I'm Jimmy DiResta, and I'm a maker.
That's a hip way of saying I make things… like this.
Pretty cool, right?
Walk with me.
For years, I made my name as a toy designer in New York City.
Then I realized I don't like the city, I don't like designing toys,
and to be honest with you, I don't really like kids.
It's not like I hate them or anything.
It's just it's, "Check out my little Timmy."
I don't care.
Look at my birds.
So anyway, I quit my job,
I left the city, and I moved upstate to here, my farm.
I got land, I got animals,
and best of all I have this.
The ultimate maker workshop!
Inside, I have every kind of tool and machine imaginable to make things.
Pretty impressive stuff, huh?
Really? You're labeling the table like that's some sort of impress--
"Bag"? We can just--
Okay. Graphics guy trying to be funny.
Can we please get on with it? Anyway…
So I got a call to be on a TV show 'cause I'm a maker celebrity or whatever.
I said, "Sure. Cool." Why not, right?
So I agreed.
Then I found out who I'd be working for.
Jimmy!
-Hi. -Hi!
Jimmy!
Hey, Jimmy.
What do you want?
Okay, Mr. Grouch.
Thirty years of expert build experience, and I'm taking orders from half-pints.
Because misery loves company, I brought my buddies in on it with me.
Say hi, guys.
-Howdy! -Hello!
That's Jackman. He's an engineer, and he plans everything.
It's really annoying, but he's good at it.
That's Derek, my best friend.
Big guy and even bigger softie.
This is Graz.
Good maker, bad jokes.
And Canadian Pat.
Well, your guess is as good as mine.
Let's have some fun.
Together, we'll take pitches on this.
Listen to whatever their dumb little brains can come up with.
The Pig Tripper. It trips the pig.
-Wow. -So a catapult that throws cat poop?
-Yes.
If it's interesting or doable, I'll build it. If not--
Next!
-Next! -No way.
-Next! -Shut up!
-Some builds will be good.
Dino Taco Toilet.
Are you not entertained?
Some builds will be bad.
Graz, I told you the scissors were gonna be too heavy!
Make a bigger handle!
But all of them will be absolutely pointless.
-Yeah! -That is disgusting.
Whoa!
-I want the unicorn to fart! -I can't believe I'm doing this.
-Go, Graz!
Why are we doing this? Because we make things. That's what we do.
-Thought we weren't supposed to have fun. -I'm not having fun!
We're gonna show these kids, if they can dream it up…
I want it to be a guitar boat that floats.
You're onto something there.
…it can be built.
Oh!
That is so cool!
Hey, it might even inspire them to build
outside their little Minecraft -y world, or whatever.
-Do I wanna do it?
Dumbest thing we've ever made.
Not really. But this isn't about me, is it?
-So here we are. -You better get to work!
Funny how their dreams are my nightmare.
Come on, Jimmy. Have some fun.
Whatever.
-Letting your hair out? -If you got it, flaunt it.
-I had some flow for a while. -No. Did you really?
Me too. Then God wanted it back.
He took it.
Hey, you know what time it is?
Ponytail time.
-That looks adorable. -Right? Boom.
-All day you're gonna wear that? -Yeah.
-There's a sight for sore eyes.
-Hey, guys. -What's up?
-You guys know Justine? -Yeah.
-What's goin' on? -How's it going?
I called her in to help us to alleviate the pain I feel working with you guys.
Let's be honest, this show could use somebody without a beard.
It'll be a whole new show.
On tonight's episode of The Real Makers of DiResta County,
Jimmy brings another maker into the barn,
Justine Silva, known for her artsy eye and crafty ways.
Her talent is just as boundless as it is beardless.
She even does things like this.
But how will the other guys in the group accept her?
I'm super-excited to be here. It sounds like a lot of fun.
Whoa! Does Justine actually mean that?
Or is she here to take Derek's place as Jimmy's new best friend?
-Oh, boy. Probably not.
