WEBVTT

00:00:03.341 --> 00:00:04.801
What you looking at?

00:00:04.843 --> 00:00:06.678
Reese's report card.

00:00:06.720 --> 00:00:07.971
It is much better
than last time.

00:00:08.013 --> 00:00:08.763
Really?

00:00:08.805 --> 00:00:09.848
Yeah. This time he used

00:00:09.889 --> 00:00:11.182
the exact same brand of pen

00:00:11.224 --> 00:00:12.767
as the teacher
to change his grade.

00:00:12.809 --> 00:00:13.768
Look at that.

00:00:13.810 --> 00:00:15.603
He gave himself
a "C" in math

00:00:15.687 --> 00:00:16.563
instead of an A+.

00:00:16.604 --> 00:00:17.689
Yeah, it's subtle.

00:00:17.731 --> 00:00:19.149
Nice attention
to detail.

00:00:19.190 --> 00:00:20.358
He's really learning.

00:00:20.400 --> 00:00:21.693
Two months grounded?

00:00:21.776 --> 00:00:23.153
Three months
scrubbing toilets.

00:00:55.351 --> 00:00:56.644
Feet.

00:00:56.728 --> 00:00:57.729
Hey!

00:00:58.063 --> 00:00:58.813
My sandwich!

00:00:58.855 --> 00:00:59.898
It's mine now.

00:00:59.939 --> 00:01:00.815
Moving van!

00:01:00.857 --> 00:01:03.735
We've got a moving van
next door!

00:01:07.530 --> 00:01:09.866
Ooh, espresso-maker.

00:01:09.908 --> 00:01:12.619
Leather couch... I'm thinking
upscale professional.

00:01:12.660 --> 00:01:13.745
Well, if they're living here,

00:01:13.787 --> 00:01:15.538
they haven't managed
their money very well.

00:01:15.580 --> 00:01:17.665
Families keep moving
in and out of that house.

00:01:17.707 --> 00:01:18.708
I wonder why.

00:01:28.384 --> 00:01:29.844
Whoa!

00:01:48.029 --> 00:01:49.572
Maybe the house is haunted.

00:01:49.656 --> 00:01:50.865
Table saw!

00:01:50.907 --> 00:01:53.326
No, Hal.
No borrowing.

00:01:53.368 --> 00:01:54.661
We have a clean slate
with these people.

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We're going to behave.

00:01:55.787 --> 00:01:57.914
I want to have one
person on this earth

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who can pick up the mail.

00:01:59.165 --> 00:02:00.291
Your mother's right.

00:02:00.333 --> 00:02:02.502
Doesn't hurt to have
allies on the block,

00:02:02.544 --> 00:02:04.170
especially allies with a pool.

00:02:04.254 --> 00:02:06.506
We just got to make sure
we get to them

00:02:06.548 --> 00:02:08.716
before the Reeds can
poison them against us.

00:02:08.758 --> 00:02:09.968
Or the McCartys.

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Or the Whitfords.

00:02:10.927 --> 00:02:12.512
We definitely need
to get to them

00:02:12.554 --> 00:02:13.513
before the Whitfords.

00:02:13.555 --> 00:02:15.140
I see Mrs. Schneider circling.

00:02:15.181 --> 00:02:16.558
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go!

00:02:24.816 --> 00:02:26.818
Ten-hut!

00:02:26.860 --> 00:02:28.528
When you men are done here,

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I expect to see each
and every one of you

00:02:31.447 --> 00:02:33.074
on the parade ground

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practicing
your close order drill.

00:02:35.451 --> 00:02:37.370
But, sir, we just did
close order drill.

00:02:37.412 --> 00:02:38.746
Is that what that was?

00:02:38.788 --> 00:02:42.458
It looked like physical therapy
at a head trauma ward.

00:02:42.458 --> 00:02:45.461
Sir, we've been cleaning
and drilling for 36 hours.

00:02:45.461 --> 00:02:48.464
I think, by law, we're supposed
to be allowed to sleep.

