WEBVTT 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:09.160 Right... a boat scene. Cue the music! 00:00:11.760 --> 00:00:13.640 Oh, come on, we can do better than that. 00:00:13.680 --> 00:00:17.880 - -No... 00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:20.160 - -No... 00:00:20.200 --> 00:00:23.360 No... 00:00:26.520 --> 00:00:28.720 I don't know what that is. 00:00:28.760 --> 00:00:31.560 Hello, viewers, you join me in the Pacific. 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:34.160 Not the HBO series, the actual ocean. 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:37.840 We're heading over there to Japan's third largest city: 00:00:37.880 --> 00:00:39.840 Osaka. 00:00:39.880 --> 00:00:43.400 My high-brow sociopolitical essay on Japan 00:00:43.440 --> 00:00:46.280 has so far seen me travel 1,000 miles 00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:48.800 - to fall off a sled... 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:50.520 Last time, in Kyoto, 00:00:50.560 --> 00:00:52.080 I got lost in translation... 00:00:52.120 --> 00:00:54.160 Bim, guess what? 00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:56.360 You just said that, you digital! 00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:57.600 Lost my rag at Mount Fuji... 00:00:57.640 --> 00:01:00.760 I'm having an artistic tantrum. I've had enough of this! 00:01:00.800 --> 00:01:03.080 - -And lost all feeling in my buttocks 00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:04.720 for the following three days. 00:01:05.740 --> 00:01:07.580 This time... this. 00:01:07.660 --> 00:01:09.420 Stupid foreigner! 00:01:09.460 --> 00:01:11.460 I am Ultraman! 00:01:11.500 --> 00:01:14.500 Whoa! Whoa! 00:01:30.460 --> 00:01:33.460 My new Japanese mates tell me that Japanese people 00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:36.740 in the other cities of Japan... I mean Tokyo, obviously... 00:01:36.780 --> 00:01:39.300 tend to look down their noses at the people of Osaka, 00:01:39.340 --> 00:01:41.380 and they think they are a bit rude, 00:01:41.420 --> 00:01:44.380 and a bit rough-and-ready; a bit vulgar, even. 00:01:44.420 --> 00:01:46.740 Osaka has a reputation 00:01:46.780 --> 00:01:49.300 for being a bit grubbier than Tokyo. 00:01:49.340 --> 00:01:52.260 It has a bit more crime, a bit more litter. 00:01:52.300 --> 00:01:55.340 I like the sound of it already. 00:01:58.020 --> 00:02:00.460 Osaka's a busy industrial port city 00:02:00.500 --> 00:02:02.500 that's known as the Manchester of the East. 00:02:02.500 --> 00:02:05.340 It's got swagger, a mad-fer-it nightlife, 00:02:05.420 --> 00:02:08.060 and I can't understand what anyone's saying. 00:02:08.060 --> 00:02:10.780 To experience downtown Osaka properly, 00:02:10.860 --> 00:02:14.060 and to get a bit to eat because I've been at sea for days, 00:02:14.060 --> 00:02:17.580 I'm meeting my local guide, Ha-Chan, to get a short tour. 00:02:17.620 --> 00:02:19.260 - Hello. - James-san. 00:02:19.300 --> 00:02:22.740 - My name is Ha-Chandas, nice to meet you. -And you. 00:02:22.780 --> 00:02:25.340 - Welcome to Osaka, Japan, thank you. - Thank you very, very much. 00:02:25.340 --> 00:02:29.020 I know your name before. I very appreciate film together, 00:02:29.060 --> 00:02:30.660 - thank you so much. - No-no, thank you. 00:02:30.700 --> 00:02:32.780 - Okay! - It's a pleasure to meet you. 00:02:32.900 --> 00:02:33.980 - Me, too. - I'm starving. 00:02:34.020 --> 00:02:37.340 Oh... Okay. 00:02:37.380 --> 00:02:39.140 - Can we eat? - Sure. 00:02:39.180 --> 00:02:41.500 - Sashimi and beer. - Sure. Let's go. 00:02:41.540 --> 00:02:43.180 And then, noodles. 00:02:49.780 --> 00:02:52.180 See, I love that this is all... everything's sort of 00:02:52.220 --> 00:02:53.540 - got colors and designs over it. - Yeah, this is... 00:02:53.580 --> 00:02:54.940 - uh, designs. - Rockets. 00:02:54.980 --> 00:02:57.260 See, look at that lantern, I love that. 00:02:57.300 --> 00:02:58.700 So y-you're from Osaka? 00:02:58.740 --> 00:03:01.020 Yes, 100% Osaka. 00:03:01.060 --> 00:03:03.780 100% Osakan okonomiyaki person. 00:03:03.820 --> 00:03:05.300 Yeah, takoyaki. 00:03:05.340 --> 00:03:08.620 So what... Why do people in Tokyo sort of... They look down 00:03:08.660 --> 00:03:11.220 - on Osaka a bit and think it's a bit... -Mmm... 00:03:11.260 --> 00:03:14.900 - it's a bit below them, don't they? - I don't know why. 00:03:14.940 --> 00:03:16.260 I don't know. Do you know? 00:03:16.300 --> 00:03:18.260 Is it because this is... I wonder if it's 'cause 00:03:18.300 --> 00:03:20.900 - this is a good time city. - Mm-hmm. 00:03:20.940 --> 00:03:23.980 This actually feels a bit like Tokyo did 20 years ago. 00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:26.220 - Uh-huh. - It's a bit more... mad. 00:03:26.260 --> 00:03:28.820 I mean, what's that dragon for there? 00:03:28.860 --> 00:03:30.700 - This is a ramen restaurant. - It's a whatta? 00:03:30.740 --> 00:03:32.940 - Ramen. Restaurant. - Ramen. 00:03:33.220 --> 00:03:35.420 Always we are eating for the "hangover food." 00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:37.140 So twenty-four hours open. 00:03:37.180 --> 00:03:38.460 Ramen hangover food. 00:03:38.540 --> 00:03:40.180 Yes, even Osaka people are 00:03:40.220 --> 00:03:42.780 different to Tokyo to Osaka is hangover food is 00:03:42.820 --> 00:03:44.780 Sushi, hangover food. 00:03:44.820 --> 00:03:46.420 Ramen, hangover food. 00:03:46.460 --> 00:03:47.700 Takoyaki, hangover food. 00:03:47.740 --> 00:03:48.640 Very different. 00:03:48.640 --> 00:03:51.080 And what do they eat in Tokyo for hangovers? 00:03:51.100 --> 00:03:52.220 Kebab? 00:03:54.780 --> 00:03:57.260 Osaka has a proud reputation as the street food capital 00:03:57.300 --> 00:04:00.540 of Japan, and everywhere I look, 00:04:00.580 --> 00:04:02.980 there are mouthwatering local delicacies. 00:04:03.020 --> 00:04:04.940 Unfortunately, Ha-Chan seems to have forgotten 00:04:04.980 --> 00:04:07.380 that bit of our chat, and keeps pointing out things 00:04:07.420 --> 00:04:08.940 that are completely inedible. 00:04:08.980 --> 00:04:12.020 Uh, James, stop here. Look down. 00:04:12.060 --> 00:04:13.500 That's very nice. 00:04:13.540 --> 00:04:16.180 Do you know what this looks like? 00:04:16.220 --> 00:04:17.740 It's a pagoda. 00:04:17.740 --> 00:04:19.220 - Osaka Castle. - Oh, that's Osaka Castle? 00:04:19.260 --> 00:04:21.620 This is a very famous place. 00:04:23.540 --> 00:04:25.580 - This is a manhole cover. - Oh, wow. 00:04:25.620 --> 00:04:27.260 You see? 00:04:27.300 --> 00:04:28.700 Do you actually have that 00:04:28.740 --> 00:04:30.740 - all the time in your bag? - Yes. 00:04:30.740 --> 00:04:31.940 - You do? - Mm-hmm. 00:04:34.300 --> 00:04:38.700 I manage to steer Ha-Chan away from an engrossing tour 00:04:38.740 --> 00:04:40.180 of Osaka's top 30 manhole covers. 00:04:40.220 --> 00:04:43.140 But even I get distracted by the bright lights and sounds 00:04:43.180 --> 00:04:44.940 of what's round the corner. 00:04:45.020 --> 00:04:48.100 This looks very, very complicated, and it is. 00:04:48.140 --> 00:04:50.500 Balls come out of it, and you fire them into a slot; 00:04:50.540 --> 00:04:52.100 it's a bit like a fruit machine, come on the screen... 00:04:52.140 --> 00:04:53.940 Okay? 00:04:53.980 --> 00:04:55.340 - Uh, right. - Again. 00:04:55.380 --> 00:04:58.060 Oh! Look, the balls are coming! 00:04:59.100 --> 00:05:00.380 Ooh! 00:05:00.420 --> 00:05:02.900 I got one! - Lucky! 