But anything can happen with editing.
Please stop.
Will sassy map-man Jackman see Justine as a threat?
-What's 9 times 6? 54.
As things heat up, will Graz hide behind his DeNiro impression?
Little bit.
Nothing is certain, but one thing is for sure.
No one is safe.
Justine might be here to make things, but the one thing she's not here to make?
Friends.
Anything goes on tonight's The Real Makers of DiResta County.
-All right. Good. I'm in. -We're good.
Justine, are you ready to hear some of the stupidest ideas you've ever heard?
-Yes. -All right. Get in positions. Come on.
All right. Bring up the first victim.
Oh my God! Amazing! We got a special guest appearance from Jonah Hill.
-How are you, Jonah?
-Wonderful.
-I like this kid already. -Me too.
He just slapped himself.
-What's your name? -My name is Abraham.
-Leah!
Abraham and Leah?
Yes.
He's gonna smash his head.
Abe, be careful. We don't want your brains to leak out of your ear.
-What brains?
All right, guys, you got my interest. What's the idea?
-A pirate ship. -Okay.
-That could drive on land. -A pirate ship that drives on land?
-Yes. -So a pirate car?
What about a pirate ship? What do you want?
I drew a picture of what it should look like.
You drew that up? Did you hold the pencil with your foot?
Abe, describe the photo for me.
Okay.
Here's an important detail of the ship.
It needs cool-y designed windows.
Cool-y designed windows. Okay.
Right here, you have three flags.
Three flags right there.
Abe, I hate to break it to you, that's four fingers.
No. You must be blind 'cause of old age.
-These guys are funny.
This flag right here is a dart board.
Okay.
-The next flag… I can't imagine where this is going.
…is a slice of pizza.
And the final flag… is a pizza.
I never would have guessed this kid was gonna say food.
Also, it needs cannons.
Okay.
But not ordinary cannons.
The cannons shoot… Drumroll please.
pizza.
I knew he was gonna say that.
-The cannons shoot pizza. -Yes.
So it's basically like weaponizing pizza, although delicious.
But the cannons shoot the pizza at the ship.
-Ow.
What if we make one cannon that shoots salad?
-Who eats salad?
-Definitely not you two. -Wait. Why are--
Hey. Can you put some of these up here?
What is that?
She asked if you can put some of "deez" up here.
-What? "Deez" what? -Deez nu--
These kids are seven.
These kids we should have on every episode.
Justine, this never happens.
We're never that interested in the first pitch, but these kids are gold.
-Yeah. -I like it a lot. I'm in.
I don't care about the idea. I wanna work with them.
Yeah. If we agree to this, it's a huge build.
I'll say yes to anything these kids pitch.
Yeah. All right.
Abe, Leah.
Good news. We're gonna build your pirate ship.
-Yes! Yeah! -Yeah!
Does that mean he's excited?
All right. I think this meeting is over.
We're gonna get to building. We'll check in later.
-Okay.
-Wow. -God bless the mother.
-Justine, you're a good luck charm. -I love them.
Let's draw this thing up, figure out how to build it.
So we need to make--
We need to make a pirate ship that has to ride on the land.
First thing we need is something that's gonna make this mobile.
I got a buddy with a junkyard. I like the idea of using an old beat-up car.
-Something small. -Yeah.
Second thing we're gonna need is a pirate boat.
Put a big mast in the middle.
-A couple of sails. -They said something about windows?
What if we did stained glass for the windows?
We could CNC up a frame.
-Yeah. We can have fun there. -Yeah.
We need a big log to make the cannon.
A regular cannon is round, but they wanna shoot flat pizzas.
Right, so if we take a cannon, but it's elongated,
the pizza would be like that.
Arrr! Feed the fish.
Shiver me timbers!
-I see it already. -Can I make the cannon?
Please, Jimmy. I wanna make the cannon.
The cannon, Jimmy. Jimmy, the cannon. Please.
-Jimmy!
