WEBVTT

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How can you do this to me, Clem?
Have a stupid dinner party

00:00:04.416 --> 00:00:06.625
instead of an out of control
bachelorette party?

00:00:08.041 --> 00:00:10.791
Is it because you hate me?
You hate me.

00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:14.958
Come on, Ben, it'll be fun.

00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.666
We'll have hors d'oeuvres,
some wine,

00:00:16.708 --> 00:00:18.250
play charades.

00:00:18.291 --> 00:00:19.625
Charades?
Terrific. Okay.

00:00:19.666 --> 00:00:22.208
I want to kill myself.

00:00:24.416 --> 00:00:26.708
I'm sorry, Ben,

00:00:26.750 --> 00:00:28.833
but I've had my partying
days, and I'm over it.

00:00:28.875 --> 00:00:30.958
I don't need some
big shindig.

00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.875
"Shindig"?

00:00:33.916 --> 00:00:36.000
My God. What's happened
to my old friend Clem?

00:00:36.041 --> 00:00:38.625
Oh, I know. She turned
into my old friend Clem.

00:00:40.541 --> 00:00:43.666
Let it go, dude.
Fun Clem is gone, but, hey, man,

00:00:43.708 --> 00:00:46.250
I'm around if you ever want
to hit up some bars in Newark

00:00:46.291 --> 00:00:48.750
that accept my Canadian I.D.

00:00:48.791 --> 00:00:51.666
Oh, honey,
I don't do Jersey.

00:00:54.875 --> 00:00:57.125
Hey, everybody.Hey, sweetie.

00:00:57.166 --> 00:00:58.083
How's it going, Ben?

00:00:58.083 --> 00:00:59.625
I'd be better if your girl
was letting me

00:00:59.666 --> 00:01:01.166
throw her an actual
bachelorette party.

00:01:01.208 --> 00:01:03.708
Wait, isn't your bachelor party
tomorrow night, too?

00:01:03.750 --> 00:01:07.541
Yeah, that way we only have to
spend one night apart.

00:01:07.583 --> 00:01:09.666
Ugh.

00:01:09.708 --> 00:01:11.458
Please tell me you're
having a blowout.

00:01:11.500 --> 00:01:14.416
Oh, yeah. Going out to get
some big, fat, juicy steaks

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with my dad
and my best man, Spence.

00:01:16.041 --> 00:01:18.833
A-And then you're going
to your bachelor party?

00:01:20.208 --> 00:01:21.916
That is his
bachelor party.

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Oh, girl. Now I know
what happened to you. Him.

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Me? What did I do?

00:01:27.291 --> 00:01:29.125
You're a bad influence
on my Clemmy.

00:01:29.166 --> 00:01:30.708
How am I a bad influence?

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I barely drink, I've never
smoked, I don't do drugs.

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Exactly. You sound like a
personal ad on Christian Mingle.

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This girl used to be
so much fun.

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And I'm not saying
it's all because of you, Nick,

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but the fun ended
immediately when you began.

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Ben, you are out of your mind.
I pride myself on being fun.

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And not just at home,
ask any of my students.

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I am the funnest
World Literature professor

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at NYU, okay?

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And that proves what? I'm sorry,
I just nodded off for a second.

00:02:01.500 --> 00:02:03.000
Nick doesn't have
to prove anything.

00:02:03.041 --> 00:02:06.041
We have all kinds of fun.

00:02:06.083 --> 00:02:09.000
In fact, tonight
we're going to check out

00:02:09.041 --> 00:02:10.708
the open house
at Shannon's school,

00:02:10.750 --> 00:02:13.625
and after, we're gonna pop by
Ruby Tuesday's for the...

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Peanut Butter Dream Bar.

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Clem, blink twice if you're here
against your will.

00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:30.041
Hey, Shannon, I met
five of your teachers,

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and only one of them
knows who you are.

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And FYI, not a fan.

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Oh, God,
here comes Evan.

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All right, be prepared
to rescue me.

