WEBVTT

00:00:02.666 --> 00:00:05.958
Oh, my God, I can't believe
the wedding is in ten days!

00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:08.166
Oh, my God,
the wedding is in ten days.

00:00:08.250 --> 00:00:10.416
Babe, please, pick an emotion.

00:00:10.458 --> 00:00:12.541
It's just there's so much to do.

00:00:12.541 --> 00:00:15.083
Shannon, Ben? Would
one of you pick up

00:00:15.125 --> 00:00:16.708
the welcome bags
for the out-of-town guests?

00:00:16.750 --> 00:00:18.833
Well, sounds to me like
you're gonna need somebody

00:00:18.875 --> 00:00:21.041
very dependable
for that responsibility,

00:00:21.083 --> 00:00:23.041
so... Ben?

00:00:25.083 --> 00:00:27.208
I don't want to complain,
Clem, but Shannon is your

00:00:27.250 --> 00:00:30.000
maid of honor
and I'm just your bridesboy,

00:00:30.041 --> 00:00:32.375
yet I seem to be
doing everything.

00:00:32.458 --> 00:00:34.666
Come on,
that's not true.

00:00:34.750 --> 00:00:38.083
Look at this list. Ben, Ben,
Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

00:00:38.125 --> 00:00:39.916
There is only one place
I like hearing my name

00:00:39.958 --> 00:00:42.333
called out that many times,
and to put it politely,

00:00:42.375 --> 00:00:44.041
none of y'all would be there.

00:00:46.916 --> 00:00:50.041
Oh, Shannon, there is one thing
that you could do.

00:00:50.083 --> 00:00:52.916
I need somebody to help me
pick out a cute pair of sneakers

00:00:52.916 --> 00:00:54.250
to change into
after the ceremony.

00:00:54.291 --> 00:00:56.541
Wow, Clem, you're gonna be
wearing those

00:00:56.583 --> 00:00:57.916
for most of your wedding.

00:00:57.958 --> 00:01:01.708
That is a huge thing
to trust me with.

00:01:06.083 --> 00:01:08.041
Fine. I'll do it.

00:01:08.083 --> 00:01:10.208
Thank you.

00:01:10.250 --> 00:01:13.166
Okay, I'm just gonna have to
make this fun for myself.

00:01:13.166 --> 00:01:15.166
I'll find a store
with a hot salesman

00:01:15.208 --> 00:01:16.375
who has great
taste in shoes.

00:01:17.833 --> 00:01:19.541
Which will have to be Bloomie's
'cause I've already

00:01:19.583 --> 00:01:22.208
"tried on all the shoes"
at Barney's.

00:01:25.041 --> 00:01:26.208
So what do you need
sneakers for?

00:01:26.250 --> 00:01:28.083
I can't dance
all night in heels,

00:01:28.083 --> 00:01:30.125
even though our first dance
is just gonna be us

00:01:30.166 --> 00:01:34.000
swaying back and forth
like a lame eighth grade dance.

00:01:34.083 --> 00:01:35.500
Um...

00:01:35.541 --> 00:01:40.083
my eighth grade dance
was a straight-up grind fest.

00:01:40.125 --> 00:01:41.833
Besides, I thought you guys
were gonna salsa,

00:01:41.875 --> 00:01:44.458
like in your favorite movie.
What happened?

00:01:44.500 --> 00:01:47.458
Nothing. We just decided,
as a couple,

00:01:47.500 --> 00:01:50.000
that Nick is uncomfortable
dancing in public.

00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:51.708
I'm not uncomfortable.

00:01:51.750 --> 00:01:54.000
Look, I just don't
like the terror

00:01:54.041 --> 00:01:56.125
that it instills in every
part of my body, okay?

00:01:57.875 --> 00:01:59.083
I don't know what your issue is.

00:01:59.125 --> 00:02:00.666
You're a great dancer.Yes.

00:02:00.750 --> 00:02:02.083
Sure, here, with you
in the kitchen.

00:02:02.166 --> 00:02:06.250
I mean, I can do this--
ugh, ugh--

00:02:06.291 --> 00:02:07.541
all day long.

00:02:07.583 --> 00:02:12.000
You can, but the question is,
should you?

00:02:12.083 --> 00:02:14.625
How do we feel about
the sneakers at Nordstrom?

