WEBVTT

00:00:01.875 --> 00:00:03.708
Check me out, Clem.
I'm ready to go

00:00:03.750 --> 00:00:06.041
to Walt and Rose's
on time. Happy?

00:00:06.083 --> 00:00:07.291
I would be happier

00:00:07.333 --> 00:00:09.041
if you weren't wearing
my favorite pants.

00:00:10.375 --> 00:00:11.875
Oh, honey,

00:00:11.916 --> 00:00:13.958
you can't pull these off.

00:00:15.291 --> 00:00:16.958
Whoa, those are
some dope kicks.

00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:18.125
When'd you get Yeezys?

00:00:18.166 --> 00:00:19.708
Bigger question:

00:00:19.750 --> 00:00:22.666
How does someone in their
late 40s know what Yeezys are?

00:00:22.708 --> 00:00:25.166
I'm 30 and a
college professor.

00:00:25.208 --> 00:00:27.166
My finger is
on the pulse.

00:00:28.333 --> 00:00:30.416
He just learned about them
on 60 Minutes.

00:00:31.875 --> 00:00:32.875
That is not true.

00:00:32.916 --> 00:00:34.625
It was the Sunday
Style section

00:00:34.666 --> 00:00:37.083
of The New York Times.
Thank you.

00:00:38.458 --> 00:00:39.875
How'd you pay for
Yeezys, Shannon?

00:00:39.916 --> 00:00:41.458
Aren't they
super expensive?

00:00:41.500 --> 00:00:43.041
Won 'em off some dumb rich girl.

00:00:43.083 --> 00:00:44.291
You know how when
someone gets arrested

00:00:44.333 --> 00:00:45.500
they'll read
their Miranda rights?

00:00:45.541 --> 00:00:46.916
Mm-hmm.I bet her

00:00:46.958 --> 00:00:49.208
I can recite 'em by heart.

00:00:49.250 --> 00:00:51.458
How do you know
the Miranda rights?

00:00:51.500 --> 00:00:54.333
Because our dad is a cop.Mm.

00:00:54.375 --> 00:00:56.791
Yeah, that's... why I know them.

00:00:57.791 --> 00:01:00.125
So, who is this girl?

00:01:00.166 --> 00:01:01.875
Some stuck-up idiot.

00:01:01.916 --> 00:01:03.291
My new school's full of 'em.

00:01:03.333 --> 00:01:04.833
Always doing their makeup
in the bathroom

00:01:04.875 --> 00:01:06.875
when people
are just trying to vape.

00:01:08.375 --> 00:01:10.041
Other people. Bad people.

00:01:10.083 --> 00:01:12.583
It never changes.

00:01:12.625 --> 00:01:14.958
When I was in high school,
the mean girls, they would...

00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:16.375
talk about me behind my back

00:01:16.416 --> 00:01:18.041
and start rumors
that I was a slut.

00:01:18.125 --> 00:01:20.458
And also rumors
that weren'ttrue.

00:01:23.458 --> 00:01:25.333
Got it.

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Freddy, my man!

00:01:34.875 --> 00:01:37.000
Dad. Hi. You're here.

00:01:38.125 --> 00:01:40.333
Yet we did not invite you.

00:01:40.375 --> 00:01:42.666
I need a family picture
for that newsletter thing

00:01:42.708 --> 00:01:44.666
they put out
at the precinct.

00:01:44.708 --> 00:01:47.083
It's... it's silly,
but in the next issue,

00:01:47.125 --> 00:01:49.333
Nice, Freddy.

00:01:49.416 --> 00:01:51.625
What'd you do, like,
solve some big murder case?

00:01:51.666 --> 00:01:53.833
Well, I hate to brag,
but, uh...

00:01:53.875 --> 00:01:56.541
I'm sleeping with the woman
who puts out the newsletter.

00:01:57.916 --> 00:01:59.625
Here.

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Take a picture

00:02:01.416 --> 00:02:03.708
of me and my girls.Sure thing.
You know,

00:02:03.750 --> 00:02:06.333
I called you the other day about
lunch-- did you get my message?

00:02:06.375 --> 00:02:09.458
Yep. Now, take the picture,
Annie Leibovitz.

00:02:10.416 --> 00:02:13.875
So I guess that's a no
on Benihana.

00:02:16.416 --> 00:02:18.750
Great. Now, Shannon,
here, you put this on.

00:02:18.791 --> 00:02:19.958
What is this?

00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:21.458
Dad, it's not my birthday.

00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:24.833
Well, it's in case they
make me Hero again in July.

00:02:27.416 --> 00:02:30.125
My birthday's in November.

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Whatever. Just smile.

00:02:32.458 --> 00:02:34.208
Great.