00:02:48.464 --> 00:02:50.049
Why are we doing this?

00:02:50.091 --> 00:02:52.719
Well, this was supposed
to be a surprise,

00:02:52.760 --> 00:02:55.763
but I can no longer contain
my excitement.

00:02:55.805 --> 00:02:58.683
Marlin Academy is
about to be visited

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by one
of the last living heroes.

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Gentlemen,

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Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North,

00:03:05.857 --> 00:03:09.485
United States Marine Corps,
Retired, is coming here

00:03:09.527 --> 00:03:11.779
to give you
a motivational speech.

00:03:11.821 --> 00:03:13.948
Sir, isn't he a
convicted felon?

00:03:13.990 --> 00:03:16.159
That conviction was overturned.

00:03:16.201 --> 00:03:18.828
So was mine,
but I'm still stuck here.

00:03:18.870 --> 00:03:22.498
Well, if you had
a Bronze Star,

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a Silver Star,
two Purple Hearts,

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and a nationally syndicated
radio call-in show,

00:03:26.711 --> 00:03:28.504
then maybe you
could have had

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a deal.

00:03:29.505 --> 00:03:32.008
But since you don't...

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you can shut
your piehole!

00:03:39.641 --> 00:03:42.018
This is nice, Tina.

00:03:42.060 --> 00:03:43.519
You didn't have
to barbecue.

00:03:43.519 --> 00:03:44.812
Well, you're the
first neighbors

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to come by
and say hello.

00:03:46.064 --> 00:03:47.440
Well, that's not surprising.

00:03:47.482 --> 00:03:49.442
I don't want to speak ill
of anybody

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and I won't say who,

00:03:50.944 --> 00:03:53.112
but some of our neighbors are
prone to paranoid fantasies.

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Oh, yeah, don't get me
started on the stories.

00:03:55.073 --> 00:03:56.616
Hal...
Yeah.

00:03:56.658 --> 00:03:58.701
So, what's there to do
around here?

00:03:58.743 --> 00:04:03.164
Well, there's a pothole
we like to jump with our bikes.

00:04:03.206 --> 00:04:06.209
They filled it.

00:04:06.292 --> 00:04:08.044
There's a dead squirrel
we like to poke at.

00:04:08.086 --> 00:04:10.046
That should be good
for a few more days.

00:04:10.088 --> 00:04:11.881
And there's always
the dried-up creek

00:04:11.923 --> 00:04:15.134
and the flooded park.

00:04:15.218 --> 00:04:17.553
Boy, if it wasn't
for that squirrel,

00:04:17.595 --> 00:04:19.931
my life would be
really pathetic.

00:04:19.973 --> 00:04:23.851
Wait, wait, you,
you only flipped 'em once?

00:04:23.893 --> 00:04:27.647
I feel every patty
has a moment.

00:04:27.689 --> 00:04:30.566
See, I always rush it.

00:04:30.608 --> 00:04:34.404
Factor in the fat
content, Hal.

00:04:34.404 --> 00:04:36.072
Hey, do you have
a good doctor?

00:04:36.114 --> 00:04:37.490
Why, is something wrong?

00:04:37.573 --> 00:04:39.242
Well, neck pain.

00:04:39.284 --> 00:04:40.285
Or back pain.

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Whatever will get him
to write the prescription.

00:04:43.121 --> 00:04:45.498
No, I'm sorry.
My doctor's honest.

00:04:45.540 --> 00:04:47.583
Too bad.

00:04:47.583 --> 00:04:49.419
I'll let you know
if I find one.

00:05:00.430 --> 00:05:02.432
I wouldn't stare
at him like that.
He'll get angry.

00:05:02.432 --> 00:05:03.975
No, he won't. He's friendly.

00:05:04.058 --> 00:05:05.601
Tell that to the kid
he ate.

00:05:05.601 --> 00:05:06.894
What kid?

00:05:06.936 --> 00:05:08.062
That's why we had to move.