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Oh, hey, Shannon.

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Hey, Evan, look,
I'm really not... Oh.

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Just let us know when you're
ready for us to jump in.

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What the hell was that? Usually
I can't get rid of that kid.

00:02:56.375 --> 00:02:58.625
Looks like Evan's
got a girlfriend.

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What? Girlfriend?

00:03:00.958 --> 00:03:02.791
No, no, no, no, no.

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No, the popular girls must've
dared her to talk to him.

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And hold his hand.

00:03:12.541 --> 00:03:14.208
I thought your sister
couldn't stand Evan?

00:03:14.250 --> 00:03:17.208
Oh, she can't, but now that
he's got a girlfriend,

00:03:17.250 --> 00:03:19.416
he's instantly
attractive to her.

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Man, if I could go back
to high school

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knowing what I know now,
things would be so different.

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Would you still
be in Magic Club?

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Yes.

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So I guess
not that different.

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I'm gonna talk shop
with the English department.

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Okay.

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Oh, hello!
Hi, I'm Felicia, Sam's mom.

00:03:39.500 --> 00:03:41.958
Clem Barnes.Oh, you must be Shannon's mom.

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Oh, no, no, no.
I'm her sister.

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Her "not that
much older" sister.

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Malinda,
come meet Clem.

00:03:49.291 --> 00:03:50.791
Wait, are you Shannon's mom?

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Sister!
I'm her sister.

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Well, it's nice of you to spend

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your Friday night
at Shannon's school.

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When I was your age,
I would've been out clubbing.

00:03:58.833 --> 00:04:02.333
Yeah,
when I was my age,

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I would've been
out clubbing, too.

00:04:04.833 --> 00:04:06.750
Hey, Shannon, I was
just talking about you

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with your English teacher
Mr. Rudner.

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Oh, he's my
favorite teacher.

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Okay, go ahead,
tell him how I'm doing.

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Not well.

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I think you mean,
"not good."

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I love teaching, but some
students are a challenge.

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Yeah, I know.
I'm also a teacher.

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I'm over at NYU.

00:04:29.750 --> 00:04:32.250
Oh! I'd love to get
to the big leagues.

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I had to take a second job
just to get by,

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and I'm the most popular
teacher here.

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I've got five stars
on RateMyTeacher.

00:04:38.875 --> 00:04:41.083
RateMyTeacher? I don't know it.

00:04:41.125 --> 00:04:42.541
Oh, it's a rating site
high school kids use.

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College students, too.
You should check yourself out.

00:04:45.500 --> 00:04:47.041
Yeah, I really
don't need a website

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to tell me how I'm doing.
I get enough feedback every day

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just looking at the smiles on
my students' faces.

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What's the website again?

00:04:54.208 --> 00:04:55.750
RateMyTeacher.

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Yeah, I'm not gonna
look at that.

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Is that a dot com
or dot org situation?

00:04:59.916 --> 00:05:02.708
Oh, hi. Sorry. I thought
this was Evan's place.

00:05:02.750 --> 00:05:04.166
No. He lives across the hall.

00:05:04.208 --> 00:05:05.708
Oh, that's funny,
I must've had the wrong...

00:05:09.750 --> 00:05:12.000
Meow!

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Yo, Ben, you don't
think I'm fun?

00:05:15.833 --> 00:05:17.791
Look at what my students
are saying about me

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on RateMyTeacher.

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"Professor Stewart
makes learning fun.

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Five stars."

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"Most fun I've ever had
in class. Five stars."

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"Fun and kind of a babe.

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Five stars and
a chili pepper emoji."

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Oh, here's one.

00:05:35.666 --> 00:05:37.958
"Professor Stewart
is a total bore. One star."

00:05:39.625 --> 00:05:41.583
I thought you couldn't trust
anything on the Internet.

00:05:41.625 --> 00:05:43.458
Wait, what? I am not boring.

00:05:43.500 --> 00:05:46.500
RaisinBran99?
What-What's this kid's problem?