00:02:14.666 --> 00:02:16.833
'Cause I just remembered
I may have...

00:02:16.875 --> 00:02:19.208
tried on all the shoes
at Bloomie's, too.

00:02:25.958 --> 00:02:27.833
Hey, Nick.

00:02:27.875 --> 00:02:29.875
Can you do me a favor?What's up?

00:02:29.916 --> 00:02:32.500
My sody's
all the way over there.

00:02:37.875 --> 00:02:38.875
Thank you.

00:02:46.875 --> 00:02:47.833
Respect.

00:02:53.458 --> 00:02:54.791
Hey, Freddy.
How's it going?

00:02:54.833 --> 00:02:55.791
Where's Clem?

00:02:55.791 --> 00:02:57.833
I'm great, thank you for asking.

00:02:57.916 --> 00:03:02.166
Hey, Shannon. How's work?

00:03:02.208 --> 00:03:05.083
I'm in tenth grade.

00:03:05.125 --> 00:03:07.166
Hey, Dad.

00:03:07.208 --> 00:03:08.583
What do you want?

00:03:08.625 --> 00:03:11.041
Every time I show up,
you ask me what do I want,

00:03:11.083 --> 00:03:12.250
like you're not happy
to see me.

00:03:12.333 --> 00:03:14.916
So what do you want?

00:03:14.958 --> 00:03:18.666
I sort of need a favor.
There was an incident at work.

00:03:18.708 --> 00:03:20.666
We were investigating
a possible homicide

00:03:20.708 --> 00:03:21.958
out in Queens.

00:03:22.041 --> 00:03:24.458
Found a bag of heads, and, uh,

00:03:24.500 --> 00:03:27.500
we realized, yup, homicide.

00:03:27.541 --> 00:03:31.250
Whoa, you found a bag of heads?

00:03:31.291 --> 00:03:33.125
Yeah, what did I just say?

00:03:34.208 --> 00:03:36.125
Anyway, Clem...

00:03:37.833 --> 00:03:41.250
...the department classifies
that as "on-the-job trauma,"

00:03:41.291 --> 00:03:43.000
so they're making me
get counseling,

00:03:43.041 --> 00:03:45.875
and I figured since your future
mother-in-law is a shrink,

00:03:45.875 --> 00:03:47.708
I was hoping you could
ask her to...

00:03:47.708 --> 00:03:50.625
Uh-uh. No way. I am not
letting you use Rose

00:03:50.708 --> 00:03:52.416
for free counseling.I don't need Rose

00:03:52.458 --> 00:03:54.041
for free counseling.

00:03:54.083 --> 00:03:57.125
I just need her to sign a form
that says I had counseling.

00:03:57.583 --> 00:03:58.791
Forget it, Dad.

00:03:58.791 --> 00:03:59.958
I'm not gonna let you
use Rose like that.

00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:01.166
Fine.

00:04:01.208 --> 00:04:04.916
Nick, my future son-in-law.

00:04:04.958 --> 00:04:07.000
How's it going, buddy?

00:04:07.041 --> 00:04:09.333
Don't fall for it, Nick!

00:04:09.333 --> 00:04:10.916
Freddy, there's
absolutely no way

00:04:10.958 --> 00:04:13.041
I'm helping you with my mother.

00:04:13.083 --> 00:04:14.875
But I'm fine, thanks for asking.

00:04:18.875 --> 00:04:21.750
So I guess the only thing
we haven't finalized

00:04:21.791 --> 00:04:24.875
is whether or not your father
will sing at the wedding.

00:04:24.916 --> 00:04:27.041
Rose, don't put
any pressure on them.

00:04:27.083 --> 00:04:29.041
You kids can decide later.

00:04:29.083 --> 00:04:32.000
But considering
I'm a Broadway star...

00:04:33.500 --> 00:04:35.666
You got to give
the people what they want.

00:04:37.458 --> 00:04:40.000
Ooh! You could sing
for our first dance.

00:04:40.041 --> 00:04:45.000
Do you know any songs
that are slow and boring?

00:04:45.041 --> 00:04:47.208
Do I?

00:04:49.166 --> 00:04:50.041
I remember

00:04:50.083 --> 00:04:52.041
our first dance.

00:04:52.041 --> 00:04:55.041
People said I couldn't do
The Worm in my gown.