00:05:08.104 --> 00:05:09.772
Didn't you read about it
in the newspaper?

00:05:09.814 --> 00:05:10.606
No.

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Just as well.

00:05:11.774 --> 00:05:14.360
Pictures were really gruesome.

00:05:19.532 --> 00:05:20.742
I did it.
I did it!

00:05:20.783 --> 00:05:22.660
See? I told you you could.

00:05:23.536 --> 00:05:25.204
Can I have another burger?
Malcolm spit on mine.

00:05:25.204 --> 00:05:26.914
What?

00:05:26.956 --> 00:05:29.584
Malcolm, why would
you do such a thing?
But I didn't...

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Yeah, yeah, here.

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There. Now beat it.

00:05:37.216 --> 00:05:40.303
Why are you staring at me?

00:05:40.345 --> 00:05:43.306
What, do you want a chip?

00:05:43.348 --> 00:05:45.725
Ow! Cut it out!

00:05:45.767 --> 00:05:47.310
Ow! What are you doing?!

00:05:47.352 --> 00:05:48.227
Stop it!

00:05:51.981 --> 00:05:53.649
I think there are
some briquettes

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in one of these boxes.

00:06:06.913 --> 00:06:08.373
Is this heaven?

00:06:08.414 --> 00:06:11.417
Wow, look at this collection.

00:06:11.459 --> 00:06:15.338
Oh, Doobie Brothers,
King Crimson.

00:06:15.380 --> 00:06:17.090
Oh, Cheap Trick... hello!

00:06:17.090 --> 00:06:18.174
You like vinyl?

00:06:18.216 --> 00:06:19.175
Oh, yeah.

00:06:19.217 --> 00:06:20.426
Check this out.

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Is that a Shirendorff 1280
turntable?

00:06:34.273 --> 00:06:35.358
1290.

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Why did you say
I spit on your burger?

00:06:39.821 --> 00:06:41.364
Don't worry about it.

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Want to see something funny?

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REESE:
Aah, get away from me!

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Aah! Get away from me!

00:06:45.993 --> 00:06:48.663
Your daughter is
biting my son.

00:06:48.663 --> 00:06:50.289
Oh, no, they're
just playing.

00:06:50.331 --> 00:06:53.584
Ow! It hurts!
It hurts! Mommy!

00:06:57.588 --> 00:06:59.507
Now, honey, if you
want to breathe,

00:06:59.590 --> 00:07:02.593
you're going to have to open
your mouth and let go of my son.

00:07:03.845 --> 00:07:04.846
What are you doing?

00:07:04.887 --> 00:07:06.681
Just a little trick I picked up.

00:07:06.764 --> 00:07:09.225
How dare you touch my daughter.

00:07:09.308 --> 00:07:10.685
She was gnawing
on my son.

00:07:10.768 --> 00:07:11.227
If you're not going
to control her...

00:07:11.227 --> 00:07:11.811
If you're not going
to control her...

00:07:11.811 --> 00:07:13.521
Are you questioning
my parenting?

00:07:13.604 --> 00:07:15.106
I don't know.
I haven't seen it yet.

00:07:15.106 --> 00:07:16.441
I wasn't...
Emily, Josh,

00:07:16.482 --> 00:07:17.859
I don't want you playing

00:07:17.900 --> 00:07:19.735
with these awful children
anymore.

00:07:19.777 --> 00:07:21.654
Hey, my...!
Well, they may be awful,

00:07:21.696 --> 00:07:24.198
but they're a hell of a lot
better than your two brats.

00:07:34.709 --> 00:07:36.586
HAL AND MIKE:
 Whoa! Cherokee People!

00:07:36.669 --> 00:07:37.545
Ow!

00:07:44.802 --> 00:07:45.970
A little help?

00:07:50.183 --> 00:07:52.268
(chuckles)
This is nice.

00:07:52.310 --> 00:07:54.145
Yeah.
You know, you may
not believe this,

00:07:54.187 --> 00:07:57.273
but you're the first neighbor
friend I've ever had.