00:05:02.940 --> 00:05:04.540 Yeah, I got another one! There you go! 00:05:04.580 --> 00:05:06.700 Yes! 00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:09.220 The name "pachinko" comes from the noise 00:05:09.300 --> 00:05:12.460 the tiny balls make when you play. 00:05:12.500 --> 00:05:14.300 You might just be able to hear it. 00:05:14.340 --> 00:05:17.420 Can you hear what I'm saying? The racket here is incredible. 00:05:17.460 --> 00:05:21.700 The sound man, Dan, just told me that the noise in here 00:05:21.740 --> 00:05:24.220 is louder than the pit lane at Suzuka. 00:05:25.420 --> 00:05:30.060 this Hello Kitty gonk for 540 balls. 00:05:30.100 --> 00:05:31.740 The pillow with the train on, 00:05:31.780 --> 00:05:34.740 and the, and the, and the things. 00:05:34.780 --> 00:05:37.740 And this, and a wallet, all this. 00:05:37.780 --> 00:05:39.340 All this could have been mine. 00:05:40.980 --> 00:05:43.820 But before you say "rip-u off-u", 00:05:43.860 --> 00:05:46.100 there is a way to see some proper returns. 00:05:46.140 --> 00:05:50.260 We just have to do it out of earshot of sono otoko... 00:05:50.300 --> 00:05:52.060 Now, I just want to clear up a few things 00:05:52.100 --> 00:05:54.780 which I couldn't really explain in there because of the racket. 00:05:54.820 --> 00:05:57.660 It is true that it's illegal to win money at pachinko, 00:05:57.700 --> 00:06:00.300 because gambling for money is not allowed outside 00:06:00.340 --> 00:06:02.780 of licensed places such as horse racing pitches. 00:06:02.820 --> 00:06:05.340 That's why you have to win a cuddly toy. 00:06:05.380 --> 00:06:07.720 So you can't, you can't win the money, 00:06:07.980 --> 00:06:09.940 Thank God. 00:06:10.380 --> 00:06:12.740 Ha-Chan mentioned something earlier 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:14.580 called "hangover takoyaki" 00:06:14.620 --> 00:06:16.980 which is made from those enticing octopuses... 00:06:17.100 --> 00:06:18.860 and yes, you can say "octopuses" 00:06:18.940 --> 00:06:20.620 rather than "octopi." 00:06:20.620 --> 00:06:23.220 In fact, "octopus" is of Greek origin, 00:06:23.260 --> 00:06:25.620 and the plural in that is "octopodes", 00:06:25.700 --> 00:06:27.980 so if we're using the morphological sys... 00:06:27.980 --> 00:06:29.620 oh, hang on, I'm talking over the scene. 00:06:29.700 --> 00:06:31.500 Ha-Chan mentioned something earlier 00:06:31.540 --> 00:06:34.420 called "hangover takoyaki", which is made from squid. 00:06:34.460 --> 00:06:36.980 - Is this like a pancake? Made with... -Uh, no, no, no. 00:06:37.100 --> 00:06:38.000 So what... 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:38.980 They taste something like... 00:06:38.980 --> 00:06:40.820 octopus dumplings, or something. 00:06:40.860 --> 00:06:43.140 We use a huge piece. 00:06:43.140 --> 00:06:45.180 Yes! -JAMES: Yeah, that's a very big piece, yeah. 00:06:45.220 --> 00:06:47.580 This is why our local comes here. 00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:48.740 How much does it cost? 00:06:48.820 --> 00:06:50.740 Uh... here. 00:06:50.740 --> 00:06:52.540 You can have a look. 00:06:52.580 --> 00:06:56.420 Six pieces. Hey, it's cheap as hell. 00:06:56.460 --> 00:06:58.740 It's 400... It's like three, three quid. 00:06:58.740 --> 00:06:59.980 - Okini. - Okini. 00:07:00.100 --> 00:07:01.100 Okini, okini. 00:07:04.180 --> 00:07:06.860 - Mmm. -Ooh, I've got lots of fishy bits with that. 00:07:06.940 --> 00:07:08.140 - Mmm. - Okay. 00:07:15.340 --> 00:07:17.980 The fishy flakes... 00:07:17.980 --> 00:07:21.220 ...they taste of an old Japanese house. 00:07:21.260 --> 00:07:22.820 I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say, 00:07:22.860 --> 00:07:25.180 but it does taste like an old Japanese house. 00:07:25.220 --> 00:07:27.980 This food presenter lark is easy. 00:07:29.300 --> 00:07:32.340 Osaka's slogan is "kuidaore!" 00:07:32.380 --> 00:07:33.860 Meaning "ruin yourself with food." 00:07:33.860 --> 00:07:35.380 Although another translation is 00:07:35.420 --> 00:07:37.260 "eat yourself bankrupt." 00:07:37.300 --> 00:07:40.420 And just down the street, you can certainly do that. 00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:43.620 God, look at the price of that! 00:07:43.700 --> 00:07:44.980 Oh, my God! 00:07:46.700 --> 00:07:50.380 That's 70 English pounds for a piece of beef. 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:52.820 For that much money, you could buy a cow in England. 00:07:53.980 --> 00:07:57.060 It must be tasty! 00:07:57.100 --> 00:07:59.500 Not a very good one, but... 00:07:59.540 --> 00:08:03.460 Kobe beef is the Bugatti Veyron of dead animal bits; 00:08:03.500 --> 00:08:05.980 but I wonder if their reputedly pampered 00:08:06.060 --> 00:08:08.500 and expensive lifestyle is just a load 00:08:08.540 --> 00:08:09.700 of old bullocks. 00:08:09.740 --> 00:08:11.700 What we believe in England, 00:08:11.740 --> 00:08:13.620 the cows live in very special fields 00:08:13.700 --> 00:08:17.620 - in very nice, remote areas, beautiful grass. -Mm-hmm. 00:08:17.700 --> 00:08:21.140 They only eat the grass, and people go and massage them, 00:08:21.180 --> 00:08:23.140 and pat them on the head, and you know, 00:08:23.180 --> 00:08:24.700 give them a rub, and talk to them... 00:08:24.740 --> 00:08:27.900 - The cow is listen to the music. - Do they? 00:08:27.940 --> 00:08:29.700 - Yes! Jazz music. - Oh, jazz music? 00:08:29.740 --> 00:08:31.500 - Yeah. -Oh, well, it should taste excellent, then. 00:08:31.540 --> 00:08:33.020 It's a pity it's not Kobe pig, 00:08:33.060 --> 00:08:35.460 otherwise they'd all be listening to Charlie Porker. 00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:39.940 Well, I liked it. 00:08:39.980 --> 00:08:43.580 Anyway, here it is, Mooey Armstrong. 00:08:43.620 --> 00:08:45.700 - Oh, my God. - Sumimasen. 00:08:45.740 --> 00:08:48.580 It's not very big, is it? 00:08:48.620 --> 00:08:50.540 Excellent. Go on, then. 00:08:50.580 --> 00:08:52.580 Tell me what it's like. 00:08:55.420 --> 00:08:57.660 Oh, my God, it melts in my mouth. 00:08:57.700 --> 00:08:58.900 - Really? - Mmm. 00:08:58.940 --> 00:09:01.260 - Is it very, very soft? - Mm-hmm. 00:09:01.300 --> 00:09:03.740 Touch of salt, here we go. 00:09:06.500 --> 00:09:07.820 How is it? 00:09:07.860 --> 00:09:10.620 Mmm. Mmm. 00:09:12.420 --> 00:09:15.340 - Very different taste. - It's extremely nice, actually. 00:09:17.060 --> 00:09:19.420 There now follows a rather awkward encounter, 00:09:19.460 --> 00:09:21.260 where the English travel presenter, 00:09:21.300 --> 00:09:22.580 thanks to copious beer-us, 00:09:22.620 --> 00:09:24.820 misses all the signs from his guide 00:09:24.860 --> 00:09:25.940 that she just wants a compliment. 00:09:27.780 --> 00:09:29.620 - It's a great life here actually, because... -Mm... 00:09:29.660 --> 00:09:32.580 it's warm, you've got the river, you've got all the bars... 00:09:32.620 --> 00:09:34.100 - Mm-hmm... - you've got the amazing lights... 00:09:34.140 --> 00:09:37.060 - Mm-hmm... - it's not windy... 00:09:37.100 --> 00:09:38.500 There's all this great food... 00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:39.380 How about the people? 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:41.860 beer, everybody seems very cheerful and friendly 00:09:41.900 --> 00:09:43.540 and a bit mad. It's great... 00:09:43.780 --> 00:09:44.900 Thank you... 00:09:44.980 --> 00:09:47.180 Thank you, thank you. 00:09:47.220 --> 00:09:49.660 Yes, we recommend Osaka. 00:09:49.700 --> 00:09:52.620 You should come to Osaka. 00:09:52.660 --> 00:09:53.900 Filled with great shame and dishonor 00:09:53.940 --> 00:09:56.140 at my total lack of manners, 00:09:56.180 --> 00:10:00.340 I agree to face the ultimate Japanese punishment... 00:10:00.380 --> 00:10:02.460 - a selfie. -HA-CHAN: Funny face! Funny face! 00:10:02.500 --> 00:10:03.820 Thank you! 00:10:03.860 --> 00:10:05.580 Thank you so much. Yatta! 