00:04:55.083 --> 00:04:57.666
I proved them wrong.

00:04:57.708 --> 00:04:59.250
I wish I could've seen that.

00:04:59.291 --> 00:05:00.875
Oh, you will.Mm-hmm.

00:05:02.750 --> 00:05:06.375
Dad, I need your help.

00:05:06.416 --> 00:05:08.083
Clem wants to do
a big salsa number,

00:05:08.125 --> 00:05:11.958
okay, but I am freaked out about
doing it in front of a crowd.

00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:13.958
Son, you're great
in front of a crowd.

00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:15.125
You're a college professor.

00:05:15.166 --> 00:05:16.833
You lecture to hundreds
of people a day.

00:05:16.833 --> 00:05:20.166
Yes, yes, I do, but
not on my tippy toes.

00:05:20.166 --> 00:05:22.958
Well, lucky for you, son,
I know a thing or two

00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:26.333
about public humiliation.
I was in Cats.

00:05:26.375 --> 00:05:28.333
Tell you what,

00:05:28.375 --> 00:05:30.500
I'll come over this week
and help you lose your fear.

00:05:30.583 --> 00:05:33.208
You really think it'll work?
'Cause I want to surprise Clem.

00:05:33.250 --> 00:05:35.333
I know it will.
Wear comfortable shoes,

00:05:35.375 --> 00:05:38.458
eat a good breakfast,
and stretch beforehand.

00:05:38.500 --> 00:05:42.666
'Cause your thighs
are gonna be on fire!

00:05:44.291 --> 00:05:47.250
Thank you so much for picking up
the tablecloths tomorrow.

00:05:47.291 --> 00:05:47.875
I would do it myself,

00:05:47.875 --> 00:05:49.916
but I kind of sort of
can't drive.

00:05:49.958 --> 00:05:51.916
Wait, what? You can't drive?

00:05:51.916 --> 00:05:53.291
Mm-mm.You know what?

00:05:53.333 --> 00:05:55.500
I am not gonna judge you
right before your wedding,

00:05:55.541 --> 00:05:59.833
so I am simply gonna say,
"Hey, girl, that's not weird."

00:05:59.916 --> 00:06:01.375
I know.

00:06:01.416 --> 00:06:04.375
My dad promised that he would
teach me, but he never did.

00:06:04.416 --> 00:06:06.666
Something always got in the way,

00:06:06.708 --> 00:06:10.375
and that something
usually became my stepmom.

00:06:10.416 --> 00:06:13.041
Sweetheart,
I am really sorry

00:06:13.041 --> 00:06:15.416
Freddy broke all of
his promises to you.

00:06:15.458 --> 00:06:18.125
Yeah, he's the worst.
This morning,

00:06:18.166 --> 00:06:19.916
he told me that
the police department

00:06:19.958 --> 00:06:21.583
wants him to have therapy,

00:06:21.625 --> 00:06:24.416
and he asked me if you would
sign some form for him.

00:06:24.458 --> 00:06:26.916
Can you believe that?

00:06:26.958 --> 00:06:28.291
Send him to me.

00:06:28.333 --> 00:06:29.458
What?

00:06:29.458 --> 00:06:31.916
You heard me, baby,
send him to me.

00:06:31.958 --> 00:06:33.458
Rose, no.

00:06:33.500 --> 00:06:35.916
Just because he's my father,
you shouldn't feel obligated

00:06:35.958 --> 00:06:37.833
to help him
with one of his scams.

00:06:37.833 --> 00:06:40.500
Oh, I'm gonna help him,
all right, but not in the way

00:06:40.541 --> 00:06:42.833
he's expecting,

00:06:42.833 --> 00:06:44.375
and I'm not gonna
give him that signature

00:06:44.416 --> 00:06:46.625
until I see some
actual growth.

00:06:46.708 --> 00:06:49.250
Good luck.
The man can't even grow

00:06:49.291 --> 00:06:52.125
the pot plant
in his closet.

00:06:52.166 --> 00:06:53.708
Clem, you are
gonna thank me.

00:06:53.750 --> 00:06:56.208
Don't you want to be in a
better place with your father

00:06:56.250 --> 00:06:57.416
before the wedding?