00:07:57.315 --> 00:07:58.524
No way.
Yeah.

00:07:58.608 --> 00:08:00.151
In fact, you're the first guy
who's ever been

00:08:00.193 --> 00:08:01.444
back here that didn't work
for the power company.

00:08:01.486 --> 00:08:03.988
Actually, I have
a confession to make.

00:08:03.988 --> 00:08:06.365
I don't have many
male friends myself.

00:08:06.449 --> 00:08:08.159
To friendship.

00:08:08.201 --> 00:08:09.827
To friendship.

00:08:15.124 --> 00:08:16.292
I'm straight.

00:08:16.334 --> 00:08:18.085
Me, too.

00:08:18.127 --> 00:08:20.379
Malcolm, what's going on?

00:08:20.421 --> 00:08:22.173
Get away. I'm not
talking to you.

00:08:22.215 --> 00:08:23.090
Why? What'd I do?

00:08:23.132 --> 00:08:25.092
You keep telling
lies about me.

00:08:25.134 --> 00:08:27.094
Come on, man.
It's just a joke.

00:08:27.136 --> 00:08:29.096
I-I didn't know
you were so sensitive.

00:08:29.138 --> 00:08:30.181
Excuse me.

00:08:30.223 --> 00:08:32.475
My friend here thinks
you're really pretty.

00:08:32.517 --> 00:08:33.476
No, I don't, I mean...

00:08:33.518 --> 00:08:35.311
Come on, Malcolm, just tell her.

00:08:35.353 --> 00:08:37.605
Okay, maybe then you'll stop
following her around everywhere.

00:08:37.647 --> 00:08:41.275
I am telling you,
it is not healthy.

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Aah! Your mom said
to stay away from us!

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TINA:
Damn it!

00:08:53.204 --> 00:08:55.581
Damn it, Hector,
not over there!

00:08:55.665 --> 00:08:58.543
Are you deaf or stupid or both?!

00:08:58.543 --> 00:09:01.796
Could you please try
to be a little less useless?

00:09:02.547 --> 00:09:04.340
Do you see the sun?!

00:09:04.382 --> 00:09:07.552
I told you to dig the holes
over there!

00:09:07.635 --> 00:09:08.886
El sol?!

00:09:08.928 --> 00:09:12.014
God, you people drive me nuts
with your laziness!

00:09:12.056 --> 00:09:14.559
What is the matter with you?!

00:09:14.559 --> 00:09:18.187
I will deal with the help
the way I want to.

00:09:18.271 --> 00:09:21.107
He is not "the help."

00:09:22.441 --> 00:09:23.818
He's not a servant
or a slave.

00:09:23.859 --> 00:09:25.278
He's a professional.

00:09:25.278 --> 00:09:27.196
He's a person with a skill--

00:09:27.280 --> 00:09:30.783
a skill you do not have,
which is why you hired him!

00:09:30.825 --> 00:09:31.742
Oh, for God's sake,

00:09:31.784 --> 00:09:34.203
just pick it up!

00:09:44.005 --> 00:09:45.923
Who does that woman
think she is?

00:09:45.965 --> 00:09:48.467
Suddenly fake *s
and $50 highlights

00:09:48.467 --> 00:09:51.178
allow you to treat other people
like dirt?

00:09:51.220 --> 00:09:52.972
I tell you, Hal,
they are officially

00:09:53.014 --> 00:09:54.473
the worst neighbors
we've ever had.

00:09:54.473 --> 00:09:56.058
Worst neighbors?

00:09:56.100 --> 00:09:58.936
Honey, that's
not really fair to Mike.

00:09:58.978 --> 00:10:01.480
Remember the 70-year-old
swingers?

00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:02.732
Dad, they're horrible.

00:10:02.773 --> 00:10:05.568
Look at what their little
piranha did to me.

00:10:05.610 --> 00:10:09.322
Every time I go outside,
Emily's there, lying in wait.

