WEBVTT

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Hey, babe.

00:00:04.625 --> 00:00:06.333
Hmm?Coming to bed soon?

00:00:06.375 --> 00:00:08.541
As soon as I'm done making
Shannon's lunch for tomorrow.

00:00:08.625 --> 00:00:10.375
It's kind of like
we're parents, huh?

00:00:10.416 --> 00:00:11.875
Sending our kid off to school
for the first time.Mm.

00:00:11.875 --> 00:00:12.166
Sending our kid off to school
for the first time.Mm.

00:00:12.208 --> 00:00:14.625
Yeah, but instead of a cute
little kid with pigtails,

00:00:14.666 --> 00:00:16.250
it's your 16-year-old
terrifying sister

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with a Hello Kitty bong.

00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:20.666
Which I threw away.

00:00:20.708 --> 00:00:23.333
Look at us.
Making lunches,

00:00:23.375 --> 00:00:25.333
confiscating drug
paraphernalia.

00:00:25.375 --> 00:00:27.041
We are nailing parenting.

00:00:27.083 --> 00:00:28.375
Yeah, we are.

00:00:29.416 --> 00:00:31.375
All right,
catch you fools later.

00:00:31.416 --> 00:00:32.750
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:00:32.791 --> 00:00:34.291
Where are you going?

00:00:34.333 --> 00:00:35.416
Meeting some friends at a club.

00:00:35.458 --> 00:00:36.791
And before you get
all concerned,

00:00:36.875 --> 00:00:38.375
yes, I have my fake ID.

00:00:39.458 --> 00:00:41.166
Shannon, it's 10:30,

00:00:41.208 --> 00:00:43.916
and tomorrow is your
first day at a new school.

00:00:43.958 --> 00:00:45.500
10:30? Good point.
Club'll be empty.

00:00:45.541 --> 00:00:47.166
I'll leave in an hour.

00:00:48.208 --> 00:00:50.166
You're not going anywhere.

00:00:50.208 --> 00:00:52.333
School starts earlier than
you're used to getting up.

00:00:52.333 --> 00:00:54.041
Yes. It's a time called...

00:00:54.041 --> 00:00:55.458
morning.

00:00:56.708 --> 00:00:58.458
The sun is out.
The air is crisp.

00:00:58.500 --> 00:00:59.750
Birds are tweeting.

00:00:59.791 --> 00:01:03.416
Birds can't tweet.

00:01:03.416 --> 00:01:05.541
Sorry, you're
staying in.

00:01:05.583 --> 00:01:07.291
But I don't even want to go
to this stupid school.

00:01:07.333 --> 00:01:08.583
Okay, first of all,

00:01:08.666 --> 00:01:10.125
Theodore Roosevelt High School
is not stupid.

00:01:10.125 --> 00:01:12.666
They have some of the finest
teachers in the city.

00:01:12.708 --> 00:01:14.458
You know what they say
about teachers, right?

00:01:14.458 --> 00:01:16.166
Okay. Those who can't...

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I'm a teacher.

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Let me finish my sentence.

00:01:20.833 --> 00:01:23.500
Those who can't do
anything else...

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teach.

00:01:26.208 --> 00:01:27.416
Uh, Shannon,

00:01:27.500 --> 00:01:29.166
you may not be
into the ancient Greeks

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or anything pre-Snapchat...

00:01:32.166 --> 00:01:34.291
...but Aristotle said,
"The roots of education

00:01:34.375 --> 00:01:35.875
are bitter, but the..."

00:01:35.916 --> 00:01:37.583
Shannon, what are you doing?

00:01:37.583 --> 00:01:40.083
I'm sending
a snap of this to Janelle.

00:01:40.125 --> 00:01:42.083
She's been having trouble
falling asleep recently.

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I thought this might help.

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Why do I even try?

00:01:45.541 --> 00:01:47.666
I don't know.

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All right,
I'm going in my room.

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Oh, has anybody seen
a little Hello Kitty, uh...

00:01:52.375 --> 00:01:54.291
statue that I left out?

00:01:54.333 --> 00:01:55.625
A statue, huh?

00:01:55.666 --> 00:01:57.333
Hmm.
Didn't know you
were into those.

00:01:57.375 --> 00:01:58.625
What does it look like?

00:01:58.666 --> 00:02:02.125
Well, it's got a couple,
um, statue holes and...

00:02:02.208 --> 00:02:04.791
it's got some weed in it.

00:02:04.833 --> 00:02:07.208
I threw your bong away, Shannon.

00:02:07.250 --> 00:02:09.041
And you let him, Clem?
You used to smoke

00:02:09.083 --> 00:02:10.583
all the time
when you were my age.

00:02:10.625 --> 00:02:12.541
Yes, but I'm older now,

00:02:12.583 --> 00:02:14.791
and I'm telling you
to do the opposite.

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Which is the funnest
part of growing up.

00:02:17.541 --> 00:02:18.125
Which is the funnest
part of growing up.

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Right about now, I could use
that Hello Kitty statue.

00:02:31.125 --> 00:02:32.958
Hey, Nick, do you think
Shannon's gonna be okay

00:02:33.041 --> 00:02:35.166
at her new school?I'll tell you what I think.

00:02:35.208 --> 00:02:37.291
I think all we ever talk
about now isShannon.

00:02:37.333 --> 00:02:39.166
Oh, God, you're right.

00:02:39.208 --> 00:02:40.750
We're like
those annoying parents

00:02:40.791 --> 00:02:43.500
who can't stop talking
about how great their kids are.

00:02:43.500 --> 00:02:47.250
Except we're not parents
and our kid *s.

00:02:47.333 --> 00:02:50.083
You know what makes us different
than those parents? We're young,

00:02:50.125 --> 00:02:51.375
we're hot,

00:02:51.416 --> 00:02:53.000
and we do it all the time.

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We diddo it
all the time...

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till Shannon moved in.

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Maybe that's why we've been at
each other's throats lately.

00:02:59.583 --> 00:03:00.875
Have we?