00:06:57.416 --> 00:07:00.583
Well, I'm not currently
seething with hatred

00:07:00.625 --> 00:07:02.291
every waking moment
of the day,

00:07:02.291 --> 00:07:05.291
so we're kind of
at an all-time high.

00:07:05.333 --> 00:07:08.625
But things are gonna
be better, you'll see.

00:07:08.666 --> 00:07:12.333
You just happen to be speaking
to the best damn therapist

00:07:12.333 --> 00:07:14.375
in the city of New York.

00:07:14.458 --> 00:07:18.041
You should
put that on your card.

00:07:18.083 --> 00:07:20.500
Oh, my God, you did.

00:07:23.041 --> 00:07:24.791
Thanks for
seeing me, Rose.

00:07:24.833 --> 00:07:26.500
Here's that form
for you to sign.

00:07:26.541 --> 00:07:29.541
And, uh, here's 20 bucks
for your trouble.

00:07:29.583 --> 00:07:31.458
That's a five.

00:07:32.916 --> 00:07:34.458
But thank you.

00:07:34.500 --> 00:07:37.333
Ooh, now let me find my pen.

00:07:37.375 --> 00:07:40.291
You know, I get so overwhelmed,
I lose things.

00:07:40.333 --> 00:07:41.958
Do you ever get
overwhelmed, Freddy?

00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:44.375
Nice try, Rose.

00:07:45.583 --> 00:07:47.666
Trying to trick me into talking
about my feelings.

00:07:47.666 --> 00:07:49.166
Well, it ain't gonna happen.

00:07:49.166 --> 00:07:53.583
Right, because real men
don't talk about their feelings.

00:07:53.625 --> 00:07:57.458
I understand. Most men
get that from their father.

00:07:57.500 --> 00:07:59.833
Not me. I never got anything
from my father,

00:07:59.916 --> 00:08:02.166
except for good hair
and dyslexia.

00:08:04.208 --> 00:08:06.250
There it is.

00:08:06.250 --> 00:08:09.625
And it is out of ink.
You know what?

00:08:09.666 --> 00:08:11.708
Freddy, why don't you
have a seat on the couch

00:08:11.791 --> 00:08:15.541
while I search
for another one.

00:08:15.541 --> 00:08:18.000
So your father was
a real jerk, huh?

00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.083
Eh, the louse
was never home anyway.

00:08:20.125 --> 00:08:22.375
Chef Boyardee was
the closest thing I had

00:08:22.416 --> 00:08:25.125
to a male role model.

00:08:25.166 --> 00:08:28.041
Fat chef bastard.

00:08:28.083 --> 00:08:31.250
Well, it sounds like you had to
take care of yourself

00:08:31.291 --> 00:08:32.708
when you were a kid.

00:08:32.750 --> 00:08:35.583
Are you kidding? I had to do
everything for myself.

00:08:35.625 --> 00:08:39.500
One time I-- Do you mind
if I put my feet up?

00:08:39.541 --> 00:08:41.083
Please.

00:08:51.833 --> 00:08:53.958
So Rose really thinks
she can fix our dad?

00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:56.750
Doesn't she have better ways
to completely waste her time?

00:08:56.833 --> 00:09:01.000
Hey, my mom is the best damn
therapist in New York City.

00:09:01.041 --> 00:09:02.708
Oh, yeah, I've seen the card.

00:09:04.208 --> 00:09:06.833
But trust me, you do not want
to go inside that man's head.

00:09:06.875 --> 00:09:09.083
It's just a bunch
of lies, scams,

00:09:09.125 --> 00:09:12.000
and every line of dialogue from
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

00:09:17.458 --> 00:09:19.958
Dad, what do you want?That was hurtful.

00:09:21.541 --> 00:09:24.208
But I do understand
why you said it.

00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:30.583
So, look, I was thinking,
when you were a kid,

00:09:30.625 --> 00:09:32.208
I promised to do some things

00:09:32.208 --> 00:09:34.583
that I never got
around to doing...

00:09:34.625 --> 00:09:37.541
which reminds me, you should
get vaccinated for measles.

00:09:37.583 --> 00:09:40.625
Yes, thank you,
I found that out the hard way.