00:02:34.250 --> 00:02:35.708
Dad, what's really going on?

00:02:35.750 --> 00:02:38.791
Why do you ruin every nice
moment that we have, Clem?

00:02:38.833 --> 00:02:41.375
Come on, we'll
do graduation

00:02:41.416 --> 00:02:44.375
and a couple of Christmas shots.

00:02:44.416 --> 00:02:46.166
Come on, Dad, spill it.

00:02:47.208 --> 00:02:49.208
All right. Fine.

00:02:49.250 --> 00:02:50.666
Those bastards at the IRS

00:02:50.708 --> 00:02:53.000
are sending an agent over
to audit me,

00:02:53.041 --> 00:02:54.833
and I've been claiming you
as dependents.

00:02:54.916 --> 00:02:56.416
So I need

00:02:56.458 --> 00:02:58.416
to scatter some photos
around my place

00:02:58.458 --> 00:03:02.125
to make it look like
you're still living with me.

00:03:02.166 --> 00:03:04.375
Also, I'm gonna need
a couple of bras

00:03:04.416 --> 00:03:06.375
to hang in the bathroom.

00:03:07.458 --> 00:03:10.000
Come on, Freddy,

00:03:10.041 --> 00:03:11.541
what's...
what's the real story?

00:03:12.958 --> 00:03:15.791
Oh, my God,
that's the real story.

00:03:17.708 --> 00:03:19.541
Dad, how are
you a cop

00:03:19.583 --> 00:03:22.458
and yet basically
everything you do is illegal?

00:03:22.500 --> 00:03:25.083
What am I gonna do,
arrest myself?

00:03:27.375 --> 00:03:28.916
Quick Halloween one.

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here are
our favorite people.

00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:42.458
Ooh, thank you.

00:03:42.500 --> 00:03:44.333
Now, see, this is
how you greet family.

00:03:44.375 --> 00:03:46.666
Oh, my God, Nick,
are you still *-hurt

00:03:46.708 --> 00:03:49.500
because my dad doesn't want
to be besties with you?

00:03:49.541 --> 00:03:51.000
I'm just trying to
have a relationship

00:03:51.083 --> 00:03:53.083
with a guy that's gonna
be my father-in-law.

00:03:53.125 --> 00:03:55.708
And if that makes me *-hurt,
then yes, my * is hurt.

00:03:55.750 --> 00:03:57.375
I don't know

00:03:57.416 --> 00:03:59.916
why you think my dad's
ever gonna like you.

00:03:59.958 --> 00:04:01.375
The man doesn't
like anybody.

00:04:01.416 --> 00:04:04.125
I once saw him
flip off a baby.

00:04:04.166 --> 00:04:07.458
Well, how could anyone
not like myson? Mwah!

00:04:07.500 --> 00:04:09.875
Well, maybe it's because
Nick never asked Freddy

00:04:09.916 --> 00:04:11.750
for his blessing to marry Clem.

00:04:11.791 --> 00:04:13.208
Well, it never crossed my mind,

00:04:13.250 --> 00:04:15.291
because I was under the
impression that Freddy was dead.

00:04:15.333 --> 00:04:19.000
You know, because Clem
told me he was dead.

00:04:20.625 --> 00:04:22.416
I only told you that
because I thought

00:04:22.458 --> 00:04:25.125
that if you ever met him,
you would think less of me.

00:04:25.166 --> 00:04:26.208
And then you met Shannon,

00:04:26.291 --> 00:04:28.166
and I realized that...

00:04:28.250 --> 00:04:30.833
you'd accept anything.

00:04:31.916 --> 00:04:33.750
You know, Nick, honey,
it's never too late.

00:04:33.791 --> 00:04:35.291
There's still time
to ask Freddy.

00:04:35.333 --> 00:04:37.166
Maybe I should.No. Please.

00:04:37.208 --> 00:04:38.541
I don't care.

00:04:38.583 --> 00:04:40.458
Yeah, but maybe your dad does.

00:04:40.500 --> 00:04:43.708
You know, I remember asking
Rose's dad for his blessing.

00:04:43.750 --> 00:04:46.083
Made a special appointment
to talk to him.

00:04:46.125 --> 00:04:49.958
And you were
sostressed out,

00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:52.416
'cause you were late.

00:04:52.458 --> 00:04:55.125
Well, I was starring in
a Broadway production of Hair

00:04:55.166 --> 00:04:57.750
at the time-- I got
mobbed at the stage door.

00:04:57.791 --> 00:04:59.000
He got his fro

00:04:59.041 --> 00:05:01.958
caught in a fan.

00:05:04.291 --> 00:05:06.083
But he gave me his blessing

00:05:06.125 --> 00:05:08.791
andhis watch-- it was his way
of welcoming me to the family.