00:10:05.620 --> 00:10:08.620 Kawaii. It is cute. 00:10:16.700 --> 00:10:19.180 Next morning, along with the rest of Osaka, 00:10:19.220 --> 00:10:22.020 I'm in something of a beer and octoballs coma. 00:10:22.060 --> 00:10:24.260 But the crew assure me that they have something 00:10:24.300 --> 00:10:26.220 that'll wake me right up. 00:10:27.740 --> 00:10:29.900 I am Ultraman! 00:10:29.940 --> 00:10:33.460 I'm actually a children's manga comic superhero 00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:35.740 with martial arts powers. 00:10:35.780 --> 00:10:39.300 Although, weirdly, I feel more like a knob. 00:10:39.340 --> 00:10:41.380 Now, I know what you're all thinking, 00:10:41.420 --> 00:10:43.740 but Nintendo are famously litigious, 00:10:43.780 --> 00:10:45.940 and our lawyers have also advised us to make 00:10:45.980 --> 00:10:48.100 no Link to official characters. 00:10:48.140 --> 00:10:51.180 And, even if this looks the Samus that, 00:10:51.220 --> 00:10:53.660 to Kirby any mention of them. 00:10:53.700 --> 00:10:57.340 I'll admit I had no idea who Ultraman was, 00:10:57.380 --> 00:11:01.100 but all our Japanese fixers and our friends knew immediately. 00:11:01.140 --> 00:11:02.900 But this sort of thing is perfectly normal. 00:11:02.940 --> 00:11:05.100 You dress up as your favorite manga character 00:11:05.140 --> 00:11:08.500 and you drive around Osaka in a children's go-kart. 00:11:08.540 --> 00:11:10.340 And, as you can see, there's nothing 00:11:10.380 --> 00:11:12.060 in the karting company's name 00:11:12.100 --> 00:11:15.740 to bring that other property to mind whatsoever. 00:11:18.940 --> 00:11:22.180 They do it in Tokyo as well. Not tourists, locals. 00:11:26.820 --> 00:11:28.100 Left! 00:11:28.140 --> 00:11:30.260 Unfortunately, unlike most games, 00:11:30.300 --> 00:11:33.820 - here, you only get one life. 00:11:33.860 --> 00:11:35.620 Crikey. 00:11:35.660 --> 00:11:38.060 We're not going on the expressway, are we? 00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:40.580 I haven't got any money for the tolls. 00:11:44.980 --> 00:11:47.820 Given that the Japanese seem to quite like rules and so on, 00:11:47.860 --> 00:11:49.540 I'm surprised this is allowed. 00:11:51.460 --> 00:11:53.420 I mean, it shouldn't be allowed on all sorts of levels. 00:11:53.460 --> 00:11:57.100 It's two-stroke, it's dirty, it's actually a child's toy, 00:11:57.140 --> 00:12:00.300 it's not really road legal and it's silly. 00:12:01.340 --> 00:12:03.780 It's good, isn't it? 00:12:03.820 --> 00:12:05.180 Konnichiwa. 00:12:05.220 --> 00:12:07.820 Domo arigato. Sumimasen. 00:12:07.900 --> 00:12:10.020 Unintendo legal consequences aside, 00:12:10.060 --> 00:12:11.820 Wii may feel ridiculous, 00:12:11.860 --> 00:12:13.780 but despite the Switch in characters, 00:12:13.820 --> 00:12:15.420 this is the SNES best thing 00:12:15.460 --> 00:12:18.180 to being in that unmentioned karting sim, 00:12:18.220 --> 00:12:22.180 even if the lawyers aren't Game... Boy. 00:12:23.820 --> 00:12:27.980 This Japanese obsession with manga comic characters 00:12:28.020 --> 00:12:30.980 and superheroes and pocket monsters and all the rest of it, 00:12:31.020 --> 00:12:32.820 it's completely real. 00:12:32.900 --> 00:12:35.060 It's not just something we've imagined in the West. 00:12:35.100 --> 00:12:36.780 They pervade absolutely everything. 00:12:36.820 --> 00:12:40.100 They're on signposts, they're in the instruction manuals 00:12:40.140 --> 00:12:42.540 for appliances, they're in people's bedrooms, 00:12:42.580 --> 00:12:45.180 they're in restaurants, lucky cat, everywhere. 00:12:45.220 --> 00:12:48.300 I've suddenly wondered, is it something to do with Shintoism? 00:12:48.340 --> 00:12:50.380 Because if you've got millions of gods 00:12:50.420 --> 00:12:52.540 and everything is invested with a spirit, 00:12:52.580 --> 00:12:55.740 then it seems perfectly reasonable to populate the world 00:12:55.780 --> 00:12:57.820 with lots of fictitious little characters 00:12:57.900 --> 00:13:00.740 that you can adopt as your own. 00:13:00.780 --> 00:13:02.340 It's just a thought. 00:13:02.380 --> 00:13:04.180 I know that's a bit profound for someone dressed up 00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:08.660 in a children's fancy dress costume, but there it is. 00:13:08.700 --> 00:13:11.780 A superhero's work is never done. 00:13:13.860 --> 00:13:16.820 Right. Where to now? 00:13:19.860 --> 00:13:23.020 Now, so far we've seen that Osaka is the Japanese capital 00:13:23.060 --> 00:13:24.660 of eating, especially on the street. 00:13:24.700 --> 00:13:27.580 It's also the capital of bright lights, garishness, 00:13:27.620 --> 00:13:31.020 noise, generally having a good time and that's all great. 00:13:31.060 --> 00:13:33.380 I can enjoy a beer and a takoyaki 00:13:33.420 --> 00:13:34.980 like anybody else in the world, 00:13:35.020 --> 00:13:38.140 but it is also the font of Japanese humor. 00:13:38.180 --> 00:13:42.420 Down these stairs, in fact, is a typical Osakan comedy club. 00:13:42.460 --> 00:13:46.220 The trouble with this is we know... we all know... 00:13:46.260 --> 00:13:49.860 comedy does not translate. 00:13:54.140 --> 00:13:56.100 I mean, that's not funny. 00:13:56.100 --> 00:13:59.020 It just isn't funny. 00:13:59.060 --> 00:14:01.620 Although there have been many times on this trip 00:14:01.700 --> 00:14:03.380 where my appearance has been met with laughter... 00:14:07.580 --> 00:14:09.740 ...well, usually... 00:14:09.780 --> 00:14:12.060 ...if I want to get laughs from a Japanese audience 00:14:12.100 --> 00:14:13.620 on purpose, I need some help. 00:14:13.700 --> 00:14:16.300 I need a loudmouthed ball of energy, 00:14:16.340 --> 00:14:19.580 who, more importantly, will gladly march towards 00:14:19.620 --> 00:14:23.020 inevitable onstage death at his sensei's command. 00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:27.500 There's only one man for the job. 00:14:27.540 --> 00:14:31.220 My trusty Samurai "Deodorant" from Tokyo, Yujiro. 00:14:31.260 --> 00:14:34.740 His wife made it for you! My God! 00:14:34.780 --> 00:14:36.860 Earplugs on standby. 00:14:40.860 --> 00:14:42.460 Now, the problem with this, I think, 00:14:42.500 --> 00:14:45.220 is that humor doesn't translate. 00:14:45.260 --> 00:14:48.220 It's too subtle and it just... Something that works in English 00:14:48.260 --> 00:14:51.620 that we think is hilarious is just banal in Japanese. 00:14:51.700 --> 00:14:54.380 - Yeah. -So what we did here as part of this experiment, 00:14:54.380 --> 00:14:56.180 we will either prove that humor doesn't translate, 00:14:56.220 --> 00:14:59.060 or we will surprise ourselves and discover that it does. 00:14:59.100 --> 00:15:02.340 I've given Yujiro a wide selection of jokes in English, 00:15:02.380 --> 00:15:05.380 to choose what might work best for a Japanese audience. 00:15:05.380 --> 00:15:08.180 Everything from chin-strokey New Yorker satire 00:15:08.220 --> 00:15:12.580 to absolute bottom of the barrel Christmas cracker jokes. 00:15:12.620 --> 00:15:14.100 Guess which he's picked. 00:15:14.180 --> 00:15:16.180 - And the ones you've chosen are... - Yes. 00:15:16.220 --> 00:15:19.020 The first one. The-the... 00:15:19.060 --> 00:15:20.620 uh, "My Boss." 00:15:20.620 --> 00:15:24.620 "My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home." 00:15:27.020 --> 00:15:29.220 - Well, I think it's funny. -Okay, well, if you think it's funny, that's what matters, 00:15:29.300 --> 00:15:31.460 - 'cause then we'll see if it works in Japanese. -Yes, I hope so, yes. 00:15:31.500 --> 00:15:33.500 - And the second one. - "The other day, 00:15:33.540 --> 00:15:35.540 my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, 00:15:35.580 --> 00:15:38.380 "but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. 