00:09:42.416 --> 00:09:44.583
Anyway, I was remembering,
you know,

00:09:44.625 --> 00:09:47.416
just, uh, going back
through my memories,

00:09:47.458 --> 00:09:50.833
on my own,
prompted by no one,

00:09:50.916 --> 00:09:53.291
that, uh, one of
those things was

00:09:53.333 --> 00:09:55.500
I never taught you
how to drive.

00:09:55.541 --> 00:09:58.375
So I was thinking maybe I could
take you out for a lesson.

00:09:58.416 --> 00:10:00.833
Wait, you want to take me out
for a driving lesson?

00:10:00.833 --> 00:10:03.000
Yeah, why not?
Give us a chance to bond.

00:10:03.083 --> 00:10:07.833
Who-who is this guy?

00:10:07.875 --> 00:10:11.583
It's like the opposite
of a zombie movie.

00:10:11.583 --> 00:10:15.166
He got bit and
turned into a human.

00:10:15.208 --> 00:10:16.916
You know what, Dad,

00:10:16.958 --> 00:10:18.416
that's actually
a really nice offer.

00:10:18.416 --> 00:10:19.750
Let's do it tomorrow.

00:10:19.750 --> 00:10:21.750
It'll be interesting
to have you teach me

00:10:21.791 --> 00:10:23.875
something legal, for once.

00:10:23.916 --> 00:10:26.416
Yeah.
I'm glad I stopped by.

00:10:26.458 --> 00:10:28.416
It's true what they say.
Good things happen

00:10:28.458 --> 00:10:29.333
when you put yourself
out there.

00:10:29.333 --> 00:10:31.666
Have a nice day, everybody.

00:10:31.750 --> 00:10:33.250
Even you.

00:10:37.375 --> 00:10:39.541
Okay, now, son,

00:10:39.541 --> 00:10:42.125
if you can dance in front
of a teenage girl...

00:10:43.541 --> 00:10:45.708
...the most notoriously
judgmental creature

00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:46.708
on the Earth...

00:10:48.541 --> 00:10:50.541
...you can dance
at your wedding.

00:10:50.583 --> 00:10:52.000
Okay,

00:10:52.041 --> 00:10:55.000
Shannon, do you swear
to watch this dance rehearsal

00:10:55.041 --> 00:10:56.416
and heckle as needed?

00:10:56.458 --> 00:10:58.291
Walter, it would be my honor.

00:10:58.333 --> 00:11:00.916
Dad, I don't think
I can do this.

00:11:00.958 --> 00:11:02.875
It's one thing in the kitchen,
but here,

00:11:02.916 --> 00:11:05.625
under the bright lights
of the living room...

00:11:05.666 --> 00:11:06.666
too much pressure.

00:11:06.666 --> 00:11:08.666
You can do this, son.

00:11:08.750 --> 00:11:11.458
Shannon, are you ready
to insult?

00:11:11.500 --> 00:11:13.875
Literally always.

00:11:13.916 --> 00:11:16.333
And a five, six, seven, eight...

00:11:16.375 --> 00:11:19.208
You forgot one
through four, genius.

00:11:19.250 --> 00:11:20.500
Insult him, not me.

00:11:27.916 --> 00:11:30.250
Is this a Mets game?
'Cause you *!

00:11:31.958 --> 00:11:34.375
What is this,
Bambi on ice?

00:11:36.416 --> 00:11:38.500
Power through, son.
Power through.

00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:40.791
I'm dying slowly inside.

00:11:40.833 --> 00:11:43.083
So am I.

00:11:44.958 --> 00:11:50.208
Okay, you got your hands
at ten and two. That's great.

00:11:50.291 --> 00:11:53.333
Now, don't be afraid to give it
just a little more gas,

00:11:53.375 --> 00:11:56.541
aka, any gas at all.

00:11:56.583 --> 00:11:58.500
I'm just a little nervous.

00:11:58.541 --> 00:12:01.958
Understood. But we were just
passed by a very plump beagle.

00:12:01.958 --> 00:12:06.750
Okay, did you just
slow down even more?

00:12:06.791 --> 00:12:08.666
This is a two-ton
killing machine.

00:12:08.666 --> 00:12:09.833
Well, so is that beagle,

00:12:09.833 --> 00:12:12.666
but he's got some pep
in his step.

00:12:12.666 --> 00:12:15.708
I'm sorry, Dad, but this is as
fast as I'm comfortable going.