00:10:09.363 --> 00:10:11.490
Yeah, and that kid Josh
keeps making up

00:10:11.490 --> 00:10:13.284
all these weird lies about me.

00:10:13.326 --> 00:10:14.493
He told the whole school

00:10:14.577 --> 00:10:17.288
that I was born with both
* organs and raised as a girl

00:10:17.330 --> 00:10:18.205
until I was five.

00:10:18.289 --> 00:10:20.833
Their gnome wants to eat me.

00:10:20.875 --> 00:10:22.001
It's evil.

00:10:22.001 --> 00:10:24.378
They're all evil, sweetie.

00:10:24.420 --> 00:10:28.591
I think the word everyone
is tiptoeing around is "feud."

00:10:28.633 --> 00:10:30.635
That's a bit drastic, Reese.

00:10:30.676 --> 00:10:33.220
No, Dad, a feud is just
what this family needs.

00:10:33.262 --> 00:10:35.514
Having a common enemy
will hone our skills

00:10:35.556 --> 00:10:36.599
and unite us

00:10:36.641 --> 00:10:38.517
in a brotherhood
of blood.

00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:41.604
Look, all I'm saying is that,
before we judge them,

00:10:41.646 --> 00:10:45.024
maybe we should take a long,
hard look at ourselves.

00:10:48.653 --> 00:10:49.779
Oh, never mind.

00:11:08.297 --> 00:11:10.549
Ow!

00:11:10.633 --> 00:11:13.177
No! No! No!

00:11:13.219 --> 00:11:16.180
Do you think Colonel North
is going to be impressed

00:11:16.222 --> 00:11:18.808
by such a sloppy
group of cadets?

00:11:18.849 --> 00:11:21.477
Now, we are
going to do this

00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:24.730
and keep doing it
until you get it right!

00:11:24.772 --> 00:11:27.650
All right, now, once more.

00:11:27.692 --> 00:11:29.318
With feeling.

00:11:29.402 --> 00:11:30.569
And...

00:11:30.611 --> 00:11:33.489
Candy Man

00:11:33.572 --> 00:11:34.657
Hey!

00:11:34.699 --> 00:11:38.035
Candy Man

00:11:38.077 --> 00:11:40.454
Who can take a sunrise

00:11:40.496 --> 00:11:41.872
Who can take a sunrise

00:11:41.914 --> 00:11:45.584
Sprinkle it with dew 
  Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

00:11:45.626 --> 00:11:48.963
Cover it with choc'late
and a miracle or two

00:11:49.004 --> 00:11:50.673
Candy Man

00:11:50.715 --> 00:11:52.842
Candy Man

00:11:52.883 --> 00:11:55.052
Oh, the Candy Man can

00:11:55.094 --> 00:11:56.595
The Candy Man can

00:11:56.595 --> 00:11:57.596
The Candy Man can

00:11:57.596 --> 00:11:59.765
'Cause he mixes it with love

00:11:59.849 --> 00:12:02.518
And makes the world
taste good

00:12:02.560 --> 00:12:03.936
Oh, oh, oh

00:12:04.019 --> 00:12:05.604
The Candy Man makes

00:12:05.604 --> 00:12:07.398
Everything he bakes

00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:09.859
Satisfying and delicious

00:12:09.900 --> 00:12:11.610
Do-do-do-do-do-do...

00:12:11.610 --> 00:12:15.239
Talk about
your childhood wishes

00:12:15.281 --> 00:12:18.409
You can even eat the dishes.

00:12:26.292 --> 00:12:27.793
She's out there.

00:12:27.835 --> 00:12:29.253
Who?

00:12:29.295 --> 00:12:31.714
Emily-- the Demon Child.

00:12:31.756 --> 00:12:33.716
She's everywhere.

00:12:33.758 --> 00:12:37.553
No matter where I go
or what I do, she's there.

00:12:37.636 --> 00:12:38.929
I'm going crazy.

00:12:38.971 --> 00:12:41.348
Aren't you the one
who wanted a feud?