00:05:08.833 --> 00:05:10.625
Wait, wait. It's this
the watch that's engraved:

00:05:10.666 --> 00:05:12.750
"Show up on time,
you little bastard"?

00:05:12.791 --> 00:05:14.416
That's the one.

00:05:14.458 --> 00:05:16.000
I'll get it for us.

00:05:16.041 --> 00:05:17.625
You know, I miss Grandpa.

00:05:17.666 --> 00:05:18.958
He was such a hard-*.

00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:20.833
Oh, he was.

00:05:20.875 --> 00:05:24.375
That man fought his way
through the Korean War.

00:05:24.416 --> 00:05:25.583
Really?

00:05:25.625 --> 00:05:26.833
Where was he stationed?

00:05:26.916 --> 00:05:28.916
At home with my mother.

00:05:30.875 --> 00:05:33.833
Uh, guys,
I can't find the watch.

00:05:33.875 --> 00:05:35.208
It's gone.

00:05:35.250 --> 00:05:36.458
Someone must have stolen it.

00:05:36.500 --> 00:05:38.083
Are you sure, Walt?

00:05:38.125 --> 00:05:39.833
It was in a locked drawer.

00:05:39.875 --> 00:05:41.625
Who could've done it?

00:05:41.666 --> 00:05:43.791
I know-- the handyman!

00:05:43.833 --> 00:05:45.875
He was in our bedroom

00:05:45.916 --> 00:05:47.875
with a wrench.

00:05:47.916 --> 00:05:50.791
What is this, a game of Clue?

00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:53.125
No way it was Arthur.

00:05:53.166 --> 00:05:54.666
He's a nice, sweet old man.

00:05:54.708 --> 00:05:55.833
If not him, who?

00:05:57.250 --> 00:05:58.833
Yeah.

00:05:58.875 --> 00:06:01.541
If not him, who?

00:06:01.583 --> 00:06:03.125
Yeah.

00:06:03.166 --> 00:06:06.416
If not him, who?

00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:11.916
So, Shannon,

00:06:11.958 --> 00:06:13.958
tell me again how
you got those shoes?

00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:16.541
Told you.
Won them off that rich guy.

00:06:16.583 --> 00:06:19.000
You said it was a girl.

00:06:19.041 --> 00:06:22.958
Uh, yeah, that's
because it wasa girl.

00:06:24.375 --> 00:06:26.333
But now it's a guy.

00:06:26.375 --> 00:06:27.958
You see,

00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:29.375
kids don't identify anymore.

00:06:29.458 --> 00:06:30.916
Hes are shes.
Shes are hes.

00:06:30.958 --> 00:06:32.833
You're a dinosaur.
Let's move on.

00:06:34.500 --> 00:06:36.958
Shannon, did you steal
my dad's watch?

00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:38.000
Me?

00:06:38.041 --> 00:06:39.250
Steal?

00:06:40.625 --> 00:06:42.666
Never.

00:06:42.708 --> 00:06:43.750
Oh, please.

00:06:43.791 --> 00:06:46.166
You stole a taxi
when you were 13.

00:06:47.708 --> 00:06:49.166
Really?Really.

00:06:49.208 --> 00:06:53.125
They caught her driving
a family of five to JFK.

00:06:53.166 --> 00:06:56.958
Yeah, and the cheap bastards
didn't even tip me.

00:06:57.000 --> 00:06:59.166
Shannon, tell
us the truth,

00:06:59.208 --> 00:07:02.000
or we're gonna take your
phone away for a month.

00:07:02.041 --> 00:07:05.666
Okay. Okay, okay, fine, fine.
I did it. I did it.

00:07:05.708 --> 00:07:08.208
Yes! I knew she took it!
I told you she took it!

00:07:08.250 --> 00:07:11.750
Why am I celebrating?
I am very angry!

00:07:11.791 --> 00:07:13.041
I'm sorry!

00:07:13.083 --> 00:07:14.125
Sorry is not gonna cut it.

00:07:14.166 --> 00:07:15.875
This is such a violation
of our trust.

00:07:15.916 --> 00:07:17.208
How could you steal
from my parents?

00:07:17.250 --> 00:07:18.875
Walt has, like,
a million watches, dude.

00:07:18.916 --> 00:07:21.666
I took it two weeks ago,
and he just noticed it was gone.

00:07:21.708 --> 00:07:23.958
Just because someone doesn't
notice something is gone

00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:25.958
doesn't make it okay to steal.

00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:28.000
Well, then technically,
I can't be blamed,

00:07:28.041 --> 00:07:30.291
because I have never heard
that concept before.

00:07:30.333 --> 00:07:31.583
Shannon.

00:07:31.625 --> 00:07:32.708
They'll never find out.