00:12:15.750 --> 00:12:18.708
I get it.
Baby steps. Wait.

00:12:18.750 --> 00:12:21.708
Oh, my God, that's the guy.What guy?

00:12:21.750 --> 00:12:22.875
The guy that cut off
all the heads.

00:12:22.875 --> 00:12:24.125
Right there in the blue Kia.
Follow him!

00:12:24.166 --> 00:12:25.708
He's going too fast.

00:12:25.750 --> 00:12:27.541
Don't think, just drive.

00:12:27.583 --> 00:12:28.708
What happens if we catch him?

00:12:28.750 --> 00:12:30.000
We try to apprehend him.

00:12:30.041 --> 00:12:32.333
If he swings an axe
or anything, duck.

00:12:32.416 --> 00:12:34.583
Now step on it!

00:12:39.958 --> 00:12:41.625
Finally.

00:12:41.625 --> 00:12:43.791
Actual proof that you're
a virgin.

00:12:43.833 --> 00:12:47.000
All right, all right, all right.
I am done!

00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:48.375
No more. No. No.

00:12:48.416 --> 00:12:50.708
No!

00:12:50.708 --> 00:12:53.375
You can't stop
in the middle of a salsa.

00:12:53.375 --> 00:12:56.250
That's how Charo tore her ACL.

00:12:56.291 --> 00:12:59.458
Nick, there is absolutely
no reason

00:12:59.541 --> 00:13:00.708
for you to be embarrassed.

00:13:00.750 --> 00:13:03.375
Nick, there absolutely is.

00:13:04.916 --> 00:13:07.458
Got some sneakers.

00:13:07.458 --> 00:13:10.458
Had an awkward run-in
with my ex-lover Sebastian.

00:13:10.541 --> 00:13:11.708
We're all good now.

00:13:11.750 --> 00:13:14.791
What happened to
the furniture?

00:13:14.833 --> 00:13:16.583
I swear to God, if you people
threw a party without me...

00:13:16.625 --> 00:13:18.041
No, no, no. No, Ben,
there was no party.

00:13:18.083 --> 00:13:19.666
They're just trying to
help me get over my fear

00:13:19.708 --> 00:13:20.708
of dancing at the wedding.

00:13:20.750 --> 00:13:21.958
Which is useless.

00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:24.583
Okay? Just forget it.
I'm-I'm done.

00:13:24.625 --> 00:13:25.916
What? No.

00:13:25.958 --> 00:13:28.541
No. I may not be that good
of a maid of honor,

00:13:28.583 --> 00:13:30.500
but this means
a lot to Clem,

00:13:30.541 --> 00:13:32.583
so I'm gonna help you
get through this.

00:13:32.625 --> 00:13:34.750
Even though when you dance,

00:13:34.791 --> 00:13:38.125
you look like a goat in
zero gravity, I'm sorry.

00:13:38.166 --> 00:13:40.458
Nicky, Nicky, this is
so easy to fix.

00:13:40.500 --> 00:13:42.041
Watch and learn.
Give me a beat, daddy.

00:13:52.708 --> 00:13:54.625
How is this supposed to help?

00:13:54.666 --> 00:13:56.041
You're even worse than Nick.

00:13:56.083 --> 00:13:57.500
I know, but I don't care.

00:13:57.541 --> 00:13:59.333
If you're having fun,
you're a great dancer,

00:13:59.375 --> 00:14:00.875
even if you're
a terrible dancer.

00:14:00.875 --> 00:14:04.208
I call it the "Ellen Theory."

00:14:05.958 --> 00:14:07.916
Come on, join me, Nicky.

00:14:07.916 --> 00:14:09.791
Sure,
why the hell not?

00:14:12.333 --> 00:14:13.958
Dip me.

00:14:16.666 --> 00:14:18.791
That's it, son.
You're free!

00:14:25.333 --> 00:14:26.708
I don't know if I can
keep up with him, Dad.

00:14:26.791 --> 00:14:28.083
He's going too fast.

00:14:28.125 --> 00:14:29.875
Of course he's going fast.
The fever's got him.

00:14:29.958 --> 00:14:32.291
He needs more heads,
and he needs 'em now.

00:14:32.375 --> 00:14:34.708
Oh, God, he's pulling over.

00:14:34.708 --> 00:14:39.250
And wait, he's...

