Does no one respect
your busted-* ride?
Call Rent Your Rims so your wheels could have some drift.
Coming up next is another throwback classic from back in the day.
Ooh! Damn!
Yeah, I love this jam, homey.
Oh! I can't believe they're calling this a throwback.
- It's an oldie. You fools are oldies now.
- Tsk. You're the oldie with your ancient Mayan face, like--
Old Benjamin Button face-*.
I'm still young and delicious. I'm like a cupcake.
- Damn, I haven't felt this good in years.
You know, this Hugs not Thugs *** ain't that bad.
I actually like making cupcakes, you know, it's therapeutic.
Sorry I gave you a hard time at first, primo.
Thanks for getting me on the program.
Don't even mention it.
We're family.
I got your back.
Damn, y'all corny.
Let's drop off these cupcakes, man.
- Hey, Julio!
You gonna help us out or--
What the *** are you doing?
- You never heard of it?
It's this new thing called a stretching.
- What are you, the ***in' elderly?
You need a Viagra?
Probably not right now 'cause we're at work but maybe later, huh?
- Hey. Hey.
Y'all hurry the *** up and decide whether your ***s is old or not
so y'all can help me deliver these cupcakes.
***. Y'all talk more than the ***in' View.
Look at this *** made ***er.
- Davonte.
Thought your * would be dead by now.
- On the contrary, ***.
As you can see, I'm alive and thriving.
So you one of them pink cupcake ***es now, huh?
- Hey, playboy. We're called Huggers.
- Hey, hey, Julio.
- I got this ***. - ***.
You even more *** than I remember.
And you was always quite the ***.
Hey, remember that time me and my boys
beat your * outside your grandma's house?
You must have Alzheimer's, homeboy.
It was outside Magic Mountain.
It was me and my boys who beat your *.
- Dawg, that would have never happened!
Black people don't *** with Magic Mountain.
We Knott's Berry Farm people, fool.
- Nah, nah, nah. You forgot. Your * was at Magic Mountain.
Maybe a sock to the face will remind your *, huh?
- Hey, hey, hey!
Enough of this ***.
We got cupcakes to deliver.
- At least your old boys used to be tough.
Now you roll around with soft ***ers like this ***.
Look at him. He got "rob me" face and ***ed-up teeth.
Couldn't fight if he wanted to.
- Man, *** you! - Hey, hey!
We're gonna handle this ***, we're gonna do it right.
Imma gather my boys, you gather yours.
I'll meet you at the park at sunset.
Throw some putasos.
- Oh, yeah, me and my boys will be there.
But be warned, my boys ain't boys anymore, they're men.
- Yeah, my boys are soldiers.
- Well, my boys are warriors.
***-* mark.
- Why'd you flinch?
Stop flinching!
***!
Damn, I can't wait to see my boys.
Haven't seen those fools in forever.
- You're for real gonna go fight in the park?
Like you're in junior high?
- Hey, if you're not down, I'll go ***in' do it myself.
Guess you were lying when you said all the *** about family
and always having my back, huh?
- Goddamn it. Fine.
I'll drive you. But I'm not ***in' fighting.
I don't want you to throw down anyway.
I ain't trying to lose.
- Man, *** you.
- Goddamn, you ***es ain't finished yet?
Hurry the *** up so I can get home in time for Judge Mathis.
- Dawg, you gotta get on that Judge Judy train,
that *** is mean.
- Nah, nah, nah, nah. *** that. I only support black judges.
Except for Clarence Thomas.
I hope that *** dies.
- Hey, hey, hey, chef.
You wanna help us go fight some fools at the park?
- No, no, no, no, no.
See that goes against every single thing that I've worked so hard to achieve.
Oh, come on, dawg, please!
- A'ight, *** it. You've convinced me.
- Yeah!
Come on, now.
Yeah, we got seven more trays to go, man.
We've been here how long?
A'ight, so who we about to go fight?
- One of my old enemies from back in the day.
Some ***-* fool named Davonte.
- Well, wait, there's a Hispanic dude out there named Davonte?
- Nah, nah, nah, nah. He's Black.
- Oh, *** that.
I'm not gonna help two Mexicans beat up a Black dude.
Look, I'll still roll with you,
but when we fight, I'm gonna have to fight on his side.
- Okay, I can respect that.
You've gotta back up your people. - Yeah.
- When the fight comes, you could take Julio.
- Hell, yeah!
I've been meaning to *** you up.
- But we work together.
- Exactly.
- Alright, the first homey we're gonna pick up, pff,
it's my ride or die homey, my A1 since day one.
The boy to end all boys.
You're all stretched out now.
- Stop fighting, stop fighting. - Cut that *** out.