Pat, you make the cannon.
-This thing is gonna be huge. -It'll be like, what? 12, 15 feet long.
-Is everybody up for the challenge? -Yeah.
-Let's kill it. -It's gonna be good.
Let's get materials.
Sailors on board!
I gotta learn French.
All hands on deck!
♪ What finer have you seen?
Look at that booty.
-Oh, this must be Jimmy.
-Don't break it! -Don't break the car!
I hope it's good enough for a boat.
At least it came with an engine.
So I'm thinking, we just give this a cut down here.
Go across here. See what's going on.
Leave the main structure just to see. We don't wanna cut too much too fast.
Do you have a drill? Give me a little starter hole?
-Maybe something right here. -Move your hands.
There you go.
What day do you talk to your therapist?
-Mondays at 7:00. -You might wanna call them today.
Right now, Derek and I have the easy job
of cutting away the roof of the car.
But the question is, how much needs to remain for us to build off of?
Because there's not exactly a playbook
for building a pizza pirate ship that drives on land,
I won't know until I know.
This is good because now we make a deck,
a poop deck, people can stand up through it.
Yeah.
I just wanted to leave this 'cause I'm concerned about the structure.
If we cut this, we might end up folding the car in half.
That would be kinda funny.
I mean, we could cut the whole top off and just weld in supports.
Yeah. It'd be nice to get this out of here, just because…
-It doesn't give us the room I thought. -Yeah.
By welding in parallel steel supports where the doors used to be,
the car should be stable enough for us to remove the upper part of the frame.
-Go! -Yeah.
That will help us clear way for the deck,
which Justine and Graz are designing now.
We got a lot of work to do.
A lot of work.
-Do you feel comfortable drawing? -Not at all.
All right. I'll do that.
-So we're gonna start with a car, right? -Yep.
And then we're gonna kinda build a deck right across this line.
-Top comes right off. -This goes away.
First, we gotta figure out what we're gonna use for this deck
'cause that's the main structure.
-Yeah. -I'm thinking 2x6s?
Yeah. That works.
It'll make it nice and strong.
So it'll hold all of us. That's a lot of… a lot of weight there.
-Am I crazy, or is it 80% beard weight? -This thing is pretty heavy.
-I've been having neck issues. -You're gonna get neck issues.
Gotta get you a brace.
But it's nice because I off balance it with my ponytail.
Is that why that thing is there?
-Yes. -It can't be for looks.
-That was mean. -I'm sorry. I am really sorry.
Probably get one right here, Jimmy.
Derek and I have begun framing up the frame.
That doesn't sound right.
How about making the ship's frame for the car frame?
Never mind, it's pointless trying to make sense of any of this.
Perfect. I can see it already.
Regardless, we're gonna use 2x6 wooden boards
screwed to the car as a frame that will become the floor of the ship.
Start going this way, now we go up that way.
Nice.
Now this is gonna be…
the frontal.
We're gonna leave it long. We'll cut it shorter, but hold that.
-Okay. -Show you a tricky-poo.
It's time for Jimmy's "Tricky-poo" of the day.
Yay, Jimmy. Show us a trick, Jimmy.
We're gonna go to the middle and go there.
So I'm gonna use my fulcrum of my arm to do that.
Gonna do that.
-I'll show you a trick on the band saw. -I love tricks.
Tricky-poo. Bandsaw.
We're gonna cut a curved bumper for the front of our ship.
Here's a little trick to help save some lumber.
Instead of cutting out a solid bumper from one giant piece of lumber,
we're going to use this single piece of 2x6
to cut an arc from one end to the other end
and then reattach the two pieces back to front,
wasting no wood and making a nice, even-width bumper.
Stand it up.
Now it's a curved piece of wood.
Boom! Tricky-poo.
-Let's put it as the nose of the boat. -Nice trick.
Tricky-poo of the day.
-We'll never know that trick. -I'll have to watch the episode.
-Hey, let's screw that together.