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Yeah, like the other day,
you got mad at me

00:03:02.458 --> 00:03:03.750
when I accidentally
broke the blender.

00:03:03.833 --> 00:03:06.000
Who puts frozen mango
in a blender with no water?

00:03:06.041 --> 00:03:08.291
That's how you make
a mango shake!

00:03:09.458 --> 00:03:11.625
Look at us.
We're doing it again.

00:03:11.666 --> 00:03:14.000
Yeah, 'cause, again,
we're not doing it.

00:03:15.458 --> 00:03:17.583
It's hard having Shannon
in our space.

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But tomorrow,
once school starts,

00:03:19.208 --> 00:03:21.750
we're gonna get a lot of
structure back into our lives,

00:03:21.791 --> 00:03:23.625
and maybe we can...

00:03:23.708 --> 00:03:25.708
get back into our routine.

00:03:25.708 --> 00:03:27.500
Wait, you think our *
is routine?

00:03:27.541 --> 00:03:29.583
I mean, maybe steps
one through four,

00:03:29.625 --> 00:03:31.000
but, I mean, come on,
five through 11?

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If she leaves in 30
seconds, one of us

00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:37.416
can still have a
positive experience.

00:03:38.791 --> 00:03:41.208
What? I'm just trying to
salvage something here.

00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:41.541
Shannon!

00:03:41.541 --> 00:03:42.375
All right, I am good to go.

00:03:42.458 --> 00:03:44.000
Now I just need shoes.

00:03:44.041 --> 00:03:46.208
Oh, now she needs shoes.
Okay, well, other people

00:03:46.250 --> 00:03:47.750
in this house have needs, too.

00:03:47.833 --> 00:03:50.166
Now I'm late for work!
Just... "I need shoes."

00:03:50.208 --> 00:03:51.750
You know, there's plenty
of shoes around this house.

00:03:51.833 --> 00:03:54.750
I've bought many shoes. There's
just pairs all in the closet.

00:03:54.750 --> 00:03:57.166
Now you can't find a pair.
This is crazy!

00:03:57.208 --> 00:04:00.083
That dude needs to get laid.

00:04:08.916 --> 00:04:12.541
Hey, hey, now,
this is what I like to see.

00:04:12.583 --> 00:04:15.041
First day of school and already
digging into the homework.

00:04:15.125 --> 00:04:17.541
You bet I am!

00:04:17.583 --> 00:04:19.833
See, I thought that I
wasn't gonna like school,

00:04:19.875 --> 00:04:22.958
but it turns out
I really hate it.

00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:24.875
What you got there?

00:04:24.916 --> 00:04:26.708
Ooh, The Great Gatsby.

00:04:26.750 --> 00:04:29.916
You know, I discover something
new every time I read this book.

00:04:29.916 --> 00:04:31.708
Yeah, our homework assignment
was to read the first chapter,

00:04:31.750 --> 00:04:33.916
and I just have, like,
one question about it.

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Yeah, hit me.What exactly happens
in the first chapter?

00:04:39.791 --> 00:04:41.958
So, Rose, you're picturing
our whole wedding on the beach?

00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:43.458
She's not only picturing it,

00:04:43.500 --> 00:04:45.583
she's been going
up and down Long Island

00:04:45.666 --> 00:04:47.666
looking at sand samples.

00:04:48.666 --> 00:04:50.375
And the best part is,

00:04:50.416 --> 00:04:52.250
when the string quartet
starts to play,

00:04:52.250 --> 00:04:53.958
Nick and his groomsmen

00:04:54.041 --> 00:04:57.250
will come galloping in
on horses.

00:04:59.541 --> 00:05:02.041
Whoa, Ma, don't you think you're
getting a little carried away?

00:05:02.083 --> 00:05:03.333
I mean, horses?

00:05:03.375 --> 00:05:05.750
Oh, you don't know what
"carried away" is.

00:05:05.750 --> 00:05:09.833
My mother took over every
detail of my wedding.

00:05:09.916 --> 00:05:12.291
I didn't have a
say in anything.

00:05:12.333 --> 00:05:14.666
Hmm. I wonder what that's like.

00:05:16.333 --> 00:05:18.250
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
That was rude.

00:05:18.291 --> 00:05:20.833
I've just been
a little on edge lately.

00:05:20.916 --> 00:05:23.500
Gentlemen, would
you let us ladies

00:05:23.500 --> 00:05:25.291
have a moment
alone, please?

00:05:25.333 --> 00:05:28.041
Of course, sweetheart.
Come on, Nick.

00:05:28.125 --> 00:05:29.458
Hey, Dad, uh...

00:05:29.500 --> 00:05:32.458
you can talk her out
of the horses, right?

00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:34.583
That's cute, son.

00:05:36.583 --> 00:05:38.416
So, what's going on, baby?

00:05:38.458 --> 00:05:41.416
Tell Mama Rose all about it.

00:05:41.458 --> 00:05:43.166
Look, it's hard.

00:05:45.458 --> 00:05:47.208
The day after
we got engaged,
Shannon moved in,

00:05:47.291 --> 00:05:49.416
and it's put a little bit
of stress on our relationship.

00:05:49.458 --> 00:05:50.625
I get it.

00:05:50.666 --> 00:05:53.000
Not long after Walt
and I were married,

00:05:53.041 --> 00:05:55.625
I found the cutest
little stray cat

00:05:55.666 --> 00:05:57.916
and brought her home.

00:05:58.000 --> 00:05:59.791
Well, let me tell you,

00:05:59.833 --> 00:06:02.458
that cat got a lot of "D."

00:06:02.541 --> 00:06:04.250
You know what I mean.

00:06:04.291 --> 00:06:06.541
I really hope I don't.

00:06:06.583 --> 00:06:08.666
Diarrhea.

00:06:08.708 --> 00:06:10.666
Oh, thank God.

00:06:10.708 --> 00:06:13.333
But we got through
it, together,

00:06:13.416 --> 00:06:16.291
and our relationship
was stronger for it.

