WEBVTT

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Thank you
for visiting Phoenix Parks.

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I hope y'all come back soon.
Safe trip! Take care now.

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Don't sue.

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Please say cheese.

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Next. Say cheese.

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-Next.

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Thank you.
Okay. Say cheese.

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-And next.
-Come on, little girl.

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Come on.

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-Oh, come on, Norma.

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-Norma?

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It's okay, blossom.

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Buster Scruffs wants to meet ya.

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Hello!

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So sorry, why is the line
not moving? Is there a problem?

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What's wrong, little girl?

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What's wrong?

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Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now say "door."

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-Door.

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Okay, okay. Uh, now say "pumpkin."

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Uh… Pumpkin.

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Oh, oh, okay.

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Now say, mmm, "indubitably."

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In-jupitoo-boop-bo.

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Indubi-tu-poo-tep.

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Indubiti-bark-ffrt-ai-ha!

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-Okay, say it again. Say it again.

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-Oh, Pugsley. One more go.
-Indu--

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What the heck is going on here?

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Despite your valiant efforts
to rid me of my demonic curse,

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it appears I still have the ability
to talk to people if I--

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-How did you get here before me?
-Uh…

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Were you here all night?

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Uh, good question,

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but wouldn't you rather, uh,
ask Pugsley a question?

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Like why do dogs sniff each other's *s?

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Well, let me explain.

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For dogs, one smell
is worth a thousand barks.

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For instance, Norma,
I know you had eggs for breakfast.

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Ha! Wrong.

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Two days ago, with avocado and…

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-Huh?
-…chili flakes.

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-How could you--

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Ah! Ah! Stop it!

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Well, I could listen to you
all day long, Pugsley.

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All these years,
I've been blabbering on to you.

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It's about time you got a chance
to say something back.

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Would you like to know
what your * smells tell me?

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-Stop doing that.

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This is all the stuff that the old
Dead End employees had on 'em

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when they die…

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Disappeared.

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Mysteriously.

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-Might help you blend in.

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Ooh, a fez.

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Ooh! That's lucky.

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Park pass. Great, we need that.

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Oh. Yeah, right.

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I was talking about this.

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Ew, powdered gravy mix?

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Lunch!

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Barney,
do you know what this means?

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Uh, your new name is Jennifer?

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No, a gold pass means
all access to every part of the park.

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You mean we could go
on every ride, every restaurant,

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every secret location whenever we want?

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Yeah, but first…

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Mandatory employee initiation!

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Hello, newbies. Welcome to Phoenix Parks.

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My name is Badyah Hassan
and I'll be your guide today--

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Oh, uh, okay. Uh, yes?

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When will we get to meet Pauline Phoenix?

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Uh, well, she doesn't usually
come to staff meetings.

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She's a very busy woman.

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Barney, did you hear that? She's busy.

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That means a new album is coming.

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Ugh. How long is this gonna go on for?

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Oh, I'm hoping for the three-hour version.

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Sorry to keep you waiting.

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Hi, I'm Logan Nguyen.

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Ugh. That's like a full day in dog hours.

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Oh, neat. Is that a new mascot?

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-No, I'm Pugsley.
-Uh, yeah.

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Norma, I'm sure you've got
some great mascot facts, right?

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Well, they retired all the original
mascots about ten years ago…

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I thought
you were excited that I could talk.

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Oh, yeah, totally.

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Just… just not here, or in public.

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We can talk all you like at home.

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Oh. Okay.

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Listen, buddy,
after all that happened yesterday,

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your safety is my first priority.

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I am not gonna leave your side.

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Okay, who wants to be my partner?

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Hi, I'm Barney.

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Oh, hi, Barney. What do you do?

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Oh, uh, I work out.
I travel. I'm a foodie.

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No, no, I mean at the park.

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Uh, yeah.

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-Huh?
-Will we do the original Starter Tour?

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Or the slightly revised Starter Tour 2.0,

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which includes
the customer service simulator?