00:07:32.750 --> 00:07:34.750
I used gloves,
just like Dad taught us.

00:07:36.083 --> 00:07:37.666
Can everyone
stop being so dramatic?

00:07:37.708 --> 00:07:39.083
I will get the watch back.

00:07:39.125 --> 00:07:40.583
Really? How?
It's at a pawnshop.

00:07:40.625 --> 00:07:42.083
How are you gonna
pay for that?

00:07:42.125 --> 00:07:45.083
I'll steal a taxi.
Give me three days.

00:07:46.791 --> 00:07:48.916
No! The stealing has to stop.

00:07:48.958 --> 00:07:51.791
I can't believe that
you would do this, Shannon.

00:07:51.833 --> 00:07:53.958
And for a stupid pair of shoes?

00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:55.958
They're not just shoes, okay?

00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:57.083
What does that mean?

00:07:57.125 --> 00:08:00.041
I don't want to talk about it.

00:08:00.083 --> 00:08:02.541
What is going
on, Shannon?

00:08:02.583 --> 00:08:04.458
It's just...

00:08:04.500 --> 00:08:07.250
everybody at this dumb,
bougie school has these,

00:08:07.291 --> 00:08:09.333
and... I'm already
the weird new kid--

00:08:09.375 --> 00:08:11.666
I guess I just
wanted to fit in.

00:08:12.916 --> 00:08:15.208
I get it.

00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:17.791
I remember wanting
to fit in, too.

00:08:17.833 --> 00:08:19.916
That's how I ended up
in mall jail

00:08:19.958 --> 00:08:21.500
for stealing
a belly button ring.

00:08:22.958 --> 00:08:25.833
There's a jail
in the mall?

00:08:25.875 --> 00:08:27.500
It's awesome.Yes. It's fun, actually.

00:08:28.916 --> 00:08:30.958
Look, this is no excuse.

00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:32.541
I'm sorry that you
were feeling left out,

00:08:32.625 --> 00:08:34.458
but we're going to Walt
and Rose's right now,

00:08:34.500 --> 00:08:36.625
and you're gonna tell them
the truth. Right, Nick?

00:08:36.666 --> 00:08:37.833
Uh-uh. No.

00:08:37.875 --> 00:08:39.375
No, no.

00:08:39.458 --> 00:08:40.958
No.

00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:42.916
What?We have to.

00:08:42.958 --> 00:08:45.333
My parents have a zero-tolerance
policy about stealing.

00:08:45.375 --> 00:08:46.875
You know my cousin Eddie?

00:08:46.916 --> 00:08:47.666
No.

00:08:47.708 --> 00:08:49.250
Exactly.

00:08:49.291 --> 00:08:51.125
He stole
from my parents

00:08:51.208 --> 00:08:54.000
one time, and he was banished
from the family forever.

00:08:54.041 --> 00:08:56.958
Banished? Like one of those
old ladies on The View

00:08:57.000 --> 00:08:59.291
when they talk
back to Whoopi?

00:08:59.333 --> 00:09:02.333
Look, we can handle this without
my parents ever finding out.

00:09:02.375 --> 00:09:05.125
Right. Blame it
on the handyman.

00:09:05.166 --> 00:09:07.750
I like where your
head's at, kid.

00:09:07.833 --> 00:09:09.416
No. We're gonna get the watch
from the pawnshop,

00:09:09.458 --> 00:09:11.875
plant it in my parents' place
and claim we just found it.

00:09:11.916 --> 00:09:13.416
And you're gonna
pay us back the money.

00:09:13.458 --> 00:09:17.375
Good idea. I just won't take
my next two months' allowance.

00:09:18.875 --> 00:09:21.041
We don't give you
an allowance.

00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:24.875
Well, maybe if you did,

00:09:24.916 --> 00:09:27.375
we wouldn't be in
this predicament.

00:09:36.166 --> 00:09:38.875
Man, there's a lot
of tubas in here.

00:09:40.208 --> 00:09:42.208
I still can't believe
you stole the watch

00:09:42.250 --> 00:09:44.625
and sold it to a sketchy
place like this.

00:09:44.666 --> 00:09:46.041
Sketchy?

00:09:46.083 --> 00:09:48.458
Dude, Dad used to take us
here every Christmas Eve.

00:09:48.500 --> 00:09:50.541
Called it Santa's Workshop.

00:09:52.125 --> 00:09:54.958
He made me get
my school supplies here.

00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:57.583
I got a lunchbox
with a bullet hole.

00:09:57.583 --> 00:09:58.041
I got a lunchbox
with a bullet hole.

00:09:58.083 --> 00:10:01.583
Lost a lot of Skittles
that year.