00:15:38.380 --> 00:15:40.500 She still isn't talking to me." 00:15:42.540 --> 00:15:44.820 Is it funny in Japanese? 00:15:44.860 --> 00:15:47.220 Well, uh, 80%. 80%. 00:15:47.260 --> 00:15:48.580 - 80%. Okay. - 80%. 00:15:50.380 --> 00:15:52.220 It might seem like we've bombed 00:15:52.260 --> 00:15:54.220 before we've even started, 00:15:54.260 --> 00:15:56.300 but a lot of Japanese humor is based on kotoba asobi, 00:15:58.540 --> 00:15:59.620 dajare and even oyaji gag. 00:16:04.380 --> 00:16:07.780 And, in case that wasn't enough pressure, on the bill tonight 00:16:07.820 --> 00:16:11.060 is also a famous veteran Japanese double act, 00:16:11.100 --> 00:16:13.380 Sen Saru Man, who give some words of encouragement 00:16:13.460 --> 00:16:14.580 for Yujiro. 00:16:14.620 --> 00:16:15.980 Will the Japanese 00:16:16.020 --> 00:16:17.980 be kind? 00:16:19.980 --> 00:16:22.060 Yes, the Japanese are generally kind, 00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:26.380 but Osaka people are not gentle. 00:16:26.460 --> 00:16:28.620 Especially if it's about comedy. 00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:31.700 We're going to die. 00:16:33.780 --> 00:16:35.740 Oh, my God. 00:16:35.780 --> 00:16:37.100 They're bloody professionals out there. 00:16:37.180 --> 00:16:39.500 They are bloody professionals. 00:16:39.540 --> 00:16:40.340 Oh, my gosh. 00:16:40.800 --> 00:16:42.880 Sensing Yujiro's nerves, I do my best 00:16:42.920 --> 00:16:45.080 to reassure him. 00:16:45.160 --> 00:16:47.000 If you were performing in England... 00:16:47.040 --> 00:16:48.520 - Yeah. - ...and I was introducing you... 00:16:48.560 --> 00:16:50.320 - Yeah. - ...I would say, 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:54.200 "Next up, ladies and gentleman, is the Japanese Tintin," 00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:56.800 and that would already give you a head start 00:16:56.800 --> 00:16:59.720 because you do look a bit like Tintin, but Japanese. 00:16:59.800 --> 00:17:00.860 "Tintin" is dick in Japanese. 00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:02.200 - You're on. - No, no. 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:03.680 - I think... - It does. 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:05.160 - I think you're on. - No, but it's a character. 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:06.520 - You're on, I think. - Is it... You're on. 00:17:06.560 --> 00:17:08.560 - What-what? Wha... what? - They're ready. 00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:10.080 - What... already? - Yes. 00:17:10.080 --> 00:17:11.560 - I-I heard it's 7:00. No? - No, no. 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:12.920 Oh,. 00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:15.000 - Are you serious? - Yes. 00:17:15.040 --> 00:17:17.720 I'm suddenly getting... I-I'm not prepared. 00:17:17.760 --> 00:17:20.560 - Oh, . -You can't be prepared, just go and tell some jokes. 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:22.800 Luckily for Yujiro, I'm a dab hand 00:17:22.800 --> 00:17:24.800 at stress management techniques. 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:27.040 Go... ah-ah, eh-eh, oh-oh. 00:17:27.080 --> 00:17:29.760 Oh-oh, eh-eh, ah-ah. 00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:36.680 For once, Yujiro seems to be speechless. 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:39.480 Ladies and gentlemen! 00:17:39.520 --> 00:17:41.520 Oh, no, there it is. 00:17:42.080 --> 00:17:43.760 Good evening, Osaka! 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:46.960 I'm Yujiro, pleasure to be here today. 00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:51.760 Ah, first British joke! 00:17:51.800 --> 00:17:53.800 - Yay! - Okay? 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:56.480 One day... 00:17:56.520 --> 00:17:59.240 the Boss said at work, 00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:00.680 "Have a great day." 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:02.000 "Have a great day." 00:18:02.040 --> 00:18:08.320 So, I left work early! 00:18:09.800 --> 00:18:12.520 -This is not funny, right? -(laughter) 00:18:13.560 --> 00:18:14.580 So, it basically means "left work early." 00:18:14.660 --> 00:18:16.220 Hmm. 00:18:16.320 --> 00:18:17.800 The second one. 00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:21.320 One Sunday, my wife said... 00:18:21.320 --> 00:18:25.760 "Honey, pass me a lipstick, please." 00:18:25.800 --> 00:18:30.320 I passed her a glue stick by mistake. 00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:34.320 Since then, she doesn't talk to me. 00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:38.840 Okay! 00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:40.520 I'd like to welcome the person 00:18:40.560 --> 00:18:41.880 who thought of those boring jokes! 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:43.320 Yujiro's following the golden rule 00:18:43.360 --> 00:18:44.760 of many big TV stars: 00:18:44.800 --> 00:18:47.600 when things go wrong, blame the crew. 00:18:47.640 --> 00:18:49.640 Stupid foreigner! 00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:52.280 Hey, James May! 00:18:52.320 --> 00:18:54.600 Thank you very much! 00:18:54.600 --> 00:18:56.880 In the interest of science, I can't declare this experiment 00:18:56.920 --> 00:19:00.240 a failure without testing the other subject. 00:19:00.280 --> 00:19:03.240 So, here's a Japanese joke translated for you. 00:19:03.520 --> 00:19:08.160 Why don't Hawaiians go to the dentist? 00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:09.800 Because they have good teeth. 00:19:09.840 --> 00:19:11.360 Mic drop. 00:19:14.360 --> 00:19:16.800 On the plus side, I had a lovely drink out with Mai. 00:19:16.840 --> 00:19:20.160 She made me take her to a Boy Scout bar. 00:19:26.600 --> 00:19:28.600 After last night, I've put Yujiro on a strict ban 00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:30.400 on anything pervy. 00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:32.320 So, for my last day in Osaka, 00:19:32.360 --> 00:19:34.000 he's taking me to a local university. 00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:39.760 We are in one of the greatest universities in Osaka. 00:19:39.800 --> 00:19:41.920 It's called the Kinki University. 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:45.120 - Is it really? -Yeah. Kinki University, Kindai University. 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:46.960 We the Japanese call it Kinki University. 00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:48.760 - Kinki University. Okay. - Yeah. 00:19:48.800 --> 00:19:50.400 We're gonna go... we're going-going, we're gonna go 00:19:50.440 --> 00:19:52.240 the, uh, the sumo training. 00:19:52.280 --> 00:19:55.160 - Sumo? -Yeah. We're gonna be sumo wrestlers. 00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:57.200 I would like to take a few moments out 00:19:57.240 --> 00:20:00.120 to talk about wasabi, which is that little blob 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.840 of green stuff you get on the side of your plate 00:20:01.880 --> 00:20:03.340 in a Japanese restaurant. 00:20:03.480 --> 00:20:04.920 It is native to Japan. 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:07.960 Its scientific name is wasaba japonica. 00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:11.680 And when it's growing, this is what it looks like. 