-Well, that's fun. -That's one nice trick.
So this is gonna kind of go here.
-Like that. -Wow.
-And I see the boat. -It's like magic.
We're gonna connect it to the frame, so it's temporary.
Once the bow is attached, we'll have the basic outline of the boat.
We can start building our foundation from there.
You see what I'm talking about?
We want the structure now, then we go back in and secure it.
Starting to look like an old boat.
Yeah. It is.
-Open the door. -You guys need a hand?
-Be careful. Be careful.
Don't break the door.
-What do you guys got there? -It's a cannon.
Oh, okay.
-Nice toothpick. -Where did you get this?
A lot happened. So let me give you a little fast-talking flashback.
-We found a tree for the mast. -This is straight.
I chopped it down. Pat did some yodeling.
-That was nice. Beautiful.
We stumbled across this beautiful log. That's a beautiful log.
I thought we could blast pizzas out of this.
It was big, so Pat cut off the end.
Voila.
It was still too big. We had to figure out how to drag it.
How do we drag this? Luckily, we had this chain.
-So we hooked it up to the ATV.
Pat tried to ride the log. It didn't go great.
You all right? He was fine.
I dragged it out of the woods, and we rolled it up here to the workshop.
So now we need to install it on the lathe, so I can turn it into a cannon.
Good luck.
-Hey, Jimmy. -Yeah.
We have an engine hoist, right?
We do. Yeah.
Okay.
Whoo-hoo.
Wait. Jimmy, shouldn't I be doing that?
-What? This? -I'm the jack man.
-Jack man.
You got me on that one.
-Ready, jack man? -I'm ready.
Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
-More? -Wait. I gotta…
This is it. If you pull this off…
Wow.
Impressive, guys.
In woodworking, moving a giant log on a giant lathe is bragging rights.
It's pretty unusual to cut something this big on the lathe,
but I'm pretty unusual myself.
A surface this rough, spinning at 500 rotations per minute
can quickly get dangerous.
So first, we get it ready by stripping the bark.
Then we use the angle grinder to shed even more weight
and balance the log out, so it can be ready to spin.
Soon enough, this bumpy log will be smooth and ready to move.
And also delicious.
It's coming together.
Do you think we should add one more brace here?
Yeah. Might as well.
The framework of our pirate ship is nearly done.
This is the supporting structure that everything gets attached to.
So we need it to be strong and sturdy.
That was way off.
Nice job, Graz.
Well, the rest of the crew is hard at work,
and we are as focused as pirates on shore leave.
It feels solid.
That ain't going nowhere.
All right. Should we start making a deck?
Let's start decking it.
To build a deck,
Graz and Justine are going to attach 2x6 floorboards across the surface.
-Good? One down. -One down.
The deck is the floor of the ship, where the pirates can stand around
and do all their "shiver me timbers" and all that "yarrr" stuff.
-I think it looks good. -I would be a proud pirate.
Meanwhile, Derek and I are going to attach the siding.
We'll be using long pieces of plywood and form them one by one,
going up the ship.
-I'm making them seven inches wide. -Okay.
I'm overlapping them one inch.
For the bow, which means the front part of the boat in sailing mumbo-jumbo,
we're gonna use curved planks to accommodate the boat shape.
See if this fits.
Yeah. That's good there.
Oop, we broke it.
We'll just rip it off. I'll just score it so that it bends.
Scoring is another word for cutting relief cuts
halfway through the thickness of the plywood,
which allows it to be bendy and take the shape of the boat.
The boat has a lot of compound curves.
By putting these relief cuts, we can wrap around that compound surface.
All right. It looks good. I'm a little concerned about the weight,
but there's not much we can do about it now.
How much weight do you think we'd lose if we cut off Graz's ponytail?
Three ounces?
-We could cut it off and weigh it. -No.
Jackman, how much do you think this car can hold?
2006 Ford Focus can hold 950.
Rated.
-That's what it's rated for? -Yeah. The payload capacity.