00:10:01.625 --> 00:10:03.625
Hey, guys.
How can I help you?

00:10:03.666 --> 00:10:05.000
You want a tuba?

00:10:05.041 --> 00:10:07.541
Buy one, get
the rest free.

00:10:07.541 --> 00:10:07.750
Buy one, get
the rest free.

00:10:07.791 --> 00:10:10.375
Uh, we're actually looking
for a silver Rolex.

00:10:10.416 --> 00:10:13.000
Oh, sick. There it is,
that one right there.

00:10:13.041 --> 00:10:14.833
Oh, that's a
beautiful piece.

00:10:14.875 --> 00:10:17.833
Sure is.
Here's your $400.

00:10:17.875 --> 00:10:19.416
Uh, it's $1,500 now.

00:10:19.458 --> 00:10:22.000
What? We can't afford that.

00:10:27.541 --> 00:10:30.666
Sorry. I always wanted
to try a tuba.

00:10:32.041 --> 00:10:33.416
So let me
get this straight.

00:10:33.458 --> 00:10:36.000
You gave this poor,

00:10:36.041 --> 00:10:39.166
innocent little girl
$400 for that watch

00:10:39.208 --> 00:10:42.208
and now you're charging us
$1,500 to get it back?

00:10:42.250 --> 00:10:43.875
This is a pawnshop, lady.

00:10:43.916 --> 00:10:46.208
I sell the items
for more than I buy them.

00:10:46.250 --> 00:10:48.000
It's a radical scheme
called profit.

00:10:48.041 --> 00:10:49.000
Ladies,

00:10:49.041 --> 00:10:50.708
if I may.

00:10:50.750 --> 00:10:52.583
Let's cut
to the chase.
Okay.

00:10:52.625 --> 00:10:54.541
Name your real price, my man.

00:10:54.583 --> 00:10:55.833
$1,500, my man.

00:10:57.041 --> 00:10:59.916
You want to dance?
Let's dance.

00:10:59.958 --> 00:11:02.291
We'll give you $500.

00:11:02.333 --> 00:11:03.666
How 'bout $1,500?

00:11:03.708 --> 00:11:06.291
Oh! Oh. See, now I see
what you're trying to do.

00:11:06.333 --> 00:11:08.083
All right,
look, do-si-do.

00:11:08.125 --> 00:11:10.208
$650 or we walk.

00:11:10.250 --> 00:11:13.500
How 'bout you walk to
that ATM and get me $1,500?

00:11:15.250 --> 00:11:17.500
This guy's a really good dancer.

00:11:19.083 --> 00:11:21.208
No. No! No!

00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:23.208
Get out!

00:11:25.041 --> 00:11:26.833
Now how are we gonna
get the watch back?

00:11:26.875 --> 00:11:28.500
Come on, Shannon.

00:11:28.583 --> 00:11:31.583
We know how to get
the watch back.

00:11:35.166 --> 00:11:36.791
Damn it.

00:11:36.833 --> 00:11:41.666
I thought you were Uber Eats
bringing me my Big Mac.

00:11:41.708 --> 00:11:43.166
Dad, I need your help.

00:11:43.250 --> 00:11:46.166
And I need yours. That guy
you live with keeps texting me.

00:11:46.208 --> 00:11:48.333
He wants to get together
and talk.

00:11:48.375 --> 00:11:51.416
It's like I'm in an episode
of * and the City.

00:11:53.458 --> 00:11:56.083
That guy is my fiancé.

00:11:56.125 --> 00:11:57.541
And he's downstairs
with Shannon.

00:11:57.583 --> 00:11:59.166
So I'm gonna get straight
to the point,

00:11:59.208 --> 00:12:01.208
because the pawnshop closes
in an hour.

00:12:01.250 --> 00:12:02.958
Pawnshop? What happened?

00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:04.958
Shannon stole something
from Nick's parents

00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:06.625
and then pawned it.

00:12:06.708 --> 00:12:07.958
She did?

00:12:09.375 --> 00:12:12.291
I feel like you want me
to have a problem with that.

00:12:12.333 --> 00:12:15.291
I just need you
to fix it, okay?

00:12:15.333 --> 00:12:18.625
The owner is being
a real scumbag, and...

00:12:18.666 --> 00:12:20.708
How do I put this nicely?

00:12:20.750 --> 00:12:23.708
We need an even bigger scumbag.

00:12:23.750 --> 00:12:26.333
Look, I'm flattered.

00:12:26.375 --> 00:12:28.791
But shaking people down
for money is one thing.

00:12:28.833 --> 00:12:31.333
Doing it for my daughter,
that just...

00:12:31.375 --> 00:12:33.166
feels wrong.

00:12:33.208 --> 00:12:35.125
Fine, Dad.