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:13.320 Now, we think of it as a flavoring. 00:20:13.360 --> 00:20:16.840 Historically, it was more of a disinfectant, if you like. 00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:19.680 Before the days of rapid transport and refrigeration, 00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:21.800 you put the wasabi on the raw fish 00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:23.800 to prevent bacteria from growing. 00:20:23.840 --> 00:20:27.200 Now, rumor has it, in Osaka especially, 00:20:27.240 --> 00:20:29.720 that if a restaurant doesn't like the cut of your jib... 00:20:29.760 --> 00:20:32.680 if, for example, you're a bit of a loudmouth gaijin... 00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:35.880 they might overdo the wasabi to blow your head off 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:37.680 and teach you a lesson. 00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:40.960 And this leads rather neatly to the game of 00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:43.800 wasabi roulette. 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:49.680 You will need a willing opponent... 00:20:49.720 --> 00:20:51.840 in this case, Mai... 00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:54.480 a plate of salmon sushi. 00:20:54.520 --> 00:20:59.240 One of them has been laced with the weapons-grade wasabi. 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:03.080 So take it in turns to eat a piece, 00:21:03.120 --> 00:21:04.320 and the loser... 00:21:04.360 --> 00:21:06.160 Well, it's to the death, basically. 00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:18.040 This ended up taking about 25 minutes, 00:21:18.080 --> 00:21:19.960 with nothing happening. 00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:22.400 And two people just sitting eating sushi 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:23.960 turned out to be far less gripping 00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:25.520 than we'd thought. 00:21:25.560 --> 00:21:27.200 That's remarkable. If you think this is fixed 00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.360 in some way, it isn't. 00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:30.600 We are down to the last two. 00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:34.440 - Itadakimasu. - Itadakimasu. 00:21:38.680 --> 00:21:41.800 Oh, no. 00:21:41.840 --> 00:21:44.080 Seriously? 00:21:44.120 --> 00:21:45.680 You put in a lot, didn't you? 00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:47.720 Lots. 00:21:49.240 --> 00:21:50.600 Well, I've lost. Shall we just cut? 00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.400 - No. - No. 00:21:52.440 --> 00:21:55.560 Okay, are you all running... 00:21:57.600 --> 00:22:00.040 Itadakimasu. 00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:03.720 Oh, Jesus Christ! 00:22:03.800 --> 00:22:06.960 Mm! Mm! 00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:12.360 Oh, you'll need some... 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:15.040 Hai, have some water. Hai, hai, hai. 00:22:20.440 --> 00:22:22.600 Whoa. 00:22:24.920 --> 00:22:27.200 Yo, I am... I'm crying. 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:32.440 What's the Japanese for "you bastard"? 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:38.040 Kids, just say no. 00:22:40.440 --> 00:22:43.040 So, wincingly, it's time to leave Osaka 00:22:43.080 --> 00:22:45.920 as we carry on south. 00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:48.800 The crew's taking their camera equipment by car, 00:22:48.840 --> 00:22:50.480 but I've decided to enjoy one of Japan's 00:22:50.520 --> 00:22:53.720 iconic bullet trains, 00:22:53.800 --> 00:22:56.840 and film everything myself, like a trendy vlogger. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:58.920 I have a silly enough haircut for it. 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:00.600 Audio is on the... 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:02.440 That's just Dan, our Belgian sound man, 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:04.280 mic-ing me up. 00:23:04.320 --> 00:23:05.920 So, prepare yourselves, viewers, 00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:08.960 for Emmy Award-winning cinematography like this. 00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:13.920 And this. 00:23:16.040 --> 00:23:17.920 Still going? 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:23.920 Wow, Japanese Shinkansen station. 00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:27.240 As opposed to a French Shinkanden station. 00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:30.040 - Konnichiwa. - Konnichiwa. 00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:33.880 Oh, bloody hell. 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:36.640 The symbol is something like two Mexicans fighting 00:23:36.680 --> 00:23:38.280 over a broken television, 00:23:38.320 --> 00:23:41.480 followed by another television on a sledge, 00:23:41.520 --> 00:23:43.400 and a square tree. 00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:51.080 Beautiful trains. 00:23:51.120 --> 00:23:53.240 I've treated myself to the posh carriage, 00:23:53.280 --> 00:23:55.080 which is currently being cleaned. 00:23:55.120 --> 00:23:56.720 Obviously, because it's Japan, 00:23:56.800 --> 00:24:00.200 and it hasn't been cleaned for the last 20 seconds. 00:24:06.800 --> 00:24:09.360 Oh, I thought we were gonna get East Enders then. 00:24:11.840 --> 00:24:14.240 Wonder if that jingle was written by our jingle man. 00:24:14.280 --> 00:24:15.720 This is wonderful. You get on the train, 00:24:15.800 --> 00:24:17.920 and exactly on time it just whooshes away. 00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:20.000 No stupid announcements or anything. 00:24:20.040 --> 00:24:23.000 There's one there. 00:24:23.040 --> 00:24:25.160 We think of these trains as being incredibly modern. 00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:28.840 The first one ran when I was one year old, 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.840 and I'm ancient now. 00:24:39.960 --> 00:24:41.720 I take back what I said about announcements. 00:24:41.800 --> 00:24:44.600 This one's unlikely to finish by the time we get there. 00:24:49.440 --> 00:24:52.360 Please do not attempt to get off the train whilst it's moving. 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:54.080 Ladies and gentlemen... -Oh, God. 00:24:54.120 --> 00:24:56.280 ...welcome to the Shinkansen. 00:24:56.320 --> 00:24:59.040 This is a Mizuho superexpress, 00:24:59.080 --> 00:25:02.040 bound for Kagoshima Chuo. 00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:05.680 Unfortunately, as this shot of me walking out 00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:07.560 of Okayama station suggests, 00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:09.400 the crew caught up with me. 00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:12.440 And despite it being my day off, they're adamant I film 00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:15.640 a single piece about the region's mythical guardian, 00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:17.880 of whom there's a statue outside 00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:21.440 with nothing amusing about its design whatsoever. 00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:23.640 Action. 00:25:37.800 --> 00:25:39.920 Okay, I'm ready. 00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:47.880 No, I can do it, I can do it. Right. 