That's like you and Pat.
-Why didn't you tell us that this morning? -I did. You didn't listen.
-Did you really look it up? -And here's another flashback.
Jimmy found the perfect car, but it had rats.
It's got a rat's nest in here.
It smelled funny.
-Jimmy told me to hop in. -Hop in.
I hopped in, found a surprise.
-The manual is in the glove box. -It still has the manual.
-Payload, 950. -Let me see this.
-Wait. We need-- -See this? We need that.
We're way over, but we don't have to drive it to California.
We have to drive it around my backyard.
I'd say this, potentially, is a real piece of ship.
-Thank you.
Ow.
I wanna get started on the stained glass if we could move it.
Let's turn it around.
This week on The Real Makers of DiResta County,
we're shipping out.
Things get turned up to a ten.
Is it this loud?
Deckhand Graz is ship driving blind.
Pat, I can't really see you.
-Back up. -You act like it's an aircraft carrier.
Is the crew losing confidence in Graz?
Don't do that.
And is Graz steering the ship toward his own greed?
We could rent this out for like proms and stuff.
And is Jimmy being made a fool?
Find out on The Real Makers of DiResta County.
We're shipping out.
I believe it's seaworthy.
Catch me.
Oh, you're so sweaty. Oh, gross.
Oh, hey. Watch your hands.
Get your hands off my booty.
Don't get me wrong. I like pineapple. Just not on pizza.
So, normally I would order like a pineapple pizza,
put the pineapple aside, eat the pizza, and then finish with the pineapple.
-That's delicious. -It's strange.
I'm gonna get the slingshot working.
You finish up the cannon part of the cannon.
Yeah. I still have a ton of work to do.
-Get that turned down to shape. -Yep.
Then we'll combine them together,
and we'll have a kinda stretched out, elongated cannon.
Cool. Okay.
What exactly is a stretched out, elongated cannon?
Here's what I'm thinking.
Pat's taking the huge log that we found in the woods
and is spinning it on the lathe to create the cannon body.
After he's done, we'll slice down the middle and hollow it out.
We'll take my pizza-shooting slingshot contraption,
which will look like a big coin slot,
and attach the two cannon halves on either side.
So from the side, it'll look just like a cannon,
but from the top, it's gonna be more of a weird oval shape.
I'm responsible for the pizza part of the pizza cannon.
I'm gonna start by creating two thin boxes
that are designed to withhold a bunch of tension.
In this case, the tension of the slingshot mechanism.
These are also known as torsion boxes.
Then I'll cut out a circular plate to hold the pizza,
and add a dowel rod in the center that I'll feed surgical tubing through.
Surgical tubing is incredibly elastic, but it's also resilient and won't break.
That tubing will then get attached to the front two sides of the boxes.
Later, I'll install a metal latch onto the disk
that will grab onto the dowel until we're ready to fire the slingshot.
Then you'll see the best pizza slinging you've ever seen.
Hey, Pat.
Huh?
Come check out my pizza cannon.
Oh wow.
-It's a slingshot without your cannon. -Yeah.
-Try it? -Yeah, I want to try it.
-Go to that end. -Yep.
-Gotta hold that against your stomach. -Yep.
And then pull this back.
-Fire the pizza! -Okay.
-I got it! -Oh! It works!
Fire in the hole!
The best part is these little clamps here that I have on the surgical tubing.
If I move them in further, we get more tension.
So more force when we throw the pizza.
Justine and I designed some window frames and cut them out on the CNC.
This is probably upside down.
And once Jimmy figures out how they're gonna fit…
…we can move forward in creating the stained-glass effect.
So now we know this fits in here so we can take this out…
Perfect.
…and give it to them.
Here's your piece of frame.
I made it fit the opening, so you could put a little… or black. Whatever.
We'll start by spray painting the window frame black to resemble lead,
which is what the ancient Romans used.
The lead, not the spray paint.