Hey, what's up, Vero?
Um, we're actually here to see Fat*.
- Hey, Luis.
It's been too long.
That's so nice that you decided to stop by.
Come on in.
- Come on.
My boy.
- These were his favorites.
- Mm. I like your style.
Quick and easy.
- Man, can't believe he died.
Really?
I mean, his name was Fat*.
- What you trying to say?
- You don't exactly meet a lot of old fools named Fat*.
- Obesity does account for 18% of all male deaths
over the age of 40.
Excuse me.
But my husband's weight had nothing to do with his passing.
It was a car crash.
Texting and driving.
- The silent killer.
- Wow. - That is a lot to take in, Luis.
I think you should take the day to process this loss.
I don't think you're in the right space to fight that fool Davonte.
- Davonte? - Yeah.
- Fatass hated that ***er.
You gotta kick that fool's *.
- I'll be honored to kick his *.
For Fat*.
- You know, Luis, right before Fat* died,
he said something about you.
- For real? What did he say?
- Yeah, he said you owed him $20.
- Oh, yeah, uh--
No problem. Give me $20.
- You, uh, you think I could get your number?
Respectfully.
For Fat*.
- ***ers are good.
Damn, got some nasty throat acid or some ***.
- That's what you get for eating all those Bagel Bites.
You probably ***ed up your esophagus.
- Esopha these nuts.
- Wait. What? - Shut up.
Luckily, I got a homey who lives just a few blocks from here.
Assuming he's not dead, he'll roll with us for sure.
Hey, goddamn.
That *** smell like some cheap-* Chef Boyardee ***, man.
Crack the *** window in this ***.
Man, *** Davonte, homey.
I'm still banned from Magic Mountain from that last time we jumped him.
You know I'd love to kick that fool's * one last time,
***, but I can't, dawg.
My sciatic nerve's been acting up, homey.
That's bull***.
Quit making excuses and come back up your homeboy.
- Hey, hold up.
Sciatic nerve pain is no joke.
Where's the problem?
- It's in my L4, L5, dawg.
- Damn, mine's L5 and S1.
- Damn. - Wait. Does yours radiate down your leg?
- ***, like a ***er, homey.
Oh, ***, I feel you, man.
My spine specialist said I probably gotta get
one of those microdiscectomies.
- Oh, ***, for real? - Yeah!
- Man, I'll pray for you. - Please.
That's rough, homey,
but it might not all be bad news.
My homeboy had that same operation.
He said a couple of months of physical therapy, he was right back--
- Hey, come on, y'all, stay focused!
We're talking about busting heads, not broken backs and ***.
- Damn, my boy. I wish I could join you.
I really can't risk it, dawg.
You know-- Hey, do me a solid, homey.
Take my son.
He needs to get toughened up, dawg.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot you had a morro.
How old is he now?
- I don't *** know, dawg, like 12 or some ***.
Hey, Junior, come here!
Junior, this is my homeboy Luis.
- You ready to get into a gang fight, Junior?
- Like West Side Story?
I'll go get changed.
- ***in' loves that movie, dawg.
By the way, you still owe me 20 *** bucks, homes.
- Yeah, don't trip on me, I got it.
- So are you like the Sharks or the Jets?
- Whichever one you want.
- Okay. Then we're the Sharks, obviously.
- What the *** are you talking about?
- Hey, you good?
- My stomach and my throat are pretty ***ed up.
- Dawg, you probably got acid reflux.
- My dad has acid reflux.
He says that's what happens when you get old.
- Hey, if you're not feeling good,
we should just reschedule the fight.
- ***, no!
This ain't Google Calendars, this is real life.
- We should at least stop by the store and get you some probiotics.
Those always help me.
- Alright, alright.
Give me some of those antibiotics they put up your culo.
It's not how you take them, idiot.
You take them orally.
- I'm not taking *** orally.
- But that's how you take them.
- Yeah, yeah, that's how you take them. Ugh!
- Did you just say you take a *** orally?
Yo, y'all are nasty.
There's a little boy in this car.
***in' his little brain up. Mm-hmm-hmm.
Hey, kid.
This is what me and your jefe used to do all the time back in the day.
- You used to steal Tums with my dad?
- We used to steal all kinds of *** from this store.
They got a no chase policy.
So once you make it past the exit, you're untouchable.
Code green on aisle two.
- Here, Julio, help me sell some of these cupcakes.
- I got you.
- Boy, oh, boy!
These sure are some yummy-* cupcakes.
- And for a great cause?
Don't mind if I do.
Cupcakes. Cupcakes.
- ***, do you want me to relapse?