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:55.360 Right, I'm ready. 00:25:55.400 --> 00:25:58.840 This is Momotaro. He's a local folk hero. 00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:01.120 According to legend, an old lady... 00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:08.840 - That was so close. - So close. 00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:10.440 He's known... 00:26:12.120 --> 00:26:13.920 I'm not sure I can do it. 00:26:16.120 --> 00:26:19.200 Sorry, I'll do it again. 00:26:24.600 --> 00:26:27.640 This is Momotaro. He's a local folk hero. 00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:29.400 And let me see if I can remember the story correctly. 00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:31.680 There was an old woman who was out by the river, 00:26:31.720 --> 00:26:33.800 and she saw a big peach floating past. 00:26:33.840 --> 00:26:35.440 So she picked it up and took it home. 00:26:35.480 --> 00:26:38.680 But when she cut it in half, she found this small boy inside. 00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:42.280 And the small boy went off, and he made friends with a dog, 00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:44.440 a monkey, a pheasant and a pigeon, 00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:45.920 and then somehow, with their help, 00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:47.960 defeated all the ogres 00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:49.280 who were threatening the city. 00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:55.160 While I recover, the crew buy time 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:58.760 with arty focus pulls of pinecones. 00:26:58.800 --> 00:27:00.600 We've come to Koraku-en, 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:02.880 a garden completed in 1700 00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:07.520 by Ikida Tsunamasa, the local feudal lord at the time. 00:27:13.280 --> 00:27:16.440 I can see why formal gardens are so important to the Japanese, 00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:17.640 even if you've only got a space 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:19.480 the size of half a ping-pong table. 00:27:19.520 --> 00:27:21.760 Because the cities are fantastic, 00:27:21.760 --> 00:27:24.240 but they're a barrage of noise and lights 00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:27.120 and jingles and Hello Kitty and Shinkansen 00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:29.760 and okonomiyaki and Yujiro and all the rest of it, 00:27:29.760 --> 00:27:32.120 and you have to be able to find somewhere 00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:36.720 where you can just be at peace, and here it is. 00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:45.240 Rather than just bung together a few nice flowers 00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:48.480 and a fountain of a small boy urinating, 00:27:48.520 --> 00:27:52.600 Tsunamasa-san decided to depict Japan in miniature, 00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:55.360 through the medium of plants. 00:27:55.400 --> 00:27:58.720 That hill over there, obviously, is Mt. Fuji, 00:27:58.760 --> 00:28:01.440 but the buildings represent things like full-size temples, 00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:03.240 full-size palaces. 00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:04.360 The lakes and the ponds, they represent 00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:07.040 full-size lakes in Japan. 00:28:07.080 --> 00:28:08.240 It's a way of sort of experiencing 00:28:08.280 --> 00:28:09.680 the beauty of the whole country 00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:12.240 in a short walk 'round a park. 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:14.000 I mean, most people would just have a train set 00:28:14.040 --> 00:28:16.560 or something like that, but you know. 00:28:20.080 --> 00:28:23.240 For over three centuries, generations of gardeners 00:28:23.280 --> 00:28:25.120 have manicured this place into 00:28:25.160 --> 00:28:28.680 a state of zen-like perfection. 00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:31.240 Here, for example... these people are restringing 00:28:31.240 --> 00:28:32.360 this bamboo fence. 00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:34.040 This has to be done every year, 00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:35.600 painstakingly by hand, 00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:39.520 using the twine and a special Japanese knot. 00:28:39.560 --> 00:28:43.760 Or, as they call it, a knot. 00:28:43.760 --> 00:28:47.360 This man has been raking this gravel garden 00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:50.360 continuously for the past 45 years. 00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:52.120 He's still an apprentice. 00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:54.920 He's been doing it so long, the prongs on his rake 00:28:54.960 --> 00:28:57.640 have completely worn away. 00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:09.680 A flash of cold steel, 00:29:09.720 --> 00:29:14.600 the flower of Japan falls to cries of "bonsai!" 00:29:17.120 --> 00:29:20.520 But I'm not here to bask in the beauty of a well-trimmed bush. 00:29:20.600 --> 00:29:23.480 I want to experience something the Japanese have been 00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:27.040 masters of for over 1,000 years. 00:29:27.080 --> 00:29:28.640 And Yujiro's joining me, 00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:30.600 having finally regained the ability to sit down. 00:29:32.760 --> 00:29:35.480 You join me at a very contemplative moment. 00:29:35.520 --> 00:29:39.760 Kai Hattasan here is a Zen meditation sensei, 00:29:39.760 --> 00:29:42.280 and I've got no idea what to do. 00:29:42.360 --> 00:29:44.280 I've never done anything like this before. 00:29:44.360 --> 00:29:47.520 First, correct the posture. 00:29:47.600 --> 00:29:49.620 Put right foot on top of left leg, please, can you do it? 00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:51.120 Migi over hidari. 00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:53.000 - Oh! Good. - Very good. 00:29:53.040 --> 00:29:53.820 Okay. 00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:55.160 Then next, put the left foot on top of right leg. 00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:57.160 - I won't be able to do that. - Oh, my God. 00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:59.600 Oh, my God. Oh, shoot. 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:01.640 I can't do that. 00:30:03.840 --> 00:30:08.880 If you can't do this, the second position. 00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.640 This second foot on here. 00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:16.120 Okay, so left... so migi under there and hidari... 00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:17.260 I can do that, yes. 00:30:17.300 --> 00:30:21.460 Good! This is called Hankafuza. 00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:27.520 To be more concrete, inhale in four seconds 00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:30.880 and exhale in five seconds. 00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:35.000 Then be with the Earth, be one with the Universe. 