00:12:35.166 --> 00:12:36.625
Have it your way.

00:12:36.666 --> 00:12:38.541
Where did you get this picture
of us from the beach?

00:12:38.583 --> 00:12:40.208
Oh, that was photoshopped
from one of the pictures

00:12:40.250 --> 00:12:42.041
we took at your place.

00:12:42.083 --> 00:12:44.125
One of the hookers
in lockup did it.

00:12:44.166 --> 00:12:45.541
She's studying

00:12:45.583 --> 00:12:48.000
design at the Art Institute.

00:12:48.041 --> 00:12:50.958
A lot of 'em are.
It's weird.

00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:52.541
Yeah, well,

00:12:52.583 --> 00:12:55.208
it sure would be a shame
if the IRS found out

00:12:55.250 --> 00:12:56.375
that I haven't been living here

00:12:56.416 --> 00:12:58.791
for the last ten years
like you claim.

00:12:58.833 --> 00:13:01.666
Are you trying to blackmail me?

00:13:01.708 --> 00:13:02.916
Please.

00:13:02.958 --> 00:13:05.375
Blackmailing people
is awful.

00:13:05.416 --> 00:13:07.750
But doing it to my own dad?

00:13:07.791 --> 00:13:10.750
That just feels right.

00:13:13.875 --> 00:13:16.000
Dad, would you slow down?

00:13:16.041 --> 00:13:17.833
The faster I go,
the safer you are.

00:13:17.875 --> 00:13:19.916
I slow down,
I get distracted.

00:13:21.375 --> 00:13:23.000
Like by that hot blur
over there.

00:13:23.041 --> 00:13:24.208
Hey, darlin'!

00:13:26.250 --> 00:13:27.875
So, Freddy,
I was thinking that, uh,

00:13:27.916 --> 00:13:29.958
maybe later
we can get together and talk.

00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:32.000
We're together now. Talk.

00:13:32.041 --> 00:13:33.875
Nick, just drop it.

00:13:33.916 --> 00:13:35.541
Look, I just never got a chance

00:13:35.583 --> 00:13:37.166
to talk to you
before I proposed to Clem.

00:13:37.208 --> 00:13:39.125
Are you trying to ask me for
my daughter's hand in marriage?

00:13:39.166 --> 00:13:41.125
Yes. Yes. And I'd appreciate
your blessing.

00:13:41.166 --> 00:13:42.333
It'd mean a lot to me...

00:13:44.625 --> 00:13:46.541
It's showtime.

00:13:49.750 --> 00:13:50.875
Wow, Nick.

00:13:50.916 --> 00:13:53.000
Swing and a miss.

00:13:53.041 --> 00:13:55.250
Your dad is really hard
to connect with.

00:13:55.291 --> 00:13:57.041
You want to
connect with him?

00:13:57.083 --> 00:14:00.250
Get a job as a cocktail waitress
at a bowling alley.

00:14:00.291 --> 00:14:03.125
Dude, why you got
to slam my mom?

00:14:05.250 --> 00:14:08.125
Look, man, I know you're
just trying to make a buck here,

00:14:08.166 --> 00:14:12.208
but I also know that everything
in this place is stolen.

00:14:12.250 --> 00:14:14.333
Except for the tubas.

00:14:15.750 --> 00:14:17.791
But I'm willing
to look the other way

00:14:17.833 --> 00:14:19.875
if you help me out
on the watch.

00:14:19.916 --> 00:14:21.458
I don't know what's stolen
and what isn't.

00:14:21.500 --> 00:14:23.041
I'm just an honest businessman

00:14:23.083 --> 00:14:26.250
who exploits people when they're
at their most desperate.

00:14:28.166 --> 00:14:29.041
So if you want this watch,

00:14:29.083 --> 00:14:31.125
it'll cost you $1,500.

00:14:31.166 --> 00:14:34.583
So there's nothing I could say
that'll change your mind?

00:14:34.625 --> 00:14:37.666
Only the words,
"Here's $1,500."

00:14:40.541 --> 00:14:43.333
Well, I gave it a shot, yeah?Right.

00:14:43.375 --> 00:14:45.958
Don't get me wrong. I know
your dad is far from perfect.

00:14:46.041 --> 00:14:47.916
But he showed up
for you guys today.

00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:50.458
Deep down, I think
he's a good guy.

00:14:54.500 --> 00:14:55.958
Give the watch to my daughter!

00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:57.541
Now!

00:14:57.583 --> 00:14:59.375
Open the window, pumpkin.

00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:07.166
Thank you.

00:15:07.208 --> 00:15:09.166
Now say you're sorry.

00:15:09.208 --> 00:15:11.791
I'm sorry.

00:15:13.083 --> 00:15:16.041
So, who's buying me a Big Mac?