00:12:41.390 --> 00:12:43.976
Malcolm, you know
I don't think things through.

00:12:44.018 --> 00:12:45.728
How am I supposed to fight her?

00:12:45.770 --> 00:12:47.480
I can't hit her.

00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:50.733
I can't do anything to her,
and she knows it.

00:12:50.775 --> 00:12:52.568
I'm completely defenseless.

00:12:52.651 --> 00:12:54.028
Reese, she's four.

00:12:54.069 --> 00:12:55.738
You're bigger
and smarter than...

00:12:55.780 --> 00:12:57.573
Well, you're bigger.

00:12:57.656 --> 00:12:59.950
LOIS:
Malcolm, would you
come out here, please?

00:13:11.378 --> 00:13:13.255
We've had a report
that you've been seen prowling

00:13:13.339 --> 00:13:15.925
in the neighbors' yards
and peeking in their windows.

00:13:15.925 --> 00:13:16.926
What?

00:13:16.926 --> 00:13:18.010
So you've decided

00:13:18.052 --> 00:13:20.095
to become a
Peeping Tom?

00:13:20.095 --> 00:13:21.514
A Peeping Tom?!

00:13:21.555 --> 00:13:23.098
But I didn't do it.

00:13:23.140 --> 00:13:24.934
Why would I want to look
in anybody's windows?

00:13:24.934 --> 00:13:26.602
Have you seen the people
in this neighborhood?

00:13:26.685 --> 00:13:28.395
Peeping isn't
about looks, son.

00:13:28.437 --> 00:13:30.856
It's about the thrill
and exhilaration

00:13:30.898 --> 00:13:33.734
of observing someone
without their knowledge.

00:13:57.675 --> 00:13:58.968
You still have to go to Dayton?

00:13:59.009 --> 00:14:02.221
Yeah, but it's only
a couple of days.

00:14:02.263 --> 00:14:04.890
How was your presentation?

00:14:04.974 --> 00:14:07.393
Oh, great. Your joke killed.

00:14:08.269 --> 00:14:09.854
Look at us.

00:14:09.895 --> 00:14:12.314
We've been reduced
to sneaking around at night.

00:14:12.398 --> 00:14:15.776
A man should be able to talk
to his best friend in daylight.

00:14:15.818 --> 00:14:17.987
Did you say "best"?

00:14:20.906 --> 00:14:22.616
I should go.

00:14:32.334 --> 00:14:34.420
This has been going on for days.

00:14:34.461 --> 00:14:38.424
I can't believe everybody fell
for Josh's stupid lie.

00:14:38.465 --> 00:14:42.011
Maybe if I just ignore it
for a while, it'll go away.

00:14:42.052 --> 00:14:44.430
People have short memories,
right?

00:14:44.471 --> 00:14:48.350
Late at night,
when you're sleeping

00:14:48.350 --> 00:14:49.560
That's when Malcolm

00:14:49.560 --> 00:14:49.852
That's when Malcolm

00:14:49.894 --> 00:14:52.479
Comes a-peeping

00:14:52.521 --> 00:14:53.439
You better watch out

00:14:53.480 --> 00:14:54.815
You better beware

00:14:54.857 --> 00:14:57.818
Or Malcolm will
see your underwear.

00:14:57.860 --> 00:14:59.612
What are you doing?
Where did you learn that?

00:14:59.653 --> 00:15:01.113
At school.

00:15:01.196 --> 00:15:03.449
One, two, three, four

00:15:03.490 --> 00:15:05.075
Malcolm's at
your bedroom door

00:15:05.117 --> 00:15:06.327
Five, six, seven...

00:15:08.996 --> 00:15:10.372
Oh, my God!

00:15:10.372 --> 00:15:12.458
What are you doing?!

00:15:12.708 --> 00:15:15.461
This is the property line!

00:15:15.461 --> 00:15:19.131
The property line!
The property line!

00:15:19.173 --> 00:15:22.092
You can't cross
the property line!