00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:45.640 As long as you have your body position in the correct order 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:49.280 and you're, uh, breathing in the right way 00:30:49.320 --> 00:30:52.000 then, your heart will be... 00:30:52.040 --> 00:30:54.840 - Released in... Oh. - Sorry. 00:30:54.880 --> 00:30:57.840 The director. 00:30:59.880 --> 00:31:02.640 Right, where were we? 00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:04.080 Let's begin. 00:31:04.320 --> 00:31:06.800 Okay. 00:31:09.280 --> 00:31:12.640 To enter a blissful state, I try to clear my mind 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:15.840 of unnecessary, intrusive thoughts. 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.240 It's interesting; it's very relaxing and very peaceful, 00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:49.880 but the trouble is, it gives you a good opportunity 00:31:49.920 --> 00:31:51.480 to think about other things, 00:31:51.520 --> 00:31:53.840 so it's very difficult to not think of anything. 00:31:53.880 --> 00:31:55.840 - Ah... - So I was actually thinking 00:31:55.880 --> 00:31:58.160 about laundry at one point, 'cause I've run out of pants. 00:31:59.560 --> 00:32:02.560 It's almost impossible not to think of anything at all, 00:32:02.600 --> 00:32:07.320 so by concentrating on breathing alone... 00:32:07.360 --> 00:32:11.280 one keeps one's spirit calm. 00:32:11.320 --> 00:32:12.800 That was all fascinating 00:32:12.840 --> 00:32:14.200 and something I've never done before. 00:32:14.280 --> 00:32:15.840 It's interesting to learn about it. 00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:19.320 I'd like to leave you with this final thought. 00:32:35.980 --> 00:32:38.380 I'm leaving Okayama behind, 00:32:38.420 --> 00:32:41.840 heading towards the southern tip of Japan's main island, 00:32:41.940 --> 00:32:42.700 Honshu. 00:32:42.740 --> 00:32:44.300 As I drive through the ancient valleys 00:32:44.380 --> 00:32:46.620 flecked with paddy fields and sleepy villages, 00:32:47.260 --> 00:32:49.540 it's hard to imagine I'm about to visit a place 00:32:49.580 --> 00:32:52.500 that changed the modern world forever. 00:32:52.540 --> 00:32:54.980 This is Hiroshima. 00:32:55.020 --> 00:32:58.300 It's a very wealthy and, for obvious reasons, 00:32:58.340 --> 00:33:02.060 very modern Japanese city. 00:33:03.460 --> 00:33:05.340 I bet when I said Hiroshima, the first thing 00:33:05.380 --> 00:33:06.860 that came into your minds was not 00:33:06.860 --> 00:33:08.100 the Mazda car company, 00:33:08.140 --> 00:33:12.700 for example; it was atomic warfare. 00:33:14.740 --> 00:33:16.300 We all know the details. 00:33:16.340 --> 00:33:19.700 The bomb dropped on August 6, 1945, 00:33:19.740 --> 00:33:24.260 right here, where now stands a park, 00:33:24.300 --> 00:33:28.100 and at its heart, the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. 00:33:43.100 --> 00:33:46.700 Now, I realize this is going to seem like a rather weighty topic 00:33:46.740 --> 00:33:49.900 for a travel show full of lighthearted larks, 00:33:49.980 --> 00:33:53.340 but the fact is, you cannot come to Hiroshima 00:33:53.340 --> 00:33:56.300 and not visit the atom bomb memorial park. 00:33:56.340 --> 00:33:58.860 Not least because it's extremely well done. 00:33:58.860 --> 00:34:01.060 And you can't come to the atom bomb memorial park 00:34:01.100 --> 00:34:04.860 without addressing this rather thorny and delicate subject, 00:34:04.860 --> 00:34:09.260 so I'm afraid that's what we're going to do. 00:34:09.300 --> 00:34:11.900 Other TV shows are available. 00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:20.140 No one knows for sure how many people died, 00:34:20.180 --> 00:34:22.820 but it's reckoned around 80,000, 00:34:22.860 --> 00:34:25.940 or roughly 30% of the population. 00:34:25.980 --> 00:34:27.460 And while numbers like that 00:34:27.500 --> 00:34:30.300 are almost impossible to comprehend, 00:34:30.340 --> 00:34:33.700 seeing the tattered and burned possessions of the victims 00:34:33.740 --> 00:34:38.580 brings home the human cost of this indiscriminate attack. 00:34:40.620 --> 00:34:45.780 Hiroshima is obviously a very weighty and difficult subject, 00:34:45.820 --> 00:34:48.700 with many schools of historical thought. 00:34:48.740 --> 00:34:51.700 I'm hoping Professor Tosh Minohara, 00:34:51.740 --> 00:34:53.900 a Japanese-American historian, 00:34:53.940 --> 00:34:59.460 can talk me through both sides of this very contentious coin. 00:34:59.500 --> 00:35:01.860 If you take away the nuclear aspect 00:35:01.900 --> 00:35:05.460 of the attack on Hiroshima, what we are looking at in that museum 00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:08.100 is the commemoration of war and the pity of war, 00:35:08.140 --> 00:35:10.500 - which is universal, isn't it? - Yes. Yes. 00:35:10.540 --> 00:35:14.140 Yes, the immense human tragedy is-is very apparent 00:35:14.180 --> 00:35:16.100 when you go to the museum. 00:35:16.140 --> 00:35:20.780 There's a view in the West that, actually, Hiroshima and Nagasaki 00:35:20.820 --> 00:35:24.980 are a sort of fig leaf for Japan because it allows Japan to say, 00:35:25.020 --> 00:35:27.020 "We suffered the world's only nuclear attack... 00:35:27.060 --> 00:35:29.460 - Yes. -...it's a terrible thing," and it allows them to ignore 00:35:29.500 --> 00:35:31.380 - the terrible things Japan did. - Yes. 00:35:31.420 --> 00:35:34.020 - That's a prevalent view amongst Western historians. -Absolutely. 00:35:34.060 --> 00:35:37.020 There's a reason why Hiroshima and Nagasaki were both bombed. 00:35:37.060 --> 00:35:39.220 You know, it's because Japan instigated the war. 00:35:39.260 --> 00:35:42.220 Uh, and you're absolutely right to point out the fact 00:35:42.260 --> 00:35:46.100 - that the two bombs makes Japan a victim. -Mm. 00:35:46.140 --> 00:35:48.260 And this, I think, makes it very difficult for Japan 00:35:48.300 --> 00:35:51.540 to acknowledge the fact that it was the aggressor. 00:35:51.580 --> 00:35:53.460 Because it's very hard to be the victim 00:35:53.500 --> 00:35:55.100 and the aggressor at the same time. 00:35:55.140 --> 00:35:57.220 The-the most popular view, if you look 00:35:57.260 --> 00:35:59.980 at sort of surveys and things in America and Europe, 00:36:00.020 --> 00:36:03.060 is that the atomic bombs were evil, 00:36:03.100 --> 00:36:04.700 but they shortened the war 00:36:04.740 --> 00:36:07.820 against a country that wouldn't surrender, 00:36:07.860 --> 00:36:10.020 and that would have cost millions of casualties 00:36:10.060 --> 00:36:12.420 - if the war had been concluded with a land-based invasion. -Sure, sure. 00:36:12.460 --> 00:36:13.620 And would probably have destroyed 00:36:13.700 --> 00:36:15.140 the Japanese people forever. 00:36:15.180 --> 00:36:17.140 - Yes, absolutely right. - Is that correct? 00:36:17.180 --> 00:36:19.020 I think... yes, you're absolutely right. 00:36:19.060 --> 00:36:22.940 If Japan had not surrendered on August 15, 00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:24.820 - the Russians would have come down... -Mm. 00:36:24.860 --> 00:36:27.220 ...and would have taken at least all of Northern Japan. 00:36:27.260 --> 00:36:28.620 So, we'd have ended up with Korea? 00:36:28.700 --> 00:36:30.220 Absolutely. Korea on Japan. 00:36:30.260 --> 00:36:31.940 You would have Northern Japan, which most likely 00:36:31.980 --> 00:36:34.220 would not be democratic, would not be free, 00:36:34.260 --> 00:36:36.900 and then you would have the rest of Japan. 00:36:36.940 --> 00:36:40.900 Could you, if you were being very honne about it, 00:36:40.940 --> 00:36:42.540 - Honne. - Honne. 00:36:42.580 --> 00:36:47.260 ...say that the suffering of Hiroshima and Nagasaki 00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:49.380 is actually the salvation of Japan? 