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Maybe you would like
to lead the tour yourself.

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Good morning, everyone.
I'll be your guide, Norma.

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And in a moment,
we'll be boarding the monorail.

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I was joking, but sure, go ahead.

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This is the model S426B,
introduced 14 years ago.

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Note the faulty
air conditioning.

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Okay, everybody aboard
the mandatory initiation express.

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Barney, Barney, Barney, Barney.

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Those doors are horrible.

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They're even worse than the hand dryers
at the Dinosaur Restaurant.

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Keep it down.

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-What was that?
-Nothing, nothing.

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I sometimes, I just…
I talk to myself, not in like a weird way.

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In, like, a really, really,
really cool way.

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Meat.

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Meat.

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Welcome, everybody,
to the new Starter 2.0, the Extended Cut.

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Settle in and let's get the show
on the road, or should I say rail?

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Here we go.

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On your left,
you'll see the Western Walkway,

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inspired by Pauline's early…

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…and that's why Pauline
never worked in Hollywood again.

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On that note, we've come to the end
of the extended Starter Tour 2.0.

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I hope you've all had a blast.
I know I have!

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Yeah, I probably
shouldn't have allowed that.

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Is it me or did that seem really long?

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Oh, uh, did it? I didn't notice.

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Okay.

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Come on, Pugsley. You can do this.

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-Okay.
-Uh, Barney?

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To wrap things up, let's do a pop quiz.

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Barney. Barney. Barney…

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…guest on fire, should you,
A, leave them alone.

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B, refund their ticket. C, ask…

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I want to get off!

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-Oh! What was that?

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Hello?

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Oh, no.

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-Okay.

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Okay. Oh, no. Okay.

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This is not okay.

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And remember, as Pauline always says,
if you see anything suspicious…

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Just keep it to yourself, darlin'.

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Meat!

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-It got Josh! It got Josh!

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Barney, quick!

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-But he's got Josh.

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Barney, come on!

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Wait, where's Pugsley?
I need to go back and get him.

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Barney, we have to keep going.

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No! Pugsley could be in danger.

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If we go back up there,
we'll be in danger too!

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-But he's gone.
-Barney.

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If you want to find Pugsley,
we have to find another way out of here.

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What is this place?

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This is the under-park,

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an ingenious network of tunnels
with secret entrances hidden everywhere!

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How do you know about all this?

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I didn't spend ten years
obsessing over old park maps for nothing.

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Uh, I see why they leave
this part off the tour.

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Hey, mortals.

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Courtney?

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How's your first day going?

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Ugh, we're being chased
by a flesh-eating monster.

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Ooh, so pretty good, right?

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Wait, is that Pugsley's hat?

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Huh? I don't know.
I just found it back there.

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Show me.

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Oh, please just eat me quickly.
Eat me quickly.

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Huh? Wait, you're…

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You're mascots?

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Meat.

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Meat.

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Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't eat kids.

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If you're hungry,
I can get you some dog chow.

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It's 5% meat.

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Meat!

00:12:05.275 --> 00:12:08.691
And here we go.
This is where I found the hat.

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Don't say I never take you anywhere nice.

00:12:12.108 --> 00:12:13.733
Isn't this place amazing?

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Wow! I never thought I'd get to see these.

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So clever, so utilitarian.

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-Meat!
-Huh?

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Oh, Pugsley.
What if I never get to see him again?

00:12:30.983 --> 00:12:32.983
Guys, guys, you gotta come see this.

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-Meat.
-Meat.

00:12:37.025 --> 00:12:38.525
-That's it. That's it.

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No need to push.
There's room for everyone.

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Psst, Pugsley. Pugsley, over here.

00:12:43.233 --> 00:12:46.233
-Oh, hey, Barney, how'd--

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Behind you.

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Oh, oh, yeah. I know.
I'm helping them get what they truly want.

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What are you doing?

00:12:53.691 --> 00:12:55.900
Yeah, I just told you that.