00:14:39.291 --> 00:14:41.333
an old lady?

00:14:41.375 --> 00:14:44.041
What, only a man can be
a mass murderer?

00:14:44.083 --> 00:14:45.875
You know, it's that kind
of attitude

00:14:45.916 --> 00:14:48.500
that's holding women back.

00:14:48.583 --> 00:14:50.958
She's not the
killer, is she?

00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:52.791
You were thinking too much.

00:14:52.791 --> 00:14:54.166
I had to get you out
of your head.

00:14:54.208 --> 00:14:56.500
And it worked, didn't it?
You drove.

00:14:56.541 --> 00:14:58.541
Yeah, I did.

00:14:58.583 --> 00:15:01.000
Oh, my God, I drove!

00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:04.916
That's a pretty nice
father-daughter moment, huh?

00:15:04.958 --> 00:15:07.708
Yeah. It was.

00:15:07.791 --> 00:15:10.875
You know, you may want to, uh,
mention that to Rose.

00:15:10.916 --> 00:15:12.666
Why would I mention that--

00:15:12.708 --> 00:15:14.750
Oh. I get it.

00:15:14.791 --> 00:15:16.583
This is just so that
she'll sign your form.

00:15:16.666 --> 00:15:18.291
So what if it is?
I get what I want.

00:15:18.375 --> 00:15:20.000
You get what you want.
It's a win-win.

00:15:20.041 --> 00:15:22.875
What I want is
an actual father.

00:15:22.958 --> 00:15:24.958
I can't believe I fell
for this... again.

00:15:24.958 --> 00:15:26.125
I'm such an idiot.

00:15:26.125 --> 00:15:27.958
Oh, come on, sweetie,
you're not an idiot.

00:15:27.958 --> 00:15:29.333
You're just dyslexic.

00:15:31.958 --> 00:15:34.083
I need to stop hoping
that you're gonna change.

00:15:34.166 --> 00:15:35.875
Come on, Clem,
I'm your dad.

00:15:35.916 --> 00:15:40.000
Barely. You're just the guy
who had * with my mom.

00:15:40.041 --> 00:15:41.875
And Shannon's mom,
and probably

00:15:41.916 --> 00:15:43.541
a lot of other
people's moms.

00:15:43.541 --> 00:15:45.416
Clem!

00:15:45.500 --> 00:15:48.083
Clem, at least let me
drive you home!

00:15:48.083 --> 00:15:50.416
There really is a guy
chopping heads out there!

00:15:50.416 --> 00:15:53.708
We tell the public we have
leads; we have no leads!

00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.833
Oh. Hey, babe.Hey.

00:16:04.083 --> 00:16:05.791
How was your driving lesson
with Freddy?

00:16:05.791 --> 00:16:08.083
Well, it started off with
me thinking I was gonna

00:16:08.125 --> 00:16:10.791
get my head chopped off,
and ended with me wishing

00:16:10.833 --> 00:16:13.375
that I had my head
chopped off.

00:16:13.416 --> 00:16:15.166
You okay?

00:16:15.208 --> 00:16:16.875
I don't want to talk about it.

00:16:16.958 --> 00:16:19.833
The moral of the story is
people don't change.

00:16:19.875 --> 00:16:22.041
Well, the moral of
this story is,

00:16:22.083 --> 00:16:24.375
uh, yeah, they do.

00:16:29.791 --> 00:16:32.916
Oh, my God, Nick,
what's all this?

00:16:33.958 --> 00:16:37.375
Play dance mix.

00:16:37.416 --> 00:16:38.958
Calling Dan Minsk.

00:16:38.958 --> 00:16:40.000
Damn it.

00:16:42.833 --> 00:16:44.500
Stop. Bad phone.

00:16:44.541 --> 00:16:46.833
Nick?

00:16:46.916 --> 00:16:48.833
Dan. Hey, man, uh,
it's been a long time.

00:16:48.833 --> 00:16:50.166
Long time.

00:16:50.208 --> 00:16:51.958
Let me guess.
Trying to play a dance mix?

00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.041
You got it. All right,
got to go, man. Bye.

00:16:56.208 --> 00:16:59.250
I'll just do this
the old-fashioned way.

00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:02.041
Ooh.

00:17:03.583 --> 00:17:05.416
Ooh.

