Miss Dean?
Sorry?
What are the three polymorphic qualities of the sunflower?
Polymorphic qualities?
It can be more than one thing.
Uh... Right.
Yes, uh, the sunflower...
is a food.
It is also, um...
an anti-inflammatory medicine,
and it is also...
quite fetching.
Well, not bad for not paying attention.
Yes, the sunflower is food and medicine,
but it is also a hyperaccumulator,
which means it can remove
radiation and heavy metals from contaminated soil.
So it is a very powerful...
and yes, very pretty...
flower,
my queen.
Hyperaccumulator.
Okay. So, you can see it's bringing up all of the heavy metals.
The lead, the zinc, the nickel...
- Hey. - Hi.
- It's still bleeding. - Okay, yeah, just...
just give it a minute.
Sam, we should go to the ER.
Then our parents will know we ditched.
- You might have a bruise. - Yeah.
Nothing makeup can't fix.
But you're homecoming queen.
Gender neutral royalty.
No.
No, definitely a queen.
I've been practicing my wave.
That's very elegant.
I am British.
You know, you're not taking this very seriously.
It's just a thing that happened.
No, you made this happen with your video.
I just wanted to make people feel good.
I didn't mean to generate a following, or become an influencer,
or a queen.
You know when my dad used to take me hunting,
he'd tell me Arthurian legends.
Now, I hated hunting,
but I liked pretending that I was a knight,
King Arthur.
I'd make myself a sword
and a shield with three crowns,
just like Arthur.
I'd go on quests through the forest searching for my Guinevere.
Hey. Guinevere was Lancelot's sidepiece.
Only in some versions, yes.
In others, she was kidnapped by King Melwas.
King Arthur spent a year gathering an army just to rescue her.
But Arthur and Guinevere fought monsters, and witches, and Amazons.
Guinevere wanted to save the world.
You wanted to save the world.
You are a queen.
I'm sorry I broke your face.
It'll get better,
the *.
It's just those sheets, man.
- I thought satin would be romantic. - Yeah. Very, very romantic.
Unfortunately, one cannot achieve thrust against satin.
I didn't think you wanted to look at Yoda or Luke Skywalker.
You know * doesn't have to be on a bed.
It could be...
on a table,
a chair,
a sofa,
the kitchen counter, if you're both the right height,
the bathroom, the shower,
but not every shower.
The one with the bench or the cubbyhole.
What you're really looking for is leverage.
That is a lot of places.
Not really.
I mean, I haven't had *...
uh, on a boat, or a train,
most modes of transportation.
Blimps. No blimps.
Not that one does much blimp riding.
I mean, zeppelins might come back into fashion,
but I don't think I'll ever be into public fornication.
Your face has gone all pouty.
I'm... I'm fine.
No one's first time is good.
I thought it was our first time.
The satin sheets.
- Of course. - I thought this was special.
It is special.
It's not exactly how I pictured it.
Satin sheets and a broken hymen?
How many people have you slept with?
Was it with anyone that I know?
Does it matter?
No.
Okay, that pause was so big,
they're gonna use it as the mansion on the next season of The Bachelor.
It doesn't matter, okay? Just forget it.
The peas are melting.
Twenty-two.
I've slept with 22 people.
Wait.
Thirty...
ish.
Or was it 40?
Forty-three.
Fifty blokes...
and girls,
and a contortionist from Cirque du Soleil,
and Hoyles.
Twice.
It's just a question.
- I'm just curious. - Does it change how you see me?
I just don't know why you didn't tell me about this, Sam.
I don't know why I would.
Because we're together?
It's not 1950. I'm not your girl.
We're what, then?
You are such a child.
The consent app has my * history.
Take a gander if you're so * curious.
I may not be a virgin, Josh,
but you did make me bleed.
That...
That's my mom's bedroom!
Sam?
Sam!
You don't know enough about me to know if you love me.
Whoa, are...
Are you crying?
No.
It's just...
everyone has this idea about me...
but no one knows me.
I mean, they want me to carry roses on the homecoming float.
- Roses. - What's wrong with roses?
A homecoming queen with roses. My sash should say #obvious.
Oh, being homecoming queen is a big deal.
Why are you hating on it?
I only won because of that stupid video.
Everyone loves your video.
Have you read the comments?
@LoboLover said,
"I bet Sam Dean thinks her British accent makes her sound charming,
but really she sounds like Arya Stark's incest baby."
User 5318008 said,
"I like Sam's video. The only thing it's missing is *...
because she has none."
Those are just haters and trolls.
Everyone needed to see how amazing you are.
But that's not me, Josh.
It's the best parts of me cut together with great music.
I wish you hadn't posted it.
What kind of flower would you rather carry?
A sunflower.
Sunflowers are polymorphs.
They can be more than one thing at once.
They're food, medicine,
and they can even absorb heavy metals and radiation.
We, you and I, Josh,
we've got to be sunflowers.
This is the time
we're supposed to experiment,
find who we are.
But how can I when I am terrified
that some * out there is going to post a comment that shreds my soul?
I should be able to * whoever I want, whenever I want without judgment.
Before today, you thought I was a virgin,
and now I'm what?
The neighborhood bicycle?
Queen Guinevere, the Skunked of Avalon?
Why do you get to be a stud if you bang me,
but I'm an easy * oven if I have * with anyone else?
You want a girly-friend.
A sweetheart.
A blow-up doll who will do the things that you want her to do.
Well, guess what, Wheeler?
I might wanna be polyamorous.
I might wanna join a thruple,
or be *, or demi, or gyne.
The dusty, old names like "virgin" and "*"
were made by men to put women
in Barbie doll packages with easy to read labels.
Well,
I'm no queen.
I am not a queen.
Not a queen,
or a slag,
or the saint that everyone seems to think I am on social media.
I'm a kid.
I don't know who I am.
I know who you are.
Who am I?
You're Sam Dean.
My dad...
My dad died.
Josh, I am so sorry. I...
Is there anything I can do?
You're gonna be late for your homecoming game.
I can miss it.
Just go.
Please.
- I don't think you should be alone. - I mean it, Sam. Go!
Leave me alone!
What?
Why are you mad at me?
He was dying.
And I was too distracted trying to get into your pants.
That's not fair.
You think you're so smart...
and experienced, that the world is this amazing place, but it's not.
People are awful.
And you have no idea what pain and rejection feel like.
You have no idea how real people feel.
How I feel!
You have all of these friends
and people that love you, genuinely love you.
You're beautiful. You're homecoming queen.
Yeah.
I feel so awful for you.
Your life must be terrible.
You have everything in the world that normal people want,
and you're still complaining.
I mean, come on! Do you even hear yourself?
You're upset.
You don't mean any of that.
Yeah.
Why don't you go and * Andy...
or Scooter...
or Noah?
* Hoyles!
You looked on my phone.
You looked at the consent app!
Josh!
You wanna know who you are?
You're a *, Samaira.
We're supposed to be spending this time finding out who we really are,
and you, my friend, are the only one who's brave enough to try.
That is why you're royalty.
I'm just tryin' to survive.
I got friends.
Finding that one person who really gets...
There are so many conditions on unconditional love.