00:06:16.333 --> 00:06:18.708
So, what are you
trying to say?

00:06:18.750 --> 00:06:22.083
Shannon is your
diarrhea cat.

00:06:23.125 --> 00:06:24.833
Ah...

00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:29.166
Look, I know having anyone
new living in your house
is a challenge.

00:06:29.166 --> 00:06:30.583
Shannon's a great kid,
but she...

00:06:30.666 --> 00:06:33.083
Dresses like a
homeless pirate?

00:06:33.125 --> 00:06:37.041
No. I mean, well,
yes, yes, she does, but...

00:06:37.083 --> 00:06:39.875
It's just she...
she's always around.

00:06:39.875 --> 00:06:41.291
I understand, son.

00:06:41.333 --> 00:06:42.250
Figured you would, Dad.

00:06:42.291 --> 00:06:44.583
You're not getting any.Oh!

00:06:45.833 --> 00:06:48.208
I... don't really want
to have that conversation.

00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:50.166
I mean, you got a
teenager living there,

00:06:50.208 --> 00:06:51.791
and you got
some thin walls.

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Please, can we stop?

00:06:53.125 --> 00:06:54.791
I mean, it's fine
when they're babies--

00:06:54.833 --> 00:06:57.333
they don't know what the hell's
going on in the other room.

00:06:57.416 --> 00:07:00.125
They probably think you're
fighting a bear or something.

00:07:00.166 --> 00:07:02.125
Please make it stop.

00:07:02.166 --> 00:07:05.333
You know, when you were 16,
I was starring on Broadway

00:07:05.375 --> 00:07:07.166
as the Wizard in Wicked.

00:07:07.208 --> 00:07:08.375
Remember?

00:07:08.416 --> 00:07:09.708
The Timescalled
my performance

00:07:09.708 --> 00:07:11.500
"a haunting tour de force."

00:07:11.541 --> 00:07:13.708
I don't think
they said that, Dad.

00:07:13.708 --> 00:07:16.375
It was in the subtext.
Anyway...

00:07:16.375 --> 00:07:19.000
your mother used to sneak
away from work at lunch

00:07:19.041 --> 00:07:20.583
and meet me in
my dressing room.

00:07:20.583 --> 00:07:23.083
You want to know why?No, I don't.

00:07:24.583 --> 00:07:26.375
For a nooner.Oh! Okay.

00:07:26.416 --> 00:07:27.666
All right, all right.

00:07:27.708 --> 00:07:29.291
Conversation over.
The subtext is...

00:07:40.833 --> 00:07:43.750
Hey, Clem.

00:07:43.791 --> 00:07:45.208
Am I about
to be murdered?

00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:47.833
I got sent to the principal's
office for no reason,

00:07:47.875 --> 00:07:51.250
so I stood up for myself
and I got a five-day suspension.

00:07:51.250 --> 00:07:53.583
Five days?
Yeah.

00:07:53.666 --> 00:07:58.458
She's gonna be in this house
for five days.

00:08:00.291 --> 00:08:01.708
You got suspended already?

00:08:01.750 --> 00:08:03.291
What is wrong with you?

00:08:03.291 --> 00:08:04.583
Oh, sure.
Take the school's side.

00:08:04.625 --> 00:08:06.166
Dude, you don't even know
what happened.

00:08:06.250 --> 00:08:07.666
Yes, that's exactly
what I'm gonna do,

00:08:07.708 --> 00:08:10.875
because they're the school,
and you're the...

00:08:10.916 --> 00:08:14.000
reason we're not allowed
in Walgreens anymore.

00:08:14.041 --> 00:08:16.791
Whatevs.

00:08:16.833 --> 00:08:18.541
Five days?

00:08:18.625 --> 00:08:20.541
Five days,
that's 120 hou--

00:08:20.625 --> 00:08:20.750
You know, I might as well
get a part-time job.

00:08:25.208 --> 00:08:25.291
because somebody forgot
to buy coffee.

00:08:25.291 --> 00:08:26.750
Principal Kersey,
before we begin,

00:08:26.791 --> 00:08:28.416
I'd like to apologize

00:08:28.458 --> 00:08:30.583
for whatever my sister
said to get her suspended.

00:08:30.625 --> 00:08:32.333
She called me an *.

00:08:32.375 --> 00:08:34.333
No, I didn't.

00:08:34.375 --> 00:08:35.875
I called him a dumb*.

00:08:35.958 --> 00:08:38.500
I'm so sorry.

00:08:38.541 --> 00:08:39.583
And so is my sister.

00:08:39.666 --> 00:08:41.333
Look, I know some students

00:08:41.375 --> 00:08:42.833
may not agree
with the dress code,

00:08:42.875 --> 00:08:45.375
but they cannot react
disrespectfully

00:08:45.416 --> 00:08:47.291
when they're called out
for a violation.

00:08:47.333 --> 00:08:48.750
We totally agree.

00:08:48.833 --> 00:08:51.291
I didn't realize this was
over a dress code violation.

00:08:51.333 --> 00:08:54.250
Oh, yes. The code clearly states
that undergarments,

00:08:54.250 --> 00:08:58.291
such as bra straps, must not
be visible at any time.

00:08:58.291 --> 00:08:59.541
Wait. Really?

00:08:59.583 --> 00:09:01.416
However, since Shannon is new

00:09:01.458 --> 00:09:03.458
and you all have come here
to apologize,

00:09:03.541 --> 00:09:05.333
I would be willing to waive
the suspension.

00:09:05.375 --> 00:09:07.625
That means Shannon's gonna be
in school during lunchtime.

00:09:07.666 --> 00:09:08.666
Thank you, Principal Kersey.
It's been a pleasure.

00:09:08.666 --> 00:09:08.791
Boom!

00:09:11.875 --> 00:09:13.416
Whoa. Shannon.

00:09:13.458 --> 00:09:15.583
What I'm about to tell you
might confuse

00:09:15.666 --> 00:09:17.541
or maybe even scare you.