00:36:49.420 --> 00:36:51.220 That's why they should be revered. 00:36:51.260 --> 00:36:53.580 - Because if... Really? - That's how I see it. Yes. 00:36:53.620 --> 00:36:55.540 - The-the... -Are you speaking as an American or a... 00:36:55.580 --> 00:36:58.420 No, I am... as a, as a scholar, as a historian. 00:36:58.460 --> 00:37:00.620 - Okay. -That their death was not in vain. 00:37:00.700 --> 00:37:02.620 It-it did help, you know, 00:37:02.700 --> 00:37:06.940 Japan maintain the nation as it is today. 00:37:18.460 --> 00:37:22.380 With my journey drawing a close, 00:37:22.420 --> 00:37:24.700 I have to move on from the rebuilt devastation 00:37:24.740 --> 00:37:29.860 of Hiroshima to one of Japan's oldest wonders. 00:37:29.900 --> 00:37:32.260 Hello, viewers, you join us 00:37:32.300 --> 00:37:35.060 on Miyajima, which is one of the holiest islands 00:37:35.100 --> 00:37:36.980 off the coast of Japan. 00:37:37.020 --> 00:37:39.780 It is home to the Itsukushima Shrine, 00:37:39.820 --> 00:37:42.500 or the Itsukushima-jinja, which is just over there, 00:37:42.540 --> 00:37:44.700 and that, or the view of that from the water, 00:37:44.740 --> 00:37:47.700 is one of the three great views of Japan, 00:37:47.740 --> 00:37:51.820 along with Matsushima and the sandbar outside of Kyoto. 00:37:51.860 --> 00:37:54.740 Which we couldn't be arsed to go and look at. 00:37:54.780 --> 00:37:56.780 Ice cream? 00:38:01.940 --> 00:38:03.900 This whole island is a religious site, 00:38:03.940 --> 00:38:05.900 with its own special rules. 00:38:05.940 --> 00:38:09.460 No trees can be cut down and all wildlife is sacred. 00:38:09.500 --> 00:38:12.580 Although I think Yujiro could use a few lessons explaining 00:38:12.620 --> 00:38:15.220 - what wildlife actually is. - Aww. 00:38:17.100 --> 00:38:18.700 No, that's a cat. 00:38:18.740 --> 00:38:20.300 - Oh, that's a cat. Sit. - Yes. 00:38:20.340 --> 00:38:21.820 - Sit. - He won't sit. 00:38:21.860 --> 00:38:23.620 - He's not, he's not a dog. - Sit. 00:38:23.700 --> 00:38:25.780 He's got a great face. He's nearly... he's completely tame. 00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:26.980 You're not really supposed to touch them 00:38:27.020 --> 00:38:28.060 but I can touch him. 00:38:28.100 --> 00:38:29.620 - Yes. - He doesn't mind. 00:38:29.700 --> 00:38:30.900 You're not supposed to touch them 00:38:30.940 --> 00:38:32.980 and you're not supposed to feed them. 00:38:33.020 --> 00:38:34.300 Pull it out of his mouth. 00:38:34.340 --> 00:38:36.220 - He's got it in his mouth. - Oh, my God. 00:38:36.260 --> 00:38:37.860 Oh, no, no. My map, my map! 00:38:37.900 --> 00:38:39.460 He's eating my map. 00:38:39.500 --> 00:38:42.340 I think the deer is very hungry. 00:38:43.700 --> 00:38:45.300 - Deer, deer, deer. - Looks... 00:38:47.900 --> 00:38:50.500 After an awkward 45-minute wait, 00:38:50.540 --> 00:38:52.540 Bambi eventually pooped us the directions 00:38:52.580 --> 00:38:53.980 to the temple complex. 00:38:54.020 --> 00:38:56.500 This place has inspired pilgrims, 00:38:56.540 --> 00:39:00.140 artists and writers for centuries. 00:39:00.180 --> 00:39:01.340 Itsukushima. 00:39:01.380 --> 00:39:02.860 Its-Itsukushima. 00:39:02.900 --> 00:39:04.780 - Itsukushima. - Itsukushima. 00:39:04.820 --> 00:39:07.140 - Itsukushima-jinja. Yes. -Itsukushima-jinja. 00:39:07.180 --> 00:39:09.380 Uh, This place, um, this jinja... 00:39:09.420 --> 00:39:12.140 Mm-hmm? - ...by the sea, was built 00:39:12.180 --> 00:39:15.340 in the end of the 12th century by Taira no Kiyomori, 00:39:15.380 --> 00:39:17.860 a powerful samurai clan back then. 00:39:17.900 --> 00:39:19.500 - Well... - 12th century, yes. 00:39:19.540 --> 00:39:21.780 Is he this man in the statue that's by the harbor? 00:39:21.820 --> 00:39:24.300 - The old man. - Who looks a bit like Patrick Stewart, 00:39:24.340 --> 00:39:26.300 actually, from Star Trek. 00:39:26.340 --> 00:39:29.060 - Oh, he did? - Yeah, he does a little bit, yeah. 00:39:29.100 --> 00:39:30.980 Yes, so Patrick Stewart built this place. 00:39:31.020 --> 00:39:34.100 - Right. - The color red is really beautiful. 00:39:34.140 --> 00:39:36.260 I'd call it orange, you see. 00:39:36.300 --> 00:39:38.900 Orange? -Is... yeah, that sort of Shintoism orange. 00:39:38.940 --> 00:39:41.820 - I'd say that was orange. Would you call that red? -Yes. 00:39:41.860 --> 00:39:43.420 - Would you? - Yes. 00:39:43.460 --> 00:39:45.460 Um, from the Japanese senses, 00:39:45.500 --> 00:39:47.940 we call this red. 00:39:47.980 --> 00:39:49.500 'Cause I have a car that's officially red, 00:39:49.540 --> 00:39:50.700 but I think it's orange. 00:39:50.740 --> 00:39:52.380 It could just be me. 00:39:52.420 --> 00:39:54.420 I'll ask the cameramen because they know about color. 00:39:54.460 --> 00:39:55.980 Is this orange or red? 00:39:56.020 --> 00:39:57.540 - Mm, orange. - Orange. Yeah, it's orange. 00:39:57.580 --> 00:40:00.340 I-I think, I think the cameraman Sean is color-blind. 00:40:00.380 --> 00:40:02.620 No, you're all wrong. Japanese are all wrong. 00:40:04.420 --> 00:40:06.620 They might know squat about color... 00:40:06.700 --> 00:40:08.140 orange... 00:40:08.180 --> 00:40:10.940 but who cares about interior design 00:40:10.980 --> 00:40:13.580 when the exterior looks like this? 00:40:17.420 --> 00:40:19.420 - Are you going to... - Uh... 00:40:19.460 --> 00:40:20.860 Well, since I'm here, 00:40:20.900 --> 00:40:22.420 yes, I'd like to just go down there 00:40:22.460 --> 00:40:27.060 and have a contemplative moment standing under the gate. 00:40:27.100 --> 00:40:28.340 - Yes. -Although you don't have to come, though, 00:40:28.380 --> 00:40:29.700 'cause I know you've been here many times before. 00:40:29.740 --> 00:40:30.900 - That's okay. I'll go by myself. - Yes. 00:40:30.940 --> 00:40:32.700 But you go and get some ice creams. 00:40:32.740 --> 00:40:34.060 - Oh. Can I? - Yes. 00:40:34.100 --> 00:40:35.580 - Good idea. - Where do I go? This way? 00:40:35.620 --> 00:40:37.420 Yeah. Go straight. 00:40:37.460 --> 00:40:39.220 And don't walk in the center. 00:40:39.260 --> 00:40:40.780 - That's the pathway of the gods. - Yes. 00:40:44.980 --> 00:40:48.980 Torii is the name of the gates that stand 00:40:49.020 --> 00:40:52.020 as entrances to shrines across Japan, 00:40:52.060 --> 00:40:55.140 and this may be the most magnificent of them all. 00:41:01.060 --> 00:41:03.260 From go-karts and pachinko 00:41:03.300 --> 00:41:05.460 to these most ancient of monuments, 00:41:05.500 --> 00:41:08.460 this leg of my trip has once again brought home 00:41:08.500 --> 00:41:11.740 just how much breadth there is to the Japanese experience. 00:41:11.780 --> 00:41:15.300 I'm not gonna pretend I understand it all yet, 00:41:15.340 --> 00:41:18.980 but one thing I do understand is a good bit of woodwork. 00:41:20.860 --> 00:41:25.260 Well, it's another fabulous example of great craftsmanship 00:41:25.300 --> 00:41:29.460 from the world's best woodworkers, the Japanese. 00:41:29.500 --> 00:41:31.300 Very symbolic, as well, 00:41:31.340 --> 00:41:34.580 and it's actually symbolic of the great paradox that is Japan, 00:41:34.620 --> 00:41:36.420 because that gate, and indeed, 00:41:36.460 --> 00:41:38.820 the whole of that enormous temple behind it, 00:41:38.860 --> 00:41:41.180 are made entirely from wood 00:41:41.220 --> 00:41:46.500 on an island where it's forbidden to cut down trees. 00:41:46.540 --> 00:41:50.420 Hmm. Anyway, I've written a haiku. 00:41:50.460 --> 00:41:52.620 "Ah, gate in the sea. 00:41:52.700 --> 00:41:54.180 "What does it mean? 00:41:54.220 --> 00:41:56.540 Way in, out?" 00:41:56.580 --> 00:41:59.220 End of the show. Cut.