Next, we'll fill each frame with a thin layer of epoxy and let it cure.
Then, we'll mix the epoxy, hardener, and different shades of pigment.
And we'll pour one color of dyed resin in each section
to replicate the look of stained-glass.
We'll allow the epoxy time to cure.
And that, my friends, is how you put the "win" in window.
Check it out.
-It looks so good. -And it really looks like stained glass.
-It does. -Yeah.
Pizza pie.
Pizza.
-Ta-da! -Wow!
Right?
-That's a cannon. -Yeah.
That's a wood cannon. Next step is getting this thing off the lathe.
Yep.
This line here. We're gonna have to cut that on the band saw, in half.
Oh.
-You got a machine gun cannon. -Jimmy?
-Yeah. -Might need a bit of help here.
-Graz? Stand here. -Yeah.
Yeah. Kind of bend down, maybe? Put your ponytail in there and cut it off.
-Derek, give them a hand. -No. You said you had it.
Derek, come over here with me, just in case.
On the next episode of The Real Makers of DiResta County,
Cannon Cutting Edition.
Everybody put on your safety goggles.
Jimmy and the gang cut their toughest cannon yet.
Jackman, you guide it.
-You got it? Yep.
Can the cutters cut where no cutter has cut before?
-What's happening? - Or will their cannon plans…
-Hold on! Wait! It's twisting! -…get canned?
It's way off.
Turn it off.
I want to make an episode about shooting pizza.
What do you guys think?
Tune in to The Real Makers of DiResta County,
Cannon Cutting Edition.
That didn't work.
Considering that could be a second failure,
and we only have one more blade to try, let's use the chainsaw.
Yep.
Let's pull it out and get it rested on the ground, and I'll fix the band saw.
Thanks, guys. Thanks for nothing.
I'm glad we could help.
This band saw is typically unstoppable.
Can you make me a pizza cannon? Except for a 500-pound pizza cannon.
Make a pizza cannon. Make a pizza cannon. 200 dollar blade.
Make a pizza cannon. What do you want me to do?
-Jimmy. -What?
-What do you need me to do? -Go put the mast on.
Okay.
Since we couldn't cut our cannon in half using Jimmy's band saw,
-I'm gonna go with option two. Chainsaw.
A chainsaw will do the trick,
and the only reason we didn't go for it as our first option
was because chainsaws can be a little messier and less precise.
That is unless you're strong, young men like Pat and myself,
and not a couple of, uh…
-Well, you get it.
We've split our cannon, and according to my calculations,
each of these halves is half the weight of the original cannon.
-Hm. -Are we gonna hollow it out?
-Yeah. -That's the next step.
What are we waiting for?
Hey, come on, Jimmy. Relax.
-Feel better? -Yeah.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
Although this pizza pirate ship is proving to be a huge waste of time,
and saw blades,
it's gonna blow these kids' socks off when it's finished.
And power is all in the details,
like this decorative wooden trim, or the mast carved from a tree,
that's gonna get us there.
-Nice. -Doesn't have to be straight, I guess.
-I guess it's funnier if it's crooked. -I tried to match it with Graz's nose.
Jimmy, you guys thinking about putting a crow's nest up here?
Yeah, a cartoon-y one. We don't wanna make a real one.
-From here? -Yeah. That would be good.
I'll make the crow's nest. I'll make it the size of maybe a five-gallon bucket.
That seems about right.
Will you make it from a five-gallon bucket?
-I'll make it out of wood. -Okay.
The crow's nest is the structure at the top of the mast
where somebody can stand and look out for enemy ships or land
so they can bury their treasure.
Oh God, you guys caught me digging around for treasure on my own, huh?
Moving on.
To save weight, our crow's nest will be made to scale
and serve no purpose other than looks,
just like they described me in high school.
-If there is less yodeling…
…and more building, this pizza pirate ship will be ready to sail in no time.
When the window goes in, put a nail in it because it's gonna wanna fall down.