00:09:19.166 --> 00:09:20.666
But that thing
in your hand,

00:09:20.666 --> 00:09:22.250
it's not a phone.

00:09:24.666 --> 00:09:26.541
It's a book.

00:09:26.541 --> 00:09:29.000
I know. Every time I swipe left,

00:09:29.041 --> 00:09:30.958
it just takes you
to another page.

00:09:32.583 --> 00:09:34.375
I'm proud of you, Shannon.

00:09:34.416 --> 00:09:35.916
Really, I'm impressed.

00:09:35.958 --> 00:09:38.833
Well, I really appreciate it
that you had my back today,

00:09:38.875 --> 00:09:40.833
so I decided,
what the hell?

00:09:40.875 --> 00:09:42.250
Why not give
this whole tedious,

00:09:42.291 --> 00:09:44.625
soul-crushing
school thing a shot?

00:09:44.666 --> 00:09:46.708
That's the spirit.

00:09:48.291 --> 00:09:50.500
Oh, cool.
Janelle's having people over.

00:09:50.500 --> 00:09:52.083
Tonight?

00:09:53.666 --> 00:09:55.500
That's, uh, that-that's great,
right, Nick?

00:09:55.500 --> 00:09:57.375
Uh, yeah. Yeah.

00:09:57.458 --> 00:09:59.208
Yes. Definitely.

00:09:59.208 --> 00:10:01.250
You should go out.

00:10:01.333 --> 00:10:03.708
No.

00:10:03.750 --> 00:10:06.041
I'm staying in
and reading my book.

00:10:06.083 --> 00:10:07.791
Well, don't feel
like you have to.

00:10:07.833 --> 00:10:09.958
I mean, y-you got five days.

00:10:10.041 --> 00:10:12.541
Yeah, I mean, look, I mean,
you're already on page six.

00:10:12.583 --> 00:10:13.625
Six!I mean, you are flying!

00:10:13.625 --> 00:10:14.958
That's a lot.That's-- six!

00:10:18.333 --> 00:10:21.416
Okay, uh...

00:10:21.458 --> 00:10:23.500
I just realized
I'm, like, really hungry,

00:10:23.500 --> 00:10:26.708
so I'm gonna go get a burger,
finish my book.

00:10:26.750 --> 00:10:27.958
Thank God.

00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:30.708
I mean, thank you.
I mean, good for you.

00:10:30.750 --> 00:10:33.166
I'm gonna need 50 bucks.

00:10:33.208 --> 00:10:34.416
50 dollars
for a burger?

00:10:34.458 --> 00:10:36.541
Just give it to her.All right. Okay.

00:10:36.583 --> 00:10:38.208
No pr-- Just take
the whole wallet.

00:10:38.208 --> 00:10:39.916
That's fine,
don't worry about it.

00:10:39.916 --> 00:10:41.166
Bye.

00:10:44.416 --> 00:10:45.708
More wine?

00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:47.875
Baby, what's gotten into you?

00:10:47.958 --> 00:10:49.125
I don't know.

00:10:49.166 --> 00:10:50.666
I was just thinking about

00:10:50.666 --> 00:10:54.791
when I was starring in Wicked,

00:10:54.833 --> 00:10:56.791
and you used to come visit me.

00:10:56.833 --> 00:11:00.000
Oh, I'll never forget.

00:11:00.041 --> 00:11:00.125
Oh.

00:11:00.125 --> 00:11:02.791
Ah, great, you guys are home.

00:11:04.541 --> 00:11:05.583
Clem and Nick
kicked me out.

00:11:05.666 --> 00:11:08.333
What you guys doing?

00:11:08.375 --> 00:11:12.708
Remember that cat
we used to have?

00:11:12.708 --> 00:11:15.208
Indeed, I do.

00:11:15.208 --> 00:11:17.208
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:23.375
So that's the finalized menu
for the wedding.

00:11:23.416 --> 00:11:24.125
Mmm.

00:11:24.208 --> 00:11:26.875
And here is a list of who

00:11:26.916 --> 00:11:29.083
will be walking with whom
down the aisle.

00:11:29.125 --> 00:11:31.708
Isn't she amazing?
She drew tiny bodies,

00:11:31.750 --> 00:11:34.166
went on Facebook,
got everybody's picture,

00:11:34.208 --> 00:11:36.208
and glued their little faces on.

00:11:38.083 --> 00:11:41.000
And yet, somehow,
my fantasy football league

00:11:41.041 --> 00:11:43.250
is a big waste of time.

00:11:44.875 --> 00:11:47.041
This might be a stupid question

00:11:47.083 --> 00:11:48.541
considering
who Nick's friends are,

00:11:48.625 --> 00:11:50.958
but is there any chance
I'm not walking down the aisle

00:11:51.000 --> 00:11:52.458
with a total dork?

00:11:52.541 --> 00:11:55.416
You're, uh, you're with Spence.

00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:57.041
So is he at least,
like, a hot dork?

00:11:57.083 --> 00:11:59.250
Like, what am I dealing
with here?

00:11:59.291 --> 00:12:01.708
Spence is
a very good-looking guy.

00:12:01.750 --> 00:12:04.000
What am I talking about?
You're 16 years old.

00:12:04.041 --> 00:12:05.916
Just shut up and walk.

00:12:07.250 --> 00:12:10.833
Clem, sweetheart,
I created this special page

00:12:10.875 --> 00:12:14.166
of you
in your beautiful gown

00:12:14.208 --> 00:12:16.250
walking down the aisle
with your father Freddy.

00:12:16.291 --> 00:12:18.500
Oh, yeah.

00:12:18.541 --> 00:12:21.500
That's, uh, not happening.

00:12:21.541 --> 00:12:23.541
Sorry, Rose,

00:12:23.583 --> 00:12:26.166
but he doesn't get to be
a lousy father my whole life

00:12:26.208 --> 00:12:28.708
and then swoop in on my wedding
day and give me away.

00:12:28.750 --> 00:12:31.375
Besides, he already tried
to give me away once...