00:05:46.541 --> 00:05:50.291
Sweetie, it's just one bad
review out of 1,000 great ones.

00:05:50.333 --> 00:05:52.041
Wh-Why would he say that?I know why.

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Because you're boring.

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Don't let it bother
you, Nick. I mean,

00:05:57.750 --> 00:05:59.000
I'm not bothered
by the fact that

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all the women
at Shannon's school

00:06:00.875 --> 00:06:02.583
thought that I was her mother,

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even though it would basically
be biologically impossible.

00:06:08.791 --> 00:06:12.083
But you go have fun
at your party, babe.

00:06:12.125 --> 00:06:12.333
All right, you, too.
Love you.

00:06:12.333 --> 00:06:15.666
Are you actually reading
They Came to Talk?

00:06:15.708 --> 00:06:17.750
Who's "they"?
They sound horrible.

00:06:17.750 --> 00:06:19.625
Those ladies I met made me join
what they called

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"The Fun Moms Book Club."

00:06:22.375 --> 00:06:24.666
"Fun Moms Book Club"?

00:06:24.708 --> 00:06:27.791
Each word more chilling
than the last.

00:06:27.833 --> 00:06:31.250
What is happening?
I'm 27 years old,

00:06:31.291 --> 00:06:35.041
and I'm talking about
the book club and the PTA,

00:06:35.083 --> 00:06:37.166
and I'm wearing an apron!

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What am I doing, Ben?

00:06:40.833 --> 00:06:42.708
You're dying is what
you're doing. Dying.

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And look at all this.

00:06:45.916 --> 00:06:48.208
I mean, I've turned
my bachelorette party

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into a snooze fest.

00:06:50.416 --> 00:06:54.291
Well, that's it.
The snooze fest is off.

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What are you saying?

00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:00.625
I am saying that
the boozefest is on!

00:07:06.666 --> 00:07:10.458
Shannon, hey.
Uh, what are you doing here?

00:07:10.500 --> 00:07:11.958
Just thought maybe you could
tutor me in math,

00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:13.166
like you always do.

00:07:13.208 --> 00:07:14.916
I don't tutor you in math.

00:07:14.958 --> 00:07:16.875
I do your math homework.

00:07:16.916 --> 00:07:19.083
Oh, my God, is that Beth?

00:07:19.125 --> 00:07:21.958
Hi, Beth, I didn't know
you were here.

00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:23.416
Yes, you did.

00:07:23.458 --> 00:07:25.750
You shut the door in
my face an hour ago.

00:07:25.791 --> 00:07:27.583
So, what are we doing?

00:07:27.625 --> 00:07:29.833
We were about to
play Mario Kart.

00:07:29.875 --> 00:07:33.166
Yeah, but unfortunately, we only
have two controllers, so...

00:07:33.208 --> 00:07:35.541
All right, I'll stay.

00:07:38.375 --> 00:07:42.416
Whoa. Beth, did you create
your own character?

00:07:42.458 --> 00:07:43.791
That looks exactly like you.

00:07:43.833 --> 00:07:47.333
That's Donkey Kong.

00:07:47.375 --> 00:07:49.208
That's Donkey Kong?

00:07:51.208 --> 00:07:53.500
Whoa, twinsies.

00:07:55.583 --> 00:07:56.958
To Nick, huh?

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Yeah, Nick.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah.

00:07:58.625 --> 00:08:01.000
Mm.

00:08:01.041 --> 00:08:03.458
You okay, son?

00:08:03.500 --> 00:08:05.125
I know getting married
is a big step...

00:08:05.166 --> 00:08:08.666
Who the hell is RaisinBran99?

00:08:10.833 --> 00:08:12.833
And why would he say I'm boring?
I need to know.

00:08:12.875 --> 00:08:14.625
Oh, my God, are
you still on this?

00:08:14.666 --> 00:08:15.916
Come on, man.
Tonight's all about

00:08:15.958 --> 00:08:17.500
having fun
with your boys.