Attention, Jimmy. Children calling.
Attention, Jimmy. Time to talk to the kids again.
Abe.
-Hello. -Hello.
Hello. What are you guys doing?
I have a question.
-Okay. -How is the ship going?
It's going really good.
Can you see anything? Can you see a piece of it right here?
I can see some of it.
No. I just see an old man.
-Ow!
-Wait. One important thing. -Uh-oh.
We want a merman on the front of the ship.
So not a mermaid?
Not a mermaid.
-Merman. -Merman.
Uh-oh. Storm ahead.
Mer-can Jimmy make a merman?
Everyone's cool with making a merman?
-Sure. -Yeah.
-Merman. -Merman.
-Oh.Pat likes the merman.
Okay. That was easy.
I have a question for you.
-Oh God. -I hate when he says that.
Is this what you wanted your life to come to?
-Answer the kid.
Oh my gosh.
I'm not sure. You really hit, you really hit…
That's sad.
It is.
-Can we go back to building now? -Okay. Get to work.
Goodbye. Wow.
What the hell was that? Do they always talk to you like that?
No. These two are very extra special.
There's a lot of stuff to do. I'll work on the merman.
We gotta paint this thing, we gotta put up the sails,
finish up the stained glass.
Let's get to work.
Okay.
Big Abe wants a merman,
and I made this little sketch model, which would kind of be the concept.
We could use Pat's real face as the merman face,
but this is obviously too small.
This was just my breadboard concept model.
I'm gonna use the blue foam, a little spray glue, a little spray foam,
and make a big merman at the front of the boat.
Extruded polystyrene foam, or XPS,
is a dense foam that is often used to insulate homes.
XPS is a great crafting material because it's light,
easy to work with, and it carves beautifully.
It's also water-resistant,
because what kind of merman would he be if he couldn't handle getting a bit wet?
Like Graz, our merman is looking a little bit scrawny,
so I'm gonna use spray foam to add some meat to them bones.
Everyone else is busy. You have two hands.
You paint the boat.
-Once the spray foam is cured,
I'll use an angle grinder to sculpt muscles
and add some definition to this body.
Now all we have to do is paint him,
and this hunky merman is gonna look like he swam straight from the gym
onto the front of our pirate ship.
Looks good.
What? No vegetables?
Extra pep in your step.
-Beautifully done. -Thank you.
It's making me hungry.
Justine, with this, I think we can actually sail the seven cheese.
Yeah. I bet.
Derek, how's that pizza wheel coming?
Justine, how are the flags?
Almost done.
Jackman?
-I'm in the process of fixing the cannon. -Pat?
I'm working on watching Jackman finish the cannon.
Good. Graz?
I just finished painting the ship. I'm gonna get to the molding.
Let's drive this ship home.
Aye aye, Captain Grey Beard.
Okay.
That's what I was about to say. Looks as stable as my grandmother.
It says right on it, "This is not a step."
The pizza ship is almost done. Thank God.
Because I'm about to make like a ship and set sail right on out of here.
-You good over there? -Yeah.
To complete the barrel of the cannon,
Jackman and Pat will install the pizza slingshot
and seal the hollow cannon halves.
Derek is finally getting to the steering wheel, also known as the helm,
but this might be the longest it's ever taken to get a pizza delivered.
We need to build a trunnion for the cannon,
which consists of a stock, axle, two wheels, so we can position and aim it.
Graz and Justine will finish up the decorative details,
such as the molding, the pizza slice bunting flags…
And lastly, printing the name on the stern.
Guys, pencils down. Let's take a look.
I think we outdid ourselves. It looks amazing.
Let's get out of here.
Can't wait to show these little pizza eaters what we made.
Arrr! Avast, ye scallywags!
You ready to show these kids their pizza pirate dream?
We gotta get to work before the rain kicks in.
Let me get Abe and Leah up here. Show these ungrateful kids what we did.
-Hello!
Hey. How are you guys?