00:12:31.416 --> 00:12:35.250
to the upstairs neighbors
when I was eight.

00:12:35.291 --> 00:12:38.916
The next time I'm in a play
and have to cry on cue,

00:12:38.958 --> 00:12:41.041
I'm gonna use that.

00:12:41.083 --> 00:12:42.666
Well, sweetheart,

00:12:42.708 --> 00:12:44.750
you better tell Freddy he's
not walking you down the aisle

00:12:44.791 --> 00:12:47.000
because I'm pretty sure
he's expecting to.

00:12:47.041 --> 00:12:49.250
Fine. I'll call him.

00:12:49.291 --> 00:12:50.916
Oh, sweetheart,
this isn't something

00:12:50.958 --> 00:12:52.541
you want to do
over the phone.

00:12:52.583 --> 00:12:55.958
The man ended two marriages
over the phone; he'll be fine.

00:12:57.416 --> 00:12:59.208
He didn't actually do that,
did he?

00:12:59.250 --> 00:13:02.500
Walt, I know our dad seems
like a horrible guy,

00:13:02.541 --> 00:13:06.583
but once you get to know him,
he's even worse.

00:13:08.041 --> 00:13:10.250
And don't forget, Shannon,
Sunday the bridesmaids

00:13:10.291 --> 00:13:12.000
have their fittings
for their gowns.

00:13:12.041 --> 00:13:14.208
Ugh. Sorry, Rose, can't.

00:13:14.250 --> 00:13:16.166
Me and my peeps are going
to the Electric Feather

00:13:16.208 --> 00:13:18.291
Music Festival in Pennsylvania
this weekend.

00:13:18.333 --> 00:13:20.208
Excuse me?

00:13:20.250 --> 00:13:21.666
I know what you're gonna say:

00:13:21.708 --> 00:13:23.166
I can't miss school
Friday and Monday.

00:13:23.208 --> 00:13:27.041
But this festival is
a learning experience.

00:13:27.083 --> 00:13:30.916
Do you know what's an even
better learning experience?

00:13:30.958 --> 00:13:33.583
Having your * in school.

00:13:35.333 --> 00:13:39.125
There is no way you're going
to a music festival, Shannon.

00:13:39.166 --> 00:13:42.041
It's 50 acres
of drugs, drinking,

00:13:42.083 --> 00:13:43.750
nudity,
and the Dave Matthews Band.

00:13:43.791 --> 00:13:44.958
Oh, my God.

00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:47.875
Clem, please.

00:13:47.916 --> 00:13:50.583
You can trust me.

00:13:50.625 --> 00:13:53.583
I will not see the
Dave Matthews Band.

00:13:56.416 --> 00:13:58.083
Well, that's done.

00:13:58.125 --> 00:14:00.875
I told my dad that he's not
walking me down the aisle.

00:14:00.916 --> 00:14:02.125
How'd he take it?

00:14:02.166 --> 00:14:03.750
He didn't seem to care.

00:14:03.791 --> 00:14:05.541
He just asked if any
of my hot friends

00:14:05.583 --> 00:14:07.208
would be sitting at his table.

00:14:09.166 --> 00:14:12.166
I wish I had a dad who wanted
to be a part of my life.

00:14:12.208 --> 00:14:14.000
Well, if he hooks up with one
of your hot friends,

00:14:14.041 --> 00:14:15.291
he'll be a part of your life.

00:14:16.625 --> 00:14:19.166
I was trying
to make you laugh.

00:14:19.208 --> 00:14:20.750
You don't want to laugh.

00:14:22.208 --> 00:14:24.208
Yo, Shannon, your
phone's buzzing.

00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:25.875
Yeah, I know.
It's Jolene.

00:14:25.916 --> 00:14:28.333
She's been calling for days,
and I don't want to talk to her.

00:14:28.375 --> 00:14:29.416
Who is Jolene?

00:14:29.458 --> 00:14:31.250
Her mother.
She lives in Arizona.

00:14:31.291 --> 00:14:33.000
You call your mom Jolene?

00:14:33.041 --> 00:14:34.500
She's barely my mom.

00:14:34.541 --> 00:14:36.125
She's just the woman
who squeezed me out

00:14:36.166 --> 00:14:38.750
while smoking a cigarette in
the break room of an Applebee's.

00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:41.541
Well, if she's been calling you
for days,

00:14:41.583 --> 00:14:43.000
she might have something
important to tell you.

00:14:43.041 --> 00:14:44.041
Oh, yeah.

00:14:44.083 --> 00:14:46.125
Like she's dead.

00:14:47.916 --> 00:14:50.208
Hello.

00:14:50.291 --> 00:14:51.583
Damn it.

00:14:53.791 --> 00:14:54.083
Ah, Jolene.

00:14:54.083 --> 00:14:56.166
Ah, Jolene.

00:14:56.208 --> 00:14:58.583
You know, she was the reason
why I left home at 16.

00:14:58.625 --> 00:15:00.416
She's always
had it out for me.

00:15:00.458 --> 00:15:02.833
She once got drunk and made out
with my boyfriend...

00:15:02.875 --> 00:15:04.291
at my prom!

00:15:07.666 --> 00:15:09.791
Why isn't Shannon back
from the festival yet?

00:15:09.833 --> 00:15:11.750
Every hour that goes by
is another hour

00:15:11.791 --> 00:15:14.166
that Jolene can use to talk her
into moving to Arizona.

00:15:15.458 --> 00:15:16.750
What up, kids?

00:15:16.791 --> 00:15:18.750
Shannon. Hey.

00:15:18.791 --> 00:15:20.791
How was
the music festival?

00:15:20.833 --> 00:15:22.708
So dope.

00:15:22.750 --> 00:15:25.541
Dude, Jolene can party.

00:15:25.583 --> 00:15:29.125
She said there's another
festival next month in Phoenix,

00:15:29.166 --> 00:15:31.958
and we can get
backstage passes.

00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:35.416
Wait. I thought you were just
using her for the festival.