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All the mascots want is to go out and--

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This is very bad, Pugsley.

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Bad Pugsley!

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Me bad? You abandoned me.

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-Bad Barney!
-Bad Pugsley.

00:13:05.775 --> 00:13:07.525
-Bad Barney.
-Bad Pugsley.

00:13:07.608 --> 00:13:09.816
-Bad Barney.
-No, bad Pugsley.

00:13:09.900 --> 00:13:12.441
-Bad Barney! Bad Barney!
-Bad Pugsley! Bad Pugsley!

00:13:12.525 --> 00:13:14.525
-Bad Barney!
-Oh, you're impossible!

00:13:14.608 --> 00:13:18.608
Why can't you just be
like you used to be?

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You know what, Barney?

00:13:21.650 --> 00:13:23.483
You sound just like Grammy Gram.

00:13:35.983 --> 00:13:38.816
Okay, guys, time for your comeback!

00:13:38.900 --> 00:13:41.775
Meat!

00:13:43.650 --> 00:13:45.983
I heard Jennifer Swan
joined a traveling theater group.

00:13:47.025 --> 00:13:50.275
I'm sure I saw her working
at Frank's Dune Buggy Emporium.

00:13:54.608 --> 00:13:56.108
Okay?

00:14:02.400 --> 00:14:05.025
Look, Grandpa!
It's Barf the Bear.

00:14:05.108 --> 00:14:08.733
I remember these old mascots
from back in my day.

00:14:08.816 --> 00:14:10.775
Hello.

00:14:13.316 --> 00:14:15.566
Meat!

00:14:16.191 --> 00:14:18.150
-I don't recall them doing that.

00:14:21.233 --> 00:14:23.733
-Mmm-hmm? What can I get ya?

00:14:24.275 --> 00:14:26.483
-Meat!

00:14:26.566 --> 00:14:28.816
-Meat!

00:14:28.900 --> 00:14:31.733
Meat! Meat!

00:14:33.400 --> 00:14:36.191
Oops. Bad Pugsley.

00:14:44.983 --> 00:14:46.316
I can't believe that dog.

00:14:46.400 --> 00:14:48.983
I do not sound like Grammy Gram.

00:14:49.066 --> 00:14:50.150
Quick.

00:14:50.233 --> 00:14:52.983
We gotta find Pugsley
before he does something stupid.

00:14:53.566 --> 00:14:55.733
-Meat!
-Too late.

00:14:58.150 --> 00:14:59.608
Barney, this is bad.

00:15:00.150 --> 00:15:03.441
Bad. Yeah, he called me bad,
can you believe that?

00:15:03.525 --> 00:15:05.191
I'm the only one
that knows what he's going through.

00:15:05.275 --> 00:15:06.441
I'm just trying to protect him.

00:15:06.525 --> 00:15:09.191
Wait, you're trying
to protect him?

00:15:09.275 --> 00:15:10.691
By hiding him away?

00:15:10.775 --> 00:15:12.150
Yeah, what's wrong with that? Ugh!

00:15:12.233 --> 00:15:14.150
Why can't he go back to my Pugsley, and--

00:15:14.233 --> 00:15:15.775
-Hold it!

00:15:15.858 --> 00:15:16.900
-Wait.
-Oh, no.

00:15:18.650 --> 00:15:20.316
I do sound like Grammy Gram.

00:15:22.941 --> 00:15:25.441
-Meat.

00:15:30.691 --> 00:15:32.400
Meat!

00:15:32.483 --> 00:15:34.608
-What now?
-Uh… See ya.

00:15:35.733 --> 00:15:37.108
Eh. Fair enough.

00:15:37.191 --> 00:15:39.275
-Meat.
-Ah!

00:15:39.358 --> 00:15:41.108
Meat!

00:15:41.191 --> 00:15:42.650
No, no, no, no, no.

00:15:42.733 --> 00:15:44.525
No, please. No!

00:15:45.816 --> 00:15:48.275
Meat. Meat.