Hello, old people.
-Hello, young people.
Let me get this straight. You come on my show, insult me,
demand I build a pirate ship, and this is your level of excitement?
Are you ready to see this pizza ship?
Yes!
All right, guys! Hit it!
Open that door!
Whoa.
It is beautiful!
Wonderful! Wonderful!
What you are looking at is definitely not seaworthy
and barely road worthy.
Pirate Pizza Ship.
That's the best pirate pizza ship I've ever seen.
-You seen a lot of these, huh?
We started with a beautiful compact car from my buddy's junkyard
and built around it.
Let's start from the top and work our way down.
Derek built the crow's nest.
Then what would a pizza ship be without a pizza wheel?
That is a spicy pizza meatball.
You asked for cool stained glass windows. Graz, explain the windows.
So we replicated stained glass, but we did it our own way with epoxy.
We dyed it with some pigments.
And we put your name and some pizza on the back.
Yo-ho-ho!
What pirate ship wouldn't be complete without pizza sails and flags
made by the masterful Justine?
And, guys, how can we forget the merman?
I sculpted the merman out of Styrofoam,
and we left the head off for a very special guest, Pat.
Yes.
It is gorgeous. I love it.
The merman with a hat.
All right. I think that's it. I think we're done here.
-Wait. -What?
The cannon shooting at the ship.
Oh.
-That is what we wanna see. -Where's the cannon?
Jackman, you got the pizza cannon locked and loaded?
It's ready to go.
All right. Let's set sail. Let's get this battle underway.
Welcome to the invasion of DiResta Island,
or as I call it, the dumb part of the show
where we show you kids your stupid inventions in action.
-Hey! They're not stupid! -You're stupid!
You're a moron!
I'm about to show you your stupid pizza cannon. Wanna see it?
-Yes! -Yes!
I'm so excited, I could poop my pants.
-That's great, Abe. Thank you. -What?
We turned this out of a giant red oak log. It was like 600 pounds.
Crafted it out of that and some plywood and a slingshot mechanism on the inside,
some CNC'd wheels that it rolls around--
-Hey, wake up! -Huh?
Am I boring you, Abe?
Um, no.
It's a cannon that fires pizzas. What else could you possibly want?
To see it fire.
All right. So here's how it's gonna work.
We're gonna have the pizza pirates drive the ship up the driveway,
and gonna light them up with the cannon, like it's the Pizza War of 1812.
Yes!
You wanna see some pizza smash against the ship?
Yeah!
Jackman, load this thing up. Let's get ready to go.
Let's fire some pizzas.
Locked and loaded.
Why the hell is there smoke?
The fog means the pirates are on the horizon.
Forward! Yarrr!
I see a ship! We must protect DiResta Island!
No. Not into the tree.
God.
-Jeez.
There's trees everywhere. I can't see.
That's hilarious.
-Jackman, are you ready? -Ready.
Ahoy, mateys!
There it is, Jackman. Try and hit Derek.
Fire!
-Okay. Oh my God.
Loser!
-Close, but no cigar. -Quick! We're gonna try and hit him again.
Fire at him!
-You hit the merman!
What? Are we parallel parking? What are we doing?
Hit him! Hit him!
Loser!
You still can't hit me.
Jackman, if you don't get one on my lap, you have to eat a raw pizza.
-Raw pizza. -Wait.
He's gonna hit him! Hit him! Hit him!
You've got pizza in your hat, matey.
He's still a loser.
Abe and Leah, are you guys satisfied?
Yes!
Did you have fun?
Yargh!
Did we make all of your dumb kid dreams come true?
-Yes! -Yes!
All right. Go stuff your faces with pizza. You've earned it.
All righty. Thank you, matey.
-That was fun. It was fun.
I'm going to get dry. Sail this piece of ship out of here.
-All right. -Shift it into "R."
Farewell.
-Which way am I going? -Okay. Back up.
Steer slight left.
Whoo-hoo.