00:15:35.458 --> 00:15:37.916
Well, I mean,
I was, but...

00:15:37.958 --> 00:15:39.500
it's the first time
I actually got

00:15:39.541 --> 00:15:40.750
to spend quality
time with her.

00:15:40.791 --> 00:15:42.416
Well, I'm gonna
go to sleep.

00:15:42.458 --> 00:15:44.208
I haven't slept
in two days.

00:15:44.250 --> 00:15:46.416
And, Clem,
don't worry.

00:15:46.458 --> 00:15:48.833
I did not see the
Dave Matthews Band.

00:15:52.166 --> 00:15:53.916
She's gonna go live with Jolene.

00:15:53.958 --> 00:15:55.125
No way, babe.

00:15:55.166 --> 00:15:56.500
We are not gonna let
that happen.

00:15:56.541 --> 00:15:57.416
What can we do, Nick?

00:15:57.458 --> 00:15:59.416
Jolene is her real mom.

00:15:59.458 --> 00:16:01.291
Well, look,
there is someone

00:16:01.333 --> 00:16:04.291
who has just as much a say
about the situation as Jolene.

00:16:04.333 --> 00:16:06.041
Is it God?

00:16:07.791 --> 00:16:10.125
Very much the opposite.

00:16:10.166 --> 00:16:12.041
My dad?

00:16:12.083 --> 00:16:13.458
Yeah.

00:16:13.500 --> 00:16:14.708
No.

00:16:19.250 --> 00:16:20.666
Hey, Dad.
Can I come in?

00:16:20.708 --> 00:16:22.250
Sure. Watching hockey.

00:16:22.333 --> 00:16:23.583
Grab a beer.

00:16:23.625 --> 00:16:24.791
I assume you don't want me

00:16:24.833 --> 00:16:26.916
to walk you to the refrigerator.

00:16:27.958 --> 00:16:29.666
I thought you didn't care.

00:16:29.708 --> 00:16:32.250
I don't.

00:16:32.291 --> 00:16:33.708
Wait a second.

00:16:33.750 --> 00:16:35.791
What's that smell?

00:16:35.833 --> 00:16:38.458
I don't know
what you're...
Don't move.

00:16:43.375 --> 00:16:45.333
Jolene.

00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:49.208
Damn it, I was wearing this
when she hugged me.

00:16:49.250 --> 00:16:52.750
I really like this jacket
and now I have to burn it.

00:16:52.791 --> 00:16:57.000
So, my least favorite
ex-wife is in town, huh?

00:16:57.041 --> 00:16:57.791
That woman is

00:16:57.833 --> 00:16:59.916
a monster from hell.

00:16:59.958 --> 00:17:01.916
How's she look?

00:17:01.958 --> 00:17:05.250
Disgustingly fantastic.

00:17:05.333 --> 00:17:08.291
When she left, she took me
for everything I had,

00:17:08.333 --> 00:17:09.833
and I didn't have much.

00:17:09.875 --> 00:17:11.875
God, I hate that woman.

00:17:12.875 --> 00:17:14.875
Was she wearing boots?

00:17:15.916 --> 00:17:18.708
Listen, I've got
a serious problem.

00:17:18.750 --> 00:17:20.500
She's trying
to take Shannon away from me.

00:17:20.541 --> 00:17:21.875
Ooh, power play.

00:17:21.958 --> 00:17:24.291
I know, right? She wants
to move her to Arizona.

00:17:24.333 --> 00:17:25.416
I meant the game.

00:17:25.458 --> 00:17:27.458
The Rangers have a
two-man advantage.

00:17:27.500 --> 00:17:30.791
But your thing is also
very interesting.

00:17:30.833 --> 00:17:34.041
Jolene's only doing this
because she hates me.

00:17:34.083 --> 00:17:35.875
And you know that she's not
a good parent for Shannon.

00:17:35.916 --> 00:17:38.375
Please, Dad,
will you talk to her?

00:17:38.416 --> 00:17:39.916
Hey, you have to
make up your mind.

00:17:39.958 --> 00:17:42.166
Am I a guy that you
come to for help,

00:17:42.208 --> 00:17:45.291
or a useless jerk that you
don't want in your life?

00:17:45.333 --> 00:17:47.166
Can't you be both?

00:17:51.333 --> 00:17:51.541
Freddy.

00:17:51.583 --> 00:17:52.958
What are you doing here?

00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:55.708
Hello, Red.

00:17:55.708 --> 00:17:58.000
I'm the father,
and you can't move her

00:17:58.083 --> 00:17:59.958
to Arizona
without my permission.

00:18:04.166 --> 00:18:06.125
What are you doing?

00:18:06.166 --> 00:18:08.500
Nothing. It's just
a little warm in here.

00:18:08.541 --> 00:18:10.583
No, no, no, no, no.
I know what you're doing,

00:18:10.625 --> 00:18:11.791
and it ain't gonna work.

00:18:11.833 --> 00:18:13.583
You... you put that

00:18:13.625 --> 00:18:15.875
milky white shoulder away.

00:18:17.291 --> 00:18:17.458
You like that?

00:18:19.166 --> 00:18:21.375
My dad's here.
I really hope

00:18:21.416 --> 00:18:23.916
he stuck it to Jolene.

00:18:23.958 --> 00:18:28.125
Oh, I am sure
Freddy gave it to her good.

00:18:30.708 --> 00:18:31.750
Hey, Dad.Hey.

00:18:31.791 --> 00:18:33.791
Did you lay down the law?

00:18:36.166 --> 00:18:40.416
I mean, we definitely got
something straight between us.

00:18:40.458 --> 00:18:42.958
Thank you.
Hey, Shannon!

00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:44.375
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

00:18:44.416 --> 00:18:46.291
Hold on, hold on.What up?

00:18:46.333 --> 00:18:48.375
Oh. Hi, Dad.

00:18:48.416 --> 00:18:50.583
Hi.Dad wants to talk to
you about something.