00:15:23.625 --> 00:15:25.041
Okay, so you guys are
good with the plan?

00:15:25.083 --> 00:15:27.208
It's not a plan.
We're just gonna

00:15:27.250 --> 00:15:30.666
hide the watch in the couch and
then pretend that we found it.

00:15:30.708 --> 00:15:34.250
Okay, yes, it's not Ocean's
Eleven,but it is a plan.

00:15:34.291 --> 00:15:35.666
Well, you better
not blow this,

00:15:35.708 --> 00:15:38.000
because I don't want to be
banished like Cousin Eddie.

00:15:38.041 --> 00:15:39.625
I think I got this.
Watch this.

00:15:40.666 --> 00:15:43.125
Wait, is that the... No!"

00:15:44.708 --> 00:15:45.666
"Hey, Dad, is this your...

00:15:45.708 --> 00:15:47.875
No!"

00:15:47.916 --> 00:15:49.208
Pretty good, huh?

00:15:49.250 --> 00:15:50.791
No!

00:15:52.416 --> 00:15:55.666
So, we're having cameras
installed tomorrow.

00:15:55.708 --> 00:15:56.708
Ever since the robbery,

00:15:56.750 --> 00:15:58.500
Mm.

00:15:58.541 --> 00:16:01.500
That's the way you use
that word, right, Shannon?

00:16:01.541 --> 00:16:04.833
That is correct, sir.

00:16:06.250 --> 00:16:07.750
Well, I'm sorry.
I just won't be comfortable

00:16:07.791 --> 00:16:10.208
until I know
this place is secure.

00:16:10.250 --> 00:16:11.208
Well, I'm not gonna
be comfortable

00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:13.041
walking around * anymore.

00:16:13.083 --> 00:16:16.000
Well, that may be for
the best, sweetheart,

00:16:16.041 --> 00:16:17.583
because we have windows.

00:16:17.625 --> 00:16:20.208
And every time we go across
the street to that Starbucks,

00:16:20.250 --> 00:16:22.041
we get looks.

00:16:24.041 --> 00:16:26.333
Oh, God, we do.

00:16:26.375 --> 00:16:29.958
I'm gonna get
dinner ready.

00:16:32.041 --> 00:16:33.875
Uh, hey, Dad,
aren't you gonna go help Mom?

00:16:33.916 --> 00:16:35.083
Wasn't planning on it.

00:16:36.291 --> 00:16:37.958
Walt,

00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:40.125
are these chips
organic?

00:16:40.166 --> 00:16:41.291
I don't know.

00:16:41.333 --> 00:16:42.875
Would you mind checking?
Because...

00:16:42.916 --> 00:16:44.041
I read recently that,

00:16:44.083 --> 00:16:45.791
if you're gonna eat junk food,

00:16:45.833 --> 00:16:47.500
it really should be organic.

00:16:47.541 --> 00:16:49.750
Because of, you know...

00:16:49.791 --> 00:16:51.958
global warming.

00:16:53.041 --> 00:16:54.875
I never heard that.
Have you guys?

00:16:54.916 --> 00:16:56.083
Oh, huge. Huge!SHANNON:
Oh, it's a big thing.

00:16:56.125 --> 00:16:58.250
Yeah.

00:16:58.291 --> 00:17:00.000
Would you go make sure?

00:17:00.041 --> 00:17:02.666
You know, for... the planet.

00:17:09.666 --> 00:17:11.208
Okay, he's gone. Do it now.

00:17:11.250 --> 00:17:13.041
I can't.
Why not?

00:17:13.083 --> 00:17:14.333
I don't think
I can pull this off.

00:17:14.375 --> 00:17:16.083
I just realized
I've never lied to my parents.

00:17:16.125 --> 00:17:18.708
What? You've never lied
to your parents before?

00:17:18.750 --> 00:17:20.708
Clem, who are you marrying?

00:17:20.750 --> 00:17:23.083
Fine, throw it to me.
I'll do it.

00:17:23.125 --> 00:17:25.833
They're organic!

00:17:28.666 --> 00:17:29.666
I love this dip.

00:17:29.708 --> 00:17:31.250
And I love the fact

00:17:31.291 --> 00:17:32.500
that we're doing our part

00:17:32.541 --> 00:17:34.750
to save the environment.

00:17:34.791 --> 00:17:36.291
Dad! Don't
eat that.

00:17:36.333 --> 00:17:37.500
Wh-Why not?

00:17:37.541 --> 00:17:40.833
Uh, because...

00:17:40.875 --> 00:17:42.666
you're fat.

00:17:45.708 --> 00:17:48.125
There, I said it. I said it.

00:17:48.166 --> 00:17:50.083
Fat? What do you mean,
fat? I'm not fat.

