Where is everybody?
I guess the '90s finally went out of style.
Little girl!
Up in here, the '90s will live forever.
I just shut down early
so I could set up for the rap battle tonight.
A rap battle? I love rap battles.
What's a rap battle?
A verbal jousting of witty words.
You rap insults at your opponents
over a frickity-fresh beat.
Yes, I regret saying "frickity-fresh."
The winner gets the title of the Best Teenage Rapper in Cleveland
and…
…this trophy.
I want that title. I need that title.
I am that title!
Uh, why are you so hyped for this title?
I've been living in a phone.
Now that I'm out,
I have a list of real teenager things that I wanna do.
And winning a rap battle is on that list.
You just found out what a rap battle was.
And now it's on my list.
You might rap. But can you battle rap?
I've never done it on a stage, but just this morning,
the toaster was taking too long, right?
So I was like, "You're a dumb box warming up my bread.
I hit you with my bars, then, boom, you're dead."
The toast popped right up after that.
Okay, I see what you're doing.
I'll see you onstage tonight.
Sadie, you should be my DJ.
Oh, I am nice on the ones and twos.
That was pretty good.
Almost makes up for "frickity-fresh."
Yes!
I said almost.
Boys, feast your eyes.
First-edition designer sneakers by Fellini.
Whoa. Fellinis. Those are expensive.
Uh-uh. Back up.
Wish I could share your enthusiasm,
but I don't walk.
I roll.
Jeremy, get your feet off my wife's table before you get us all put out.
Careful! You almost stepped on Snapper.
You have the first-edition Blue Lobster from the Sea Babies collection?
Do you know how rare this is?
Snapper's valuable?
How valuable?
I could take you to my toy guy's shop to have him appraised.
That's right. I got a toy guy.
I don't know, Marky. You love Snapper.
You know what I love more.
A good investment.
And if I sell Snapper, I can invest in Fellini.
Yeah, I mean, clearly their stock is going up
because a bunch of old men are buying their shoes, right?
Jeremy, you are always one comment away from getting put out of this house.
Oh, man, Buster the Mic Crusher,
you are not going to the next round of the rap battle.
Looks like the microphone crushed you tonight.
We're up next. I'm so nervous.
I've never rap battled against anything except a toaster.
Don't worry.
Like every legendary DJ, I researched the competition
and wrote embarrassing facts about them on these flash cards, huh?
Me and you have very different ideas about hip-hop.
Y'all ready for the next round?
It's time for Cartier!
Aww, she's so cute.
Tell me her dirty secrets.
All right. Cartier.
Spelling bee champ. Still sleeps in footie pajamas.
Personally, I don't see what's wrong with that,
but maybe you can make something out of it.
Battling Cartier is Lay Lay
and DJ… [mimics record scratching] Sadie.
All right, I want a nice clean battle, okay?
Yeah, right. This is battle rap, baby!
Get down and dirty.
Unh, unh
Cartier
Unh, unh, check it
They call me Cartier, Cartier
No, not Carter
But I'm hard like Wayne
Psych, my game's harder
I'm about to beat you And your little partner
Yeah, you just got served
By a rappin' kindergartner
It's your girl Lay Lay
Cartier is cute, you think you're hot?
I'll make you simmer
I'll beat you in the spelling bee
'Cause you can't spell "winner"
Maybe you can
Battle when you get a little older
I was dropping rhymes Back when you was in a stroller
Come for me, I'm coming back Like karma
It's past your bed time
Go put on your footie pajamas
Man. Cartier, you did your thing.
But Lay Lay and Sadie, they win this round.
All right, now… coming to the stage next--ooh.
We have BoomBox's very own Lugnut.
Competing against Lugnut,
this kid calls himself the coldest rapper in the game.
Show some love for Chicago's own
Young Dylan.
What up, BoomBox Burger?
Who is this guy?
[Sadie] I don't know.
He's from out of town! I didn't study out-of-towners!
I wasn't told they would be on the test!
Throw your burgers in the air Like you don't care
Throw your fries the air Like you don't care
Hey, Young Dylan, I'm a young villain
'Cause I'm about to serve you And I'm not chillin'
After I win, you'll know my name Is Lugnut
It's easy to remember 'Cause it rhymes with "pig *"
Lugnut
That was cute. My turn.
You ain't a young villain
Y'all know how I be chillin'
You should put me on your playlist
You rock with Young Dylan
YD popped up at BoomBox Like "Surprise"
Give him a tissue, Lugnut 'bout to cry
Thought you could serve me
They serving you lies
The only thing you serving me Is burgers and fries
All right. Yeah. Yeah.