00:15:48.358 --> 00:15:49.816
Someone please!

00:15:58.483 --> 00:16:00.441
You're welcome.

00:16:00.525 --> 00:16:03.691
"Fur-ever pals."

00:16:03.775 --> 00:16:05.191
Meet!

00:16:05.275 --> 00:16:07.650
And greet.

00:16:07.733 --> 00:16:09.358
Pugsley was right!

00:16:09.441 --> 00:16:12.566
Yeah, he was right. I am a bad Barney.

00:16:12.650 --> 00:16:14.275
-Huh? No.

00:16:14.358 --> 00:16:16.066
I was talking about the mascots.

00:16:16.150 --> 00:16:18.900
They don't want to eat people.
They want to meet people.

00:16:19.483 --> 00:16:21.108
Meet!

00:16:22.608 --> 00:16:25.775
Oh, God. No don't… don't run.
They don't want to hurt you.

00:16:25.858 --> 00:16:28.441
They want to befriend you.
They want to meet you!

00:16:30.816 --> 00:16:31.900
Meet!

00:16:39.775 --> 00:16:41.316
-Meet!

00:16:47.233 --> 00:16:49.400
Meet!

00:16:49.483 --> 00:16:51.858
-Please, stop. Ugh.

00:16:52.566 --> 00:16:55.066
Why is nobody listening to me?

00:16:55.150 --> 00:16:57.566
I am listening to you.

00:16:58.275 --> 00:17:00.608
And I should've listened to you all along.

00:17:00.691 --> 00:17:03.233
You're right, Pugsley.
Mascots don't mean us any harm.

00:17:03.316 --> 00:17:07.816
No, Barney, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

00:17:07.900 --> 00:17:10.400
I didn't want to create panic
across the park.

00:17:10.483 --> 00:17:13.233
-Don't worry. We've got a plan.

00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:16.650
Everyone,
this is your one-minute warning

00:17:16.733 --> 00:17:19.025
for the Phoenix Parks daily mascot parade!

00:17:19.108 --> 00:17:23.650
I repeat, the daily mascot parade
will be starting shortly in Main Street.

00:17:23.733 --> 00:17:24.733
Join the fun.

00:17:24.816 --> 00:17:26.816
Come on, come on, bookmarks.
Don't fail me now.

00:17:26.900 --> 00:17:29.108
Yes, for the last time, I accept cookies.

00:17:29.191 --> 00:17:30.191
Ah, gotcha!

00:17:30.816 --> 00:17:31.775
What is she doing?

00:17:31.858 --> 00:17:33.941
Oh, she's got it all figured out.

00:17:34.025 --> 00:17:36.650
And so have I. I…

00:17:36.733 --> 00:17:38.233
I won't hide you away again.

00:17:39.650 --> 00:17:40.900
Time to meet the public.

00:17:42.441 --> 00:17:43.733
What do you say?

00:17:44.316 --> 00:17:45.941
Indubitably.

00:17:46.525 --> 00:17:50.983
1982 full recording Phoenix Parks Parade,
here we go.

00:17:54.233 --> 00:17:55.858
-Meet. Huh?

00:17:55.941 --> 00:17:57.816
Meet… Oh.

00:17:57.900 --> 00:18:00.858
Meet.

00:18:03.275 --> 00:18:04.858
Meet!

00:18:05.441 --> 00:18:09.316
Meet. Meet.

00:18:09.400 --> 00:18:11.358
It's working. It's working!

00:18:24.191 --> 00:18:26.400
Smile and wave. Smile and wave.

00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:35.816
-This is more like it!

00:18:38.358 --> 00:18:39.483
Meet!

00:18:40.733 --> 00:18:42.691
What was all this about?

00:18:42.775 --> 00:18:44.691
Just keep it to yourself, darlin'.

00:18:46.775 --> 00:18:47.816
It's working!

00:18:48.358 --> 00:18:50.650
Feels like it's missing
that Pauline magic.