00:17:06.833 --> 00:17:08.166
Oh.

00:17:08.250 --> 00:17:09.416
Nick?

00:17:15.750 --> 00:17:17.708
Nick, what is going on?

00:17:17.750 --> 00:17:21.875
I'm transporting you
to Havana, Cuba.

00:17:23.333 --> 00:17:27.666
And giving you the wedding dance
that you've always dreamed of.

00:17:29.875 --> 00:17:30.875
Are you for real?

00:17:32.916 --> 00:17:35.541
May I have this dance...

00:17:35.583 --> 00:17:37.916
and every dance,

00:17:37.958 --> 00:17:39.083
for the rest of our lives?

00:17:39.125 --> 00:17:40.625
Yes!

00:17:44.208 --> 00:17:47.166
Shannon, I cannot believe
I'm going to say this,

00:17:47.208 --> 00:17:52.000
but thank you so much
for tormenting my fiancé.

00:17:52.041 --> 00:17:55.500
Anytime.

00:17:55.541 --> 00:17:56.916
Whether he wants it or not.

00:17:58.541 --> 00:18:00.208
Clem, sweetheart,

00:18:00.208 --> 00:18:02.500
I am so sorry that
I was not able to make

00:18:02.541 --> 00:18:04.500
real progress
with your father.

00:18:04.541 --> 00:18:08.416
I was so sure that if he had a
genuine father-daughter moment,

00:18:08.500 --> 00:18:10.125
that he'd be hungry for more.

00:18:10.166 --> 00:18:12.708
Rose... I hate
to say I told you so,

00:18:12.750 --> 00:18:16.625
but, as you know, I was
raised very poorly, so...

00:18:16.708 --> 00:18:18.458
I told you so.

00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:22.375
I just was so sure that
I could get through to him.

00:18:22.416 --> 00:18:25.916
Aw, heck, now I just got to
order new business cards

00:18:25.958 --> 00:18:29.375
that say, "One of the best
damn therapists in New York."

00:18:34.083 --> 00:18:35.208
Hello, Clem.

00:18:35.250 --> 00:18:37.416
Dad. What do you want?

00:18:37.500 --> 00:18:41.500
Wow. Does not hurt less
with repetition.

00:18:41.541 --> 00:18:42.500
Hello, everybody.

00:18:42.541 --> 00:18:43.416
Hey.Hi, Dad.

00:18:43.500 --> 00:18:45.458
Hey, Freddy.Not you.

00:18:46.708 --> 00:18:50.500
Look, Clem, when you said
that thing in the car,

00:18:50.541 --> 00:18:52.583
it really made me think.

00:18:52.625 --> 00:18:56.791
I don't want to be just a guy
that had * with your mom.

00:18:56.833 --> 00:18:58.458
And your mom.

00:19:00.333 --> 00:19:04.541
I want to be a dad...
who had * with your mom.

00:19:04.583 --> 00:19:08.333
Well, it's not exactly
a Hallmark card,

00:19:08.375 --> 00:19:10.166
but it's not nothing.

00:19:10.208 --> 00:19:11.583
I mean it.

00:19:11.625 --> 00:19:13.916
In fact, I had such
a nice time with you,

00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.875
I-I started to think
maybe I should be

00:19:15.916 --> 00:19:17.916
in my daughters' lives
a little more.

00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:19.708
Booyah!

00:19:21.375 --> 00:19:25.458
Ha ha! I told youso.

00:19:25.458 --> 00:19:27.250
Hey, I deserve a little credit.

00:19:27.291 --> 00:19:29.666
I laid down the daughter guilt
pretty hard.

00:19:29.666 --> 00:19:32.416
Let us not forget about
the guy chopping heads.

00:19:32.500 --> 00:19:36.208
I mean, it all started
with him.

00:19:36.250 --> 00:19:40.375
Yeah, he's the real hero here.

00:19:40.416 --> 00:19:44.416
If we ever catch him, I'm
gonna shake that man's hand.

00:19:46.250 --> 00:19:48.833
So, is this what families do?

00:19:48.875 --> 00:19:51.625
You all hang out
and stare at each other?

00:19:54.083 --> 00:19:57.000
How long do we sit here for?

00:19:57.083 --> 00:20:00.291
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00:20:00.333 --> 00:20:03.208
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