00:18:50.625 --> 00:18:51.666
Go ahead, Dad.

00:18:51.708 --> 00:18:53.333
Uh, look, I just had

00:18:53.375 --> 00:18:55.375
an interesting talk
with your mother.

00:18:55.416 --> 00:18:58.625
We started off in
different positions.

00:19:00.958 --> 00:19:03.958
But in the end,
we came together.

00:19:08.125 --> 00:19:10.083
And, uh, we decided

00:19:10.125 --> 00:19:13.625
that, uh, if you want to
move, it's your choice.

00:19:13.666 --> 00:19:15.000
What?!

00:19:16.333 --> 00:19:18.250
So you're saying
it's totally up to me?

00:19:18.291 --> 00:19:20.125
Yup. Yeah, it was
your mother's idea,

00:19:20.166 --> 00:19:22.666
but, uh, I got behind
her pretty quick.

00:19:24.375 --> 00:19:25.791
You're not gonna go, are you?

00:19:27.666 --> 00:19:29.625
Look, you guys
have been awesome,

00:19:29.666 --> 00:19:32.125
and I totally appreciate
everything you've done for me.

00:19:32.166 --> 00:19:33.791
You guys,
she's my mom.

00:19:33.833 --> 00:19:36.666
And I really feel like
I should give this a shot.

00:19:36.708 --> 00:19:39.125
Is that really what you want?

00:19:39.166 --> 00:19:43.791
Yeah, I mean, what would you do
if your mom came back for you?

00:19:47.833 --> 00:19:49.750
Got to go.
Jolene's here.

00:19:49.791 --> 00:19:50.916
We're getting massages.

00:19:53.458 --> 00:19:54.708
See you later.

00:19:56.791 --> 00:19:58.875
What the hell happened, Dad?!

00:19:58.916 --> 00:20:03.125
Look, I know I didn't follow
the plan exactly.

00:20:03.166 --> 00:20:06.333
It sounds like you didn't
follow the plan at all.

00:20:06.375 --> 00:20:09.250
Clem said go to the hotel
and talk to Jolene.

00:20:09.291 --> 00:20:10.916
I did both those things!

00:20:10.958 --> 00:20:15.166
But Jolene made
some... compelling points.

00:20:15.208 --> 00:20:18.125
Oh, my God.
You slept with her.

00:20:18.166 --> 00:20:21.333
Why do you always
assume the worst?

00:20:22.791 --> 00:20:26.666
But in this case,
yes, you nailed it.

00:20:26.708 --> 00:20:29.875
You don't care what happens
to Shannon, do you?

00:20:29.916 --> 00:20:32.708
You don't care about anything
when it comes to your kids.

00:20:32.750 --> 00:20:35.750
Well, all right, then, if that's
how you feel, I'll just go.

00:20:35.791 --> 00:20:38.375
Yeah, that is
how I feel. Go!

00:20:47.791 --> 00:20:49.750
Look, I'm sorry, babe.

00:20:49.791 --> 00:20:51.833
You did everything
you could.

00:20:51.875 --> 00:20:55.833
I can't believe
Shannon's gonna leave us.

00:20:55.875 --> 00:20:59.583
Oh, look, Nick.

00:20:59.625 --> 00:21:00.833
It's her sweater.

00:21:02.875 --> 00:21:05.666
It smells like McNuggets
and weed.

00:21:13.000 --> 00:21:15.750
I got us a couple
of post-massage mimosas.

00:21:15.791 --> 00:21:19.000
I told them
they were both for me. Shh.

00:21:19.041 --> 00:21:21.333
Jolene,
how are you still drinking?

00:21:21.375 --> 00:21:23.541
I'm so hungover
from this weekend.

00:21:23.583 --> 00:21:26.083
When you come to Arizona, it's
gonna be like this all the time.

00:21:26.125 --> 00:21:29.375
Beefy women jamming their elbows
in my *?

00:21:29.416 --> 00:21:31.125
No, I mean the partying.

00:21:31.166 --> 00:21:33.875
And the best part--
it's gonna be just you and me.

00:21:33.916 --> 00:21:35.500
What about Harold?

00:21:35.541 --> 00:21:37.500
Mm. Don't worry about him.

00:21:37.541 --> 00:21:39.333
His nurse puts him to bed
at 6:30,

00:21:39.375 --> 00:21:41.750
so the nights are ours.

00:21:41.791 --> 00:21:44.375
Hey, I don't care

00:21:44.416 --> 00:21:46.791
if this is the ladies' area.
I'm a cop!

00:21:46.833 --> 00:21:48.333
Hey there, pumpkin.

00:21:48.375 --> 00:21:50.041
Freddy, what the hell
are you doing here?

00:21:50.083 --> 00:21:51.666
How did you even know
where we were?

00:21:51.708 --> 00:21:53.541
You know that thing
where a cop needs a warrant

00:21:53.583 --> 00:21:54.666
to track your cell phone?

00:21:54.750 --> 00:21:56.083
Well, I don't care
about that thing.

00:21:57.541 --> 00:21:58.875
Shannon, we
need to talk.

00:21:58.916 --> 00:22:00.958
If this is about
her moving in with me,

00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:02.166
it's none of your business.

00:22:02.208 --> 00:22:04.625
Hey, she's my daughter
as much as yours.

00:22:04.666 --> 00:22:05.833
What do you want, Dad?

00:22:05.875 --> 00:22:07.166
Listen to me, Shannon.

00:22:07.208 --> 00:22:09.625
Moving in with this
woman is a huge mistake,

00:22:09.666 --> 00:22:11.083
and I say that as someone

00:22:11.125 --> 00:22:13.666
who made a huge mistake
moving in with this woman.

00:22:13.708 --> 00:22:16.750
Freddy, get the hell
out of here, okay?

00:22:16.791 --> 00:22:19.791
Your Axe body spray is
drowning out the eucalyptus.

00:22:21.541 --> 00:22:25.666
Look, Clem may not always be
the most fun, or any fun at all.