Get off the stage, Lugnut.
Get off the stage!
Give it up for the winner,
Young Dylan!
I'm just gonna say what everybody's thinking.
I don't like his face.
I'm Sadie's affirmation app
That's a goodbye to fraternal twins Gary and Cary.
Lay Lay and DJ Sadie win again!
Disrespecting people while rapping was fun!
I love battle rapping.
Tomorrow's final rap battle will be Lay Lay
and DJ Sadie versus Young Dylan.
The winner will be declared the Best Teenage Rapper
in Cleveland!
Cue the confetti!
Sadie, I'm gonna need you to do your research,
because I can't lose to some dude named Byron.
It's Dylan.
Really? He looks like a Byron.
Well, I don't know anything about him.
But we could pretend to be his friends and find out the dirt.
Sadie Alexander.
I love it when you get shady.
Side note.
Free sesame seeds on the buns for the first 20 customers.
After that, you gotta pay.
People pay real money for this junk?
Hey, shh.
That's the owner, Funky Old Joe.
Maybe it's not the best idea to offend him and his store
before we make a sale.
Too many blemishes.
This quarter is only worth 22 cents. Scram.
Funky Old Joe. Long time, no see.
Hey, it's the kid who everybody likes… but me.
What can I do for you, Jeremy?
We've got something valuable for you.
Blue Lobster.
There are only 50 of those in the universe.
And it can be yours if the price is right.
I say that's worth…
One hundred dollars.
One fifty.
Deal.
Remember, we're being nice to Dylan.
Sadie, you don't have to remind me to be nice.
-Yes, you do. -Yes, I do.
Hey, Dylan.
Congrats on getting into the finals.
You were pretty good up there.
Mm, he was all right.
Nah, she's right. I was good.
And now you're the last rapper I gotta beat.
Girl, wake him up.
Because if he thinks he's gonna beat me, he's dreaming.
Uh, I like that. False confidence.
My nails may be fake, but my confidence is real.
Unlike that chain around your neck.
Huh, you're pretty funny for a seven-year-old.
So, Young Dylan, what brings you to Cleveland, huh?
I'm in town visiting family and-- wait a minute.
Young Dylan don't chat with his competition.
Eh, I wouldn't call you competition.
I wouldn't call you, period.
Rap battles can be so mean and personal.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a little camaraderie offstage?
No!
But, Lay Lay, wouldn't you like to get to know Young Dylan better?
What?
You're right. We're being nice.
Why don't you come over to our house tomorrow
for a home-cooked meal, huh?
After the way you destroyed Lugnut in that rap battle,
I wouldn't eat anything he serves.
Here's a Tupac Guac on the house. I made it myself.
Here, try it in front of me while I watch.
What time should I come over?
Morning, son. Morning, not my son.
Morning, Father.
I'm here to support Marky.
You're eating my cereal.
Okay, I'm here to support Marky and eat your cereal.
He hasn't been himself since he sold Snapper.
Also, you're out of cereal.
He still hasn't snapped out of it, huh?
Did you say Snapper?
Oh, boy. Hey, hey, Marky.
Want me to whip you up some waffles double wrapped in bacon?
Huh? Your favorite.
No, thanks, Dad.
Bland, flavorless oatmeal will do just fine.
Well, hey, how's the Fellini stock doing?
Through the roof.
Best investment I've made in years.
But it's just money.
Just… money?
We gotta get that lobster back.
My son is broken.
Lunch is served.
Thanks for having me over, Sadie and Lay Lay.
So what's this delicious lunch we're having?
Ah, for our main course, we'll be serving
peanut butter… à la jelly.
So, Dylan, what's the worst thing you've ever done?
What are your top five most humiliating moments?
You have any weird quirks?
No. I wanna know about you guys.
So, Lay Lay, where are you from?
I'm from Houston.
The Bayou City.
No. Houston.
Didn't you hear me?
Uh, that's what they call Houston.
Oh… right!
My hometown just goes by so many names,
that one just slipped my mind.
Hey, excuse me. My friend Booder's calling.
-Yeah, take your time. -Of course.
We're not finding out anything about him that we can use.
Then we'll have to get even shadier.
Sadie Alexander.
I'm rubbing off on you in all the right ways.
Hey, what's up, Booder?
No, you can't put me on hold.
Come on, Sadie, let's hear what he says.
Oh, good. You're back.
Okay, listen.