00:18:52.275 --> 00:18:54.066
Aha! Now we're talking.

00:19:05.775 --> 00:19:08.191
Okay, yup. In you go.

00:19:08.275 --> 00:19:10.566
Nice, yes. Nice to meet you.

00:19:25.608 --> 00:19:27.066
Ah, these stink.

00:19:28.191 --> 00:19:31.733
I'm getting chlorine
and notes of walnut,

00:19:31.816 --> 00:19:34.191
and, oh, cheese gas.

00:19:39.441 --> 00:19:42.691
This is perfect.
I could do my laundry here.

00:19:42.775 --> 00:19:45.233
-Why can't you do that at home?
-Um…

00:19:45.316 --> 00:19:47.483
So you did stay the night.

00:19:47.566 --> 00:19:49.566
I knew it. Why would you do that?

00:19:49.650 --> 00:19:51.650
I, uh… I…

00:19:52.275 --> 00:19:54.650
I just can't be at home right now, okay?

00:19:54.733 --> 00:19:57.025
I'm gonna stay here for a few days.
Pugsley too.

00:19:57.108 --> 00:19:59.191
I don't think that's allowed, Barney.

00:20:00.566 --> 00:20:05.191
This is the first place I've ever felt
like I could just truly be myself.

00:20:05.275 --> 00:20:07.066
But that's how I feel.

00:20:07.150 --> 00:20:09.025
I didn't think you cared about the park.

00:20:09.608 --> 00:20:11.900
It's not the park. It's…

00:20:12.525 --> 00:20:13.358
It's me.

00:20:14.275 --> 00:20:18.733
I'm trans, Norma, and everyone at school
knows and everyone at home knows,

00:20:18.816 --> 00:20:22.441
and being here,
it's like a whole new place.

00:20:22.525 --> 00:20:26.316
I can just be Barney and I can choose
if and when I tell people.

00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:28.691
I've never been happier
and that's saying something

00:20:28.775 --> 00:20:31.816
when I spent today
chased by terrifying zombie mascots.

00:20:32.441 --> 00:20:36.733
Pugsley reminded me how important it is
to live your life without apology.

00:20:37.275 --> 00:20:40.525
So I think I got to give
living here a shot. Don't you?

00:20:40.608 --> 00:20:42.358
You don't need my permission.

00:20:42.441 --> 00:20:44.483
I just wouldn't want Courtney
as a roommate.

00:20:45.483 --> 00:20:48.733
We'll be
the best of friends!

00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:52.816
Just don't touch my dead fly collection.

00:20:52.900 --> 00:20:54.441
Or my alive fly collection.

00:20:54.525 --> 00:20:55.733
Or my stamps.

00:20:56.650 --> 00:20:58.066
Okay.

00:21:02.566 --> 00:21:03.858
What I still don't understand

00:21:03.941 --> 00:21:06.150
is how did those things come alive
in the first place?

00:21:06.233 --> 00:21:09.483
Hmm, I got a few theories.

00:21:27.858 --> 00:21:31.025
Powers, powers, power… Yes!

00:21:31.691 --> 00:21:35.233
Temeluchus commanded
armies of empty suits of armor,

00:21:35.316 --> 00:21:38.566
piloting them with memories
like ghosts raised from the dead.

00:21:38.650 --> 00:21:39.900
Bingo!

00:21:39.983 --> 00:21:42.775
I knew I'd seen
this mascot parade somewhere.

00:21:42.858 --> 00:21:45.066
Oh, boy.

00:21:45.650 --> 00:21:48.191
You're still in that dog, Your Majesty.

00:21:48.275 --> 00:21:51.191
Just a shred, but that's enough for me.

00:21:51.275 --> 00:21:53.233
I'm going home!

00:21:54.191 --> 00:21:56.525
Hey, Courtney! Courtney!

00:21:56.608 --> 00:21:58.150
Hey, it's Pugsley!

00:21:58.733 --> 00:22:00.941
Ah! Hi!