00:17:50.125 --> 00:17:52.208
Clem, do I look fat to you?

00:17:53.458 --> 00:17:55.500
I just think he wants you
to look your best

00:17:55.541 --> 00:17:56.833
for the wedding photos.

00:17:56.875 --> 00:18:00.625
Yeah. I totally agree,
because you...

00:18:00.666 --> 00:18:03.666
...are a whale.

00:18:04.958 --> 00:18:06.208
Dinner's ready, everyone.

00:18:06.250 --> 00:18:08.541
Rose, am I not
in great shape?

00:18:08.583 --> 00:18:09.666
Doesn't matter, Walt.

00:18:09.708 --> 00:18:11.416
You shouldn't be
walking around *.

00:18:12.458 --> 00:18:14.166
Well, I think I look good.

00:18:14.208 --> 00:18:15.583
No!
No!

00:18:22.125 --> 00:18:23.750
No!

00:18:25.375 --> 00:18:27.083
Is that the...

00:18:27.125 --> 00:18:28.791
No!

00:18:36.125 --> 00:18:38.083
I know, I know. You guys
have been so cool to me,

00:18:38.125 --> 00:18:40.041
and the last thing I ever wanted
to do was hurt you.

00:18:40.083 --> 00:18:41.208
But you did, Shannon.

00:18:41.250 --> 00:18:43.041
And I think what
hurts the most

00:18:43.083 --> 00:18:46.750
is we welcomed you into
our home and trusted you.

00:18:46.791 --> 00:18:50.958
I think what hurts the most
is the gratuitous body shaming.

00:18:52.666 --> 00:18:54.583
And the trust thing.

00:18:54.625 --> 00:18:57.041
Look, I know
this is no excuse,

00:18:57.083 --> 00:18:59.583
but before my dad
potty-trained us,

00:18:59.625 --> 00:19:01.000
he taught us
how to steal.

00:19:01.041 --> 00:19:03.875
He called it
"doing number three."

00:19:06.083 --> 00:19:08.083
So, you're not gonna banish me?

00:19:08.125 --> 00:19:09.541
Banish you?

00:19:09.583 --> 00:19:11.333
Yeah. I was worried
this whole thing

00:19:11.375 --> 00:19:13.416
was gonna turn into
a Cousin Eddie situation.

00:19:13.458 --> 00:19:15.208
A what?

00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:19.125
Eddie. The cousin that was
banished from this family

00:19:19.166 --> 00:19:20.916
because he stole a hundred
bucks from you guys.

00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:27.250
You still believe that, Nick?

00:19:29.041 --> 00:19:31.416
There is no Cousin Eddie.

00:19:31.500 --> 00:19:34.541
We just made him up to keep you
from doing something stupid.

00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.083
You made him up?

00:19:38.125 --> 00:19:39.916
Yes. Whatever we
didn't want you to do,

00:19:39.958 --> 00:19:41.500
we just said
Cousin Eddie did it

00:19:41.541 --> 00:19:44.791
and suffered horribly
so you wouldn't do it!

00:19:44.833 --> 00:19:46.958
Wait, so Cousin Eddie
never jaywalked

00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:48.166
and got hit by a truck?

00:19:50.208 --> 00:19:51.750
Cousin Eddie never jaywalked,

00:19:51.791 --> 00:19:53.000
because he never crossed
the street,

00:19:53.041 --> 00:19:54.958
because he never existed.

00:19:57.166 --> 00:19:58.958
Damn!

00:19:59.000 --> 00:20:01.166
Your parents did you dirty,
Nicholas.

00:20:03.041 --> 00:20:05.833
Excuse me. We're not finished
with you,Ms. Shannon.

00:20:05.875 --> 00:20:08.833
Now, I know your father wasn't
exactly the best role model.

00:20:08.875 --> 00:20:11.625
But stealing
from your family?

00:20:11.666 --> 00:20:12.791
No, that's the thing.

00:20:12.833 --> 00:20:14.916
Family doesn't mean anything
to him.

00:20:14.958 --> 00:20:17.416
And it didn't mean
anything to me either.

00:20:17.458 --> 00:20:19.291
Until now.

00:20:19.333 --> 00:20:21.125
And that's because of you guys.

00:20:22.666 --> 00:20:25.166
All of you guys.

00:20:25.250 --> 00:20:27.833
Which is why I'm-I'm really,
really sorry.

00:20:29.208 --> 00:20:31.041
Aw, Shannon.

00:20:31.125 --> 00:20:34.208
Aw, you guys.

00:20:34.250 --> 00:20:37.375
I don't want the people
in Starbucks to see me cry.

00:20:39.583 --> 00:20:41.875
Honey, they've
seen it all.