Bethany finally responded to one of my texts.
She said, "Stop texting me,"
but still, that's progress.
Hold up, I hear something.
Anyway, I'm doing this rap battle,
and the girl I'm up against says she's from Houston,
but there's something shady about it.
Get back in here.
Hey, where did you guys come from?
-Upstairs. -The kitchen.
Were you spying on me?
What? No.
It's like you just popped up out of nowhere.
Uh, maybe you popped up out of nowhere--poof!
Well, guess what.
I know your secret, Lay Lay.
You're not from Houston,
and tonight I'm gonna tell everyone where you're really from.
My ride is here.
But brace yourself, because the truth is coming.
He must have seen me turn invisible.
And now he's gonna tell everyone I'm from the phone.
Okay. Calm down.
We're gonna make sure everyone knows you're a regular teenager.
You've gotta stop flickering in and out.
I can't believe Young Dylan knows I'm an avatar from the phone.
When he tells everyone tonight at the rap battle,
the government is gonna come looking for you.
I'll have to hide you under a blanket
and ride you out of here on the handlebars of my bike.
But we won't be able to fly to the moon.
So the men in hazmat suits will take you away to Area 51,
I'll never see you again,
and you'll become best friends with bigfoot forever.
What?
Girl, you've gotta stop watching old movies.
I think the only way to protect your secret is to quit.
Quit? I don't wanna quit.
What about my list of real teenager things?
I've done the math. This is the only way.
I knew math was gonna be a problem.
Oh, no.
Funky Old Joe put Snapper in the case for VICs,
very important collectibles.
How do we handle this, Jeremy, hmm?
Do I need to go all West Side Story Bryce on this dude?
'Cause I will.
I'm not sure those rhythmic snaps strike fear into people's hearts
the way you think they do.
Just follow my lead, okay?
Wow, that's an awesome…
"World's Best Uncle" mug.
Maybe that should go in the VIC case instead of the Blue Lobster, hmm?
That mug's been sitting there for six years, kid.
Nobody likes their uncle.
Okay. Look, let me kick it to you straight.
My son here has been experiencing trader's remorse
and needs his Blue Lobster back.
Oh, trader's remorse, huh? Oh, I get it.
I'll give you the lobster back…
for, say, 400 bucks.
You only gave me 150.
And for that, I feel remorse.
Look, I'm not leaving here without my son's lobster.
He loves it.
I have a son too, man.
His name is Funky Baby Joe.
So I will give you the Blue Lobster.
Thank you.
In exchange for your limited-edition shoes.
What? What? My Fellinis?
What am I supposed to wear out of here?
I got a "World's Best Uncle" mug.
Fine.
Thanks, Dad.
When you're old, this might be the moment that keeps me
from putting you in a home.
Here you go, kid.
I missed you so much.
Why do you smell so bad?
They don't call me Funky Old Joe for nothing.
Yo, Dylan.
Yo, what's up? Y'all ready to do this?
We're just here to tell you
that we're dropping out of the battle.
What? You can't drop out.
I don't want to.
I wanna take you down,
but I can't have you spilling my secret.
So you win. Congratulations.
I don't wanna win like this.
I was ready to square off with you.
You're the only one here that's legit.
Thank you.
You know, you don't really get on my nerves
when you're complimenting me.
Well, compliments don't win rap battles.
Trash-talking does.
Maybe this time, it doesn't have to be.
Instead of using your skills to take each other down,
you could gas each other up.
That's different, but I like it.
Young Dylan and Lay Lay changing the game.
I think you mean Lay Lay and Young Dylan
changing the game.
Mm, that'll work for me.
I gotta say, I'm surprised you're so worried
about people finding out you're from the suburbs
and not from Houston.
Wait. That's what you thought her secret was?
Yeah, lots of people front and say they're from the city.
I ain't frontin'.
I mean… that's my secret.
And thank you, I've got a rep to protect.
Please, this is Cleveland. No one has a rep.
Let's do this.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Showtime.
Are y'all ready for the final showdown?
Make some noise
for Young Dylan, Lay Lay,
and DJ Sadie!
Young Dylan, top billin'
Lay Lay
I know we s'pose to be battlin'
Maybe even tattlin'
Instead of being far apart
We had a little heart-to-heart
Ey, I am digging your style Your passion for the art
And I'ma shout your DJ out 'Cause she fly and she smart
Well, you're the real dude, Dylan
And I like your manners
Plus you got bars You put it down for Atlanta
We sittin' on top, Lay Lay dollar bill
Yeah