00:22:26.958 --> 00:22:29.083
Okay, she's the
death of fun.

00:22:29.125 --> 00:22:32.000
But she's a good person
with good judgment.

00:22:32.041 --> 00:22:33.666
Unlike this woman,
who is terrible.

00:22:33.708 --> 00:22:36.041
Hey, you're also terrible.

00:22:36.083 --> 00:22:38.666
No one is arguing with that!

00:22:38.750 --> 00:22:40.916
Shannon, if you move in with me,

00:22:40.958 --> 00:22:43.708
I promise I won't tell you
how to live your life.

00:22:43.750 --> 00:22:45.500
Come on. It's gonna be
one non-stop party.

00:22:45.541 --> 00:22:46.750
We'll be like sisters.

00:22:46.791 --> 00:22:48.250
Shannon, that's
the problem.

00:22:48.291 --> 00:22:50.583
You don't need a mom
who's like a sister.

00:22:50.625 --> 00:22:52.083
You need a sister
who's like a mom.

00:22:52.125 --> 00:22:54.041
And that's what
you've got.

00:22:54.083 --> 00:22:55.916
Okay, can somebody please
escort this man

00:22:55.958 --> 00:22:58.000
out of the ladies' area?

00:22:58.041 --> 00:23:01.083
Hey, you didn't mind having me
in yourlady's area last night.

00:23:03.458 --> 00:23:07.041
Ew. I heard that.

00:23:07.125 --> 00:23:10.666
And I'm going, but
think about what I said.

00:23:11.833 --> 00:23:14.083
Some five-star hotel.

00:23:14.125 --> 00:23:16.125
There's salad in the water.

00:23:18.625 --> 00:23:20.541
What an idiot, right?

00:23:20.583 --> 00:23:22.583
Yeah.

00:23:28.708 --> 00:23:31.416
Babe, the house is gonna feel
so empty without Shannon.

00:23:31.458 --> 00:23:34.791
Who's gonna make fun
of how I dress when she's gone?

00:23:34.833 --> 00:23:38.000
You're sweater is super dumb.

00:23:39.041 --> 00:23:40.750
Nah, it's not the same.

00:23:40.791 --> 00:23:42.833
It's sweet of you to try,
though.

00:23:45.875 --> 00:23:46.875
Shannon.
Hey, Clem.

00:23:46.916 --> 00:23:49.458
Mr. Rogers.

00:23:49.500 --> 00:23:51.333
Yup, there it is.

00:23:51.375 --> 00:23:52.750
I'm gonna miss that.

00:23:54.416 --> 00:23:55.750
Well, you won't have to,
'cause I'm staying.

00:23:55.791 --> 00:23:56.750
You are?!

00:23:56.791 --> 00:23:58.000
Really?What happened?

00:23:58.041 --> 00:24:01.250
Well, I realized
you guys need me.

00:24:03.125 --> 00:24:04.541
And also, this
might sound crazy,

00:24:04.583 --> 00:24:06.666
but I cannot keep
up with Jolene.

00:24:06.750 --> 00:24:08.958
I honestly think that
Phoenix would have killed me.

00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:12.208
And I really do want
to live to see 17 once.

00:24:12.250 --> 00:24:16.083
Oh, we're so happy
that you're staying, Shannon.

00:24:16.125 --> 00:24:18.416
Cool.

00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:21.166
Now, if you don't mind, I'm
gonna Postmates some McNuggets

00:24:21.208 --> 00:24:22.875
and retire for the evening.

00:24:22.916 --> 00:24:24.833
Shannon...Oh, don't worry.

00:24:24.875 --> 00:24:26.208
I'll put a towel under the door

00:24:26.291 --> 00:24:29.500
so you don't have to smell
the... the McNuggets.

00:24:40.875 --> 00:24:42.833
Geez, twice in one week.

00:24:42.916 --> 00:24:45.041
Do I need a restraining order?

00:24:46.083 --> 00:24:47.333
Actually, Dad,

00:24:47.375 --> 00:24:48.625
in normal families,

00:24:48.666 --> 00:24:50.791
people see their parents
on a regular basis.

00:24:50.833 --> 00:24:53.458
No.

00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:57.958
Look, I just came here
to say three words

00:24:58.000 --> 00:25:01.166
that I never thought
I would say before, but...

00:25:01.208 --> 00:25:02.833
thank you, Dad.

00:25:02.875 --> 00:25:04.000
Thanks for what?

00:25:04.041 --> 00:25:06.250
Shannon's not gonna live
with Jolene,

00:25:06.291 --> 00:25:08.958
and I know it's because you went
to the spa and talked to her.

00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:11.000
Oh, please.
What gave you that idea?

00:25:13.833 --> 00:25:17.000
Well, first of all, you clearly
stole that robe from the spa.

00:25:17.041 --> 00:25:18.958
This? No.

00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.375
I bought it last time I
went in for a seaweed wrap.

00:25:22.416 --> 00:25:24.166
You're getting seaweed wraps?

00:25:24.208 --> 00:25:26.250
You can't afford
to pay your phone bill.

00:25:26.291 --> 00:25:30.041
Because I'm prioritizing
the seaweed wraps.

00:25:30.083 --> 00:25:33.375
Okay, look, I know
that you don't care

00:25:33.416 --> 00:25:35.208
about this kind of thing,

00:25:35.250 --> 00:25:39.708
but if you want to walk me
down the aisle, you can.

00:25:39.750 --> 00:25:41.583
Okay.

00:25:41.625 --> 00:25:44.666
That's it? Just "okay"?

00:25:44.708 --> 00:25:47.666
What do you want me to
say? I'd be happy to?

00:25:47.708 --> 00:25:48.791
Yeah.

00:25:48.833 --> 00:25:51.250
Okay.

00:25:53.083 --> 00:25:55.041
All right, Dad. Later.

00:25:55.083 --> 00:25:57.083
Later.

00:26:00.625 --> 00:26:02.708
I'd be happy to.

00:26:02.750 --> 00:26:04.750
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