00:08:17.541 --> 00:08:20.125
Or in this case, your
boy, and your dad.

00:08:21.458 --> 00:08:22.916
You know what?
You're right. My bad.

00:08:22.958 --> 00:08:24.708
I got to put this whole thing
out of my mind,

00:08:24.750 --> 00:08:25.875
have a good time.

00:08:25.916 --> 00:08:27.041
Hell yes.
Yeah.

00:08:27.125 --> 00:08:28.833
Whiskey shots for...

00:08:28.875 --> 00:08:30.458
Brandon Gilbert.

00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:32.041
Who is Brandon Gilbert?Brandon Gilbert?

00:08:32.083 --> 00:08:34.833
Is RaisinBran99.
It's got to be Brandon Gilbert.

00:08:34.875 --> 00:08:36.458
He's always eating raisins
during my lecture.

00:08:36.500 --> 00:08:38.083
It drives me nuts.

00:08:38.125 --> 00:08:40.833
I won't be able to enjoy myself
until I set that kid straight.

00:08:40.875 --> 00:08:43.166
You sound crazy. Walt,
tell him he sounds crazy.

00:08:43.208 --> 00:08:47.916
I say we find Raisin Boy
right now, and take him down.

00:08:49.916 --> 00:08:51.625
Yeah.

00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:55.875
What the hell are we watching?

00:08:55.916 --> 00:08:58.916
Only the greatest episode
of Black Mirrorever.

00:08:58.958 --> 00:09:01.333
Yeah, this one's an allegory
about life that makes you

00:09:01.375 --> 00:09:04.916
question both our reality
and what it means to exist.

00:09:04.958 --> 00:09:09.291
Hey, how about, instead,
we watch Floribama Shore?

00:09:09.333 --> 00:09:11.750
It's an allegory
about trying to get laid

00:09:11.791 --> 00:09:14.250
on the Floribama Shore.

00:09:16.750 --> 00:09:19.083
I'll be right back. I'm
gonna go to the bathroom.

00:09:19.125 --> 00:09:21.541
Don't forget
to light a match.

00:09:21.583 --> 00:09:24.083
That's not what I'm doing.

00:09:24.125 --> 00:09:25.916
What are you doing here?

00:09:25.958 --> 00:09:27.458
You never come over,

00:09:27.500 --> 00:09:29.750
then I have a girlfriend,
and suddenly, here you are.

00:09:29.791 --> 00:09:32.916
I just don't like
that you're with her, okay?

00:09:32.958 --> 00:09:35.125
It makes me feel weird,
and I don't know why.

00:09:35.166 --> 00:09:38.750
But I do know this:

00:09:38.791 --> 00:09:41.500
she's not the right girl
for you.

00:09:41.541 --> 00:09:43.958
So...

00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:47.125
who is the right
girl for me?

00:09:47.166 --> 00:09:50.208
I don't know.

00:09:51.833 --> 00:09:53.125
What are you guys
talking about?

00:09:53.166 --> 00:09:55.166
Dinosaurs.
You.

00:10:01.041 --> 00:10:02.791
Well, well, well.

00:10:06.875 --> 00:10:10.041
Well, well, well.

00:10:10.083 --> 00:10:12.958
Professor Stewart.
What are you doing here?

00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:14.541
I saw on Facebook you
were here, Brandon.

00:10:14.583 --> 00:10:18.541
Or should I call you
RaisinBran99?

00:10:18.583 --> 00:10:20.958
Oh, no.

00:10:21.041 --> 00:10:22.666
I am not boring.

00:10:22.708 --> 00:10:26.000
And I'm not gonna let your dumb
review ruin my bachelor party.

00:10:26.041 --> 00:10:28.000
Wait. This is
your bachelor party?

00:10:29.750 --> 00:10:31.083
Two friends?

00:10:31.125 --> 00:10:33.750
I'm his father.

00:10:33.791 --> 00:10:36.041
So you're spending
your bachelor party

00:10:36.083 --> 00:10:39.541
with your dad in a library.