00:15:22.134 --> 00:15:23.260
I can see you!

00:15:23.302 --> 00:15:24.970
Don't think
you can hide from me!

00:15:25.012 --> 00:15:26.347
What don't you come out here

00:15:26.430 --> 00:15:28.599
and apologize to me
like an adult?!

00:15:28.641 --> 00:15:30.017
Oh!

00:15:30.100 --> 00:15:33.979
Oh, that's real mature.

00:15:34.021 --> 00:15:37.858
Don't think you can
get rid of me so easy!

00:15:43.948 --> 00:15:45.366
Fine.

00:15:45.407 --> 00:15:47.910
That's the way
you want it to be?

00:15:47.952 --> 00:15:51.372
You'll get these back
when you fix my hedges!

00:16:03.550 --> 00:16:05.052
What's going on?

00:16:05.094 --> 00:16:06.345
We're on our fifth rendition
of "Candy Man."

00:16:06.428 --> 00:16:07.471
Where is Spangler?

00:16:07.513 --> 00:16:08.681
He says
he's not ready.

00:16:08.681 --> 00:16:09.556
What's he trying to do?

00:16:09.640 --> 00:16:10.849
Make a fashionable entrance?

00:16:10.849 --> 00:16:13.352
North's been waiting for dinner
for 45 minutes.

00:16:13.394 --> 00:16:15.813
He's going to fill up
on cheese and crackers.

00:16:19.858 --> 00:16:20.859
Huh?

00:16:20.859 --> 00:16:22.194
Are you all right, sir?

00:16:22.194 --> 00:16:26.365
I am a little under the weather.

00:16:26.407 --> 00:16:28.200
You're drunk, sir.

00:16:28.283 --> 00:16:30.369
That could be why.

00:16:30.411 --> 00:16:34.289
I was a tad nervous
about Colonel North's visit.

00:16:34.331 --> 00:16:37.376
I thought that a little nip
of something might help.

00:16:37.418 --> 00:16:39.586
That, and seven or eight
belts of Scotch.

00:16:39.670 --> 00:16:42.047
Let's get you dressed.

00:16:42.047 --> 00:16:44.091
And attached.

00:16:44.133 --> 00:16:47.761
The man is a national hero.

00:16:47.803 --> 00:16:49.346
He has done so many things

00:16:49.388 --> 00:16:52.933
and I have done so little.

00:16:52.975 --> 00:16:56.478
I don't deserve to breathe
the same air as that great man.

00:16:56.520 --> 00:16:57.938
Don't talk like that, sir.

00:16:57.980 --> 00:16:59.314
No!

00:16:59.356 --> 00:17:01.233
I'm a worm.

00:17:01.233 --> 00:17:03.318
Cadet, I'm a worm.

00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:06.822
I belong on the floor
with the other worms.

00:17:06.905 --> 00:17:09.908
Sir, get up.

00:17:09.950 --> 00:17:12.536
Sir, please stop wriggling.

00:17:13.912 --> 00:17:15.164
Sir?

00:17:17.458 --> 00:17:19.418
Look, we just sneak
over the fence,

00:17:19.460 --> 00:17:21.336
plant the stolen goods
under Josh's window,

00:17:21.378 --> 00:17:23.338
and make an anonymous
phone call to the police

00:17:23.380 --> 00:17:25.049
from Stevie's house.

00:17:25.090 --> 00:17:27.426
Yeah, I know it's stupid,
but I'm too desperate to care.

00:17:27.468 --> 00:17:29.553
Are you sure
this is going to work?

00:17:29.595 --> 00:17:30.929
If there's one thing
I've learned,

00:17:30.929 --> 00:17:32.473
it's you can't
clear your own name.

00:17:32.556 --> 00:17:34.266
You can only ruin
someone else's.

00:17:34.266 --> 00:17:35.434
Yeah, but...
Trust me.

00:17:35.476 --> 00:17:36.435
I've thought of everything.

