

00:45:03.747 --> 00:45:05.082
No...

00:45:08.919 --> 00:45:10.504
Welcome back...

00:45:18.429 --> 00:45:19.388
Sam...

00:45:19.638 --> 00:45:22.558
Quick!
Burr is gonna...