00:10:39.625 --> 00:10:41.500
Yeah, you're not boring.

00:10:44.750 --> 00:10:45.916
Oh, my God, I'm...

00:10:45.958 --> 00:10:48.000
I'm boring.

00:10:48.041 --> 00:10:52.375
It's okay. You know,
you have other good qualities.

00:10:52.416 --> 00:10:54.916
Thank you, Spence.

00:10:54.958 --> 00:10:57.708
That's why I'm your best man.

00:10:57.750 --> 00:11:00.958
Well, that's it.
I'm done being boring.

00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:03.166
Sorry, guys.
The bachelor party's over.

00:11:03.208 --> 00:11:05.125
Whoa, what are you
talking about?Ben was right.

00:11:05.166 --> 00:11:07.583
It's my fault Clem's having
this lame-* dinner party.

00:11:07.625 --> 00:11:09.166
So I'm-a go home,
rescue her,

00:11:09.208 --> 00:11:11.583
and then we're gonna go out
and get crazy.

00:11:11.625 --> 00:11:14.166
'Cause my girl deserves
to have fun.

00:11:14.208 --> 00:11:14.333
Whoo!

00:11:19.916 --> 00:11:21.875
Hey, Evan.

00:11:21.916 --> 00:11:24.750
Where's Donkey Kong?

00:11:24.791 --> 00:11:26.666
You mean Beth.

00:11:26.708 --> 00:11:28.625
I broke up with her.

00:11:28.666 --> 00:11:31.041
You did? Why?

00:11:31.083 --> 00:11:33.875
Because... I like you.

00:11:33.916 --> 00:11:37.625
And last night it seemed
that maybe you liked me, too.

00:11:37.666 --> 00:11:39.791
Well, I don't.

00:11:41.666 --> 00:11:44.625
Maybe last night I did
when you were with Beth,

00:11:44.666 --> 00:11:47.291
but now that I know
you're not...

00:11:47.333 --> 00:11:49.000
I don't know.

00:11:49.041 --> 00:11:51.000
I think those feelings
went away.

00:11:51.041 --> 00:11:52.500
So what are you saying?

00:11:52.541 --> 00:11:55.291
The only way you're into me
is if I'm into someone else?

00:11:55.333 --> 00:11:58.291
Nah. No, dude,
I'm not that shallow.

00:12:00.291 --> 00:12:02.416
Or am I?

00:12:02.458 --> 00:12:05.166
Oh, my God,
I think I am.

00:12:05.208 --> 00:12:08.291
Man, that's dark.

00:12:08.333 --> 00:12:09.666
You know what?

00:12:09.708 --> 00:12:12.250
I'm gonna see i-if Beth
will get back with me

00:12:12.291 --> 00:12:14.875
so that you and I
have a shot.

00:12:14.916 --> 00:12:17.125
Hey, good luck
with that, kid.

00:12:18.958 --> 00:12:21.833
Why did we party
until 6:00 in the morning?

00:12:21.875 --> 00:12:24.375
Because your mom dared us to

00:12:24.416 --> 00:12:27.000
at 5:00 in the morning.

00:12:27.041 --> 00:12:29.333
I think I got partying out
of my system.

00:12:29.375 --> 00:12:33.291
I know. I heard it
leaving your system.

00:12:33.333 --> 00:12:36.791
Hey, kids. Good morning.

00:12:36.833 --> 00:12:41.250
What a beautiful day
for a walk.

00:12:41.291 --> 00:12:43.458
How are you not hungover?

00:12:43.500 --> 00:12:45.166
Hangovers are for amateurs.

00:12:45.208 --> 00:12:47.125
And she's a professional.Mm-hmm.

00:12:48.166 --> 00:12:49.750
Cowboy.

00:12:49.791 --> 00:12:51.750
Ms. Fantastic.

00:12:56.208 --> 00:12:58.375
Let's walk, baby.

00:12:58.416 --> 00:12:59.500
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

00:13:02.083 --> 00:13:05.083
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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