Do you realize how high of a *** recidivism rate
I'm up against? Do you?
Why don't you buy a ***in' cupcake?
Keep a nigga off the streets.
Thank you. Red velvet is an amazing choice.
- Alright, let's hit these calles.
- Wait, you didn't buy anything?
- Run, ***.
- Hugs Not Thugs is does not condone this,
but the cupcakes are bomb.
- Toma! Pssh!
- Luis, you ***in' idiot. You could have got us arrested.
- Hey, his pops wanted me to toughen him up.
I don't want the poor kid to grow up and be like you.
- I love being in a gang.
- Yeah, you ***in' do.
Hey, mijo, check this out.
Me and your pops used to do this to freak girls out.
My ***in' neck!
- Fool, this is why you gotta stretch.
Shut up, ***!
***. I'm fine, alright?
- I'm still down to fight. - That's the spirit!
After all, did Maria give up after Tony murdered her brother?
- No. She dated him.
- Yo, I don't know what this little ***er talkin' about,
man, but it's motivatin'!
- Hey, hey, make a left right here, Julio.
We still got plenty more boys to hit up.
I'm tired of hearing this stupid-* song.
Oh, ***!
- Oh, man, it sounded like you pinched a nerve.
- Dawg, can we quit this *** yet?
This ain't working.
- No, no, no, no. I still got one last boy, alright?
This fool used to be down for anything.
He was our wild card.
Damn, he probably doesn't even live here anymore.
Hmm.
- Luis?
- Hey, I know you probably moved on
and evolved as a person or whatever,
uh, but if you're down, which I'm sure you're not,
a few of us are gonna go *** up that fool Davonte.
- Oh, *** yeah, perro!
I'm down.
I'm tired of this square-* life.
- Really? - Yeah.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
- Let's kill this ***er!
- Slow down, perro.
We're just trying to throw some putasos.
- Hey, no half measures.
If we're gonna do this, we're gonna ***in' do right!
- Right. No, no, yeah. No, you're right.
Uh, the only thing is, homey, we forgot our cuetes,
so that's the only problem.
- Oh, don't worry about it. I got you fools. How many you need?
- Uh... maybe four.
- I want a knife.
- A knife?
- I wanna feel it.
- Yeah, homey, so I guess three cuetes and a filero.
- And a gl* of water.
- Coming right up.
We gonna die tonight, my boy!
- Yeah.
Honey, I'm going out with the boys.
Don't wait up.
- Run, ***!
***!
- Hey, wait!
Luis!
You still owe me 20 bucks!
What the--
Hey.
- I'm sad I didn't get the *** you up, Julio.
***, man. Until next time, man.
Wa-da-ba-da, boom, boom!
Clink, clink, boy.
I'd have rearranged your whole ***.
Yeah.
- All my boys abandoned me.
I'm all alone in this world.
No boys to call my own.
- Dawg, I'm your boy.
- You're not my ***in' boy.
You're my ***-* cousin who's been complaining all day.
- Too scared to throw putasos.
What the ***?
- *** you, dawg! I'm not your ***in' boy?
I've been driving you around all ***in' day.
I'm doing my best to help you.
You're the one being a little ***.
Let's go throw down.
- For what? We're just gonna get our *es beat.
- Then let's go get our *es beat together, like boys.
'Cause you might know about winning fights,
but I'm an expert in getting my * whooped.
You ain't *** in this city if you haven't beat my *.
And I'm down 100 bucks, so now I wanna ***in' fight.
- Damn. You're serious.
- Goddamn right.
What the ***?
Are we gonna do this or what?
- Let's go.
In the back, Junior.
Come on, Luis.
- Hey.
They're here.
- So where your boys? - Where are your boys?
- They were preoccupied. I got busy boys.
But the boys I did bring are finna beat your *.
- You wanna bet? - Yeah.
- Imma do you like Chino did Tony.
- Yeah, let's do this. I'll *** you up, old man.
- Who are you?
Where am I? What's going on?
- We talked about this, Grandpa.
I'm your grandson. You my boy.
And I busted you outta that nursing home so we could whoop on some Mexicans.
What happened to Fat*?
- He's not with us anymore. - Damn.
- What happened to Bust-a-Nut?
- He's in heaven now.
With my Uncle Charles.
Texting and driving.
- It's an epidemic, homey.
Sorry for your loss. - Yeah. You too.
So I guess ***'s different now, huh?
- Hey, I came here for a gang fight.
If we ain't gonna bust heads, I wanna go home.
- Hold up. Look over there.
Ohh!
- Take that ***er! - Get him!
Come on, man!
Yeah, kick his *.
Come on, come on.
Ohh!
Damn, he got knocked the *** out.