00:17:36.477 --> 00:17:38.437
Everyone's going to think
Josh is a thief.

00:17:38.479 --> 00:17:40.439
His parents are going
to be tied up in court

00:17:40.481 --> 00:17:42.649
and Emily's going to be
thrown in a foster home

00:17:42.733 --> 00:17:44.359
where she'll bite
her foster parents,

00:17:44.401 --> 00:17:46.278
who will then leave her
at a rest stop somewhere,

00:17:46.278 --> 00:17:47.780
and she can spend
the rest of her life

00:17:47.821 --> 00:17:49.656
biting hillbillies
on the interstate.

00:17:49.698 --> 00:17:51.325
Okay.

00:18:02.586 --> 00:18:04.922
I can't believe after
all he put us through,

00:18:05.005 --> 00:18:05.881
Spangler ends up
getting drunk

00:18:05.881 --> 00:18:07.049
and standing up
the colonel.

00:18:07.132 --> 00:18:08.550
Yeah, that was creepy

00:18:08.592 --> 00:18:10.469
the way he was wriggling
around on the floor like that,

00:18:10.511 --> 00:18:11.553
calling for his mother.

00:18:11.595 --> 00:18:13.055
I'll go check on him.

00:18:16.308 --> 00:18:17.392
Sir?

00:18:17.392 --> 00:18:18.685
Who's there?

00:18:18.727 --> 00:18:21.438
Uh, just me, sir.

00:18:23.774 --> 00:18:25.484
What time is it?

00:18:25.526 --> 00:18:27.486
Colonel North should
be here any minute.

00:18:27.528 --> 00:18:29.238
It's morning, sir.

00:18:29.238 --> 00:18:30.864
You, you already missed
reveille.

00:18:30.906 --> 00:18:34.493
Oh, my God.

00:18:34.535 --> 00:18:37.454
Oh, my God.

00:18:39.123 --> 00:18:43.418
The one chance I had to be
face-to-face with my hero,

00:18:43.418 --> 00:18:47.673
and I slept through his visit?

00:18:47.714 --> 00:18:49.424
Slept through his visit, sir?

00:18:49.424 --> 00:18:51.510
You guys were
up all night talking.

00:18:51.552 --> 00:18:53.428
We did?

00:18:53.428 --> 00:18:55.055
Yeah, you really hit it off.

00:18:55.097 --> 00:18:56.515
He told you to call him Ollie.

00:18:56.557 --> 00:18:58.433
Really?
Don't you remember?

00:18:58.433 --> 00:19:02.437
You two were joking and laughing
like old friends.

00:19:02.437 --> 00:19:05.607
And drinking Scotch,
lots and lots of Scotch.

00:19:05.607 --> 00:19:09.027
Yes, we did, didn't we?

00:19:09.069 --> 00:19:10.445
If I may say so, sir,

00:19:10.445 --> 00:19:12.614
you were the happiest
I have ever seen you.

00:19:12.614 --> 00:19:16.618
Well, you may... you may.

00:19:16.618 --> 00:19:21.623
Now, if you will excuse me,
I have to get myself ready.

00:19:23.458 --> 00:19:26.545
Dude, that was classy.

00:19:26.587 --> 00:19:27.796
Thanks.

00:19:27.796 --> 00:19:29.339
So when do we get back
the pictures

00:19:29.381 --> 00:19:30.465
of him in the negligee?

00:19:30.465 --> 00:19:31.550
Wednesday.

00:19:31.633 --> 00:19:32.843
Poster size takes two days.

00:19:34.636 --> 00:19:37.514
Hey, I'm really sorry
about you and Tina.

00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:41.185
What's this?

00:19:41.226 --> 00:19:42.519
A mix tape.

00:19:57.326 --> 00:19:58.660
Hey.

00:19:58.702 --> 00:20:01.788
Hi, neighbor. Steve Jenkins.

00:20:01.830 --> 00:20:03.498
Sorry, Steve.

00:20:03.582 --> 00:20:06.043
It's just too soon for me.